Should A Submissive Be Allowed To Wear A Collar

This is something I have been thinking about for a very long time. Then I ran across an author who has written a book on BDSM relationships he also has a weekly radio show on the internet .  His name is Mike Makai His book is called Domination & Submission: The BDSM Relationship Handbook.

Mike Also has a radio station on Blog Talk Called D’s radio, you can also find on youtube as well.  I am going to post a link from youtube so you can listen it is almost an hour long but it has a lot of good information.

While going through some of his past shows I ran across one I have always found interesting. Collars. This was the first time someone else had almost the same views as I do so I wanted to share.

Just as most Dominants do we become somewhat lax in our beliefs, perhaps there was a time where I took somewhat of a softer stance, we all change as we grow, and BDSM has changed so much over the past 10 years or so. Respect, protocols, rules, the list really goes on and on.
Arianna and I were over at a Doms house a couple of weeks ago eating dinner, his two slaves spent the day cooking and while eating dinner our conversation led to this very topic about how BDSM has changed, again the lack of respect, and protocols.

Local events such as munchs and MasT groups have let their protocols down because of numbers in attendance . More people equals better munchs or MasT meetings. So now anyone can attend no matter what they believe, no matter how they act, no matter how disrespectful they maybe.

So Master R begins to tell me how if the MasT groups did not loosing up on their rules there would be very few people, so the leaders would have no one to lead, the leaders would have no one to teach. So we had to open our doors to everyone.

I was sitting there just looking at him with a blank stare, I was in total disbelief.  Then I say so to get greater number you just forget what we stand for. Wow

No protocols , no structure no rules, what do you have ?

Master R’s new slave was wearing a collar of consideration , then she will move to a training collar, if she makes the cut. Once she receives the training collar if she makes it through training, she will then receive THE COLLAR.

I do not use either, and I have reasons just as Mike explained on his radio show. If you give a slave a collar of consideration and the slave does not make the cut you have to take it off. I believe this could be devastating to the slave, then if the slave does make the cut and moves to training and is giving the training collar but the slave does not make the cut, again you take the collar away.

I stand very firm on my beliefs when it comes to collars. A collar stands for ownership, you do not own a submissive, you do not own a Baby girl, you own a slave. A slave is owned property.

Most submissives if giving a collar do not wear them 95% of the time, even if given a collar that can be worn out in public such as a necklace you very seldom see a submissive wearing a collar. If you have been to local events very few wear a collar.

How ever I do agree with wearing a collar during play time, this gives the submissive a greater feeling of submission, but to wear out in public I find it very disrespectful

So Little bopeep on wordpress did a post on collars so I wanted to share her link with you. She did spend time doing research and shared her

collars part two

I am no longer Lax I stand firm in what I believe and no one is going to sway me away from what I believe. I have one collar and one collar only. That is what I call a formal collar.

I can also tell you that very few have made the cut, just because of my beliefs and the fact that I will not bend. No training collar, no collar of consideration. The collar and only the collar.

A submissive agrees to submit, but a submissive submits on their terms, a submissive chooses when and when not to submit. A slave does not have that right. A submissive is not owned, a slave is owned a slave is property. There for the slave has the right to wear a collar.




16 Responses to “Should A Submissive Be Allowed To Wear A Collar”

  1. Thank you for your linkback Vile. I appreciate your opinion, as always 🙂

  2. littlesusieq Says:

    This is information I want to know. I only knew about the one collar and now that I have figured out what my role is (baby girl) I find I no longer wish to wear a collar. Now I understand why. It makes so much sense now. Thank you for helping to educate.

  3. As a very dominant public persona and having to have a very private D/s persona — I treasure and value the opportunity (the gift) to submit to someone I trust fully. Master’s Collars helps me shift my mindset. To keep that mindset, in a private manner, I do wear versions of “fashion” Day Collars about 80% of the time in public. The other 20% of the time I wear Master’s necklace.

    It works for Master, it works for me and it works for our lives and doesn’t affect anyone else in an adverse manner.

    I am Master’s submissive, not His slave. And I wear His Collar.

    • The collar does not have to be a huge black leather collar with spikes, nor does it have to be a gorean collar that locks.
      My conclusion was only that most submissives do not wear one at all. As a matter of fact there are a lot of slaves who do not wear one.
      I am glad you take pride in who and what you are, and the gift you share with your master.

  4. I am for the bigger part with you on this Vile, and for a small part I agree with dievca. But all this inspired me so I’ll be posting my two cents on this topic very soon.

  5. Dear Vile-

    I have agreed with you on much but on this I must respectfully disagree with your philosophy.

    A “submissive” too earns the right to wear a collar. In that earning, there are opportunities for mis-steps and corrective guidance. If the mis-steps are corrected, guidance followed, point of order restored, then each sub is deserved of their rewards for so wanting to please their Dom.

    My submissive, Mynx, so earned her collar and cuffs. So too has she earned her day collar. When we started, it was kinky, bedroom submission and Dominance with velcro cuffs and collar for our play time. Good fun was had. But it evolved. I asked her to wear and she was given my day collar first, but only after I was certain she had earned the right to wear it. The test of her submission is chronicled here… …and while some may view this with criticism, I would hope they have some better way of discerning their submissive’s mindset. Frankly, even if there is, I don’t care because this was all that mattered to me. To this end, I was so pleased with Mynx’s submission, I further rewarded her (at a later time) with a day cuff, which is identical to her day collar. Major point of note; there has not been a day, at all, at any time, when she hasn’t had both her day collar and cuff on. She is proud to be owned by me and would tell you so, respectfully, but she is not my slave.

    She further earned her formal cuffs and collar, and is now my fully collared submissive. I will not go into details of the collaring as this very personal to us both, it will never be shared by either of us with anyone. For the good of those reading, Mynx and I didn’t start blogging until we were well into our D/s. This post was written well after she had earned her day collar and cuff, and, formal collar and cuffs. My submissive is not my slave. She is my wife of 21 years first, mother of our children, and my sub-miss. She has earned and deserves her collar- both day and formal, and wears them with great pride. I am proud of my collared submissive.

    Much respect and love…

    -Mynx’s Sir (Tom Wolf)

    • Mr Wolf I do know a lot of your journey and I have much love for both of you. Both of you have come a long way.
      My reasoning and I am sure you have seen it, many do not wear a collar most those who are submissive.
      The lifestyle I have a true passion for what I stand for, what others stand for, and when out and about at local functions and I look around, it truly hits home.
      The disrespect the not caring it just goes on and on.
      My thoughts were because there are so many who do not care, and this is the Dominants fault mind you not the submissives, It is clearly the Dominants because he does not enforce what he stands for.
      I am the same not the lucky 21 years you have but my wife to is my slave, my property and believe me it is hard at times to keep that mindset, but I have to because the moment I let my guard down I am no linger the Master Ariannas needs, the husband yes the Master no.
      My thinking was there are only a few who even respect the lifestyle to wear even a necklace , so in my eyes it is just titles they are after.
      I am glad you did not agree I wanted to raise eyebrows , and so far only two have spoken up, that is incredible.
      Much love to both of you.

      • Thanks for clarifying Vile, yes, I agree that not all D/s couples follow the root of the meaning of collaring and that it is more for vanity than anything else. This topic elicited an invigorating conversation early this morning between Mynx and I. First I read her your post, then my reply then yours back. It was factual and drama free. Simply, she is my submissive and not my slave so perhaps we break the mold of D/s in that we get it when it comes to protocols, values and meanings. In our D/s, she makes far too many minute to minute decisions and therefor has more independence and doesn’t fit the mold as slave.

        I once knew of couple who claimed to be in a D/s relationship. One night during a scene she became so angered at him that she took off and threw her cuffs and collar at him and said enough. The D/s was more her idea than his and when he didn’t fit her mold of what she thought it should look like, she put the kabosh on the whole thing. Her outward appearance was submissive but her core was not, clearly D/s sex was her goal, on her terms, not his. She was topping him the whole time and he was blind to it because the sex was great. This instance fits your original point to a tee.

        I will say there are many excellent submissives in bloglandia who would be deserving of collaring, but there are a greater number who are likely not. On that point I think we agree.

        And you are also correct in saying that at the core, it is the Dominant’s responsibility for the care and nurture of his sub/slave and of the relationship. Consistency is the key. Where the Dominant has stopped growing in his role and becomes weak or domineering, so too does the D/s dynamic. The exception is where the Dom is evolving and seeking greater knowledge and therefor driving the relationship. I believe those in this place of their dynamic have so much more to grow with and explore as a couple.

        Keep the blog flowing Vile, I think where we differed was in the categoric labeling that all sub’s were undeserving of collaring. I think there are exceptions to that idea, and that we both see one-another’s perspectives more clearly now.

        Much love to you and Arianna…

        -Mynx’s Sir (Tom Wolf)

  6. […] small part of this post was inspired by my friend Vile and his post “Should A Submissive Be Allowed To Wear A Collar” and the replies and a link to two beautiful posts, here and here,  by Little Bopeep and […]

  7. […] small part of this post was inspired by my friend Vile and his post “Should A Submissive Be Allowed To Wear A Collar” and the replies and a link to two beautiful posts, here and here,  by Little Bopeep and […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: