My Way Of Thinking

I need that control, it is like I thrive, it is like fuel. That is one thing we all have to master. The Mastery of being in control.

Some say I am somewhat unethical in the way I run our relationship. Most will say I am to strict. Most say I have to much control. They may be right in everything they are saying, but the key factor is. It is not their house. So in the end they can think what ever they want but it does not matter they have no control over me or how I run my home.

That being said. My entire world revolves around Arianna. She is the only one I care about. She is the only one I have to take care of or worry about.

The other night we were talking about somethings I liked but she was more than willing to follow through with things. One she is a Slave, but two and the most important she loves and cares about me.

So I have to think about her. What the outcome would be doing things she is not happy with. I have to think if I do this what is it going to do to her mentally .

Also just like my ex wife, after I opened up about my kink and my needs she had agreed to try something. The first was spanking. I could see immediately that she was getting nothing out of it. That being the case It was less of a turn on to me, and in the end it did nothing for me.

Before we act we need to think of the submissive or slave. Most will go along with pretty much anything if they think they are pleasing. It is the inner thoughts we never know about, or what effects it is having on them.

Then there is the other side. If the Dominant has been up front about everything and his needs are agreed on, then there is no guilt.

Most who are not who they say they are, and they prey on the submissive, generally have no feelings about the other nor is it ever a thought. These guys are getting what they want and nothing more.

As far as the poly thing goes I have talked to other Dominants about it. When I ask why do you need more than one slave, the only answer I get is I need more flavor. It is never how it could benefit the house or the other slave. So I wonder when the Dominant explains to the slave how they need more flavor. How does that make the slave feel ? How does it make the slave feel knowing their owner needs more than one to fill complete.

Let me explain something. Most poly relationships are not live in situations. Most live apart. Although there are some family’s that live together for the most that is not the case. So the Slave who does not live with the couple , seems to me they are just a piece of ass on the side. The Dominant usually has full control over the third. At times there is a third Then another reason is maybe the first slave is not into pain. So the Master seeks out to a Masochist, again they do not live together. These types of relationships are short lived, it does not take the third long to figure out they will always be on the other side of the fence.

The second scenario the three live together. They can either have separate bedrooms or all three can sleep together. Now why bring another into a relationship that is going good?

One reason would be to take some of the load off of the first slave. Be it task, shopping, cleaning, and I suppose to fill in for the other kinks the first one is not happy with doing. The two form a bond, almost to the point of being a sister. They become inseparable, and grow to depend on each other. This type of relationship can work, I have seen it work, I have made it work in the past. It takes a great deal of time, but it can happen.

The main two the Master and Slave have to talk about the up’s and downs and the what if’s . Then the Master needs to decide if a third is really needed.

The other thing that bothers me at times. It is really hard for a slave to make friends outside of the home. Arianna knows this first hand. Everyone she has met seemed okay in the beginning but in the end they turned out to be flakes. So I decided that I would step up to the plate and I would choose her friends. Well It turns out I didn’t know people as well as I thoughts I did. They were still flakes, full of problems, full of drama. So maybe one day Arianna will find that one she can truly call a friend.

When I had talked about a third that was really my reasoning behind the whole thing. The truth is Arianna is way to insecure for such an adventure . That is not her fault nor is it mine, it just is, and I am good with that.

So my way of thinking along with the above. I do consider myself an owner, even in today’s times to some that is kinda hard to grasp. My slave has giving herself willingly and without question. Our relationship is consensual in all aspects. I am the owner of living property. I am Master because that is what she chooses to call me.

I asked her recently if she would like to call me My Owner although she does say that sometimes , she said it made her feel distant. I do understand.

My way Of thinking being an owner of property. It gives me many rights. I have the right to use as I see fit. Although before entering the relationship we did negotiate on some things, more on her side, because I refused to budge on my needs. On the things she is against , I respect her stance on somethings. It is my responsibility to insure she remains in good health not only physically but mentally.

I told Arianna from the beginning. The word NO does not come out of her mouth. I also explained that I would use her and use on a regular basis. I am speaking of sex of course. Again that is my right as an owner of property.

Let me explain what gives me these rights. I from the start of the relationship have kept my word. I have done everything I said I would do and much much more. I have stepped up to the plate, every time, and will continue to do so. I have been completely honest, I have never lied to her. I have remained consistent. She does know my main focus is on her, she does know that no matter what I will be there for her.

My way of thinking. I lead she will follow without question.



11 Responses to “My Way Of Thinking”

  1. I have to say that before I read this post this morning, I had very nearly posted something similar. I am glad I did not, as yours put into words the parts I was finding difficulty expressing. My kajira and I had a good conversation last night in regards to both Dominants and submissives in general. One thing in particular she said struck me as the absolute truth. She said, “Being cruel means it has nothing to do with my wants or needs… it is to hurt me out of spite. Beyond hurting someone, but to damage them. With no regard to their well being or the scars it will cause.”

    To put it in context, she was not talking about me. She was referring to some of the things she has seen or read while performing her ever ongoing research into the world of D/s. Where a Dominant in a long-distance relationship with a submissive had cut off communication completely as a form of punishment. Again to quote her words… “You (a Dominant) work so hard to get someone to a place where they truly believe that they can’t live without you or your approval… and then you cut them off? That’s why people hurt themselves or worse.”

    (I believe our conversation last night led to her “Left in the darkness” post on my blog.)

    All of what she said ties into this simple statement from you… “Before we act we need to think of the submissive or slave. Most will go along with pretty much anything if they think they are pleasing. It is the inner thoughts we never know about, or what effects it is having on them.”

    Just because our submissives WILL do anything we tell them to do, does not mean that we as Dominants SHOULD make them them do it. We must, above all, be compassionate to them. Consider their well being in all aspects, physical, emotional, and mental even when they as our submissives do not in their “blind” desire to please. I am NOT a fan of what I call the “predatory Dom”. Submission is earned, not taken.

    Sorry for rambling, but I absolutely enjoyed reading this particular blog post and had to chime in with our thoughts. Thank you for posting this.

    – Blade

  2. ivanna beurslav Says:

    very well said: “Before we act we need to think of the submissive or slave. Most will go along with pretty much anything if they think they are pleasing. It is the inner thoughts we never know about, or what effects it is having on them.”

  3. Yes. Beautifully put. I love how you Master me. Thank you. A Million times over.
    I love you.

    • His kajira Says:

      Your Master’s affection towards you is clear in His posts. My Sir has instructed me to read them more then once. Y’all (yes I am a southern girl thru and thru lol) appear to have a connection much like ours. My Sir is my world and I can see yours is as well… Which I’m sure is not uncommon for submissives. What is uncommon I’m learning is the level of devotion our Masters have blessed us with. We are loved and cared for so completely. Sir never demanded my level of submission. I am the one that requested the TPE. Everything I do is with His permission (including this comment) and because I know with every fiber of my being that He ONLY wants what’s best for me, I never question His motives or wonder what He’s really thinking. Which (despite me rambling now lol) is the point I was trying to get at. I am a slave, and u seem to b as well, that has no need for the word No. It is not in my vocabulary. Not just because our Masters don’t allow it to b, but also because there is no need for it. Telling Sir no implies I don’t trust His judgement, but He’s never given me reason not to. Your Master’s post clearly shows u have the same security. This does not seem to be the norm in the D/s world and it’s nice to encounter another couple w a relationship like ours.

      I hope that neither your Master or my own will think I have spoke out of turn or been impertinent here. I simply asked for permission to reach out to another sub that sounded similar to myself. Which in the BDSM world (not to mention the vanilla world) can be lonely sometimes. I wish you the best of luck finding friends you can truly trust that will understand the lifestyle we’ve chosen. I know there are other subs out there like us… Somewhere. Have a wonderful day.

      Sir’s faithful and devoted kajira

  4. I love reading you, Vile, yet the worlds we live in are so very different. M/s versus D/s with all these shades of gray as each one of use experiences the lifestyle in a distinctive and personal way. I think I could show up at your doorstep with a six-pack of Bud on numerous occasions to discuss what you’ve just written. I disagree more that I agree with you on most occasions but you make me think and sometimes you even inspire me. To cut the crap, you are my favorite philosopher concerning the lifestyle.

    • Ahh my friend I would not want you to agree with me on everything.
      But maybe I can show or give different ideas like you said make you think.
      Yes our world is different but yet we are so the same

  5. Is it common for subs to struggle finding friends? I also struggle in this area, mostly because I tend to be antisocial, but the other part is people are flakes and good weather friends.

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