Domestic discipline. It is Okay to abuse your wife

Ephesians 5:22–24

Wives and Husbands

22 Wives,submit to your own husbands,as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands

1 Timothy 2:12

12 I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet.

In the world or most religions and Domestic Discipline relationships which is based on religion  the above is carried to the extreme.

The women are raised in such an environment and they do not know any better. The men are raised the same and they truly believe what they have experienced and how they run their household is truly Okay.

In most cases the abuse I believe goes way beyond verbal abuse as well as mental abuse. I am sure at times it gets very physical.

I have had several write me in the past who lived in a DD household and experienced the same, so I am just not rambling here. Since this is a small community even three or four women would bring the numbers up to a high percentage.

Domestic discipline is the practice between two consenting life partners in which the head of the household (HoH) takes he necessary measures to achieve a healthy relationship dynamic; the necessary measure to create a healthy home environmental and the necessary measures to protect all members of the family from dangerous or detrimental outcomes by punishing the contributing, and thus unwanted, behaviors for the greater good of the family.

In some cases the above may be true as far as the consenting part, but for the most the lifestyle is handed down from generation to generation. Most of the time the women marry from within the church, or encouraged to date and marry from within. If you are raised in such a way, once you marry you carry certain traits with you, and unfortunately abuse is some of the traits. If you are raised in a home where the wife is degraded and abused on a regular basis, the male son will most likely carry these habits with him. The female knows no different, and when it happens she is probably shocked at that moment, but really has no one to turn to.

People can get so wrapped up in religion they really lose reality, common sense goes right out the window. In their mind there is nothing wrong with knocking your partner to the ground and yelling because dinner is not finished.

Those who support the domestic discipline life style believe:

Domestic discipline comes from the bible.

Domestic discipline is not BDSM.

Domestic discipline is non-erotic.

Domestic discipline is an essential part of their relationship.

Domestic discipline is a physical correction from one who truly cares.

Domestic discipline is responsible authority.

Domestic discipline is appropriate punishment.

Domestic discipline requires that there must be total…consent from both parties.

Research on domestic discipline has revealed:

Domestic discipline is based on misinterpretations of the bible. Here is a very good example, if you pick a scripture out of the bible and you take it to different religions the interpretation will be different in each case. When a pastor or preacher reads from the bible he is giving his own Interpretation. Just as a Dominant in a D’s relationship .

Domestic discipline is BDSM.

Domestic discipline is sexually erotic. I believe this to be true from my stand point I do know when I bend Arianna over and I spank during play I get harder than a rock.

Physical correction is not life-giving to relationships.

Spanking a wife as a means of correction or punishment is a control issue and is potentially abusive.

Marriage calls a couple to mutuality, not to punish one another.

Some believe women want or agree to domestic discipline style of punishment because of guilt over past sexual behavior or because they believe that God through the scriptures has deemed that this is the proper role of a husband.

Perhaps these women have poor self images. Some women find spanking sexually exciting.

The Issue of Domestic Violence Within the Domestic Discipline Lifestyle

The number of battered women in the United States annually is between 2 and 4 million. It is estimated that at least 25% to 30% of American women are at risk of domestic violence during their lifetime.

Such abuse is also devastating to their children who often feel helplessness and blame along with increased anxieties, more aggressiveness, and behaviorial problems.

When there is an attack on a person’s self esteem or physical body, or when one partner becomes dominant in the relationship, the marriage is at risk for divorce.

Using words like punishment when relating to a spouse sets a couple up to become “feet and a doormat.”

The wife turns into a doormat which is only good for wiping feet on. These marriages are doomed to have relationship problems. Some day she will have had enough.

Seek Counseling

If you are in a domestic discipline marriage please seek counseling so that you can make an informed, rational decision about your marriage relationship.

BDSM is not based on a religion, nor has it ever been. I will say there are those Dominants or Master who take things to far. Those are ego driven men who do not have a clue.

BDSM the Dom is in control, he is not controlling, Okay in most cases. The relationship is consensual on both parties, it is not to say that it cannot be consensual in a DD relationship I would imagine there are cases where it is.

In most aspects BDSM is erotic, fulfilling. Those who are submissive or slaves generally have a low self esteem. So we as Dominants help rebuild this is done through positive reinforcement.

I would think that most women in a DD relationship would have a very low self esteem from what I have read there is nothing positive about a DD relationship. To think that a church would back such behavior is beyond me.

While I am Buddhist , and I try to live as such I am not as active as I would like to be. I can say however I do implement much of my beliefs into my relationship. Such as the ability to stay calm and think things out clearly.  To respect myself and others, treat others as I would like to be treated. While I do pray daily it is never for me, it is for my wife , friends and family.

I believe a man should be in control. There is no reason for a man to hit a woman out of anger. How can a man beat his wife, and an hour later expect her to lay on her back. I wonder what the male is thinking about while he is banging her looking down at her black eye, or busted lip.

I learned long ago you do not break your toy. If you break you cannot play with for sometime.

In some cases there are those women who choose to live in a DD relationship and marriage. In BDSM it is a consensual agreement between two adults, no one is forced, if the submissive or slave finds they are being abuse, they simply pack up and leave. In a DD marriage it is not that easy when children are involved and more so when there is a church involved.

I wonder how people can look down on a M’s relationship when it is consensual, and look up to a DD relationship when in most cases it is not consensual.

Take care of your woman, be it vanilla, submissive or slave. Your woman should always come first no matter what. There is not an instance when your partner should come before anyone or anything else.

With out your wife, submissive or slave who are we? what are we?



14 Responses to “Domestic discipline. It is Okay to abuse your wife”

  1. I’m often impresse at the intelligence of your posts but I must say that this one speaks very well and I’m most impressed. Having studied and observed these types of abusive behaviors in great detail I find your florist not only highly accurate and well spoken but also highly needed with in many community.
    So bravo to your voice and view.

  2. A great informative post Vile. Thank you x

  3. The glaring flaw in this entire argument is the completely erroneous assumption that domestic discipline is something that is forced on an unwilling wife by an abusive husband.

    In fact it would take only a minimal amount of easy research – I would suggest a few of the two or three hundred public domestic discipline blogs (mostly written by DD submissives) available on the internet as a starting point – to establish the fact that, not only is domestic discipline an entirely consensual private agreement between two adults, but that it is most commonly introduced into the relationship by the submissive partner. It should be noted that one of the operative words here is “adult”, meaning that DD neither extends to any children in the family nor, like the sexual activities of the parents, is the arrangement made known to them. In short, DD involves only the two consenting adults within the relationship and affects or hurts no-one else.

    It is also not the case in any shape or form that the submissive partner in a DD cannot withdraw consent at any time if she finds that the dynamic does not work for her. I am sure it is the case that there are many relationships in which a women is forced and intimidated into remaining in a violent and abusive situation, but a consensual domestic discipline relationship is definitely not one of these.

    It always surprises me greatly that so many people who would consider it a curtailment of their human rights and freedom of choice if they were told that they must restrict their private lives to the limits of someone else’s approval and desires, can at the same the time and in the absence of any research casually condemn the choices of others.

    • Wow some six months and someone finely responds that is awesome. The only thing is your profile is blocked , so I am going to assume you do not want me to perv your blog.
      The DD relationship was brought up by those who are submissive and who have lived it.
      In every relationship style there is some type of abuse, but my readers believe it happens more in a DD type relationship.
      One of my followers was badly abused in a DD ran house, so I was not just speaking out of my ass.

      I would like to hear from women you know who live in such a relationship and so would a lot of my readers I am sure.

  4. One other thing. I think that you will find that, in a DD relationship, any ‘hitting’ is confined entirely to spanking the bottom and that split lips, black eyes, etc, do not feature and would be considered abusive and out of place by anyone who practises genuine DD. You might also be surprised to learn that DD, even when used in punishment situation, more often than not has a strong undertone of eroticism (from the D/s interaction) which results in ‘reconnection’ by *mutual* sexual pleasure directly after the spanking.

    Finally, while I have encountered a very few individuals who hold rigidly stereotypical views on what they think are typical D/s and M/s relationships, the great majority of people in the DD community, while not necessarily personally desirous of these kinds of relationships, have respect and acceptance for the dynamics and choices of those who do practise them.

    • I was not stating that all DD type relationships were about abuse, even in a D’s or M’s relationship I am sure abuse is very active.
      I myself grew up in a DD home, my father was very abusive and was a deacon in our church Southern Baptist that would be.
      Most in a D’s or M’s relationship mostly being Dominants do not judge a DD type relationship, as a matter of fact those who did comment were women.
      I take it you live in a DD home ? If so please share.

  5. In the vast majority of DD relationships, it is the woman who actively desires this type of relationship, and often has some trouble persuading her husband or boyfriend to try it out. Those where the woman is persuaded into it by the man seem to form a very small minority from what I have read. You don’t really seem to know much about DD at all.

    • On the contrary I do and I believe you are correct about the female trying to submit to the male even more so getting the male to understand her needs.
      The vast majority of men are not open to such a relationship because it takes to much effort on their part, or they believe something is wrong with their partner.
      I was not saying every DD relationship is about abuse, but I do believe it happens more in a DD type relationship than is does in a D’s relationship.
      Dominants in the lifestyle those who are true are wired different. We tend to be more in control and not controlling

    • I am not trying to judge you by any means, nor am I saying you are wrong.
      I am glad you have a nice secure home.
      One question is your DD home religious based ?

  6. […] Domestic discipline. It is Okay to abuse your wife […]

  7. My husband and I are both atheists. I have always had an interest in being spanked, but the idea of using spanking as actual discipline never occured to me as anything but a fantasy until I discovered the Internet and read about people in DD relationships, and realised that this was what I had always secretly craved. Since my husband was used to spanking me anyway for fun, he didn’t seem to have much trouble adjusting to the idea of using it for discipline.

  8. Hi Vile,

    I had thought that I provided a link to my public Google blog, which you are very welcome to read, in at least one of my previous posts, but, just in case I did not, I have included it in the “website” line to this comment. I would happily include the link here in the body of my comment, but I know that many bloggers prefer that ‘unproven’ links aren’t posted randomly to their blogs because of the risk of infection from spam. If you would like to check out the blog to eliminate this risk and then post the link yourself, I am happy for you to do so. Since we both use an internet identity rather than our real names, I assume that I don’t need to explain the that part of things.

    I have never thought about making a public profile here, because I only really joined so that I could ‘follow’ some of the many domestic discipline and Christian Domestic Discipline based blogs that are to be found on WordPress. It was when I was searching for the lost link to one of these that I ran a search on “domestic discipline” and chanced upon your article. That is why the long delay between your original post and today’s comment by me.

    I don’t suggest for one moment that you are “speaking through your ass”, but only that the conclusions you have drawn are not in any way representative of my own experiences (as the submissive in a DD relationship) in an eleven year association in what amounts to a very large online and offline DD and CDD community. This leads me to believe that, based on the negative experiences of a small number of people who have been subjected to genuine abuse under the *guise* of DD or CDD, you have perhaps tarred us all with the same brush and haven’t researched the wider picture.

    My own experience of both DD and CDD relationships has been that they are both based on entirely consensual private agreements between two adults (most commonly initiated by the potentially submissive partner) in a loving relationship who believe that their relationships would benefit from more structure and the reduction in conflict that results from acknowledging one partner as the leader and the other as the ‘second in command’. The areas into which DD will extend are agreed mutually by the couple concerned and are based on their particular needs. Generally speaking, the Dominant only has unilateral control in those agreed areas and is not “controlling overall. The arrangement is strictly between the two adults in the relationship and doesn’t extend to any children, who are usually unaware of its existence. While some people in CDD base their relationships on the biblical principles of caring husbandly leadership and wifely submission, the use of DD as a tool is a personal choice and I have ever heard anyone in a CDD relationship claim that the bible advocates physical chastisement for a wife. What I have noticed on the other hand is that any argument against CDD usually includes the unfounded and unproven CLAIM that they do. Similarly, there may well be some churches that advocate CDD, but I have personally never encountered nor heard of one.

    The general expectation in both CDD and DD relationships is that anything that is done in the name of DD will have a positive and constructive outcome for both partners that increases their closeness and loving connection in every area, including that of sex. In many cases what was initially a practical arrangement develops into something more D/s when the couple realises that they are ‘wired’ to get fulfillment and pleasure from the D/s interaction. Mutual respect and trust are essential to this. If an element of the relationship doesn’t work that way, it will either be changed or stopped. If the entire experience proves to be negative for one or both partners DD or CDD will usually be stopped altogether. It isn’t the case at all that consent cannot be withdrawn.

    Naturally, just as in every type of relationship, there will be those who misuse the labels “DD” and “CDD” as a way to rationalise and force abuse, but I believe from my experiences over the past eleven years that these people are in the minority and that, for the majority, DD and CDD relations are desired consensual and loving arrangements that contribute to the fulfilment and happiness of the people in them.

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