You are a Reflection of your Dominant

I may have posted on this topic before. I did not want to scroll through 350 post to see. This was just something I was thinking about last night, while in bed.

I taught a Munch in Deland Florida for short time, but dues to an accident I was in, and a great lack of respect towards the lifestyle, and here we go again the protocol.

A friend of mine and I arrived early the first munch, C who is a Dominant has been a good friend on and off for sometime. It was funny because after Bea and I broke up, she ended up seeing C for about a year. He had gone through her phone and retrieved my phone number and email. After the split he contacted me.

We had already ordered our drinks, I drink sweet tea when out. I never drink and drive, I save the Jack for home.

I was seeing someone named Lynn , she was the married Jehovah Witness I have spoken about. I picked her up, then swung by and picked up C and we were sitting and talking about what ever, and I turn and see this couple walking towards us, I look at C and ask him what the fuck is that.

The Dom was dressed okay, but his submissive wow. She looked like she had just come from a homeless shelter. Her hair was not brushed, she was a bigger woman which does not matter, it is how you carry yourself. She had no bra on , wearing an old tank top and a pair of cotton shorts her crotch was eating.

Lyn who is taller than I am stands at about 5 ‘ 9 135lbs and is well over 6ft in heels. She was wearing a tight skirt that barely covered her ass, with a real nice blouse on, and makeup. It always took her about 6 hrs to get ready, ill never understand that, but you could tell the other submissive felt uncomfortable, and she should have.

I am going to start attending a munch next month a Mistress has just started in Port Orange Florida. Jane and I have pretty much the same belief’s and protocol when it comes to the lifestyle, I believe she may be a little more stricter than I am.

The BDSM community is really pretty small. Once you get out and start attending local events you are sure to run into someone while out in public. I have several people in the lifestyle on a few of my social sites, but very vanilla, with the exception of one submissive who just post some pretty wild shit. I do not care let her be who she is..

So your looking for a Dominant, once you have made that step, you begin a new learning process, a whole new world. He is going to take windows XP out and install windows 8.

When you first meet sex should be the last agenda. I very seldom have sex with a new submissive with in the first month maybe longer.

Now there are some exceptions to my rule, but never I mean never on the first couple of meetings. It takes a month or longer to get to know someone, this is seeing someone on a regular basis. If you start the relationship out sexual, then that is all you have.

Once the submissive has giving herself, that takes things to a new level, so we as Dominants should take note, if we are ready to move that fast.

The KEY to gaining ones submission is being able to get into the submissive’s head. The Key to getting a submissive to submit, is to gain her respect. The Key to leading, and having one follow is to show you are in full control, and not controlling.

You cannot begin to give out rules just from chatting and talking on the phone. You as the Dominant cannot possibly know the submissive on that level. Again the Key is getting to know her. This takes time, just as dating someone, and wanting a relationship, it takes time to build a foundation.

Yes there are exceptions to the rules above. If the two are just interested in a kink relationship, and they see it going no further, then go for it, have fun. Go for it.

While in a relationship, I encourage my slave to speak with other slaves or subs, even Dominants. I want to show the difference in the lifestyle, the way some of the subs or slaves live, their rules, and protocol.

There is a Master and Slave couple who lives in south Florida who have been master and slave since they were just out of high school, they have been married 25 years now, while her and I are closer, R did monitor our chat conversations for sometime, and I understand that. The talk should never turn negative, nor should it turn sexual. I am sure that from time to time he will ask her to pull the chats up, and that is a very good idea.

There are several Dominants of respect for here in the area., and I speak with both, but in a respectful way as it should be.

The reflection, is how you as a submissive carry yourself when out, with friends, how you dress act. You never know when someone in the lifestyle may see you, or who you may run into.

Now the same goes for your Dominant, for the most we are calm cool and collective. We are in control and should act as such while out. We are a leader not a follower.

Being a Dominant does not happen over night, nor is it easy. As with most men we have anger issues, and alter ego, and controlling. So we have to take the time and yes install a new windows, so to speak, we have to reprogram the way we act, speak. We have to learn the difference between being in control, and not controlling. Then the other, the Bondage, spanking, all the other kink. I was taught 90% of what I know, and there is more I want to explore, but I need to be shown. I have never nor do I want to hurt anyone.

So we as Dominants have the same protocol if not higher, while in public or private. We are teachers, well so to speak.

The reprogramming is not an easy task, the first is our tempers, all males have a temper, but again the KEY is learning to control it. This took me several years.Although I do contribute much to me belief’s and meditation, it is simply thinking about what your going to say before the words come out. More so if your angry.

If you as a Dominant are angry, no matter what this is something that we should not show, in front of ours. So the KEY is to clearly think before we speak, take in a deep breath, then let the words flow.

There is never an instance when a Dom should yell, or fight with a sub or slave, after all who is really in charge. When you as the Dominant show anger , we are now showing a weakness, this is a new button for the sub to push.

A submissive will push her limits, to see how far she can go, just what she can and cannot get away with. It is up to us, to stay in control. Many times this will throw the sub for a loop, when you stay in full control of a situation.

Again if we cannot control our emotions, how do we control a submissive. You will find that by punishing will get you much further. I am not speaking of beating, or spanking. Most subs love to be spanked, if you beat or threaten, that falls under abuse.

You take something away that is very dear to them, their laptop, kindle, corner time, or just simply ignore, that is the killer, but before you punish you need to sit down and explain why you are doing what your doing, in a nice even, in control voice. You will find you will gain much more ground, and the respect level will go higher as well.

Remember communication again is the KEY. you as a Dominant should set time aside each day to just talk, give your submissive free rein , let her express herself, her needs, without worry of being punished, you will find this will help you grow.



20 Responses to “You are a Reflection of your Dominant”

  1. indigosoul7 Says:

    Printing this! 🙂

  2. Every day Mr. Vile? What if distance is an issue?!

  3. Mr. Vile,
    I would love daily contact in some form or another. I am begining to realize I need, crave daily interactions as well but “you get what you get and you do not throw a fit” as a submissive right. I just need guidance. I am a smart beautiful woman, sensual, sexy (insecure at times) but I know my Sir is just busy right now.

    • I can disagree , you are happy for now. Why cant you move closer to him. If you are not happy in your marriage fix it

      • Mr. Vile,
        My career & proximity to my family will not allow it, neither will my “real world”. Sir & I are not going to change things in our “real worlds” and this D/s adventure is a much needed addition. I just want to be able to grow, learn, practice and please my Sir beyond what he thought possible.

      • I use to manage a drug store, I went from 85K a yr to maybe 30K a yr because I was not devoting enough time.
        She is in Korea now, she went back home to take care of her mother. Her mother has since passed. We are in contact daily.
        I may fly to Korea here soon, and bring her back.

      • Mr. Vile,
        I am sorry to hear about her mothers passing, I lost my mother this past May. I so hope you go and y’all return safely. It must be beyond special, blissful to go to such great lengths.

  4. Then you are where you need to be.

  5. Oh Vile..i hope you bring her back and it works out…I am ever the romantic submissive..Gemini 🙂

  6. Last time you wrote about Chong was Sept 30th. You implied that her Mom was still alive. So the Mom died just this past month?

    You will be discreet – you always are. But, please let us know how this story goes. I can’t help but think of some sort of sappy, happy future for the two of you. My goodness, the both of you deserve that!

    Crossing my fingers and wishing hard for you ~

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