My Take On Domestic Discipline

I believe from what I have read and the research I have done , Domestic Discipline is a christian based relationship. Both male and female grow up in a DD type household. I grew up in one my parents being Southern Baptist. My brother and I lived in a very strict home, but that is not where the trouble laid.

Although my father was a deacon in our church and a very respected member in our community there were very big dark secrets. Both parents drank very heavy , both were abusive to each other, even to the point of contact.

I would like to say I learned from their mistakes, I learned about a DD house at a very young age. I learned very early on that I was Dominant although in my teens I did not fully understand.  I knew I had to be in control, and  I knew my partner then had to be very passive, easy going, lady like, calm.

Now in my early years I did have a very bad temper, but never to the point of hitting a woman out of anger. At that time I knew nothing of BDSM but I would punish my partner. I would simply walk her to a corner or send her to the bedroom. There was never any contact.

It took me years to control my anger, my thoughts, and the difference between being in control and being controlling. I learned you were much better off talking than screaming.

I learned about BDSM while I was stationed in Korea, but there it was not called BDSM it was just Master and Slave.  I was introduced to an older gentleman named Kim. It was just by luck I fell into meeting him. I can say I did learn most of what I know from Kim. Learning the difference between being in control and not being controlling, learning to listen to someone and really taking it in. Learning you could Discipline from words and not by contact. Beating your slave or submissive is not always the answer.

So from a very young age I learned the way my parents lived and other I had interaction with was not the correct way of living. I wanted to treat my lady better. Even out in public you can see abuse even if it is just verbal, those memories never go away. Words do leave scars. Bruises go away words do not.

Now I am not saying every D’s relationship is perfect, nor am I saying every M’s relationship is perfect, because there are some fucked up Dominants, there are some fucked up men who give themselves titles.  There are Dominants who use the lifestyle as an open door to abuse. The same in just a plain Vanilla relationship abuse is very active today. It just so happens some of my readers in the past have posted about Domestic Discipline and the abuse that happens.

Not every time but most of the time if a male grows up in an abusive house he to will abuse. I have seen this, and I am sure many of you have.

In my church as a kid the woman was to be seen and not heard. Last year I met a Jehovah Witness who had been living in a DD run house and was abused very bad verbally , and even to the point her husband had her excommunicated from the church and her children, mother and father. Instead of being a man and trying to solve his own problems he had to run to elders and tell what his wife had done. What kind of religion does this to a mother? Wow now is this the way a DD house is ran ?

Here are a few scriptures from the bible this explains where many who are religious get their ideas about DD.

What is CDD?
A Domestic Discipline (DD) marriage is one in which one partner is given authority over the other, and has the means to back up that authority, usually by spanking. The application and practise of DD in each marriage is as unique as the individuals who make up that marriage. There is no “One Ring of Power” in the Domestic Discipline world, to which all DD couples must bow; no singular path to “true DD enlightenment”. What works well for one DD couple may not be a good fit for another marriage. Therefore, you may see many different suggestions espoused on this site and elsewhere.

A Christian Domestic Discipline (CDD) marriage is simply a traditional, male-led, Christian marriage which utilises aspects of Domestic Discipline. It is set up according to Biblical standards.

Therefore, in a CDD marriage:

•The husband is the head of the household, whilst the wife is submissive to her husband as if the Lord Himself was her husband. See Eph. 5:22-24.
•The husband is to love his wife as himself, and as Christ loved the church. He is to be a servant, and leads by example. He is to lay down his life for her. See Eph. 5:25-29.
•The wife is to reverence her husband. She is to obey him, so long as his instructions are not in opposition to God’s commands. See Titus 2:5, Acts 5:29.
He has the ultimate authority in his household, but this authority is tempered with the knowledge that he will answer to God for his actions and decisions. The final decision rests with him, and therefore, the final responsibility, whatever the outcome, is his to bear. A wise husband will not make a major decision without prayerfully asking God for wisdom, and without seeking his wife’s counsel. Prov. 20:5

He is to be the head of the home. She is to be the heart of the home.

He is not a dictator. She is not a doormat.

He is not a overbearing Lord of the Estate, seeking to trample over his family. She is not some weak-minded lass, needing to be molly-coddled, or seeking to get straightened around.

He has the responsibility for leading his family and is accountable before God for their well-being and development. He has the authority to spank his wife for disciplinary reasons, but in real CDD marriages, this authority is taken quite seriously and usually happens rarely. Most CDD marriages do use spanking, generally for serious offences, such as the “Four D’s” (Disobedience, Disrespect, Dishonesty, or Dangerous [as in dangerous choices… reckless driving, disobeying doctor’s orders, etc]). Some CDD marriages also use non-corporal disciplines, such as writing lines, or the temporary forfeiture of a favourite privilege. Again, every marriage is unique, and CDD is much more than just corporal punishment or spanking.

CDD is not a “magic pill”, and this website does not claim CDD will prevent all marital rows. It is simply a tool, one method which many couples round the world feel is quite effective in strengthening their marriages, and improving the quality of their relationship.

CDD is the husband loving his wife enough to patiently guide and unselfishly cherish her.
CDD is the wife loving her husband enough to follow his leadership and trust his direction.
A Christian marriage should embody selfless love and true romance.
A Christian couple is to be a reflection of Jesus and His Bride.

I posted some time ago about Domestic Discipline and had a few readers respond, even a female submissive who grew up in a very abusive DD ran house. There are submissives who have posted about a DD ran house, so I am not the only one.

I myself have nothing against a DD ran home, as long as it does not consist of abuse, be it verbal or physical. As long as the man is in full control and not controlling. As far as that goes I am against any type of abuse in any home.

I have said this before and I will say it again. How can you expect your woman to cook, take care of the house, kids, pay bills, and lay on her back, and you abuse her ?

So after six months or so I had two people comment about my blog on Domestic Discipline  and just gave me hell up one side and down the other. Even saying I knew nothing of a DD ran home. Well the truth is I do, If you are going to comment at least leave me a way to contact you instead of blocking your blog. You are just wanting to have a one way conversation. You want to say your peace, but you have to have the last word, yea pretty fucked up. You want to start an argument  but not give anyone a chance to respond. Okay I am good with that.

Here are the post.

swl1 11h
The glaring flaw in this entire argument is the completely erroneous assumption that domestic discipline is something that is forced on an unwilling wife by an abusive husband.
In fact it would take only a minimal amount of easy research – I would suggest a few of the two or three hundred public domestic discipline blogs (mostly written by DD submissives) available on the internet as a starting point – to establish the fact that, not only is domestic discipline an entirely consensual private agreement between two adults, but that it is most commonly introduced into the relationship by the submissive partner. It should be noted that one of the operative words here is “adult”, meaning that DD neither extends to any children in the family nor, like the sexual activities of the parents, is the arrangement made known to them. In short, DD involves only the two consenting adults within the relationship and affects or hurts no-one else.
It is also not the case in any shape or form that the submissive partner in a DD cannot withdraw consent at any time if she finds that the dynamic does not work for her. I am sure it is the case that there are many relationships in which a women is forced and intimidated into remaining in a violent and abusive situation, but a consensual domestic discipline relationship is definitely not one of these.
It always surprises me greatly that so many people who would consider it a curtailment of their human rights and freedom of choice if they were told that they must restrict their private lives to the limits of someone else’s approval and desires, can at the same the time and in the absence of any research casually condemn the choices of others.

One other thing. I think that you will find that, in a DD relationship, any ‘hitting’ is confined entirely to spanking the bottom and that split lips, black eyes, etc, do not feature and would be considered abusive and out of place by anyone who practises genuine DD. You might also be surprised to learn that DD, even when used in punishment situation, more often than not has a strong undertone of eroticism (from the D/s interaction) which results in ‘reconnection’ by *mutual* sexual pleasure directly after the spanking.
Finally, while I have encountered a very few individuals who hold rigidly stereotypical views on what they think are typical D/s and M/s relationships, the great majority of people in the DD community, while not necessarily personally desirous of these kinds of relationships, have respect and acceptance for the dynamics and choices of those who do practise them.

Louise 36m
In the vast majority of DD relationships, it is the woman who actively desires this type of relationship, and often has some trouble persuading her husband or boyfriend to try it out. Those where the woman is persuaded into it by the man seem to form a very small minority from what I have read. You don’t really seem to know much about DD at all.
I am guessing both are males, I have yet to have a female post anything positive about a DD relationship. These are all male opinions , just as what I post is my own opinion. I am glad some disagree but please have the balls to let me rebuttal, please leave the door open to let me respond.

I can tell you how my house is ran, it is probably much like a DD ran home. I have rules that are followed, I have put structure into my home, as well as protocols.  I can also tell you that I have never raised my voice to my wife and Slave, I have never hit her nor have I ever talked down to her. My wife is very intelligent , beautiful , and is far from a doormat. I do allow her to speak and share her thoughts and ideas.  We also have a communication based relationship, okay so it sounds perfect, that is because it is.  My wife and Slave will also tell you I have never left a bruise on her.

DO NOT COME TO MY FUCKING BLOG AND COMMENT AND ME NOT HAVE AWAY TO AT LEAST RESPOND. I approved your comments and I replied If you are going to come to my HOUSE and run off at the mouth at least have a little respect.

Now I do understand there are some who are submissive who comment, and do not wish to be contacted, that I do understand. If you are a male commenting on a subject you have deep feelings about and you run off at the mouth, then fucking man up.




22 Responses to “My Take On Domestic Discipline”

  1. As always very well said. No one has exactly the same dynamic in their household as someone else. If people judge against their ‘norm’ there will always be issues. Relationships built on love, trust, truth and mutual acceptance of roles will flourish. It doesn’t matter if vanilla, M/s, D/s, DD or whatever. ~Lea

  2. I am a woman, not a man, and if you say women never say anything positive about DD you are talking nonsense. look at any DD group and you will find that most of the comments from women are very positive indeed. I find your attitude quite extraordinary – you really can’t cope with being disagreed with, can you? And how on earth is anyone preventing you from replying?

    • I love it when people disagree with me. I am also glad it works for you and your husband.
      Yes you can find groups about DD, D`s and M`s where everything is golden.
      The fact is i have seen it on both sides of the street.
      My of my blog is about abuse. That is just me.
      Please feel free to disagree, and no i do not get upset.
      I tried to pull your blog up but i was blocked that was for the comment about responding.
      I will post more tomorrow. Maybe make it a little clearer from a different point of view.
      Thank you.

  3. Hi Vile,

    My apologies, but I post on many blogs about many things and it had never occurred to me a public response on a public blog could be considered a “one-sided” conversation.

    When it comes to your assertions that my blog is “blocked”, I am not sure where that comes from. I don’t have a blog or full profile here on WordPress, ( I’m not sure that you do either, since I wasn’t able to access your profile), but the link that I inserted into the “website” box of each of my comments should lead to a *public* Google blog called “Discipline & Love”. Unless I have the settings wrong (I am brand new to Google blogs) you should not be blocked from commenting.

    Since comments here are not allowed without one, you also have my email address.

    At no point have I intended to “give you hell” or suggest that your observations on DD were not based on the genuine experiences of yourself and others. I was simply trying to put the point of view that, although you seem convinced that your interpretation of DD and CDD as abuse is the only one, your experiences are not necessarily typical or in keeping with consensual adult DD and Christian DD lifestyles as they are commonly depicted and understood.

    I base this on MY experience as the long term submissive in a consensual DD relationship and my on line and real life interaction with hundreds of others in the DD and CDD community over a period of eleven years.

    I have tried to explain this more fully on the “Domestic discipline. It is Okay to abuse your wife” thread, but, in the light of your apparent assumption that *anything* given the names “DD” or “CDD” is automatically violent, abusive and unloving, Lea Barrymire’s comment, although probably intended as a criticism of myself and Louise, says it perfectly:-

    “No one has exactly the same dynamic in their household as someone else. If people judge against their ‘norm’ there will always be issues. Relationships built on love, trust, truth and mutual acceptance of roles will flourish. It doesn’t matter if vanilla, M/s, D/s, DD or whatever”.

  4. Same with me and my blog.

  5. What you describe as “like” a DD relationship is actually exactly how I would envisage a DD relationship, structure included.

  6. I haven’t got a blog. However, I don’t think anyone shoukd hit(as opposed to spank) or humiliate the person they love. Raised voices unfortunately happen at times in even the calmest of households, but DD tends to reduce friction and make people more in control of themselves.

    • I can say I have never raised my voice towards my wife she will tell you the same thing.
      There is no need

      • Oh well, some people are calmer than others. My husband and I are both quite short tempered and given to flying off the handle about things, so raised voices in our house are not uncommon. DD has tended to make us calmer though. It is a way of reducing tension and helps to calm both of us down.

      • If you are both short tempered and you both fly off of the handle and you raise your voice to each other, Where does the DD come into play?

  7. It comes into play because it prevents situations escalating. I pay more attention to my husband when he keeps calm, and he knows I will listen to him if he doesn’t lose his temper. And if he is annoyed with me about something, giving me a good spanking is a more productive way to deal with a situation than getting angry. If he ‘takes it out on your bottom’ as he puts it, rather than shouting at me, it works better. It gives him a more positive way to express annoyance.

  8. You very seldom ever hear of a Dom losing his temper. So I think we may be in more control.

  9. Well, perhaps you’re naturally more placid. Some people are. But then if my husband and I were very placid people it probably would never have occured to me to suggest DD, there wouldn’t really have been much point.

  10. Well, what DD has done for us is, if something I have done/not done, irritates my husband, rather than losing his temper and shouting at me, as might have happened in the past, he is more likely to keep his temper, and give me a good spanking when the opportunity arises. And since he is more likely to keep calm, I’m more likely to pay attention to him and do what he wants, rather than sulking as I tend to if he loses his temper with me. it makes him more attractive when he stays in control and doesn’t lose his temper. we still have disagreements, but they are much less likely to escalate into rows these days.

  11. Reblogged this on thekinkyworldofvile and commented:

    I caught a lot of flake for this post

  12. Wow, you really did catch a lot of hell. Okay, from someone who spent 21 years as the submissive in a DD lifestyle, I can honestly say I would not want a marriage outside of DD. However, having read your post and those replies, it was a lot like watching an argument over how you like green apples and they like red apples. The point should be, hey, we all love apples.

    Yes, a M/s relationship does have a lot of structure. But so did the DD relationship I was in with my husband, and now the one I’m in with my DD. So do many of the DD relationships I know about from the friends I’ve gathered through my years on DD forums and as a DD romance author. Not all DD relationships consider themselves to be tops and bottoms, doms or subs. But many do. My ex considers himself a husband first, and a top second. My DD considers himself to be a Dom, a Daddy and a husband, and the one that comes first is whatever needs the most attention at the moment. I’ve known a few DD relationships that fell apart, and I have certainly known some tops/doms (as well as some submissives/bottoms) where were not worthy of the titles or the positions. But I don’t think its the lifestyle to blame. Rather, like any other branch of life, the world has a few shity people in it and sometimes you find yourself married to one.

    I don’t know the first thing about CDD, but from the articles that I’ve read about it, I don’t believe it’s a good idea to base any form of lifestyle off the bible. Not because I don’t believe in God, because I do; and certainly not because I’m a deviant, because I absolutely am. But because I don’t believe we should be using a book written as a code of conduct 2000 years ago is a good plan for today. Our culture is not the same culture. I would, however, be open to hearing from practitioners of CDD before making any solid judgments on its viability within the BDSM community.

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