To The Married Dominants

This post is not directed towards anyone person, just something I have been thinking about for a couple of days..
I stated before I was married for nine years, and if I could go back into time, it would of never happened. Why did I marry, well I really thought I was missing out on something, the house, having a child, the dog, you know the Ward and June Clever family.

I wanted to have cook outs with the smiths, long drives on Sundays up the coast in my 76 Fiat Spider, with the wife.

I had been in the lifestyle for several years when I met my soon to be vanilla wife. I had just gotten out of a real heavy S & M relationship. After that ended I began to think I was not normal. There had to be something wrong with me

The first 5 years were okay I stayed busy. I drove a tractor local 3 days a week,  I spent several hours a week in the yard. I had over 60 Lincoln roses I took care of. My Fiat and my Cougar.

Into the 8th years I started getting an itch, thoughts going through my head, I tried to shake them, but they became more frequent. I was growing tired of the boring sex, and yes I had married June Clever.

So I called her out back one day and said hey we need to talk. This is when I came clean about who I really was, and my needs. I talked her into letting a slave move in. She was just to be Domestic nothing more.

Things went really well for about three months, then my wife became jealous. The slave was doing all the cooking, laundry, cleaned the house, which my wife was never really good at.

The more I spoke about my past, the more she wanted me gone. The slave was the first to go. Then I moved out. Our Divorce went well we hired a paralegal to draw up all the papers agreed on an amount for child support, she got the house and my Fiat. I have always paid more in child support that I had agreed , most of the time I paid double, just to help out, I knew what she made, and she would of sunk without my help,and I had a son I had to think of as well.

Okay your thinking what the fuck are you getting at? Well for nine years I was married, I was not really in love although I did care about her a great deal. During this time I never fucked around on her, I stayed loyal. That is one Dominant trait I did not lose.

Although while married I still had the Dominant personality which she accepted. All she knew is unlike her last relationship, she use to fight all the time and he would beat her up. She now felt secure, she was happy. Although I was still Dominant, I felt guilty about trying to introduce things to her. She was not into the kink and I respected that

So I packed up what little stuff I had, and rented a nice apartment a block from the beach. I could breath, my soul was at ease. I could now be who and what I was without having to hide my feelings.

In the lifestyle today, there are many Dominants I respect, and you will at times hear me address older Dominants as sir, out of respect. Old school protocol.

Who I cannot respect are the Dominant who are married, and going behind the wife’s back. While she thinks everything in the house is fine. She believes she has the perfect family, the perfect kids, her world surrounds her husband, and she thinks the same.

At events or munchs, I talk to married Dominants who bring their submissives , but respect not a chance.

We as Dominants expect things from our submissive or slave. One of the first things we tell them, is to always be honest, and tell the truth at all times. This is true and all of you subs and slaves have heard this, ever from your married Dominant.

We as Dominants are looked up to in the lifestyle, I know a couple of dominants I truly admire, and have great respect for.

There are a couple of factors to look at. How can we expect to lead, if we are not in control of our own life. How can we expect someone to follow if we are not in control of our own life.

One of my followers on my blog, who is somewhat younger than I am, who I truly admire.thelionresurrected.

He was married or still is, going through a nasty divorce, but here is the thing. He needed to be who and what he is, and the only way to do so, was to be truthful with his soon to be ex wife. Being man enough to come clean. Now he can be who and what he is a True Dominant.  My hat goes off to him.

On the other foot, this type of relationship is not fair to the submissive. She will never be number one, she will always be number two. The dominant will come over two or three times a month spend a couple of hours, then head home to the wife and kids. This mostly happens to new submissives new to the lifestyle. Those who have been around, almost never mess with a married Dom.

There are not many things that really get to me, cheating is one of them, because I just do not understand. If your not happy get the fuck out.

Up until a couple of months ago I was seeing a married woman, which I did not know she was married, if I had the relationship would of never started. I respect myself more than that.

Her husband shows up at my door one night crying, wanting to know how I could rip his family apart, her children. I said some pretty bad things to him, which now I feel pretty bad., but I was being truthful with him. More so don’t be mad at me fuck I didn’t know. After thinking for a while, I began to feel guilty. So I broke it off, right there. I was not going to lower myself, I have standards. I have respect for myself,
most of all I have strong ethics.

Then to the submissive, do you really want to be responsible for breaking up a family, more so where children are involved. Do you not ever want to be number one.

What makes a good Dominant to begin with , Honesty, this is a must to build trust within the D’s relationship. Integrity, Maturity, always in control, and not controlling. One who does not punish just for the sake of punishing. One who does not just bark orders. Responsible this is a must, Trustworthy, can you as a submissive really trust your dominant knowing he is married. Believe me, if he is seeing you, and your time is very limited, he is seeing others. I am speaking as a male and a dominant.

Do not let a dominant tell you, that you do not need interaction with others, or you do not need to go to a munch, he is the only teacher you need. You as the submissive need to interact with other, get their prospective on things, what their life is like. Getting others point of view . Very important.

Sub-Drop can be prevented, with proper care, and communication. Aftercare should be an everyday thing. If your submissive is experiencing sub-drop it is your fault and your fault alone. Shame on you.

Just my Thoughts.



12 Responses to “To The Married Dominants”

  1. Great thoughts and poignant points made.
    Life would be easier if everyone was upfront and honest.
    Divorce is never easy and the kids get hurt… When the man or woman leaves the house. Still to stay in unloving marriage is not right either. 😦
    There are no easy answers. Some stay for their kids because their kids mean more than then and others leave because they, as a person, need to be happy — like your friend.
    Yeah life is not easy…
    And one of the reasons I don’t judge and accept everyone for who they are and the life they are choosing (as long as they are not hurting kids or animals)
    One reason I am glad that my life is the way it is and I will never have to make such choices.

    Thanks for this post Vile.

  2. “After that ended I began to think I was not normal. There had to be something wrong with me” that occured to me too especially when I was frustrated. But deep down I know escaping reality is not the answer cos it’ll come back haunting me.

  3. He hasn’t blogged in a while, and life has taken over, but I told Him what you said about Him…thank you for that…He is a good Sir and an amazing man…

    • Butterfly Joy Says:

      and Ms Kayla would you please tell Lion I wanna thank him for all his suggestions on my blog, esp. this one: “to sit down and maybe even write out what your needs are out of a D/s partner, what will fill you the most and discard the wants in them that you can truly live without.”
      I made the list and it was really very helpful.

  4. Well thank you for passing the word

  5. […] way of support and comfort would be helpful. Such is the life of a submissive woman in love with a True Dominant. I want to please Him in whatever way I can, in whatever way He wants. The ability to fuck my ass […]

  6. […] way of support and comfort would be helpful. Such is the life of a submissive woman in love with a True Dominant. I want to please Him in whatever way I can, in whatever way He wants. The ability to fuck my ass […]

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