Here Are 4 Things To Look For In A Mentor, And What To Run From..

This post was over a year ago. I had published it on another blog I was on, so the dates may sound a bit off.

Right now I am mentoring a Submissive and a Slave. I spend a great deal of time on the phone, and in person.

The Slave I met last week, very nice, really beautiful, so docile, and way to eager. A couple in Orlando recommended her to me.

As we sat down to talk, she began telling me about a Master she was seeing in Orlando, who was her Mentor. She was telling me she would go over to his apartment 3 days a week, he would tie her up, spank, fuck, what ever he saw fit, and send her on her way. Wow seriously, really! This went on for about 3 months, until she started speaking to this couple she had met at a munch.

I suppose in a lot of ways Dominants are like physiologist without the PHD. We allow them to open up, the more time you spend with them, the more comfortable they will become. There submissive side comes out, and a million questions. While I do not claim to know everything, I do my best, and a phone is just a reach away.

A mentor by no means has the right to have sex , session with or touch, other than a hug, a mentor is not a trainer, and should make those things very clear. If the submissive or slave begins to have feelings which happens very often, at that point all ties should be broken.

I ran across this and wanted to share it. There is a lot of good information..

There are mentors in every area of life and situation. In BDSM it is sometimes recommended to newbies to pick up a mentor, but are never given the tools to find a mentor that is right for them. I know that when I first started out there were good people to be around and not so great people that left their mark on me. I do wish that people had lead me to learn what a mentor is and how to go about finding one that is right for me.

First, a mentor isn’t just a friend that you can talk to, although they could start out that way. A mentor is someone that you can get advice from, learn from and feel close to in a submissive context. They exist to help you learn who you are and what to expect in different lifestyle situations you may encounter as you grow in confidence and submission. A mentor is not a trainer and should not be directly involved in any physical training that you undergo. You should never have an intimate physical relationship with your mentor.

Let’s take a real world example: Big Brothers and Big Sisters. These volunteers are mentors for needy children all over the nation. They become friends and confidants for the kids involved and some go on to be close to their little brothers/sisters well into adult hood. They strengthen the child’s confidence and provide them an outlet to learn and grow without the stress of parents influence. It’s all healthy and beneficial for both parties.

A BDSM mentor should be similar. There are a few things I’d like you to look for the next time you seek out a mentor for your life. Keep them in mind the next time you approach someone and you may be able to find the person that can guide you.

1. Are their beliefs and definitions similar to yours?

You want to find a mentor that has the same definitions of common terms in BDSM. If they feel that a submissive and a slave are the same thing, and you don’t then they won’t be compatible with you when you bring up topics along that thread of thought. Treat your first few conversations as an interview. Ask them how they came into BDSM, what they think about safe Imagewords and relationships and those all important personal terms. If they mesh well with what you think then keep going. This person could be a good mentor for you.

If you are so new that you don’t know what those personal definitions mean to you, then take on what is known as an open mentor. This is someone that is available for new people to learn for themselves and helps guide you into your own definitions so that you can find a more targeted mentor later on if you choose to. I consider myself an open mentor and want to help you find yourself before you key into the specifics of your new life as a submissive. I can do focused mentoring, but prefer to make sure your personal beliefs and definitions are solidified first.

2. Are they open to letting you talk or do they force a lot of questions at you?

A good mentor is going to allow for silence in conversation so that you can think things through and talk about what you want to talk about. Mentors know when to point questions at you that will help you think, but keep the conversation flowing the way that is most beneficial to you, the mentee, not the mentor. You should be able to pick up this trait from the interview phase.

3. Are they professional yet comfortable to be around?

When you first meet someone or talk to someone that is considering being your mentor, are they professional in manner? You should feel comfortable around them relatively easily and feel free to talk about whatever is on your mind. If you feel uncomfortable or their questions are far more private than your relationship allows, it’s a warning sign that they are not the mentor for you. A mentor’s job is to make a novice comfortable with what they are experiencing and who they are, if that can’t happen in the interview phase it may not happen at all.

4. Do they appear to know what they are talking about?

Mentors are not going to know everything, but they are going to be well versed in a lot of aspects that novices come to them with questions about. If your mentor gives you the impression that they don’t know a whole lot about what you need to talk about, it may be best to seek out someone else. Great mentors will be prepared for all questions, even if it means they need to research and learn before they can give you quality advice. Someone not willing to work for you as well as with you isn’t really taking your growth strongly.

Now there are a lot of other things to look for in a mentor, but for now; take these thoughts and figure out if a mentor would be someone you want in your current situation. If it is, start seeking them. Interview them before you start pouring your thoughts to them. Get to know them as a person and as a submissive. Feel comfortable with them and don’t let them lead the thoughts, they are there for your growth. Continue to learn and your submission will develop.


8 Responses to “Here Are 4 Things To Look For In A Mentor, And What To Run From..”

  1. Thank you, I found this article very enlightening.

  2. Another excellent and must read post and information enlightenment for those submissives seeking that “mentoring” element in their lives. The four questions of need presented here are an excellent starting point

    There are far to many Dominants who profess their wares out there that haven’t got a clue as to what a true and meaningful Dominant and submissive life-style relationship is all about as you so mentioned. Actually I believe that a submissive can gain valuable information and understanding from another seasoned submissive at times also. Your example at the beginning of your post here shows that there are those Dominant types that will take advantage on occasion and at least with another of the same vein, you won’t have that direct sexual contrast to contend with in your quandaries and needs for a mentor to contend with.

    Thank you again, Vile, for your informed and compassionate understanding of the intricacies of this life-style we share… 🌟

  3. Reblogged this on Stella Kiink and commented:
    I found this post very helpful and informative and wanted to share it with my readers.

  4. I am not sure you can help be but it never hurts to ask. I hope you can give advise to a fellow Dom.
    My wife came to me several years ago requesting this D/s journey not only in the bedroom but 24/7. We are struggling to bring this dynamic into our day to day life. Beautiful travels extensively and we have 2 kids 16 and 12.
    I was hoping that you could provide some insight on how to begin this 24/7 journey but more importantly I would like to understand how you began this journey and any insight you could provide me as someone who has already gone through the process? I know my wife reads your wife’s blog along with a
    few others. How did you research this and what did you do to
    make this part of your day to day lives? While I understand the
    concept I am trying to make sure I understand the whole dynamic and mindset…the forest from the trees. Much of the research out there only focuses on the bedroom…my wife is an executive who is highly respected…you would never know that she is submissive. So I understand I need to engage all of her in order for this dynamic to work for us. We have been married for 18 yrs in but have known each other our entire lives. As stated, we have been struggling several years, any insight you could provide would be helpful.

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