So Your Looking For A Dominant

50 Shades Of Grey. Have you ever had a weed pop up in your front yard, you pull it and days later it is back? Since 50 Shades, this is how New Dominants are popping up, from all over the world.
I have posted about this before, but I hate re-posting old stuff. So here we go.
BDSM is not a sexual based relationship, if this is how your relationships starts out, it will fail no questions asked. Six months a year even less. If sex is how the first conversation starts that is the only interest the new Dominant has, or what are your limits. The topic of limits should be a conversation once you have somewhat agreed to start a new relationship.
A submissive or slave who is looking for a new Dominant wants to find him yesterday. The search begins to control their life, and nothing else matters. Most of the time one will not even take anyone’s advice. Only to find out in the end it was a drastic mistake.
One thing that is very important, do not let the new Dominant try to hand out rules on your first meeting, nor let him try and collar you. He has to get to know you before handing out any rules. More so a collar. Would you marry someone on the first date?
So how long have you been in the lifestyle? Hmm maybe twenty years. Are you active in the local community? Well no I am not I really see no reason to be, I kinda like to stay to myself. Well I am sure you know others in the lifestyle? I have met some in my years but we have not stayed in contact. Well I am sure you have references of other submissive’s ? Well I have had several relationships but we parted on bad terms. So no I do not have anyone you can talk to.

So you the submissive or slave, you are just going to take the new Dominants word, that he is indeed who he says he is. The lifestyle is real, and you can get hurt, you can get hurt bad. Such as spanking is just not spanking. There are safe areas for impact, and areas you can get hurt, even to the point of breaking something, doing damage to your kidneys. So are you just going to take his word? You do not even really know this Dominant, and your just going to believe every word that comes out of his mouth.

Over the past couple of months I have introduced Tish / Arianna to several people I know in the lifestyle, Dominant and submissive. Those who like me and even those who do not. She had taking the word of two other Doms before she met me and was abused by both. All because she took their word.

Do not be afraid to ask questions, and make sure the questions you ask, get the answers you want, do not settle for less.



22 Responses to “So Your Looking For A Dominant”

  1. Everyone should question and review their relationship with Dominant. It took me a while to learn that one.

  2. So when they can not produce such documentation you just say “thank you” and move on! Got it

  3. southernbarbie Says:

    Very intresting blog but the picture had me thinking. So not related to what you was talking about so I wont say what came across my mind…just another random thought on my end.

    Any way back to your blog very intresting my dear friend.

  4. Excellent advice, per usual — and 50 shades has been the bane of kinksters since it was published. I nominated you for a Liebster Blog Award:

  5. Reblogged this on Musings Of Me and commented:
    Beautiful. Thank Vile, wise as always.

  6. Rubber Bound Princess Says:

    It took me a long time time to find my Master, a proper loving man who wanted to teach me and show me how this life can be, before him I found myself on a path to nowhere where abuse was common, I picked the wrong people based on their attributes ands personality, I got it wrong, with my Master we talked, I voiced my opinions he showed me how this life is truly possible, I am happier than even, and much more able to communicate how I feel. thank you for blooging this and showing that genuine true people do actually exist, people that so actually have the tendencIes say they do x I hope tish/arianna can be happy with you x

  7. I couldn’t agree more.
    It took us, Princess and I, almost a year, time we spend building a deep, loving, trusting and caring relationship.
    Gradually I discovered she loved being dominated sexually so I discussed the topic with her and our D/s relationship started to grow too. I finally found the sub I was searching for all my life.

  8. I have nominated you for “Very Ispiring Blogger” award you can find additional information here,

  9. Here’s my question – do you provide references in “vanilla” relationships? Are you expected to provide documentation that you are what you say you are? Typically, no.
    BDSM is only a trapping. Relationships in BDSM are at the very core the same as any other relationship.

    • I would say there is a huge difference, in what you are saying. What I was trying to get across was a way to weed out the predators.
      You know as well as I do, predators run wild in the lifestyle. You know as well as I do, if a Dominant does not know what he is doing , lets say when it comes to spanking, or even some tight bondage you can get hurt.
      My slave Tish met a Dominant, and had her tail bone broken, from impact play.
      Maybe I did not word things right.

      • Again, though, those are things you *do* – and yes, they can be damaging. My point was that on a relationship level it’s the same as a ‘vanilla’ – predators run rampant in all walks of life. I had an abusive relationship and I wasn’t even in the lifestyle at the time.
        I’m saying that you shouldn’t expect someone to fill out an application and provide references simply because they consider themselves part of the lifestyle. You get to know someone – if they can’t wait to play or form the bonds needed for you (or her) to play, then move on – clearly you aren’t made for each other. I’m saying, don’t expect anything more or different than you would from a ‘vanilla’ relationship – at least not in the getting to know someone phase. You should -always- be careful when starting new relationships.

  10. What you write is so true. A personal friend of mine was in relationship with a sadist for a couple of months, and eventually she broke up because
    A) The man and her had nothing to talk about but sex
    B) He wanted her to follow his rules all the time without giving her a single reason to respect him besides “I am your master, you must.”
    C) She believed he acted sadistically because he truly disrespected women and wanted an outlet for his anger.
    I have never been happier to hear someone broke up with. Really. Fifty Shades has caused a massive increase in so-called dominant males who are very badly informed and only se submissive women as easy lays. It’s very disconcerting.

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