You Should Be Scared

Sometime last year I made the statement that a Submissive should ask a Dominant for references, prior to exploring anything physical. Someone made the comment that it was stupid to ask for such a thing because you do not ask a vanilla male for references. In my eyes there is a huge difference when it comes to dating a Dom VS a Vanilla male. The vanilla your probably going out to eat and a movie, the Dom and the submissive is probably going to get their kink on.

There are thousands of rapes everyday, some are very brutal, and some do not have the opportunity to go home or to the hospital. A lot of you out there are mothers, more of you at some point in life want to be mothers, have a family.

You meet a new Dominant on line and you plan on meeting. He wants you to wear the shortest skirt you have with no panties, and if you agree your chances of being raped have just jumped up drastically , not meeting in a public setting your numbers have just jumped up even more.

It is a good feeling when you think your about to meet the one, you have probably been searching for sometime and most of the Doms you have been talking to are not local.

Wearing a short skirt with no panties does not have anything to do with being submissive. Wearing a short skirt with no panties does not prove you are submissive.

Most of you at least end up sucking cock in the Doms car the first meeting, then there are some who even agree to get a room to start your training.

Think about this for a second you do not even know this man, you do not know anything about him, except what he has told you.  He has told you he has been in the lifestyle 5,10,15 or even 20 years.  Again this is what he has told you, and you have to believe him because you have not asked all the questions you were suppose to because you feared that you would upset him or make him mad.

When your sitting in the car and the Dom makes the statement , well lets start your training as he is unzipping his pants. Something in your head has to be thinking. This cannot be right, is this really part of training? The bad thing is you are not going to question your just going to do it. Now those who have been in the lifestyle for any amount of time will call his bluff or just tell him to fuck off.

You agree to get a room, with a man you have never met. Your chances of getting hurt has just shot up. Now you may or may not walkout. So what is your life worth? What is your family and friends worth?

You decide to play, you let this man you just met tie you down on the bed spread eagle, your gagged , you don’t have to be blindfolded just gagged. What the fuck is going through your mind right about now?

If you have done any kind of real research then you would know that no respectable Dominant would even go through a scenario like this. You would know, no real dominant would of even brought play into the picture on the first meeting.

Some of you have played just like the above mentioned and you came out okay, but some of you know exactly what I am talking about, some of you have been used and raped. Those of you who walked out okay, you can be thankful , those of you who have been raped you have to carry that memory the rest of your life. While I have met a few it did not bother I have met those who it tortured. Even after the bad they still continued down the same path, with the same experiences.

Meeting a Dom for the first time, going to a room with him, allowing him to tie you up, gagging you, make you fair game. Your chances of being hurt is now about 50/50 maybe more like 70/30 or even 80/20.

I had a friend who had been talking to a Dom on line for a while and agreed to meet him. The first meeting yep a room. They could not go back to his house because he was married. Once finished the bed covered in blood, he told her to get cleaned up and get the fuck out, when she came out of the bathroom he was gone. The bad thing is she did not even know his real name. The only thing she knew was he was married, and did not find out until that night.

You cannot let your emotions run your life. Entering any type of relationship requires a great deal of thought, but to enter a BDSM relationship where the trust factor is so great. Okay any type of relationship requires trust, but to allow someone to tie you up, someone you just met, it just does not make sense.

Okay I will back track a little here, there are some Doms who are not active in the local community, while this maybe true, they do know others in the lifestyle, and these are questions that should be asked. For a Dominant to say he has been in the lifestyle for ten years and not know anyone, yea that does not carry to much weight, but if your new then why would you even wonder how that is possible.

Good things comes to those who wait, anytime you make a rush to judgement the outcome is rarely good. A good thought out plan will serve you much better, but you have to stick to that plan.

You can save yourself a lot of heartache , you can save yourself a lot of drama, and problems, but most of all you can keep yourself from being hurt

A D’s or M’s relationship can be very rewarding, it can be very exciting, it can be everything you have ever imagined and more, I know I am living the dream. The difference is I had a much thought out plan.

Safety should be your first concern, and submitting to someone on the first meeting is not being safe.

Always make that safe call………




19 Responses to “You Should Be Scared”

  1. Funny you should mention safe calls. I mentioned to the leader of a all girls group I go to if we could offer to be safe calls for others in the group who don’t have a kinky or open minded friends.

  2. I have a question regarding getting references.

    Should we still ask for references if the Dom is introduced to us by a trusted member of the community who vouchers for the Dom?

  3. Great advice. Too many submissive jump wen they should walk. Take their time and learn. If he is a true Dom he will patient and want her to do the same.

  4. Miss Lizzy, maybe I can put in my 2 cents here, as Vile and I have a very similar view of this issue. Your idea with the safe calls is a great first step. It will definitely help. Trusting a person that vouches for a Dom… I am not 100% certain, but that does not guarantee your safety. For all you know, it may be his best friend and could come to “visit during your “fun time. Then you’d be really screwed. Literally.
    Personally, I would highly recommend to get references AND make sure you are careful. Don’t do anything on the first meet. Take your time to get to know the Dom for a while first. If he is truly interested, he will understand and give you time. If he is fake, I can guarantee he will start swearing, trying to convince you and ultimately leave you alone. In that case, you are better off anyways.
    Always be safe and consider what COULD potentially happen. Be inquisitive, always expect the worst and use your common sense. Sorry to just chime in here, but this is too important.

    • Worded perfectly. Awesome advice just take your time. There is no reason for a dom to get mad when you have questions. When you want to make that safe call. As a matter of fact make it right there in front of him and tell him what your doing.
      References no Dom should get upset when asked

  5. FiFiBuBu Says:

    Reblogged this on Dreaming of a Fantasy and commented:
    All submissives should take note of this. Your Safety is always important when meeting a stranger.

  6. FiFiBuBu Says:

    Asking a vanilla male for references is not stupid, but we don’t put it as asking for reference, it is more known as meeting their friends and families that is their references.

  7. Great point, FiFiBuBu…

  8. Very helpful post. Sometimes I’m glad I’m paranoid 🙂

  9. Common sense. You never trust people you do not know. Ever. I don’t care how many references you have. You don’t like it? So what. I care for myself more than I care for a strangers opinion.

  10. Cinnamon Says:

    Great post Vile. You know I agree wholeheartedly, having learned this lesson the hard way early on in my journey. Trying to save others from what happened to me is my passion.
    I go so far as to do my own research on them before I meet. Google is yet another resource.
    Thank you!!

  11. Reblogged this on thekinkyworldofvile and commented:

    Hope you enjoy

  12. Evelyn Rioux Says:

    Vile I am curious when do you feel you can trust a Dom? I have been in a long term distance relationship with a man, we met online and have talked everyday for 5 years we’ve skyped telephoned exchanged gifts and dreams and plans photos and fantasies. He lives in the US and I in Canada and we finally plan to meet and consummate our relationship. He is flying up to meet me and my family kids and folks. Should I be scared? I don’t have any misgivings or red flags about this man but wanted to see if you had any suggestions.

    • I do understand how you feel , but the truth is you never know someone until you meet. The first meeting is always the best impression.
      I am glad you are going to meet and I truly wish you the best.
      Are the hotel plans or are you going to let him stay at your place with your children?
      This is the only lifestyle where abuse is so active , mainly because many see submission as an open door to mental and physical abuse.
      So I know you are not going to leave Canada , does he plan on moving there?
      Just be careful and cautious

  13. Over the years I’ve read many a post on this subject, and seen these points laid out time and time again. I have never however, seen it by a Dominant, written from the perspective of the prospective slave on their first date. You consistently provide something unique, a Dominant who writes of the submissive perspective and I think that gives a view that is rare, and therefore uniquely valuable. So though I’ve ready all of this before over the years, I’ve never seen it laid out in a way that compels a view and therefore a sense of association, so well. Well done, as always.

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