The Young Dominant

I talked about this before, I went to a Munch a couple of years ago. It was in a pizza restaurant. I asked the hostess where the group was meeting and she walked me to a conference room. I was met at the door by what looked like a guy who was maybe twenty years old. He told me I was not welcome because I was over 35.

I stated I had just seem him at our Munch the month before. He said our Munch was not age restricted. So as I was putting my hair in a pony tail. I just said fine and turned around and walked out.  WOW .

I am going to cover a few things here when it comes to younger Dominants and older, and problems that you subsmissives and slaves should stay away from.

I know in my twenty’s I had anger issues. I was barely able to really control my life. The only thing that kelp me straight was the fact I was in the army at the age of 17. So I had to grow up fast.

My interest in BDSM came to me while stationed in Korea. I had just turned 18. Even before that I knew I was different when it came to being with a woman. I had always enjoyed rough sex, bondage, pulling hair and spanking. I remember the first girl I fisted her name was Beverly. I was still in high school. That was really a trip to be fucking her with my arm. Then when I pulled out she squirted.

At the age of eighteen , twenty, twenty five, thirty , although I considered myself to be a Dominant. I was still far from being in control. I still had anger issues.

You take a younger submissive, and a Dom with anger issues, the submissive really does not know the difference. The younger submissive thinks that is what the lifestyle is about. At times I have even seen it get physical.

If your a Dominant and you argue with your submissive, scream and yell. Just who is the Bitch in the relationship now? When in fact the submissive is looking for someone who is stable, someone in full control, someone with structure, someone who care share their life experiences. Someone who is responsible. At the age of twenty this guy turns me away. I did not get angry, I was just in shock. It is not like I was going to try and run the show. I was just more less interested. I cannot go to their munch but their welcome at hours.

We as Dominants have to be able to maintain control, be it at home, out with friends, or at work. Okay work I am not so good at, I have lost my temper and the world knew it. For a Slave to see her Master out of control, I am guessing that would give her a much different outlook on their relationship.

Here in a few I am going to post a thread I found on Fetlife. a 24 year old Dominant. I have contacted him to let him know he was going to be my main topic today

Another Dominant to avoid is one who suffers from depression. If he cannot control his own life, how in the world can he control someone else. Someone who suffers from depression that is not their fault. In most cases they have no control over their depression.

We as Dominant are suppose to be in full control, we are looked up to. We are suppose to be there for support.

Many who are submissive or Saves suffer from depression, Arianna is one. So I have to take great care when it comes to her submission. I know how far I can push her. I know her limits, and I would never cross them. Not because I cant, because I care.

So a twenty year old submissive is caught in a catch 22. She does not like older men, but she is being abused by a 22 year old who calls himself a Master

I have always encouraged those who were younger, to try and find an older Dominant, so that you could experience the real side of BDSM.

I am not saying all Young Dominants are this way, but we know women mature much faster than men do. Dam did I just say that. Even at 51 my childish thoughts still come out. The difference being I can control my emotions.

If you scream and yell at your partner, your really fucked up. If you fight with your submissive or slave your really fucked up. If you argue with your submissive or lose your temper. Who is the Bitch then ?

I have talked to younger Dominants in their twenty’s and it was like I was trying to blow smoke up their ass. There was nothing I could tell them because they already knew everything.

I enjoy teaching those who are younger , sharing my life experiences. The truth is very few even want to listen. Even when those who are older ask me how I maintain my relationship, there like man fuck that. That is way to much work.

When in fact it is really no work at all. The first couple of months in-tells a little work because your implementing your plan.Your laying down the ground work, on how you want your house ran. Your laying out your protocols , your rules. What is expected. Then you have to remain consistent.

It is the Slave who has to do all the work, they have to adapt to your way. They have to give up control, and follow, but they are not going to follow some dumb ass, and they will put up resistance.  Resistance causes anger, it causes the younger Dominant to lose control, he will lose his temper.

If a slave is putting up resistance, then it is something the Dominant is doing or not doing. If you lead they will follow. If your pulling a Custer’s Last Stand guess what most will not go down with you.

If a Submissive or Slave argues with you, it is your fault, you are the one fucking up not them. It is you the Dominant who is not thinking clear.

Asking advice. Most Dominants will not ask advice because they already know everything. Well you don’t know everything because if you did you would not be going through all the hell your going through.

The lifestyle is about consent, the lifestyle is about being safe and sane.

I am against any type of abuse be it physical or verbal, even mental abuse. Playing that fucking pity me card. No one cares about me, well if you think that your probably right. You as the Dominant should be able to lead. You are followed by your actions public and private. If your a total dumb ass no one is going to follow you.

So I was reading this thread on Fetlife and a young Dominant was asking a question about permission. If he needed permission to touch someone. This is his train of thought

Here it is. I would like different opinions on this subject. I am not going to post his profile but check it out.


Asking a sub permission?


by Budday 2 days ago


I’ve been into the lifestyle for a long while but I’ll admit I’ve had my moments where I went back an forth with being involved in it. I’ve flirted with unown subs a lot before when I’m subless and always given a bit of dominance to a point where I’m not leading it to sex or anything. Like pulling, ass spanking, hair grabbing, small things and it was never a problem before, in fact I’ve had it help actually grab a sub’s attention and like me for it.


Although lately; I’ve been having moments where an unown sub would get upset and apparently tell me I didn’t ask for permission or that’s not an OK thing for a Dom to do with out owning her. Each time I question; “What? When was there ever a rule to how to flirt with an unown sub?” It’ll also happen at times when something has been done to make it seem like it would have naturally been ok. Like spank her ass and been ok with it but suddenly a gentle pull on her wrist to bring her close is not ok. . .



Now this is his train of thought and he is 24 years old. He has been in the lifestyle a very long time.



Lastly if you are a Dominant and you have anger issues, you need to either fix yourself, get help, or just drop out of the lifestyle. There is no room at all for abuse.


Being a Dominant is not about getting your cock sucked, or fucking someone up the ass because your wife wont allow you to.



If your not sure what role a Dominant plays, or what his demeanor is suppose to be google it, make google your best friend. Hook up with other Doms in the local community.



#1 A Dominant is always HONEST


#2 A real Dominant will listen


#3 A real Dominant has no anger issues.


# 4 A real Dominant will not expect you to suck cock on the first meeting


#5  Beware of a Dominant when he says he suffers from depression. How can


he take care of you when he cant take care of himself.


#6  A job


#7  His own place.


#8 One of the most important things. He takes you to his own house. If he will not take


you to his house, or tell you where he lives, he is married.


#9 You the submissive put your foot down when you first meet, you do not know this guy


from jack, you owe him nothing, notta. You tell him the first sign of any anger or abuse you


are gone. You will vanish like a bad cold.


#10 Your sessions are only in his car. I had a friend tell me not long ago, when she was seeing a Dominant


they would only play in his car. You can guess why I am sure.



It is you the submissive that is giving, the Dominant is taking. If your going to submit, and lay on your back


why not do it with someone who truly cares for you. Someone who is going to be there for you, someone


who appreciates you, someone who is going to give in return.



I am not sure what happens but you meet this Dom, and you get stupid. You sit there with your eyes down, because


you have been told no eye contact before you even meet. Once you agree to that, you have already submitted. He has you right


where he wants you.


When he tells you I want you to wear a short skirt no panties and you comply, you have submitted to a man you don’t even know.


If your just going out to eat, what does it matter what you wear?



If I was just going to use someone this is me. and I knew there was not a chance in hell of me hooking up with them in a long term relationship . I would tell them short skirt no panties. I wanted some pussy that’s all.


If I told the sub no eye contact when we meet, I knew I had her, I was getting my nob polished I knew that.



If you say no to anything, and he gets mad guess what he is not the only dude in the world.



We all have to start somewhere when it comes to the lifestyle, but if your looking into a new career and your applying for jobs, most of the time you will hear we are looking for someone with more experience  Even fresh out of school, you hear the same thing. need more experience.


I went through the same thing before I found my first slave and she was willing to teach me. The key word TEACH.


Truth be told it took me almost a year to find my first slave. Most I contacted knew I was new and had no experience.



Why would you trust someone who has no experience? Why would you trust someone who has no life experience ? Most still have major anger issues.



I am not putting you guys down in no way, I was there once, but like me and your the same I was in it for the pussy, the head, I could do anything I wanted to, and I got away with it.



Those who I contacted that had been in the lifestyle for any amount of time would not give me the time of day. I was a waste of their time because they knew for one I did not have a clue , and I was not in it for the long haul.



As with any career it takes time to grow to the top, it does not happen over night.



The example above says it all, look at his profile, look at other profiles around the same age… You will see as always I am right.  Okay maybe not always.












7 Responses to “The Young Dominant”

  1. emdimensionality Says:

    I agree wholeheartedly with you. Unfortunately it isn’t just the young Dominant that should be watched out for. An older Dominant can be just as inexperienced and have just as many anger and depression issues. Often these problems do not show up until you are already in a position where you have placed a certain level of trust in them. When the problems arise in an established D/s relationship it can be really tricky to navigate without causing further damage yourself. An angry Dominant is often an insecure Dominant and an insecure Dominant does not like criticism, no matter how well meaning or carefully worded. It can become a minefield for a submissive.

    Thank you for bringing attention to topics like this, Sir.

    • From the beginning you need to be up front, about what you will take and what you will not take.
      Let it be known you will not except any form of abuse, verbal or physical.
      This is why it is important to ask questions upfront this is why it is important to become friends first then move into the BDSM.
      You made some very good points thank you.

  2. bunnyface22 Says:

    I was reading this post and i thought i would send a email to you about a relationship i was in not to long ago. He was in his 40′s so not really about younger doms but just that i am 23 and reading your posts have helped me learn more things.
    So im a baby girl and this so called Dom was my Daddy. i had been with him for about 2 years. i should have left when i first saw all the red flags. this guy is a total player.
    since i had been with him he had gone thru about 4 jobs in the 2 years either one of the 2 always happen he quit or he get fired.
    I had decided to go back to school and thought it would be a great way to move closer to him. when i was looking for for places to live he wanted me to live in the same town he lived in but did not end up like that i ended up in a town closer to my school half an hour away from him.a week before i had moved he came to me and told me he was leaving town to do truck driving school. i was upset because he waiting a week before i moved to tell me this because he had made all these plans about meeting him when i got there. i had felt like he was abandoning me in a place i did no know or had any friends.
    well after being there and him being gone for a few weeks he gave me a number of another submissive in the area that later on he brought into our relationship with out even telling me anything about it.when i first met him he had told me he had other girls but none in the area i just did not know how many he had as he would never tell me.
    me and this girl he gave me the number to had made plans to met and talk. well after a couple of days we decided to go on a day trip and have some fun together and get to know each other more. during our trip we had talked about him and what we both knew abouut him and how we met him. guess it came out that i was relationship with him and she did not know and they had been talking for a few months. i had said something that she did not know and she was upset about it which made him later that night call me and yell at me for it. i was upset and hurt because for one he brought her into our relationship and never told me or talked to me about it. she was pretty protective over me and had got mad at him for yelling at me.
    he finally had some time off from driving and was going to be home for a few days and wanted to met me and her. so of course not being the smart girls and both of us feeling a bit nervous he wanted to meet us at a gas station at 2 in the morning. she ended up driving and we met him for the first time we all pretty much sat in her car why he waiting for someone to come and pick him up. he wanted to play with both of us and me i was way to nervous and plus dont play on first meet after a few past experiences of not being smart.
    well few months went by and we had met off and on as he came thru town or had time off we would hang out. during one of the times a big blow up with the other girl about being jealous of me decided to leave him.
    time went on and why he was driving one day he gave me his password to his account and wanted me to see if he had a message from a sub girl he had been talking to. he had told me not to read any of his other messages which had made me very curious and i ended up later on reading them all. he was making plans to meet other girls and have sex or wanting them to be his slave. one of the messages that i read was trying to get one of the girls to come be his slave and ride with him and his coworker . i told him about this message and said that i had read all his messages. he made up the excuse that it was for his co driver.
    i was also in chatroom where i talked to another submissive who was talking to him when he met me and she told me some things about him too.talked to another dom who knew a submissive who was also talking to him and playing with him.
    when me and him would hang out it was always in his part of town and we always hung out at walmart and always played in his car. would never tell let me over to his house or tell me where he lived. he never did much with me other then have me suck his cock and then leave or fuck me.
    well time went on some more and around the time i was thinking even more why the hell am i with this guy i never trusted him any more he always talking to others and then tell me months later that he went out and met other girls and had sex and that he took on more submissive. then would tell me that he did not tell me because he said i was to sensitive and he did not want me to get mad at him.
    this time he had quit a few jobs and was working in the oil fields. he decided to quit that job and later on he told me he quit it because he had cancer which he told another submissive that he came home to do taxes. i talked to this other dom who knew my whole situation and he worked at the hospital and told me none of the stuff that he told me about cancer even adds up. would never let me go to a visit with him yet when he was with me he acted fine. all his messages to others were still the same wanting to meet and have sex. he even showed up at my house with another girl and made me watch them have sex on my bed then left. i finally ended up leaving him.
    after i had left him he still would talk to me every 2 weeks. he kept bring up he was in the hospital.
    i have now moved from the area and living with my new Daddy. this other dom who was faking cancer had a few weeks ago sent me a message telling me he was put on life support. then just a couple of days ago he sent another message to me saying they took him off life support and that he passed away the next day. when i got that message i decided to call block my number and call him and low and behold he answers the phone. then next day trys to tell me that hes someone different on the phone. yet when i looked on one of his accounts he was making post about the Superbowl and everything about life. when i brought up about that account and all the post that were made he turned around that night and had got rid of the whole account.
    what i guess brought all this up i was reading about #8 and how always having play sessions in the car and the one about not telling you where he lives. which is exactly what happen here with me.
    your post have helped me learn alot more about lifestyle and what i need to be doing as a submissive and things i could be doing to keep myself safe and questions i should being asking doms when i am meeting.

    • Wow that is some story. It’s true it’s not always younger Doms. There are many many players.
      The truth many men see submissive as being weak. These men prey on women.
      It’s very important to ask questions you can email me and I’ll go into greater detail.
      My blog explains a lot about predators.
      Look at my followers. 95% female. Why? Because I speak the truth.

  3. As always, an insightful read. It saddens me that there are so many young people in the lifestyle who abuse, and allow themselves to be abused… I think it’s not just inexperienced subs and young dominants who are only in it for the pussy, though. I have met with doms who really had problems, not just depression but actual mental issues that made them very violent towards their subs. Most of the time it wasn’t outright anger, but when I got to know them better as a fellow dominant, they often displayed such disdain and hatred for the people they dominated that I felt quite disturbed. I find it hard to believe that such a person can be in complete control…

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