Triad , Poly , Or polygamy

I think in today’s times the latter is still a very taboo word, and is really looked down on. Even the poly and triad is looked at as taboo, or wrong, even sick.

My views on poly and triad are much different than most. While polygamy I have done some research on, after watching the TV show Sister wives seems like way to much drama.

Another problem is people talk even about their private lives, okay well I suppose I do pretty much the same here, and although there are a few who know me in person who read my blog for the most I am sharing with people I do not know, and people from around the world.

We blog to express our self, we blog to share our life experiences , we blog for advice, we blog to give advice, or some even share their kinks.

I do not like the word poly, I also do not like the word unicorn which in today’s terms means the third female. The term or word unicorn is relatively new , and there are those in a few forums on fetlife that look down when that word is used.

Poly is a group of people usually ran by a couple in the BDSM lifestyle. On fetlife or any other forums you would read member of this house, but most of the time these people do not live together. I have seen as many as 15 or 20 who belong to a house. The problem with those types of situations you have no control, you lack structure, you lack any kind of loyalty  , and the drama meter is tipping the scale, mass confusion , arguing, it does not work. Most poly homes have a revolving door, because there is no stability. I am not saying all poly homes do not work I am sure there are some, but from my experience very few work out for any length of time..

I do not care what kind of Dominant you are, what kind of Master you are you can only control so much, and if they do not live under your roof, you have less control.

Triad is much different, you have three living under the same roof, usually two are submissive although I use to know a vanilla couple who were triad and were in their 15th year being together two women and one male. .

In the lifestyle things tend to be much different, usually a Dominant maybe a Domme a female Mistress . Keeping things simple one Dom two subs, maybe a sub and a slave, under the right circumstances there could be two slaves under the same roof. You are a closed unit, you function as a family. The two be it a slave or submissive or two slaves work to help each other. Hanging out becoming best friends , shopping together, movies . While the Dominant maintains control over his house. He provides security, he provides stability, he provides communication, he provides structure, and love. Most Triads the third usually sleeps in a different bedroom, and the male spends the night with each one on different nights. I find that troubling because one is going to feel left out. I know I would feel fucked up in a situation like that. You have to treat both equal, but you also have to let it be known the first is the alpha, while she may not give out rules, or tell one what to do, she does give direction, on things that need to be done.

Polygamy dates back hundreds of years, and what use to be religion based has now moved on into the mainstream of life. When you mention Mormons the first thing you think of is Polygamy , but still today it is against the law to have more than one wife, but its not against the law to be poly or to live in a Triad, weird. I can see where a man marries more than one in the court of law, because our law says your not allowed. The problem is you have these tree huggers who want to express their rights, express to everyone how their way is the right way, when if they just kept their mouth shut everything would be fine. Most in a polygamy relationship support their own, they take care of their house. The only problem I would see is if they are receiving assistance from the government, then and only then does it become an issue with me. Most who are polygamy do not live under the same roof, they live in separate housing and the husband goes from house to house and sleeps. Again I find one would have a lack of control and then the drama factor comes in. If you have seen the show Sister Wives there is more than enough drama.

Living in a triad can have a lot of advantages, but the biggest disadvantage is if the Dominant does not have full control over his home, and I recently met a Baby Girl who was living in such a home. Arianna and I agreed to open our home to her but she declined, mainly because she does not think a Master can step in as a Daddy which is far from the truth. We were even going to help with her expenses. I am sure things will work our for her the way they are suppose to. You have to make each feel equal so I see all sharing the same bedroom that is just how I see things. We have not worked out all the details as of yet but I believe Arianna sees it the same way in order to be fair.


Now the one thing I have not mentioned is one word SEX. There is a reason, while I am sure sex would be part of any type of relationship  that should not be what is driving you to form such a house. If you speak to most Dominants or Masters they require the female to be bi sexual, they require the female to have sex with each other. I suppose it is suppose to be a show. Sure what man does not enjoy watching two women get it on, I do for one but to make that a requirement in my eyes is wrong.

There are some women who prefer living with someone who is bisexual and there is nothing wrong with that, but if that is a requirement from the Dom or Master then what is his real goal when forming a Triad.

We are all different, and we all have different needs, we as Dominants have different needs and wants, but to make such a demand, well it really limits your options when trying to form a Triad.

You want the two to work as a team, you want the two to function as best friends, but there has to be a valid reason on why you want to bring another into the home, and it cannot be just because you want to watch to women eat each other out.

To bring in someone else in my eyes and my opinion there should be a valid reason. What is it going to do to help the two of you, not just monetary but mentally, physically. How is it going to help better the home. How is the submissive or slave going to benefit ?

How is it going to change your lives, because once you make that move, you now have three, and all three have to be treated like family. If you go out to eat, shopping a theme park vacation over to a friends house, all three have to go you cannot leave either out.

I was talking to Arianna the other night, saying it would be funny at the company Christmas party telling them I need seating for three.

This is something that Arianna have talked about a lot and we are still talking. We are covering all bases, while I am the one who is searching she is helping me, we are working together. She will be the one who decides not me. Even if I like someone and Arianna says no then it is no.

We as an M’s couple do have a lot to offer. In the beginning we were not looking for another Slave, but a submissive. I could handle another Slave but not one who needed to be micromanaged that would take way to much out of me. I am not so sure about a Baby Girl, but I would consider it would depend on the maturity level and the amount of attention that was needed. We do have a nice home, we love it. It was built in the early 40’s hardwood floors through out except the kitchen and the Florid room which was added several years ago. We can offer security, stability zero drama, no arguing, that is something I will not tolerate, and of course structure.

I am not trying to sell myself on here, I am just sharing, although there has been a few who showed interest.

I have stated before I do run a very strict house. I have rules and protocols that will be followed, and I will punish when needed. I prefer not to punish but will. Arianna has been punished one time in a year and a half. I use to think I was to strict, Arianna at times thinks I am not strict enough, but she lives with me everyday.

No matter who we are we need to be happy we have to do things in life to improve ourselves be it living as a couple, poly or in a polygamy family, either way they are still sisters, they work together to help run the home and each other.

Much Love


17 Responses to “Triad , Poly , Or polygamy”

  1. It’s refreshing to read S/someone else’s input on all of this. I’m still having a terrible time. I’m still unsure of how I feel about eventually adding a third or more to the relationship.

  2. Dearest readers of my Masters blog. This is Arianna.
    It is true that we are having extensive conversations about forming a triad. It would have to be someone that would compliment our relationship and not hinder our growth as Master and Slave.
    At any point in time we can decide that this isn’t the right path and Master Vile had given the reins to me in deciding to move ahead or put a halt into proceeding. I have veto power at any pun by in this journey if I do not feel comfortable with opening our life and relationship to another.

    I have been involved in a triad before. Although it was short lived when the three of us were together it was something special. And there was a great bond between each of us. Why did it end? It just wasn’t the right fit.

    So. Master and I are open but at the same time cautious because we will never bring someone or something between the awesome bond we have as as Master and Slave. Husband and wife.
    Much love

  3. I love how much research and effort you put into your plans for forming a triad. I think you have created a good and safe home, that any sub would be happy to be a part of.
    Best of luck on your search!

  4. Driving around today I was trying to figure out how to write about my experiences while not seeming judgmental. I hope you read this with the intent it is written.

    Years ago, my Mom took in a boy who came from a poly family. For all intents and purposes, he was family and my brother. Still is. To say his home life ( before us) was difficult is an understatement. The love and care he needed as a child was lost in the dynamic of the adults in his life. While there was no yelling in his home (he says), he was always scared. On edge. Trying to figure out how he could get his needs met without being ignored or “given the eye” for even asking. I know you don’t like yelling, Vile, but we’re Italian. 🙂 Happy, sad, angry, joyful; we yell. My brother actually loved that. Mainly because he knew where everyone stood and there was no facade of trying to act like a happy family all the time, which is what his bio family did. His siblings were passive aggressive and cruel to each other, his father ruled the home with an iron fist, and his bio mother popped pills. My brother was a lucky sibling because my Mom found him and asked his parents if he could live with us. We weren’t a perfect family either. My mom was a single parent and she worked 2 and a half jobs. We all had to get paper routes or work fast food to have spending money. But there was never a lack of love and care. Never. My brother’s bio dad invented something and made millions. Still, my brother shook and cried every time he had to go visit. His visits became shorter and now he has no contact with his bio parents. My mother was very strict about us going to college. It was never up for discussion. He resisted so my mother comprised and allowed him to get a trade as long as he was totally committed to it. He makes an excellent living as a carpenter now and has two children of his own. He’s happily married but daily has to face and overcome the demons of his childhood.

    When I became an adult, I taught a few courses at a state university. There, I had a student from a poly family. And no exaggerating, he was brilliant. Valedictorian of his high school, straight A’s in college, pre-med, handsome as all get out, but extremely extremely depressed. His father actually left the poly relationship when the student was 15. Lucky for him, his father chose his bio mother to stay married to. Unlucky for him, he’d already experienced the trauma of living in a dynamic where the needs of the adults took precedence over the needs of the children. We became very close, he even attended my wedding reception. Three years after I moved , he became addicted to cocaine, was in and out of rehab, homeless, and then committed suicide about 8 years ago. I loved that boy. He had so much potential and capacity to love yet was so vulnerable. I’m sorry but I do believe in his case and in the case of my brother, their problems stemmed from the dynamic of living in a poly family.

    I understand that communication is the first priority in your marriage; as it should be in any relationship. There was no communication in my brother’s family and I can’t say about the student’s. Still, people are human. Sometimes our eagerness to please, compromises our ability to communicate honestly.

    What if you two found a really wonderful sub and five years later, she begins to want more? What if the beta begins to be undermine Arianna in an effort to become the alpha? What if she falls for you, Vile and you also have grown emotionally attached to her? Arianna sees this so does not want to make you unhappy by telling you about the beta’s behavior. Then what? People are human, Vile. They change and their needs change ( as you know). I haven’t seen the sister wife reality series but my guess is that no one enters a poly relationship with the idea that it’s going to go south.

    You haven’t been super detailed about why exactly Arianna needs a sub beyond wanting a friend and some help. And I know that only you two can understand this need. Please don’t think that I am trying to debase or devalue your little family for wanting to expand. I’ve written before about my perspective of you and Arianna. I just wanted to share my experiences. And in my opinion, when a poly relationship is entered, it automatically assumes the risk of creating casualties. Some of whom never recover. Anyway, thanks for reading my loooong post. I admire you and Arianna and hope the best for you both.

    • I will comment more tomorrow I’ve been busy.
      I can agree with you on pretty much everything.
      I think the ones you had contact with were a religious family.
      We have no children and we do not plan on any.
      I do have a 16 yr old son who lives with my ex. She has told him of my lifestyle not sure why but he knows what she understands.
      Yes I do agree with you on most

  5. Please accept the The Dragon Loyalty Award
    If you already have it put “Awarded x2″ below the image
    I would be delighted if you could accept.

  6. Garrick's Kitten Slave Says:

    I have to say that prior to reading your blog I have said that Poly in any form was not for me. HOwever as continue your journey and share your research into a Triad it makes me see all sides of the story so that if I were ever to find myself in that situation I like to think that because of you I now have the open mind to pursue it. I wish you both the best of luck and hope that you find the right person for you.

    P.S., I didn’t see it as you selling yourself but rather enjoy how you relate it to you and yours so as to allow your readers to view it in the correct context. Thank you for that!

    • Never agree if it’s not for you. Also remember you have the right to say no.

      If your really open minded and you can get along it can work.
      Also you should not worry about being bi because that is not a good reason to want to bring another in.

  7. Dakota Llewellyn Says:

    Again, this is not judgmental, just based on observation and my own feelings. What about possibly bringing in a male for a triad? Would you still want him in the same bedroom? I’m assuming you will expect sex from both women. Is it OK if Arianna decides she wants another male in the mix for sex later? What if you develop ED, which is very common for older males? Will you be open to bringing in another man to satisfy their sexual desires/needs? I also wonder about the jealousy. It seems it’s usually a man who wants to bring in a woman, and the other woman wants to be with him, so goes along. Or she becomes convinced it will be like having an extra set of hands for housework (if she is the one primarily doing that) and a “girlfriend” type companion. I’ve known people who lived in groups of various sorts, and it always seemed that it’s almost always one man wanting to have multiple women, and jealousy has always come into play in the situations I’m familiar with. Consider that there is no way that one man can even completely satisfy one woman in a monogamous relationship, from what I’ve seen. Work, hobbies and his family make it difficult to give enough attention to the one. I’m also wondering about someone coming in knowing they will always be the #2 female. If it’s a younger woman, she may mature and decide she wants a relationship where she can be the alpha. A lot of women in cultures that allow men multiple wives flee to the West where they will not be expected to be a part of that. An older woman might be OK with less attention over the long term (or maybe not). I assume you are looking for a young, attractive woman, which is the norm for men seeking additions to a family unit? Lots of things to consider. I’d rather live alone and have sleepovers rather than deal with sharing a man’s man bits, myself!

    • We had actually talked about bringing in another male. The third was not really my idea Arianna brought it up first. Even if she had not i had thought about it.
      Arianna had no one else to talk to who was in the lifestyle and really no friends outside of work.
      Although I am there , you still need someone you can relate to , and there are very few who understand our dynamic. In fact many think I am to strict , my protocols are to strict , my rules. What those fail to know is everything was negotiated between the two of us before entering a relationship.
      Again to answer your question we had talked about bringing in another male but Arianna had no desire to be with another male.
      While we are active in the community we do not attend parties or visit Dungeons

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