Be True To Yourself

So many of us live a double life, we hide who and what we are. Some are even ashamed of who they are. I know sometime ago I went to see a shrink. I wanted to know what made me tick, why I had the need to inflict pain. My first slave was a full blown Masochist, and I am truly thankful for her and everything she herself taught me. After seeing the shrink for about six months, I realized she was fucked up more than I thought I was.

Today I am not so much the sadist, I have no interest in inflicting pain, although at times I do get kinda rough, but as far as leaving marks, that is just not me. The need for pain then was a release for me, now that I look back and think about the seven years we spent together. Her excepting pain was a way for her to release, but her needs went way beyond my needs or wants. I look back and I wonder how I was able to follow through with some of out play. The play was really intense, but more so shocking.  If anyone has seen the movie Dee Snider played in Strange Land that will give you somewhat of an idea of what our relationship was about. It consisted of nothing but pain.

The seven years I was with sherri I never fucked her, I mean never. She did how ever suck a lot of cock. She loved being fisted, but when it came to the sex part, there was just something or a feeling I did not agree with.

Be yourself living a double life is no fun. I am not talking about just blabbing to the world who are what you are, but be comfortable with yourself and except who and what you are. I know while I was married it was very hard keeping my feelings in. I hated not being able to be me.

Things are worse if your married, I know this, even when you communicate your needs it can be hurtful. If you are in a marriage and your not happy, come clean. If your partner truly cares they will except who you are and work to make things better, if not move on.

Anyone who knows me, knows about my lifestyle, it is not something I speak about everyday but I hide nothing., my family knows well as much as they want to understand, Arianna’s parents know again what they want to understand. Most who know nothing about the lifestyle when BDSM comes to mind it is about abuse, even when you try and explain, people only hear a small portion.

The first thing I try to talk about is the communication, the bond, the closeness, the trust. The fact is many men are just so close minded they cannot see the light. They are the first ones to complain about their home life, how miserable they are.

I was talking to a co-worker the other day, and he was complaining his wife had not sucked his cock in over 10 years, so instead of talking to her, he has two or three women he see’s on the side.

Just be yourself, being anything less causes so much stress, and confusion. I know it eats at you from the inside out, and will continue until you fix it.



4 Responses to “Be True To Yourself”

  1. Heartfelt. Lovely prose to whisper in the dark. I feel him in my soul and hear him in my mind and i do like no one else does. You are not alone.

  2. “Even when you try to explain, people only hear a small portion.”

    Well said! People sometimes only hear what they want to hear, or what’s convenient for them to hear.

    It’s definitely hard getting through to people.

    And it’s great you’re comfortable in your own skin. That takes a lot of courage–something I have sometimes, other times not. 🙂

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