If You Are Not Submissive

This is a problem that happens all to often, more so with those who are submissive, not so much with dominants and you will understand why.

A female meets someone she is interested in, it seems like they have much in common. With the one exception. He is Dominant, and she is not submissive. I am a lot of female friends who are not submissive, and I really prefer to keep it that way. It gives me an out at times, just having someone out of the lifestyle, that I can just hang with. While in a relationship not so much, I prefer my slave to be by my side when I am out.

So the female is not submissive, but she is interested in someone she has met. When it comes to the time for him to explain who and what he is about, sometimes a relationship has already bloomed, more so with the females feelings.

While I did medical transport, at times a nurse would accompany the patient, and I would see the nurse on a regular basis, sometimes I would get asked out, because I never crossed that line at work. This was my time to come clean, I felt like I had to expose part of my life to someone who was somewhat a stranger.

So I explained part of my lifestyle, 99% of the time, a short conversation was all it needed to make one change their mind. Then the 1% I had to go into more detail. Most of the time once I explained myself, we just remained friends, but there were those who seemed somewhat interested. I did not pursue anything with the ones who were interested in experimenting , I just left it at that.

Then at times words are not enough, some Dominants feel that just maybe things can work out. Once into the start of a new relationship, the Dominant see’s that such a relationship is not and would not be fair to the female. The Dominant comes to realize, that he would be doing more damage than good.

Many times a female who thinks they are submissive or at least want to give it a go, once into the swing of things she see’s the light. She comes to terms that this type of relationship is not for her. She then wants the Dominant to change, change who and what he is. This is not going to happen, and many times everything comes to an abrupt end, including any friendship that was left.

At times it is best to remain friends, and work on keeping any feelings both have developed , at bay.

While I do understand, because I am guilty, when I was married I was trying to change. I wanted a family a nice house, a child. It did not take long to realize that I had made a very bad mistake. I could not change who I was. I was not happy being me. I was a fake, Cook outs with the jone’s, the Smith’s. Drinking beer with Bill. That was not me. I needed the control, the kinky sex, the bondage, most of all the spankings.

I was man enough to come clean about who and what I was. My then wife asked for a divorce. I can say while married no matter how unhappy, how depressed, or miserable I became. I remained LOYAL at all times. Although I did meet Bea before my divorce, we had dinner three times, but no contact of any kind. It was not until I was divorced and out of my then house on the beach did I pursue a D’s relationship.

The guilt I felt was a heavy burden, I felt like I had crushed someones life at the hands of my selfish needs. I was only thinking about me and no one else. This is how I felt.

Then after much thought, I was not being selfish. The fact of the matter was, I was not being fair to my wife. I was leading my wife on, I was not able to give her the life she wanted. I was holding her back.

I agreed to seek counseling, I only did this to make me feel okay. I wanted to give my ex-wife the benefit of the doubt. Even after I explained to the pastor what my feelings were, he just said I was selfish. No I am being selfish by staying .

After Bea and I had split, I entered several short term relationships, knowing fully well, they were not going to work. These were with single woman I had met through work, some lasted only a couple of weeks.mainly because I was asked to change , and I refused. I was not going to let my cock run my life. I needed to find that special one.

I searched for over a year and a half, to find a slave who fit my needs and my needs only. I laid all the cards out on the table. I made it perfectly clear what I expected in a relationship, I was upfront about everything. Low and behold Tish agreed.

I expected Tish to just walk away, but that is not what happened. Each day we grow more and more, and we are both moving forward on a positive note.

If you are not submissive, find a partner who wants to explore in the bedroom, maybe then you may want to expand out of the bedroom.. Be who you are, you do not need to change for anyone. Be yourself, most of all be happy.

Image

Vile

21 Responses to “If You Are Not Submissive”

  1. It is like a submissive who finds a partner they like and try to get them to dominate them, unless they are in that lifestyle already doesn’t always work out well.

    It didn’t for me and I read about many similar stories on numerous different blogs & Fetlife.

    I am so please that you and Trish have found one another and it is all working out for you both.

  2. southernbarbie Says:

    Another Blog I enjoyed reading!!! A Strawberry woman should just be friends with Doms because their good as Strawberry..(Unless they seriously want to make it work).they dont need to change into a Red velvet cake. I just cant see how it would work…like as a Strawberry woman I can handle some things and some things I dont think I could. I cant even follow directions to build a toy horse I dont know how I would be able to follow guidlines. Thats why I have total respec for the Women in the life style. but I guess I would be the “Brat” like you said back in the day.

    • Tish will be posting here soon. She knows we are friends, I would never allow anything to change that bootzie. you can feel free to ask anything

      • southernbarbie Says:

        Yay I cant wait to read what she will blog. I really am so HAPPY yall two are together. PawPaw Dale well thank you and I want you to know if you have questions about Strawberry Divas you can ask away to.

  3. Leticia Haley Says:

    Thank You Master for Your kind words, I feel humbly honored to be Your slave.

  4. Everything you wrote is so true…

    I am so happy for you and Tish. It’s wonderful when you found your one. 🙂

  5. Dear K.W.O.V.,
    I enjoyed this post very much. I Commend You on your upfront, this is who I am attitude. I wished there were more folks that exhibited your outlook.
    You mentioned that you did Medical Transporting. I have been following dreamlanddancing for quite a while now.
    Although this post is not solely written in regards to the BDSM lifestyle, the novel is about a medic and his adventures while working air ambulance, and municipal 911. From his present posting it appears that he is practicing within the lifestyle.
    http://dreamlanddancing.wordpress.com/2013/04/27/dancing-in-dreamland-the-book/
    This is lengthy I suggest making a great drink, sit back relax, and Enjoy the ride…As you know it can get quite bumpy.
    I’m delighted to have found you site, and am eager to read your postings past & present.
    Your New Friend, and Follower,
    Anastasia

    • Wow thank you for your words and I will read his blog, cannot wait.
      I learned long ago to be who you are, public or private. Most at work know about my lifestyle, I get the little comments YES MASTER that is okay I just say I will be getting head tonight while eating dinner what are your plans ?
      That shuts them up pretty fast.
      Thank you for your comment it makes a world of difference to hear from others.
      Much Love
      Vile

  6. Not sure if You even still post on this, but i was wondering what to do if i’m in a relationship and my partner is only Dominant to a certain degree. Thank You in advance, if You do respond.

    • All you can do is communicate your needs. Tell your partner your needs.
      If it does not work if your in love you stick it out. If not then maybe look at other options.
      Maybe another relationship.

      • Mynx's Sir Says:

        Master Vile is correct here. Communication is one of the most important elements in any relationship, especially in this lifestyle. It’s often looked at as describing a hard limit, or explaining what you don’t want- which IS important. But not being pushed is equally challenging and can lead one to stray.

        The three most important things you find in all deeply passionately successful relationships is communication communication communication. I hope this helps…

        -Mynx’s Sir (Tom Wolf)

  7. Thank You both. [please forgive me for any trouble this may cause You] i love my partner enough to be alright with him only going so far; however, i often go too far and make him uncomfortable because, though we’ve talked about soft and hard limits, he doesn’t know his at all. Is it normal/okay for this to occur? i feel remorseful for causing him discomfort, but i also have no clue how to fix the problem. What can i do to help him figure out the sort of Dom he is?
    Again, thank You for helping me.

  8. Thank You, Sir.

  9. aedmonds315 Says:

    I commend you on being honest with yourself and for not being disloyal to your wife Sir.
    So many couples don’t communicate and wonder why their relationships fall apart. And sometimes we just change. We find we need more. We need something our spouse just can’t give us. It’s better to be honest with yourself and your partner.
    Being true to yourself and your spouse means being truthful about who we are and who we are not. We only get one shot at the life we are given. Make it count. Be happy.

    • I agree with you. I am a firm believer if you have strong communication the two can over come most anything.
      The problem with a lot of men there is no communication. Communication requires work so he takes the easiest route. Not thinking about the consequences.
      The words more flavor just kill me.
      The not caring about their wife’s feelings just kills me.

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