Finding The Right Dominant
You stand two men side by side Both say they are Dominants but one is not, how do you tell the real from the fake? One says he has been in the lifestyle for 15 years , while the other has just been trolling in chat rooms, how do you tell the difference ? The one who has been trolling the chat rooms will probably be able to tell you more of what you want to hear, while the other can show you.
You open a bag and it is full of straw, but your told to find a needle but you cant touch it, it has to be visual. That would be nearly impossible. The truth though in life nothing is impossible. The fact is we write our own destiny, we are the cause of our own problems. We may not have full control of the outcome , but we are able to control more than 98%, the other 2% is the ohhhh shit really that just happened. We are the root of our problems just by the decisions we make, and at times we make bad decisions and we know it, but your willing to roll the dice in hopes of hitting sevens. We make mistakes hoping it is not a mistake, we make mistakes knowing we should not go ahead with the plan. When you just say fuck it, 99% of the time your world will come crashing down, and either you will just walk away and hope for some type of miracle it will clean its self up or someone will be there with you to clean up your mess.
I have said this many times the best way to me a prospective Dominant is through your local community. Not just one munch, not just one MasT, not just one Fet con, it will take sometime, but less time than it will with you sitting behind your laptop or on your phone. Beyond Leather a huge huge venue thousands of people from all walks of life. Most munchs have between 15 to 50 people on any giving get together, and some may not go every month. The last MasT Arianna and I had gone to was some 6 months do mainly to my work. I was emailed and invited to speak, give my thoughts on a M’s relationship.
Collarme.com is the most out of hand site on the net today, with ALT.com following a very close second. The problem with dating sites like this is most are the trollers I was speaking about. You can be anybody you want to be. I am Master Jock Strap Ive been a Master for 50 years, and ive had hundreds of worthless slaves who served me, are your worthy? Yea are you worthy of being the next victim .
I will meet you for dinner but there will be no eye contact, you will address me as Sir. I want you to wear the shortest skirt you have with no panties. The truth is none of that proves your submission, because you cant put high heels on your heart. Your heart is where your submission is. I know this, you know this but the dick your meeting has no clue.
The best way to meet your new Prospective Dominant is at a place in public, a nice place to eat. It is also best to go dutch and insist on going dutch so you don’t owe anyone anything.
We should get a Motel room so we can start your training, now just think about those words, is that how you visualized your training? I would hope not. Getting a room does not prove your submission, it proves your easy. If I fuck you on the first meeting, you can wait until the polar icecaps are gone before you will get a call from me the next day or any day, not going to happen. Because if you fucked me 2 hours after meeting me, then many more has does the same thing. It goes the same with men now not just women. If the Dom is trying to get you into bed this soon, then he has does this hundreds of times.
A week or so ago there was a submissive who asked me to check out a potential Dominant and I agreed , so I started reading his profile. The key words that stuck out were mental sadism. That stuff there is pretty deep a mind fuck plus. So I sent him an email asking him if he knew this submissive suffered from depression and had an anxiety problem that at times got really out of control. Now this submissive lives 5000 miles away from me and I knew this, because I asked questions. This Dom knew nothing because he never wanted to get to know her that well. He would of at some point and time wanted to session. In fact if he had cared he would of asked questions. You can get hurt, you can get fucked up, and if someone is not asking you questions besides do you swallow or take it up the ass, where is the real interest?
The no eye contact that is pure ego. Now if you have agreed to allow training to go forward the no eye contact can be a good training tool. On your first meeting it just means he can lie to you and you wont know it.
You need to go in with a loaded gun well not a real gun but a plan, and you need to have questions, and you want answers, and you want truthful answers. Not one man or Dominant will leave a comment on why it is a must to have no eye contact on the first meeting.
Questions ahhh the first are you married you probably do not know this until now, or he may have been upfront with you from the start. How long have you been married? 5 years 10 years 15 years 20 years, but he is going to leave her. How many kids do you have what are their ages? Do you want to be responsible for breaking up her home? If she was really that bad he would be sitting with you as a divorced man but he is not ready to part with a ton of child support or alimony , lose the house a car, lose face with his family who loves their daughter in law
Are you active in the community, you may not think this is very important, but once you start a D’s relationship or an M’s you will want to know others. You will want to see how others live as well.
No I am not I am a private person, or my work I do not want to be seen at these type of places. You know a munch is just a group of people getting together having lunch or dinner. There is no huge sign that says BDSM get together. MasT meetings are held in a private setting. If your at a beyond leather weekend and you run into your boss what are they doing there, even more so what are they going to say. I myself need that interaction with other Dominants, I need to be able to talk to someone that I have a little in common with.
Do you have friends who are in the lifestyle ? I would like to meet them. Now anyone who claims to be in the lifestyle or be a Dominant for 10 years has to have friends. Watching 10 years of porn does not give him experience.
Where do you live? I would like to see your place. There is nothing wrong with that. Why would he not want to show you? Where do you work? How long have you been there? See the topic of sex has not even come up, because you are in control right now. If he gets flustered or angry with questions then that should be a flag. He may look at this as an interview but you need to have the same frame of mind.
Are you on any medication ? This is very important if you find a Dominant who suffers from depression or anxiety the flag should drop because with these comes anger problems. Thank you dinner was nice let me pay for my tab I have to be someplace, anyplace but here.
If your divorced or you have an ex are there any issues with them, many men are still at the beck and call of their ex. This is true, and why would you want to be dragged into their drama. His problems are not your problems. Because he is or has done something stupid does not mean you have to be part of it.
What type of relationship are you looking for? More of a D’s maybe an M’s ? Are you one on one or are you planning on adding another? Are you looking for monogamy or are you looking for poly, because if he says Monogamy then a month down the road you can call him on it. If you are not poly you need to make it clear you will not take part.
Getting a motel room is no way to start your training. How you suck cock , or how good your pussy is will come later. Right now the ball is in your court. If you think about it just like I stated above you hold the key to your destiny , You control the out come of what happens after the first date.
Ask clearly looking eye to eye what he expects out of you and the relationship? What does he hope to gain in having a submissive in his life? What are his protocols like? What are some of the house rules he has in place? Will I be allowed to see my friends? Will I be allowed to go out with them? My family comes first that is a must.
This is just the tip of the iceberg , I just wanted to give you an idea on how things should go, and what you should look out for.
You Don’t have to be a victim . You do not want to end up like this.