If Your With The Wrong Dominant

Finding the right Dominant or Master very important. Finding the one you click with, the one who has the same needs as well as the same kinks.

The one thing for sure is finding a Dom who is in control of his life and his surroundings . If he cannot control the simple things in life, then how can he control a submissive, slave or Baby girl.

Then you have the Doms with serious anger issues these are ego driven, again they are not in control, but they are controlling you, and you will take what ever is handed out. Either not knowing any better or your just happy to be with someone.

I believe a Dominant just as a submissive can adapt in most situations, I know myself If I truly care about someone I can adapt some, but I am not going to give up my needs to please someone else. Lets say an adult baby, that is not something I would want to be a part of. That is their need, their kink, but there are Doms out there that prefer adult baby’s.

If a Dominant lets say met someone who was a slave but he was looking for a submissive, but he found out they had more in common then he would be willing to adapt, change up his game a little, a baby girl the same. This goes more towards a Dom who has been in the lifestyle for sometime.

If your looking for a Dom or Master and you meet one, your main question should be. What can you do for me ? What do you have to offer? How are you going to help me ?

Before moving into any type of relationship it is very important to find out your new Doms temperament. If a Dominant or Master tells you he has been in the lifestyle for lets say 10 years but he has anger issues, the truth is probably less than a year. Being in the lifestyle for even 5 years allows a good Dominant to grow. I know myself it took me well over 5 years maybe a little longer before I was able to control what I would call my anger issues. It also took me sometime to realize that I was taking on a huge responsibility, because the mistakes you make effects the submissive your with.

Every Dominant is different, every Daddy Dom is different, as with every Master. We all fall under a different category , we all expect different things from ours, we all have different needs, and wants.

If you are a submissive , Baby Girl or a Slave you have a pretty good feeling to what your looking for. If not you need to sit down and think. Think about how you can see yourself living everyday as the submissive you need to be, what you want out of life and out of a relationship. What kind of rules you need to keep you structured.

A Dominant should have goals in life, he should have high standards  he should have high expectations in life, he should have the need to excel in life. If you have a Dominant who jumps from  submissive to submissive then something is very wrong. This is something you need to question. If you are getting the blame game then chances are he is the one to blame.

If your a Submissive then find a Dominant that fits you. Remember you are the one who makes the decision to enter a relationship. The same with a Baby girl find the daddy that fits you as well as with the slave. Each of us are unique and very much different.

If you are with the wrong Dominant you will never be able to excel in life, you will never have that feeling of being complete.

If you are going to lay on your back and spread your legs, or your going to get on your knees and suck cock, then make sure it is with someone who is going to take care of you and your needs. If your not getting everything you need, why would you give yourself ? Why would you allow yourself to be used ?

Your limits are things you feel strongly about, although some will be pushed it is very important to find the one who will respect what limits you have in place. If you tell a Dom that anal sex if off limits, and he pauses and says that is fine with me but deep down its not, down the road it will come up again, because you have something he wants and you said no.

If your not a Masochist why would you hook up with a sadist, or if your a masochist why would you hook up with a Dom who is not a sadist. In real life there are very few sadist who are Doms, and very few masochist who are submissive.

I know a Daddy Dom who moved in with a Masochist Baby Girl, he was not a sadist and he felt guilty doing some of the things she needed. It did not work that was not the only factor, but that would of been the killer.

I have stressed many times it is very important to get to know someone before entering a relationship. Make sure your both on the same page

You have spent time finding the right Dom , or Master, and your willing to do just about anything to make it work. Well the same goes for him. You should make sure he is ready to enter a relationship. He should be problem free, drama free, no problems with ex’s because if he as any of these things going on, how can he possibly control you, how could this be fair to you. Why you you be brought into all of his problems, his fucked up world.

In your search you may meet several before you find the right one, or you may meet several and decide the first or second one is the one for you. If you ask questions and your not getting the answers you think you should be getting then get up and walk out you owe him nothing.

Image I love this pic


36 Responses to “If Your With The Wrong Dominant”

  1. So sweet. My heart swells as i read this dearest Sir. I respect you as a teacher. Without knowing this, I may have never survived my ordeals. I am so glad you take the time to write. It saves me. You save me and I thank you. Sometimes I think it was just meant for me. And because of you. I am getting stronger everyday and you still impact my life in so may ways.
    Love, Katie

  2. Garricks Kitten Says:

    I have to agree with Katie…you give me such clarity when I read your blog and sometimes it feels as if your posts are meant to speak to the unanswered or unsettled questions in my mind and heart. You are a terrific teacher and example and I thank you for always showing me that what I am searching for can be found if I just practice patience and the lessons that you have taught.

  3. annabianca2014 Says:

    Reblogged this on Finding Me and commented:
    Well written.

  4. Double Leo Says:

    Reblogged this on Somewhere in between Submissive and Slave and commented:
    Such sound and sage advice!

  5. Interesting insight, grateful 🙂

  6. phoenixasubbie Says:

    Timely. Thank you as always Vile. xx

  7. “If you are with the wrong Dominant you will never be able to excel in life, you will never have that feeling of being complete.”
    I relish your insight, and I’m sure you are right… But perhaps I can seek completeness between the world I live in and the world I love? Time will tell.

  8. This post came in divine order at the raw moment truth was revealed to me about my former Sir. When I read this; “If you are getting the blame game then chances are he is the one to blame.” It pierced my heart. You’ve read a few of mine lately, so You have a small idea of my pain and disbelief after almost three years with my former Sir. My love runs deep and now my pain even deeper.

    Thank you for your honesty and clarity that you offer us subs Sir. Sharing is caring! Bless You for all of Yours…

    • That is what I want to do. Reach out to those who need direction. I am giving information from not only a male side but a Masters.
      I have nothing to gain from not telling the truth.

    • To some men being submissive is a sign of weakness.
      So he hunts he finds he uses once the rush is gone his attitude changes you are now a burden to him because now he had the responsibility that he does not want.
      As long as you will suck cock and lay on your back and you ask of nothing things are good.
      When you start asking or you want more attention then you are no longer fun.
      Sorry but it’s the truth.

      • A tough lesson for any human to learn is that privilage does not come without responsibility. It comes down to selfishness. I understand/understood my role in our D/s relationship and took it “seriously” with the utmost respect. It was when the rules changed on His side, I was not privvy to them and was just supposed to know somehow. Honestly, I am seeing how His lack of realizing what He truly wanted, out of “us” (aside from all His holes willingly available upon command and demand, which they always were) was our demise.

      • There are some men who will go through great hurdles to just get their cock sucked or for some pussy, it does not make sense to me.
        I could not imagine going through life with my cock doing all of my thinking

      • Apparently, according tomy former Sir, I was always “more than my former Sir could handle” with my insatiable appetite for Him and only him. Yet somehow He managed to seek out and find some that were, I can only guess, less than His sub/lady ever could be. Easy extra fucks? hmmm….disgust and disgrace to His once devoted and loyal kitty. His loss is my gain. If I tell myself that enough, I may start to believe it.
        Ha, I will have to take Your word for that last line. Basically being a slave to the cock would be quite the challenge to successful living.

      • I am sorry you went through what you did. I have talked to hundreds of men and have explained you can mold your submissive or slave into pretty much anything you want.
        You lead and they will follow. The bad thing is not many will listen, or they do not want to put that much effort into a relationship.
        Under the right Dom you can add another to the family but the sub or slave has to be willing.
        Arianna and I are exploring that idea but it would just have to be right.
        I do not look else where because I get everything I need, I said need not want.
        Many men are ego driving, and they never see the light and the end of the tunnel

      • Thank You so much for Your empathy. Somehow it takes an ounce of sting out of my shattered heart, hopes and dreams of what I thought we were.

        You touched on a very important spiritual fact. We may NOT get everything we want, but somehow we always get just what we need. I live by the words, “Thy will not my will”. Hence the wonder of controversy often in the long distant relationship between my head and my heart. Can a Christian, spiritual lady be in a true D/s committed relationship. I think yes, but perhaps not with a nonbelieving Dom. There would have to be some serious repenting, healing, foregivness and exclusiveness happening if we were ever to begin again. Miracles are born through the Lord, Thy will not mine!

      • You know what’s funny no Doms ever comment explaining their actions

      • Inability to be accountable and accept responsibilty, sad really.

      • It is truly truly sad indeed.
        Long ago I was the abuser now I am trying to make things right.
        I was in my 20s though which is no excuse .
        Now I am reaching out to those who are new and learning

      • My former Sir is holding His ground that He still will “express confusion over (my alledged) knowing He was dating me and others”. I could not have been more clear that I don’t share, especially when we entered into a D/s relationship, clearing moving up and beyond simply “dating” status. No other way to slice that one.

        As I said, lacking ability, rather willingness, to take resonsibility or be honestly accountable for his actions. He doesn’t have the cloak of “being 20” to hide behind this either. At that age, who is mature enough to handle something so intimate? Not many that I can imagine.

        Thank You as always Sir…

      • Your former Sir is 20?

      • Hardly! ha…No, I was meaning that He doesn’t even have the excuse of being too young to know better. No, He is approching nearly 3 x that age. 😉

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