BDSM Has Changed So Much

Bdsm in the last ten yrs has changed so much , and has lost so much respect.

I remember back in the day, when I was first learning , I visited another Dominant almost daily, talking, listening to him, and observing when out in public. It was almost like being in school, then older Dominants were eager to teach, and share what I thought was valuable information.

I was 18 when I learned the difference between being in control and being controlling, I also learned real fast when some bitch was trying to run game on me, for those of you who don’t know me I use the word bitch loosely , not a bad word to me, in most cases its a pet name.

A couple of months ago I went to a munch in Daytona Beach , I sat down at the table, and this young guy walks up to me and says I am master Asshole, well okay that was not his name, but it is to me. He asked how old I was okay I am 49, he then began to explain I was to old to attend there munch, Now this guy is 21 yrs old. What the fuck does he know about BDSM much less being a master. 21 are you serious ? I am to old , a dude like that should be clinging to me and learning , that BDSM is just not about spreading someone and dumping your cum in them.

What is worse it has taking me over two months to get pissed off , well not pissed off aggravated, yea just throw me out to the pasture. The nursing home , I left my walker at home.

Little does he know if I could of talked to his sub or slave for 20 min she would of been on the back of my Harley.

I was on Fetlife why I don’t have a clue I have a profile there, but I saw a young sub was having trouble finding a place to start her new munch, now she is 19 , okay its possible I suppose. So I email her and say hey this restaurant will welcome you and let you use there backroom no charge, she called and confirmed, set the munch up, and was Vile’s names mentioned , not a fucking chance she took all the credit, well good for her.

The lack of respect in the lifestyle is what is giving it a bad name now, the abuse is running wild.

I mentor a submissive who lives on the west coast here in Florida , she called me about a Dominant she wanted to meet , she began to explain, that if he liked her , she was going to take his seed right there in the parking lot of Denny’s and get pregnant. Wow yea a 22 yr old. Look I am not knocking someone for there age it is very possible for a young guy to have his shit together very possible.

The Collar has no meaning , they are all Velcro , you meet your sub Friday night and you collar her, yup that is they way it works , and she has to bend over right then so you can fuck her, and the next week she is history, gone out the fucking door, and it was her fault because she would not respect him , after he demanded it . I DEMAND THAT YOU RESPECT ME ON YOUR KNEES YOU FUCKING WHORE, that is what I am doing wrong.

We as people have become disposable , love is all but gone , love is with the baby boomers , I am not that old yet. Why make a relationship work when you can just pack up and leave , that is the easy way, or kick your submissive out the door, you can find another , they are disposable today.

I don’t really believe that , the truth is most relate BDSM  to sex , don’t get me wrong I love sex, but today I have to have that connection. not like mushy or anything not Vile , just the connection.

Respect is earned , it is not giving , then it is up to the Dominant to keep the control, on a daily basis., in return the dominant returns the respect.

He is there for his , be it if she is sick, then he takes care of her, that is what he is suppose to do. Support her in the goals she has, spend time talking, communicating .

There is no reason a dominant should ever yell , or raise his voice , that is not control. If he is real or even a Domme there is no reason to yell , or degrade. That is not control.

Okay I am finished venting for today..

This is a very hot pic by the way.

 

Vile

31 Responses to “BDSM Has Changed So Much”

  1. That pic is cool and the article interesting points as always

  2. Thank you very much, be careful , in what you are looking for…

  3. your new to the lifestyle yes

    • Sort off, I was part off the lifestyle a while back a mixture of bad experiences and bad choices on my part. I choose to step away for what I admit was longer than I expected.

      But a couple of years ago I started researching, looking and seriously thinking about return. There is concerns and issues I have to sort out first, overcome and then I will return.

      To be honest though, like you said in the post things have changed since my last “true” experience it is a whole new learning curve. Which at time seems really huge to tackle on my own.

      • It can be a big hurdle for a submissive, what I meant by being careful is make sure you find a dom who is true and real.. Would not look good to end up in the hospital now would it..

      • Oh heck no it wouldn’t be good at all; don’t make for a good patient hehe.

        That is what one off things that I need to research and learn who is will be the true and real and not the “abusive” kind you often talk about.

        I don’t mind people offering advice and help, but I know until I become comfortable with me. I really can’t expect to find the dom for me.

        Well that is my newbie thoughts any way

      • And your hubby would not think much on it either

      • Rather not discuss that in an open chat sorry

  4. sorry my bad just saying

    • You did nothing wrong, just somethings that I would rather answer in a different place or format. I hope you can understand. I hope I haven’t cause you offence.

  5. I cannot be offended. I tend to offend people. not because i try or that is my intention, I am just very open

    • On most subjects I am too, when it concerns a third party then no I respect their privacy. This is not a new thing as I been like this for years and not just because it is my hubby but also includes friends, children even ex-bf’s. I will quite happy answer any questions about me that people have. I will answer them as honest I can.

  6. If I may respectively add my thoughts to this…
    You make some very valid points, I believe that there is a very big respect issue between generations. I use that word cautiously but I believe that there are generation issues beginning to start within BDSM down to the ease of access to material on the internet, which is admittedly a different point. The respect issue operates both ways though.

    My Master and I attend a local ‘young’ munch. The group we are part of is aimed at university students and those up to the age of 35 with the aim of easing people into the local scene. Master and I are 25 and 24 respectively and have found occasionally that we are judged before we open our mouths due to our age at other munches. This isn’t always the case but it happens often enough with our generation that many of us have started to seek out groups of our own age group with a safety in numbers mindset.

    Going to your first munch at the age of 18+ (I’m British – I think our age laws are different to yours – sexual consent can be granted from age 16 here – though porn strictly speaking isn’t accessible till 18+) can be really daunting. I’m lucky enough to be one of those people not afraid to jump straight in with both feet and not particularly bothered by ages. I have however heard horror stories from others of munches where they weren’t viewed as being able to give a viewpoint on anything due to their relative youth.

    Most of us have had access to kink material from the age of 16 or younger which regardless of how you feel about the ability to access such content below consent age does mean that many of us are starting to explore and seek out the lifestyle before the ‘traditional’ age range expected.

    Reading your post, I’ll admit it is very sad that ‘Master Asshole’ presented himself in the manner that he did. Age restricted munches are a sensitive matter to all involved and I believe he could have been far more respectful towards you particularly given that our elders in the scene do have a wealth of knowledge.

    The group of which I am a member has worked very hard to build bridges between ourselves and the local scene and things are starting to change for us. We have always been careful to stress that we aren’t a threat. We aren’t trying to replace existing munches. Indeed many of us now go together to other local scene events but it helps to go as a group.

    We do not all view collars as velcro. I am a collared submissive and my collar means as much to me as the engagement ring on my ring finger. Perhaps I am an exception rather than a rule but we do exist. You will always get posers, I do not think that is a unique problem to our generation. It is perhaps more prevalent due to the nature of the internet but we are not all like that.

    Just my two cents, thank you for taking the time to read it ,
    Respectfully,
    Orchid

    • Very nice to hear from you, and thank you for your comment.
      The lifestyle is a never ending learning process, still today
      I learn new things almost on a daily basis, I am open to learning
      new things, advice, so on. We as dominants do not know everything,
      although most will not admit.
      I ran a munch here for a couple of yrs ,and was just asked to start
      another, I never turned anyone way, I did not consider age to be an issue.

      I can understand though people in the lifestyle wanting to be with there own age,
      but if I were to put an age limit on who could attend , I am sure it would cause the
      same friction.
      I am glad you value your collar, and you are correct it should have the same meaning
      as a ring on your finger.

      Some 20 yrs ago I cling to older dominants , I was like a child trying to cram in as much
      information as I could. The information is endless.

      You do make a valid point though, thank you for stopping by..

  7. oliviamar Says:

    What’s a munch?

  8. A munch is a monthly gathering of like minded people Olivia , I am guessing there is one in your area. If you look on fetlife.
    Most of the time they meet at like a restaurant, then after dinner they have a topic that everyone talks about . Some have play parties , I do not partake , but it would be good for you to get out and meet other people in the lifestyle, other submissives…
    Just my thoughts.

  9. deviantdiaries Says:

    Amen amen! I think the “older” Doms who were schooled in different aspects are much more attractive and know way more about it. I call them gentelmen Doms. I am on Fetlife where I was “brought” by my former Master (who dumped me after meeting a new slave and “collaring” her same night..like you said..and I found out when he posted his new status on Fet). That stung like a motherfucker. Ever since then I’ve been there licking my wounds and trying to learn and read. I’ve never attended a munch because half the people signed up to go in my area look like rejects who love to eat too much…and I don’t want to go alone anyway. I have had more than my fair share of assholes calling themselves Dom and expecting you to “submit” over the phone, in a chat, whatever. Its a joke. For me, my search is for personal growth…and for bedroom not 24/7. It is like Scot and Leigh of The Dom Next Door. I may never find it…but…i’m a picky girl and won’t settle etiher….

    • I agree look I am not a small man I am not fat stocky. I cannot believe the way some doms let their submissives out of the house. We can chat if you would like

      • A collar is earned, not giving. The problem is many so called what ever are using the collar as a way of getting pussy. Being new the submissive knows no better.
        It makes me sad to see how the lifestyle has changed, and the older dominants say nothing.

      • deviantdiaries Says:

        I’m curious what you mean when you say “let their submissives out of the house…”? Will you clarify please? Are you still on Fet or did you walk away…?

    • It can be for bedroom only, but your still in that frame of mind.

      • deviantdiaries Says:

        Agree that the dynamic is probably still there as an undercurrent, but I’m a pretty strong personality and looking at me on the street, no one would EVER mistake me as a subbie….

      • Yes I could spot you

      • deviantdiaries Says:

        hmmmm my cloaking device must be on the fritz again 🙂

      • There are submissives who try to hide it while out in public, but a dominant can spot a subbie in public, there is a secret out there.

      • deviantdiaries Says:

        I’ve heard it referred to as “kinkdar”….funny since I started looking into all this…my kinkdar is definitely up and running and I can spot all kinds of crazy ass shit right now

  10. The way a dominant lets his submissive out of the house, in terms of the way they dress, you can be over weight and still be attractive, but I would never let mine go to an event dressed in cotton shorts , looks like her pussy is eating them, and a pair of 3 dollar flip flops tank top and no bra, that is what I am speaking about yes I am on fet, I have friends on there I have known for years who are in the lifestyle. what is your name on fet?
    I am not a small guy, but I dress good, I do not have a ton of fat bouncing around , I am 49 .

  11. Just years of observing

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