BDSM Is Not About Sex

I keep going back to this visual thing, how we as humans are visual , most of what we take in is through our eyes. If we just listen we only take in less than about 35% of what we actually hear.

Going back to the google thing if you google BDSM and click on images you see women being tied up, beaten, face fucked, anal sex just out right fucking.

If you google love  then click images you get the just that love. Nothing about beating submissives or slaves.

Image

If you google BDSM a whole new world opens up to the eye.

Image This is where the visual comes in. Don’t get me wrong, I love bondage, I love fucking, I really get off on face fucking. I love the fact than any time I want anal sex it is there no questions asked.

If your doing a math problem but the problem is incomplete, there is noway you can finish it, the problem goes unsolved, so it is never completed.

If you enter the world of BDSM and you do not have the whole math problem your relationship will never be complete, and you spend most of your time if not all trying to figure it out.

The part of the math problem that most leave out, and this is more for the younger Dominants, the novice Dominants, but more so the fake Dominants. There are major parts of the problems that will never get solved, and in the end you will lose every time. The younger and novice Dominants in time the problem can be completed, but your talking years of trying to solve different problems.

The BDSM images leave out a lot of information. and it shows one side to the lifestyle, and one side only, and that is abuse.

What it does not show is the structure we as Dominants provide, the security we provide, the trust we provide, the rules and protocols we put in place. It does not show the communication we so much need or want.  The images do not show the stability we provide. Most important it does not show the love we have for ours.

It does not show the hours we put into training the day months we put into training. It does not show how we as Dominants take care of ours.

Our eyes can be very misleading..

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Vile

 

16 Responses to “BDSM Is Not About Sex”

  1. That is why people like you blog and write about what the lifestyle truly is. Yes the pictures are the first thing one sees, that was also true of me when I found out about tthis lifestyle. I was lucky though I also found a old but now defunct website that was well written with some wonderful information that steered me in the right direction. Blogs like this do help.

    • Thank you for your comments and yes I thought the same thing. It took a very long time and a few good mentors to turn me in the right direction
      You and I are living a dream so many wish they had.
      Much love

  2. Kathy Lewis Says:

    So well put. Thank you. I am having these discussions with my DH. He only sees or hears the bad. I am trying to show him the connection that forms. The feeling of it. One step at a time.

  3. It was never about the sex for me. It was always about the structure and leadership. The sex is AWESOME but it is just sex without the communication and relationship we are developing.

  4. BDSM isn’t all about sex. We have friends over for parties once a month. Jolynn’s masochist play partner likes to banter back and forth with her as he is getting beat, and there is no sex at all. He gets his yummy yummy pain, and she gets her sadistic needs met. I am not a pain slut like he is, I’m a more sensual person, so they have fun doing their thing. I sat and played DJ while they were doing their scene. He has a soft robe and slippers for when he is done to sit and relax in.

  5. And as far as pictures on the internet showing people what the lifestyle really looks like, it isn’t all about blow jobs and butt sex, or super sexy hot looking people. Sorry, my real life kinky friends do not look like that. I’ve seen my friends naked. I don’t think I’ve really seen any aftercare photos of what people should be doing for their person after their scene is over.

  6. Reblogged this on thekinkyworldofvile and commented:

    This is so true

  7. darkgemdom Says:

    The last two paragraphs key in on the reality!

  8. missagathaarmstrong Says:

    it also does not show that complete and utter love, need, trust and faith us slaves have for our Most Beloved and Cherished Masters. The pictures are oh so pretty, but anyone who judges a book by its cover, – sorry to say – is a fool….

    at present it is hard for Master and i as we both have our own seperate lives that must be lived – but time is near when both of U/s will only have each other – we have spent five slow years getting to know each other well – He has taken no guidence except for what is in His heart and in His nature and i have just followed Him – not blindly – but with a growing love and passion i never knew even existed in me. i am the one who sends the pretty pictures and naughty stories.

    The love and care He takes over me – He allows me to be me – to find me and truely give everthing that i am to Him…. sometimes i think it is much harder to be a Master than a slave – much harder indeed – and i so so love Him for that.

    oh- and yes – the sex is awesome …. but that is just the perfect cherry on the perfect cake.

    I did not even know that this world existed until five years ago – i thought for the most part of my life (40 years) … that i was a freak of nature….

    But now i realise i am a part of a very special, very dear and very precious world – that some are truely luckly enough to find .

    Sir Vile – You are a wonderful man – who writes so very beautiffully – and i thank You from the very bottom of my heart.

    • You provide a glimpse here into something far too few write about… the gift of Domination. If we enter into our sacred role dedicated to taking care or our own with love and honor, then we are deserving of being cherished.

      Too few speak of the day to day human side. So as you point out quite nicely, too few that are starting out, have an idea of the not so glamorous effort involved in making a wonderful dynamic work. “Not so glamorous”. hmm yes, but infinitely pleasurable and rewarding if power exchange is the air you breath.

      It pleases me immensely that you have a well developed 24×7, and describe it so well, so others can see how it should work. Wishing you and yours, many long years of happiness.

  9. Silly me.. should have had my coffee first. hit the wrong reply button…

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