Giving Up Total Control

I am not sure if a Submissive is capable of giving up full control, I know a Bottom would not think about doing so. I do think under the right circumstances a Submissive could cross that line into the Slave hood.

I have lived with a few Submissive’s the relationships I knew were not going to work. It was mainly to fill a void at that moment and time. We all need someone, and at times we make mistakes by settling for less.

Maybe if I wanted to really invest time while I was with a submissive things may have turned out different, but I was not feeling that interject. Although you can train someone to fit your needs, if the other is willing.

Once I put my foot down and finely came to realize that I needed more. I stopped fucking around. I cannot tell you how many Slaves or who thought they were Slaves I met. You can tell after the first ten minutes or so if your going to click. Okay we are not clicking so what do I take her home, fuck her and send her on her way, nah we will finish dinner then say hey it was great but lets just stay friends. This is how I programmed my mind. I refused to settle for less . I was going to find the one.

A Submissive or Bottom has the right to say no, and the Dominant has to respect that word. After all his partner is just a submissive and not a Slave. The word NO is not in Arianna’s vocabulary , although she does have the right to speak up when she has a concern and I do value her opinion.

A couple of months ago I was talking to this Daddy Dom at a local Mast group, this is when he told me he was not the type of Dom she needed. He said she was way to needy. I said welcome to the world of BDSM buddy.

Most who are Submissive or Slaves are needy, very needy. This is something you have to except if you wish to be in a relationship. Being needy is not a bad thing nor does it make you any less of a woman. Finding the right one who is able to be there and fill that gap is important.

Just as I told this Daddy Dom, if you really care about your submissive, then you should be able to Adapt. If you really care then you should be able to fill that void. Well she is into pain and I am not. Again if you really care you as a Dominant should want and be able to adapt. You must be willing to put as much into the relationship as your submissive is, if not you will fail.

Think about being a Slave, A Slave who has been looking for sometime, and just running into road blocks, making the wrong connections. I know myself even as a Dominant I would of felt pretty lost, I did while living with those who I was not really into, a very lost feeling.

So a Slave enters her new Masters Home, sits her bad by the door, her life is about to change and change forever. As soon as she closed that door behind her she left all rights on the other side. The slave no longer has any say so. The slave can no longer watch TV when she wants to, cannot shower until told. Told what to wear, Told where she is allowed to sit or where to stand. What time to go to bed. Your sitting at the table working out the final details of what it is going to be like and what is expected. Either you agree or you pick your bag up and walk back out

Most of the time I let Arianna prepare dinner, she will tell me what she wants to cook, although I do not complain about food, because while in Korea and Thailand I ate some pretty fucked up shit, so nothing really taste bad. I may change mine up from time to time. The other night Arianna wanted chicken breast, fine you bake yours I want mine fried. No questions, no buts that is how it was prepared.

I cannot even imagine how a Slave feels once she walks through that door and closes it. The Slave now has to adapt to her new Masters ways. The Slave has to Adapt to rules, Protocols. The slave has to adapt to a brand new environment.

She asked me how will I know what to do. My answer was just watch, listen and observe, and do exactly what your told. I also told her I want you to be able to anticipate my needs, that was a statement she did not understand. She worried about it for months, but everything just fell into place. Today I seldom have to ask for anything because it is already done for me. Watching and Observing.

One of the first things I did was introduce her to people I knew in the lifestyle, as a reference, as I told her from the beginning I would. After that I cut off all the outside world except for her work and family. The trained had begun. Eight months Arianna was not even allowed on the furniture, eight months. Something I need to more often that I did before was feed her. have her set on the floor at the table and feed her as I eat. She loves that feeling, or more so being chained to the table while eating.

Anticipating my needs. I ask Arianna what are you thinking about I do several times a day. I want to know where her thoughts are. A lot of the time she will reply sucking your cock.

Anticipating my needs, my night clothes are out when I get home, water by my bed. drying me off when I step out of the shower. Filling my glass without having to ask. Spreading when told to, it is about my needs.

I was drinking coffee the other day at the kitchen table and I got to thinking I have this fine ass bitch sleeping naked in my bed, I need to hit that. I walked in undressed, crawled on top spread her legs fucked her dumped my load and got off, and she loved it, she loved the fact that I just came in and used her for my pleasure.

Arianna is needy probably the neediest slave I have ever met, but I get so much in return The word needy never really crosses my mind. I knew she was needy when I first met her, I knew she needed to be micromanaged when I first met her. I knew everything upfront, I excepted her and I knew I had to follow through.

I cannot imagine what a Slave would feel like once that door closed. It has to be pretty scary. A very lost feeling, very unsure. I am not sure at what point the reality kicks in, I have never asked arianna that question.

Us as the Dominant there are only a few things we need to do, to make sure the relationship grows. We must stay honest, we must live by the truth, but most of all stay consistent , and we must follow through with what we say. If we do those few things and we stay in line. The Slave will follow, the Slave will drop to their knees without question, the slave will spread without question.

It took sometime for Arianna to stop second guessing me, to stop worrying about things. Today things have change for the most, at times she still wants to second guess, she still worries, I cannot change that so its on her, but I have seen a vast improvement.

Trust does not happen over night, it takes time to build. I am not talking a week a month maybe not even six months. I would imagine it would depend on how many times the slave has been burnt. Trust is everything.

Last but not least. The slave has to know there are consequences to their actions. The slave also has to know you will follow through with any punishment. If you do not follow through as you stated, you the Dominant will begin to lose control, once you lose that control. Kick the dirt and move on because you will not be able to regain.

Vile

A Question Was Asked, Both Arianna And I answered

I like people asking questions , at times it does make things much easier. I have nearly 500 post all related to BDSM and the Lifestyle. I guess it is kinda like a rock band who writes their own music, after a while you just cannot write any longer you run out of stuff. That is why older bands from the 70’s and 80’s are touring with the same old music.

So at times it is just hard to come up with a topic. I do not plan on going anyplace anytime soon. It is much better at times when someone does ask a question, but always remember my answers are just my opinion. I also like it when people are objective, I love a good argument, or better yet a good debate.

So Arianna and I were asked a question yesterday, a very good question and it really made Arianna think. Arianna is more private than I am as most have noticed, and that is okay , I do respect her space and the fact that she is private when it comes to our lifestyle, although most of her coworkers and family do know. It is just not something she talks about. I on the other hand, I am very outgoing, I also enjoy sharing my life experiences. What I will not do is go into great detail about our play, nor will I ever post any nude pics of her. I find that to be very disrespectful in so many ways. I have posted a few on my facebook page, but nothing out of the way.

So the question was. When the submission turns into surrender? Below is the question from Mysticalkitty

MysticalKitty Says:
June 28, 2013 at 8:45 pm e

There is a question bothering me for some time. And it needs an answer from both sides of the coin. Thus …
Would you Ariana please answer it…
Would you Vile please answer it…

When the submission turns into surrender?

Thank you both for keeping your life’s door so generously open and utterly genuine sharing.

We did answer the question but I would like to add a little more to my answer.

There are a couple of ways to look at the word surrender, when it comes to an M’s relationship. So I suppose in a since a submissive or slave does in a way surrender, but it is a giving, nothing is taken.

In the D’s or M’s lifestyle it is really hard to find the one. I mean the one. I am not speaking of the 9 1/2 weeks type of relationship.

After giving it some thought I think and the submissive or slave is looking just for that. To Surrender, their feelings , mind, and body. The need to let someone take full control, while being in control if that makes any since.

Okay here we go, this subject does not apply to those married Dominants who are going behind their wife’s back and finding a bitch that will do things she will not or because you feel guilty. Yea I am rough on married dudes.

The surrender is a long time coming, and it can be many years before you connect with the right one. Most like Arianna were a slave long before they even new the word or the meaning. Just submitting without really knowing, or having the need to please and not a care about being pleased. The truth is you can only take a one way street for so long.

If your a sub or slave can you fully surrender yourself to a married man, knowing he will never leave his wife and kids? Can you as a sub or slave truly give yourself, your all? Can you just turn your life over to someone who will never put you in the number one spot and keep you there.

Arianna comes first, no matter what. We had a dinner at work because we had reached our goal for the month, a very nice dinner. It was only for the employs not the spouses. So when I was asked , are you coming my reply was not my wife cannot come. So I was asked what that mattered? My answer was I do not go anyplace my wife is not welcomed. Again number one. She may be my slave but she is my princess, she is my partner, and wife.

Lee Surrendered to Grant, not because he wanted to, he had to. He did not want to put his men through anymore pain and suffering, so we are speaking of a different type of surrender.

There comes a time sometimes a submissive but for the most a slave, just hands everything over to their Master. Here I am take me, guide me, use me in anyway you see fit, but please do not hurt me. That my friend is a huge task to carry on one’s shoulders. Now not only do you have to worry about yourself, take care of yourself, you have another. Think about it someone is giving you everything they can possibly give, and if you think about the trust that goes along with it, That is huge my friend.

Arianna wrote a blog and asked me to post it three days ago.Being a slave part two. she explained in more detail about our life, and the responsibility we both had.

Let me tell you something , I want for nothing I do mean nothing. Yes again that is huge, the word no or I cant is not in Ariannas vocabulary, The thing is I do not pile her plate full, I do not give more than she can take. I do not set up for failure. I want to see Arianna excel , improve in all ways in life.

First thing in the am Arianna makes a list of daily task, and I look them over, I check each one, and sometimes I remove things because I can clearly see what she is trying to do is almost impossible, adding to much to her daily activity. Arianna is my responsibility.

In seven or eight months Arianna has been punished once, and only once. Just as her response to MysticalKitty.

She has thought about breaking a rule but then she thinks about the consequences. It quickly changes her mind. The other day she made an admission that she had forgotten something and she had been told about it before. My response was, do it again and I promise you will not be able to sit for a week, she knows I mean what I say. On the other hand I do not just sit around waiting on her to break a rule. Again setting up for failure.

Our job as a Dominant is to build, not to destroy. We are here for support, and guidance. We are trusted like no other.

My house my rules. My house my protocols. This is not a democracy and it never will be. When we first met I explained everything very clear, about what I expected out of a relationship. When I explain something I go into great detail, so there is nothing to miss, or something that she will not understand, I cover all bases. so there is never a mistake.

The rewards are like no other, it is like finding that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, you as the dominant has anything and everything you could possibly ever want.

I am sure those of you who are single submissive and slave, when meeting someone new you spent more time sucking cock that you did in general conversation, or you spent more time on your back giving yourself in hopes that you found the one. This is not uncommon shit happens. Some has probably been through more than one relationship, in finding the one, or your still looking.

If you meet a new dominant and within the first 15 minutes the topic of sex comes up, dump him, or if your chatting the same thing click on the X. Because if you continue you are nothing more than a good blow job or a good fuck. You are surrendering to the wrong one.

Arianna and I were up in Tennessee a couple of months ago to visit my family, by the way they love her. Driving around Arianna made the comment out of the blue. You are the first I have met that did not think with their cock. You are the first that did not put sex above everything else. A very impressive statement.

Most of the time she does asked if she can suck my cock, or I will be watching TV and Ill just pull her head down or snap my finger, she knows. This is done willingly it is giving, this is her surrender giving herself. The need to please, and yes at times I am the pleaser, I do give in return. It took me a very long time to come to realize that it was not a one way street, that I myself had to give.

I was not looking for a maid, nor was I looking for a cook. I cook a lot, I will do laundry from time to time. Most of the time I pick up behind myself.

When I get home from work, if Arianna is already a sleep. My night clothes are laid out, A huge glass of water by the bed, cold I might add. My coffee mug is sitting by the coffee pot, ready for the next morning.

Again I want for nothing, and I could not ask for more, there is really nothing more to ask for. Yes I get up with Arianna every morning, I make her coffee, and we sit and talk, even if I have only had a couple of hours a sleep, I am there with her. I get up at 3.30am to spend time with her even when I do not have to be at work until noon. The only bad thing is once I am up, I am up, but she is worth every minute I am with her.

Surrender can be a good thing, if you surrender to the right one.

Vile