The Core Of BDSM

Bondage , Discipline Sado , Masochism, and those words have branched off into many different area’s, but no matter what branch you are on or what your kinks are it boils down to one word and one word only. TRUST.

Without trust you cannot fully give yourself, without trust you cannot be who you truly need to be. Without trust you cannot achieve the high you need  , without trust you cannot find that one release you need to feel fulfilled. Because without trust you always have that wondering in the back of your mind. It runs even deeper if you are lied to, or mislead to believe something and you later find out everything was a lie, but at times even after the lie is exposed you feel trapped, because you have devoted so much time into building a relationship.

Most who are submissive or a slave are very needy, needy to the point you feel like a piece of Velcro. The neediness does not fully come out until you have entered the relationship, the submissive will become more dependent upon the dominant and the neediness will continue to grow.

I am not saying this is all who are submissive or slaves but for the most. So we as Dominants have to be prepared to take on such a task.

There are many who want to fill that Dominant role , but it is hard to separate what you truly need and what is a fantasy. Your thinking how awesome it would be to have a bitch at my beck and call. Getting my cock sucked when ever I want, sex anytime I want, but with your choices there are also consequences. Just like that old saying, Be careful what you ask for.

If it is just a fantasy one you have what you wanted you do not have a clue, what your suppose to do with the submissive. Then the needy comes in, the rules, the guidelines, the hourly check ins, talking on the phone, and making sure they are the center of your attention.

I have seen this happen when two enter a relationship as a Dominant and Submissive. They move in together and at first everything is going as planned but then things begin to change the real needy kicks in. It makes the Dominant feel somewhat over whelmed, and he is thinking I never signed up for all of this, I just wanted the sex and head. I did not want all of this responsibility, and slowly but surely the relationship begins to fall apart.

Entering a BDSM relationship is so much different than a vanilla, because the female is giving so much more, on the other hand the male is taking on much more responsibility, and he has to be willing to step up to the plate.

Many years I wanted to benefits but I never wanted the responsibility , the one thing on my mind was how many women I could nail. how many woman I could use. It was a lot easier than dating a vanilla chick, because a submissive was needy, and I could play off of her emotions, her needs and hurt. So I just acted, I acted like I cared, I acted like I wanted to be there and help. The truth was I just wanted her panties off, nothing more. There were times after I had used a month later I could not even recall their name, but the one thing I did was I broke the one thing that was needed and that was the TRUST that was giving to me. I did not ask for it, I did not want it but it was giving.

So I have been in the lifestyle for over 20 years, probably much longer because growing up I knew I was different, but even then it was just using. I could not of giving a fuck about feelings , I did not care who I hurt, or what I had to do to get what I wanted, so for a very long time I lived one big LIE. Just like when I had Beverly tied to a tree, I had no feelings, I did not care. I got off on the humiliation, I got on on the using, and she took it because she had that trust. She was different like me, well not like me just different she did not fit in, but she thought I excepted her for who she was, and that was not the case, I was using her, and nothing more.

So when I give advice I am not just talking to hear myself talk, I have been there, I am giving you the male side of things. The only bad thing is some never want the TRUST, some just use, they feed off of using. That is how they get their rush, their high, because they can do things to you, they cannot do to others.

So if your thinking something is not right or you have a bad feeling about your relationship, you are probably right. You have to go with your gut feeling and not your heart, your heart will fuck you up every time.

Your afraid of being alone, you have the need to submit, you have insecurity’s maybe a low self esteem, you need someone to be in control, you need rules, you need to attention. You know the list can go on and on, but the bottom line here is, if you do not have the core down, you will continue to jump from Dom to Dom, and in the back of your mind you think it is you that is the problem and it is not. It is finding someone who will not betray your trust, someone who truly cares about your needs, someone who wants the same thing out of a relationship that you do. Most of you are just afraid of being alone, that is what it really boils down to the being alone part. So you sacrifice so much to get so little, and the little that you get is short lived, then your just a piece of ass and nothing more.

If you do not have the TRUST, you can have everything else in the world but without the TRUST you have nothing and you never will have nothing. .

A RELATIONSHIP WITH NO TRUST IS LIKE A CELL PHONE WITH NO SERVICE ALL YOU CAN DO IS PLAY GAMES.Not my quote.

Vile

 

53 Responses to “The Core Of BDSM”

  1. Rubber Bound Princess Says:

    Thank you for this, I understand exactly what you saying about the need of trust in relationships like we have, I could never fully commit if I didn’t trust my Master yes we hit bumps in the road, I.guess all relationships do but I know he can fix whatever it happens to be. I also know that I grow more needy and dependant I am not exactly sure why but I am aware of it xx

  2. emdimensionality Says:

    Reblogged this on emdimensionality.

  3. emdimensionality Says:

    This is an amazing post, Vile. Thank you so much for putting this into words. You must help so many people to understand the dangers of this lifestyle and the responsibilities that come with a genuine attempt. You’re sometimes my hero. hehe Keep doing what you do.

  4. shewhoserves Says:

    Thank You.

  5. I’m stealing this 😉 I think this is a wonderful way of explaining what the true core of how I feel about the relationship I have. Thanks for writing this mr vile!!

  6. Reblogged this on daddyslittlehmongslut's Blog and commented:
    The perfect explanation of the core of my relationship. It’s not the humiliation, the rough handling, the whips chains or even the scary things you hear about the BDSM that gets to me. It’s the trust I have in Daddy that He’s gonna be there. And guide me to the place I need to be. ❤

  7. I look forward to every one of your posts. Your advice is tempered with obvious experience and a great deal of perception. Thank you Sir

  8. Wuggle Bear Says:

    Reblogged this on Sir Growly & Wuggle Bears Life and commented:
    This is so true of my previous relationship. And probably I’m still that needy girl with no self belief but I have to hope in change.

  9. Wuggle Bear Says:

    Thank you for understanding me so well. I have made so many mistakes and been with the wrong person who I can see now used me without care. Your writing made me stop and think and realise a lot about myself and how I’ve been treated and maybe why

  10. I’m new to this so hoping not to step on toes but I really found it interesting. My girl is needy but its a part of her appeal but I always felt bad that I was encouraging her to be more so…didn’t realize it was a part of this dynamic. I know she trusts me to show me the neediness, now just need to figure out the rest of the process. Thank you for such an informative blog for those of us new to this…any suggestions on how to tame a babygirl hell cat?

  11. Reblogged this on thekinkyworldofvile and commented:

    Blast from the Past

  12. how does a male submissive fit into the BDSM relationship? I trust and desire to service, for someone to lead me to grow in my service. Do I change the she to he in your writings?

  13. I think this post is good advice for anyone.
    Almost all of us have needs of some sort or another.
    Trust is one of the fundamental emotional needs for virtually everyone, and I think that even the Doms who think they are completely self-sufficient may be blowing at least a little smoke up their own asses.
    There is such a thing as needing to be needed, for instance.
    And whether they are male or female, some subs are alpha bitches or alpha males in their daily life, and seek succorance through surrender within an alter-ego of a submissive home life. In those cases, they do not fit the model of insecurity, helplessness and neediness or indecisiveness.
    Trust is essentially a reciprocal of honesty. If you don’t really know yourself, it is usually a product of self-delusion as a reaction to external influences of learned primal experiences and social environment.
    Some “Daddy’s Girls” for instance learned at an early age that they can use the guise of helplessness or neediness to manipulate everyone around them by being spoiled brats. They are no less bullies than their similarly afflicted male Dom counterparts. They are unlikely to be trainable through leadership or discipline because they are more like passive-aggressive Doms in disguise.
    As usual, this piece was insightful and well-put, as were the articles you have posted previously concerning Honesty.
    Most of us are on a journey of self-discovery within the arc of the experiences of our lifetimes. It is a learning curve that never seems to stop.
    To paraphrase, “all the world is a stage…(that we are going through.)”.
    By acknowledging previous errors we evolve into more self-realized individuals, and as such are much more likely to be able to get what we want and still give back to those who need us, thereby contributing to a more stable and lasting relationship.
    Your honesty and candor set you apart from the masses leading “lives of quiet desperation.”
    Namasté
    नमस्ते
    Chazz Vincent

  14. One of your better posts, because you put yourself out there.. you owned up to a past you are not proud of. That is beyond huge. It deserves grudging respect from any honest person. I salute you. Great piece!

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