The word train, or training to many sounds really weird even funny to a lot of people.. Training really just consist of implementing new habits.
Why do Dominants train? Because the submissive or slaves seeks that type of attention. Depending on what your mindset is depends on how far you want to carry the lifestyle.
The truth is and I do not think many will disagree with me, those who are submissive live on the lighter side of BDSM. The Dominant sets rules for the submissive but in time he becomes somewhat lax and does not really enforce. The relationship turns more to just kink,unless the submissive does something that is really out of the norm.
A Slave wants to be owned, a slave needs to have that feeling of being owned. A slave needs that structure. A slave needs to know and feel she is needed.
The hardest thing about being in a Master and Slave relationship is being able to hold the everyday consistency. To say what we mean, and mean what we do.
Once you begin to start changing habit, from where the slave is allowed to sit, the food and the amounts of food the slave is allowed. Having her clothes picked out for her, her bath and bed time. The master takes over her life basically, not an easy task by no means.
The house a slave may only have a few places she is allowed to sit. This makes her feel owned, again it becomes a habit. What she wears once home, you limit her clothing if any, again you are adding new habits.
Arianna and I watched the movie The Pet. She enjoyed the movie, not so much the outcome , but seeing the devotion that a pet could have towards her owner really drove home. The thing that really got Arianna to thinking was the speech restriction , she asked if I would be interested in such a relationship. In a way we are somewhat on the same page but only when out at events or munchs. While out that is when the protocol kicks in.
Many submissives and slaves take the lifestyle serious, until they enter into a full relationship. Once they see it really takes a lot of work, one will tend to back off and change their outlook on the type of relationship they are seeking.
Many submissives or slaves make the comments I am an open book, or I am a blank canvas paint me, but once the dominant begins to paint, thoughts rush through the subs mind. Tis is not what she expected. She feels she is giving up to much of herself and more so her freedom.
A slaves outlook is totally different. A slave does not want or require freedom, but and this is a big but, they do need down time. Down time is needed it gives the slave time to breath, relax. If you ran a car for 24 hrs a day it would break down. The same thing can happen with a slave. I give Arianna down time every week. This is her free time to do as she pleases. Right now she is working on a quilt with an old friend of hers. I give one day a week and a couple of hours. At times I can see she may be a little stressed, so I send her to the bedroom for down time. She is allowed to listen to music, or write in her journal.
The down time giving is like I blogged about proactive-aftercare. I am always on the look out to insure Arianna’s well being. She is my responsibility.
In the lifestyle I have those who just love me, then I have those who hate me. The hate comes from how I run my house. The hate comes from me being so open. If I think your bullshitting me, I will call you out on it right there. Those who love me are true friends, and they know what I am about and where I am coming from. Most of those who do not like me are new to the lifestyle. I have nothing against them, today it is more about kink, nothing really to do with BDSM.
If you look at some of the groups today on fetlife, it has really nothing to do with the letters BDSM. The words kinkster is used more often. Even munchs have moved towards the word kinkster, the Dungeon in Orlando now is about kinksters, and not BDSM
Here is the kicker. I have been asked several times if I would share Arianna. I have been asked if they could fuck her, or if I would let her give them head. Really I swear. These are the people who dislike me.
When we as dominants train, we need to look at the needs, not the wants. The idea is to break old habits and create new ones. We take the bad habits away, and replace with good positive habits. The rules should be the same way.
When I was younger my rules were more sexually based, okay so I did not know any better. It really took me a long time to realize I was doing more harm than good. I was only looking out for me. It was about 7 or 8 years into the lifestyle before I found out the slave had to come first.
If you have a dominant and your rules are just based on sex, I would rethink the relationship.Don’t get me wrong I love to fuck, but the relationship runs so much deeper. The thought process should be different, unless your just into the kink of things.
I do use a few of the slave positions , not on a daily basis. I use them to put Arianna back in that frame of mind, they make her feel somewhat humble, and she feels some humiliation, again not everyday. As long as they continue to serve there purpose I will continue to use, I tend to change things up to keep Arianna off guard.
Okay today I am just rambling , this was something that just popped in my head.