I Have Changed Over The Years

It was I am guessing my second week seeing cherrie . I arrived at her house around 8.45am, her kids left for school at 8.30. I walked in the door and all the toys were laid out on the coffee table. The one thing I noticed was the bull whip curled up on the coffee table along with the small Dixie cups.

So Three floggers the heaviest was about 12lbs, different size dildo’s the largest was about 12 in and about 4in around, a double dildo, a few dozen clamps, blindfold, and several ball gags, a large needle and canvas thread, and catheter.

My first real slave who was a total freak and masochist, I had no idea at the time what a sadist even was, nor had I ever heard someone actually needed pain on a daily basis to survive.

Humiliation was something new to me, I had always viewed humiliation as a type of abuse, I never looked at it as a form of release. Although today I still do not fully understand I see a pattern, and the pattern only slightly differs from slave to slave.

Sherrie suffered from depression, sherrie was also bi-polar, and manic as well, and she also suffered from paranoid schizophrenia. It was not until some years later I discovered the pattern, but not everyone was into pain like cherrie was, for the most it was about control, structure, security, and most of all stability, and honesty.  The slave knowing there was one person they could depend on, someone who would be there for them without question.

So I am looking at the Dixie cups and the bull whip. I looked at cherrie confused and she said target practice . Her bedroom was huge as she lay in the middle of her king size bed on her stomach she told me to place the cups upside down on her back six of them spread apart. She then told me to pick up the bull whip and stand by the door. She then instructed me to try and knock one off at a time using the whip, a single tail bull whip, about 12 ft long.

Crack I missed crack I missed again but I was striking flesh on her back, again and again and again missing the cups but hitting her back. As I moved closer to look I saw a huge wet spot under her, where she had came. Every strike she would cum. At about 40 tries my arms was starting to get tired and I maybe hit 3 cups total, I mean a direct hit. After we were done she handed me a bottle of rubbing alcohol and had me pour it on her back and rub it in with paper towels.

Almost seven year two or three times a week, we would session, but after the first year it became more of a task, because I had to out do each time, the humiliation had to be greater than the last time. Then it got to the point to where I was just taking out my bad days on her, and she would take it. It is funny I never saw the bitch cry one time, until the day I told her I was done.

She had failed to tell me she was married and her husband was in prison , but it did not bother me because I did not have those kind of deep feelings for her. As a matter of fact I never fucked her. The only thing I ever penetrated was her mouth.

After cherrie I moved from slave to slave, because I had not figured out that every slave was not a masochist. I had dated a few submissive’s but after hearing the word NO, I knew that was not the type of relationship I needed, but I was failing at every turn, even with slaves.

Even at BDSM events the subs and slaves would stay clear of me. So while talking to a Master one night and I was telling him about my problem it was then he told me. They are scared of you. When they look at you they see evil. I just shrugged it off, I actually thought it was kinda cool.

So One night I was invited to give a bull whip demo. It was a swingers party which I really had no interest in, and after the demo on a sheet of plywood I walked up stairs to go to the bathroom and I walked past this room, the door was shut and a line of guys were standing outside just waiting. So I walked up and opened the door and this girl was being gang banged, her dom told me to wait in line but I could clearly see she was in noway having fun. So I closed the door went to the bathroom walked back down the hall and started down stairs and something just hit me.

I turned around walked up and opened the door I walked in and I told the guy who was fucking her to get off. Her Dom walked up and grabbed my shoulder and I looked at him and said if you don’t let go I will rip your fucking head off and shove it up your ass and you can lick your own balls. I told her to get up and get dressed. In the mean time he is just yelling, cursing , calling me every name in the book. I told her I was driving the orange cougar go get in the car and I would be there in a few minutes.

Trinity was her name I took her straight home fucking Tampa a 150 miles away who would of fucking knew. Not very much was said , I pulled up in her yard and she said thank you. I said don’t be a cunt again. CUNT she said ? Yes CUNT Cant understand Normal Thinking.

When at Munchs I was treated different, subs and slaves would walk up and talk to me. It still had not clocked as to what had happened. Driving home I was thinking and I could actually feel I was going through some changes, my thinking process was different, and I knew I needed more but I was not sure what the more was.

A couple of years earlier I had met a Dom named Animel, this dude scared me, he looked like a pissed off Santa Clause, but the old man was full of wisdom and knowledge. So if I was going to hang out with anyone it was going to be him.

A mentor someone I could learn the deeper side of BDSM. I was not really a sadist but that is all I knew. All I knew was pain and humiliation nothing more.

Then on the day Arianna and I got married I was speaking with Master R I said something then he made the statement that the two of us were feared, then made the statement we were like a team, um no we are not a team.

As time passed I was more into the control aspect, but what I was learning along the way was I had to be in control of my life, I had to be in control of my surroundings , most of all in control of myself, only then could I control someone else.

It would truly surprise you to see how easy it is to control someone else, if you are in full control of your life, and your surroundings , I can promise you that if you are everything will just fall into place.

I have seen it many times where a Dominant would bring someone into his life and his own world is turned upside down. The submissive is now part of his mess, part of his drama, and his problems. This is not fair because the submissive can no longer concentrate on the relationship, then you add everything else on top of everything, and you wonder why one cannot follow rules, and protocols.  We are suppose to be providing structure, and security, and if your life is in rambles how can we provide anything ? How are we suppose to teach and train ? When things do not go as planned you the Dominant has no right to get upset, after you have piled all of your garbage on top of your submissive.

So I started to change somewhere down the line I developed feelings, it started bothering me when I hurt peoples feelings, not everyone just some, because you still have to have that fuck you I don’t care some where in your pocket. If you ever get rid of that fuck you card people will try to run over you, and your left to pick up all the pieces yourself.

I will go out of my way to help you, as long as you are trying to help yourself. but if you cross me or I see your no longer pitching in and I tell you to lose my number, I am done, it is like I never even knew you. I was talking to Arianna the other day, and it is like I have this switch. This switch controls my feelings and I have the ability to turn it on and off, without a thought.  Then if your in my circle which is very very small, you have a friend for life and you know you have someone you can always depend on.

So maybe I was never a Sadist at all, maybe that is the only thing I knew, after all that is what I was being taught, so after we split I myself had to go through some reprogramming myself, I had to put much of what I learned in the trash, but I had to retain some of it to move forward. Remember at this time even after seven years I still knew nothing about control, all I knew was pure sadistic pain, humiliation. It was not until after I hooked up with a mentor an older Dominant who gave me a different perspective on the lifestyle , he showed me there was more to a BDSM relationship that just using and abusing. He also explained that the type of relationship I needed, notice I said needed was going to be really hard to find..

I believe if you tell me your a slave then your a slave. A slave has no rights, a slave has no say, or even an opinion unless I ask. Although now that I have grown the last two are still there but I do listen and I do communicate. When I explain something or when I was giving out rules and protocols, I explained them so well that there were no questions.

Something had come up from Arianna’s past that needed attention. I explained I would fix it. Now during the process I did not communicate that much, mainly because I was putting a plan together, a fail safe plan, a plan I knew would work without a chance of not working. It will be fixed everything is already in motion.

That is what we as Doms do that is what we as Daddy’s do, Masters do. We take care of our home, we take care of our property. The Submissive, the Baby Girl or the Slave gives so much, emotionally and physically , and mentally it is our duty to make things as stress free for them as we can. If you have a problem that comes up you step in and fix it right then.

I met a man a couple of years ago who was out of work, him and his family had to leave there home, it had been foreclosed on. He had already exhausted his unemployment and his wife was the only one working. I said why don’t you go to work at Burger King or Mcdonalds ? He said he refused to work for that kind of money, he was not going to lower himself like that. He lowered himself enough to let all his friends see the cops move him out, he lowered himself enough so everyone could see their stuff being sit on the curb. So in the end his priority was his pride and not his family. He cared more about what people thought of him and he cared about his family.

I would of never allowed such a thing. With my ex-wife and this is one reason she is my ex. Every week I would hand over my check, and she just blew it her and her son, not my son hers from a previous relationship. On a monday she came up to me and said the house was going on the auction block on friday , I was like what the fuck are you talking about.

Tuesday I jumped in my fiat drove 150 miles, walked in like I owned the place, and four hours later I walked out with our first payment being due in 60 days. I fixed it, I made everything alright, that is what we do. I refused to take no for an answer

I do not think I was ever truly a sadist, I believe that was a stepping stone into my world. My kingdom, my house, my rules, my slave, my bitch.

At the time I was seeing sherrie though I can see where at times it was a release for me as far as inflicting pain, sometimes I needed that place of darkness, sometimes I needed to see the hurt in her eyes, although she never shed a tear, I could clearly see the pain.

Control, I mean real control is the same in some ways, being in total control to the point someone fully depends on you, that now is my release, that now is my need. As long as I keep my word, and do what I say I am going to do, things will continue to get better.

We just like anyone else in a D’s relationship or even a vanilla relationship we get into a rut at times, because the bondage is not there, the kink is not there due mainly to work, but the control factor is still fully in place, and I keep everything in place by being consistent on a daily basis.

You Doms or Daddy’s or Masters listen up consistency will make or break your relationship. If you put rules in place, you need to insure they are followed. I am not talking about just sitting around and waiting on the girl to break a rule, but if a rule is broken, then you punish, and you explain why you are punishing , and what the two of you are going to do to fix it. If rules are broken and there are no consequences then why relationship do you really have.

If your in the lifestyle just for sex, a cock sucker is easy to find, a piece of ass is easy to find. To take someone and play or toy with their feelings or emotions is wrong, and in the end you will get yours. If you just want to fuck then say so. You do not have to put of a Big Bad Dom show to get some pussy

If I just wanted to get laid, I would go to a club sit down order a coke or tea I never go out and drink. I would look around pick someone out who struck my interest. I watched and observed, then I walked up and started a conversation. During our conversation I made it clear at some point I was not looking for anything long term, just speaking in general conversation. Get in the car take her home and fuck until I wanted no more send her on her way, and as she was walking out I was deleting her phone number

What I am getting at, I did not turn any ones life upside down, I did not make promises, I stated what I was not looking for, and what I was not looking for. Okay maybe I played on her feelings some, maybe I was the shoulder she needed, but I made it clear what my intentions were.

What some of you guys do for some pussy is way to much work, even more so if your married, having to live that double life, sneaking around. It is not worth it.

If your married and you have to cheat move on. Why drag your family through your little fantasies , why drag your wife and children through your mess, it is not her fault you cant run the home, its not her fault you have no control.

If you are married and your in the lifestyle and cheating, it is your responsibility to take care of your submissive, baby girl or slave, that includes any bills, or rent, and food. When you made a promise to take care of her, you took on that responsibility, if you cannot do any of the above, you need to stay home with momma.

If your in control you as a Dominant can have pretty much anything you want out of a relationship. If you stand by your word, the limits that your submissive had, your baby girl, will soon be forgotten , you can have anything you want.

I look back over the years and I think did you really do that stuff,and I think now if I had it all to do over again and I knew then what I know now I would of taking a much different path.

While my life may not be picture perfect to most, it is as close as you will get to living a true M’s relationship. Well maybe in my world it is perfect.




7 Responses to “I Have Changed Over The Years”

  1. miss-titsy Says:

    Thank you, thank you, thank you! So many things have clicked for me reading this…. I wont bore you with the details, but really, thank you 🙂

  2. Best.Post.Ever.

  3. Rubber Bound Princess Says:

    Thank you, I know how wrong I got it when I started my search for a dom, I looked for completely the wrong attributes, my master is kind loving and fixes all the dramas I cause, I dont worry about bills food or money, whatever I need appears, love is hard whoever you are, nourish and nurture what you have x most of all realise who is important to you x
    Thank you so much for this post, it really was something xx

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