The Difference Between DD And BDSM

This week I have been raising some eyebrows with my post on a DD relationship and the abuse within. I am not saying every DD house is abusive but from the comments from some of my readers present and past abuse seems to run higher in a DD home Verses a D’s or M’s ran home.

Being a Dominant can take years to Master if you will, we just do not wake up one morning and say I am a Dominant, most of us know we are different at a very young age, just as a submissive does.

Another key element I would like to point out a younger Dominant will seek out a mentor most of the time, someone they can learn from, more so when it comes to any type of hands on play. It also took me years to Master the control I have and learn the difference between being in control and being controlling. It took me years to Master my anger, to think before I spoke. The words that come out of your mouth can do much harm.

There is no reason for a Man and Woman to stand toe to toe and argue, I look down on men who do so. That does not show any control. Remember we are suppose to be leaders, we are suppose to guide, give advice when needed.The Submissive has to gain trust before they will follow, and we must be able to maintain that trust.

In a years time I have punished Arianna one time and one time only. Why is this ? It breaks a submissive’s heart to know they have done wrong. There is no more pain a submissive could endure knowing they have messed up. A submissive or Slave strives to be the best they can be, they need to be the best at anything they do. Yesterday we had a conversaionI let it go back and forth a couple of times to see how far it would go and I just finely put my foot down in a nice calm manner and it was added to her rules. At her request.

I am not saying there are not some fucked up Dominants because there are, these are the ego driven  men, the fakes I speak about all to often. The ones who prey on those who are submissive because they see an easy piece of ass. So yes there are some fucked up Dominants.

I was not here to Bash and men who live a DD life, but if your going to stand and argue with your mate, something is really wrong.

I myself to not use spanking as a form of punishment, I have one time and that was just to get a point across and it worked.  If the one who is submissive enjoys being spanked why would you use that as a form of punishment. If you spank during play and you use it for punishment, this can and will confuse the submissive, not being able to separate the two.

Most DD homes are christian based while most BDSM homes are not, although I do know people in the lifestyle who do attend church on a regular basis.

I also believe that if you are raised in a DD home the male or female learns from the parents, and they will carry this over into their own relationship. So if they grew up in an abusive home the abuse will carry over. If the home was not abusive and full of love then what they have learned is carried over.

I believe a Dominant has a great deal of more responsibility within his home, we manage everything, some more than others and some more. As everyone knows Arianna and I live in a micromanaged home. I might point out this was at her request.

I do not believe all males in a DD home have the final say, I am not saying all do not, but I believe for the most they do not. I believe the woman plays a greater role when it comes to making decisions, so far I have only had one female respond to one of my DD blogs.

There is a huge difference when it comes to these types of relationships, more so when it comes to the kink. Although sex is not the main objective in our lifestyle it does play a role. I know in my relationship when it comes to sex the word no or I do not feel good does not come out of Arianna’s mouth. I can tell when she does not feel well and I leave her be. I can say there is not one day that passes that she ask if she can give me head, or my favorite was last night she asked if I wanted to finish in her ass, that drives me crazy.

I do believe in most cases Dominants in the BDSM lifestyle are in far more control.

Here is a comment one of my reader posted last night I have much respect for Gemini and her Dominant Joseph.

Dear Vile,

I find it hard to understand DD at times as I know myself and my Dominant are so in tune with each other that I can’t imagine him feeling the need to seriously administer corporal punishment for doing something so wrong that needed correcting. Even as a strong minded and principled individual I am also very placid and compliant with him and really could never see myself defying him to such a degree.

If there was something I disagreed with or vice versa, then we would have a discussion around that and come to some agreement and because I respect him and his views so much it is very likely I would comply. To me that is big part of being submissive in a D/s relationship.

I think I would feel as though our relationship would be failing if I was going against him and breaking rules so bad that corporal punishment was needed. In any case, I enjoy being spanked too much to make it part of our relationship to be dreaded because of my misbehavior. I also love and respect him too much to upset him to such a degree.

On the other hand, I do not see anything wrong in role playing DD and being taken in hand for being Master’s naughty little girl.

Thanks for the last couple of post Vile. I found them very interesting and thought provoking.

Gemini Xx

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I am done with this topic

Vile

9 Responses to “The Difference Between DD And BDSM”

  1. phoenixasubbie Says:

    Vile,

    I am someone who loves spanking but a punishment spanking is a very different thing and experience from one used for play or intimacy.
    It took me a long time to understand this. I always thought because I loved spankings, they could never be punishment. I was wrong.

    Like every submissive/slave is different, so are their needs.

    I have a great need for discipline. I have an inherent need to be punished. Right or wrong to others doesn’t matter to me. I need this to feel loved.

    I do agree that in many DD blogs I read, the female is not put in their place as much as I would expect or desire for myself. There is arguing and I see a lot of criticism of the HOH decisions or not disciplining enough.
    That said, I also see plenty of submissives blogging in a negative way about their dominants. I feel that is very disrespectful and try to not do this myself when I am with someone.

    There is probably abuse. No doubt. But there is plenty of abuse in the D/s and M/s world too. I’ve experienced it firsthand and seen it in many others.

    I desire a DD relationship, but for me it would also be blended with D/s, or DD/lg.

    I think the concept of DD is a great thing. It is simply the application of SOME who pervert it. Just like anything else.

    Phoenix

  2. I have much respect for you. I also agree with you as far as your thoughts and how you feel.
    I also agree that abuse runs wild in any relationship.
    There are bad Dominants, i guess my train of thought was not expressed in the right way.
    Just like a female who posted her and her husband fight all the time, scream at each other. Where does the DD come into play. One would think the Dominant would be able to stay in control.
    I also agree with the spankings but as you stated everyone is different.
    Much respect much love.
    Vile

  3. I don’t think it is true that most DD households are Christian based. Some of the people I know who are in DD relationships are Christian, but it is not why they do DD. And there are many agnostics and atheists who do DD as well. As for being ‘raised in a DD home’ I do know of a few people who say their parents had a DD/HOH relationship, but this is quite rare, since most people keep this arrangement private. For most who start DD, it is because they have read about it on the Internet, and are attracted by the idea, or in some cases, they started having this type of relationship of their own accord, without any outside influences. Parental influence is very rarely a factor, except in a negative sense, people occasionally say “I don’t want the kind of relationship my parents had, always fighting’ or ‘My mother walked all over my father, I hated how she treated him’ but generally parents aren’t a factor. Some people are just attracted by the idea of being in a relationship where their partner is a strong authority figure. The idea that he (or sometimes she) has the authority to lay down the law, punish if necessary, is very thrilling, and massively increases the level of attraction you feel. And arguments occur even in a DD relationship, because they are a normal part of life. Nothing is ever completely smooth going. But DD helps to reduce friction and resolve tensions, it is generally beneficial for those who have chosen this lifestyle. Your idea that people should never argue sounds artificial and strange to me – normal human interaction does include disagreements from time to time.

  4. Well, your implication seems to be that couples should never disagree about anything, but that doesn’t really happen in the real world. In the real world, there is conflict from time to time in most relationships.

    • We do disagree but we talk, if you think about it there is no reason to argue.
      Can you give me a reason?

      • Well, in most cases that is what DD helps with. Agreeing that he should have the final say on the things he mostly considers important does help to avoid disagreements escalating into arguments. but sometimes things do get a bit more heated. I think it is a matter of temperement, some people are just more volatile than others. DD can certainly help, but it is not a cure for all ills.

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