BDSM And Mental Health

While it is true there are many who are Slave and Submissive’s in the lifestyle who do not suffer from any type of depression, anxiety, or anything else. It has been my experience over the past two decades that well over half of those I have met have falling under what I am going to speak about.

Before Arianna met me she had been with a couple of Dominants who were abusive, one more physical than the other. The one who was the oldest was more mental abuse, screaming yelling, keeping her up for hours at a time. While the other was more mental, he was the one I called the Hypno Dom.

He is local and uses hypnosis to lure his victims in. Now Hypnosis does not work with everyone, I know because I went to see one once before to try and stop smoking

On the other hand hypnosis does work on some, if the mindset is right. Picking those who are submissive and knowing one could have problems, or maybe even show signs of being lonely. I even consulted a couple of well known Dominants in the area, and it was pretty much Wow that sucks huh.
Well when it comes to rape, or really hurting someone physically to me is a huge deal. Arianna had taking a couple of good beatings from him before she caught on.

I mentor a submissive who lives in another country, and she has improved 1000 times over since we first met, and it was mainly just staying in touch and giving advice when she asked.
So she emailed me about this Dominant who was into mental sadism , I was thinking like wow really? Okay so I contacted him, and I asked if he knew she suffered from anxiety and depression? His answer was no.
So he was going to session with her not knowing anything about her or her mental state..

It is no secret that Arianna had a break down not long after we had met, it was something that was a long time coming, and things were just piling up, and it was like a Volcano.

I do try and make all of Arianna’s appt with her, and yesterday was one, and as the Doctor walked out to welcome Arianna, she looked and said oh your here. Yes I am I thought.
So there were a few changes, and I asked a thousand questions. I wanted to know why, how, what for, and why again. Yea she loves me.

Her doctor knows of our lifestyle as well, we had never come right out and said anything but I am sure she knows what the collar is around Ariannas neck.
I forget what was said but she made the comment that rules and structure were good to have in a home.

I am not going to go down a long list of medications, but I just want to touch on a few things.
If someone is taking medication for depression you as the Dominant need to know why, the same with Anxiety . How long have they been on medication?
At what age did they start? What was the family upbringing like? What was school like? You need to know the submissive inside out ,and then outside in.

So what if this Mental sadist was to of had a session with this Submissive who is bipolar, suffers from depression, and anxiety, not having a clue about her mental state. Lets say he started off playing some mind fucking games, moving into a little pain, all while she is bound, gagged, and blindfolded.
Do you really think he was going to care about the aftermath . The same with the Hypno Dom, who preys on weak women…

Before I say anything else, not every submissive , or slave suffers from anything, there are those who wake up perfectly normal. There are those who do not need to see doctors. To those I say you are very lucky.

Above is the abuse I have been talking about for so long. If you meet a Dominant and he is not asking these question, you are not going to volunteer any information in fear of rejection. If he is not asking questions wanting to know the real you, and he is just interested in your kinks, or demanding you call him Sir. Yea you know.

Although you want to share your life, you do not want to spill your life out in one sitting, this can also make you a target. You should however share information about any medications your on and why you are taking them, how long you have been taking them, and why.

Once I learned about Arianna, I did have a little help as well, that was her journals I read, it took me over 8 hrs to read everything. The training plan I had in mind prior was much more strict , I probably would of seemed more distant in someways. I was not looking to hurt anyone mentally or physically, I was looking for a partner and slave.

When you first meet a Dominant and the first couple of days are just sexual, and he is not trying to get to know you as a person, do you really think he has your best interest in mind?

Here is the number one problem this is to those who are new. You believe anything your told,and you feel you do not have the right to ask questions.

I know when I first meet someone I want to know them inside out, because if you dont and you have a real intense session, and the Dominant dose something to cause a break down, the first words out of his mouth is , Well I didn’t know.. You did not tell him, or he did not ask, there is the lack of communication maybe on both parts, it is not always the Doms fault.

A submissive told me the other day she had suffered from depression but no longer took her meds, she said she was cured and no longer needed them. She came to this conclusion on her own, and the Dominant who I take is a Doctor agreed with her. If he was not a doctor he would of taking different steps I would think. You cannot play with someones well being, you cannot play with someones mind, or their emotions.

All it really takes is you sharing very important information, you the submissive has the right to say no I am not going to do that, or you are not going to do that to me. You have that right. You have the right to have what was promised, you have the right to walk away when you are being abused or lied to.

If the Dominant your with does not care about your safety , then he is not the one for you. If the Dominant does not care about your well being then he is not the one for you.

Move on…

love

Vile

13 Responses to “BDSM And Mental Health”

  1. You do realize that your care and concern comes through your writing? Fully. Don’t EVER doubt that~

    • Much Love, Don’t tell everyone that I have an image to uphold

      • Too late Vile, your exposed for who you really are… A tough, perhaps gruff outward appearance with the heart a thousand times bigger than life. Yes, you have admittedly made some mis-steps but those are the life lessons which you speak so eloquently about.

        I believe you should change the heading for your site to: “I am here as warning to others, trust me.”

        Keep up the great work Vile… Much love and respect for you and miss Arianna…

        -Tom Wolf (Mynx’s Sir)

      • Again you are the man. I hope you are having a kick ass 4th.
        Much love

  2. Mr. Vile, depression and anxiety are signs that something is vert very very confusing, which the usual train of thoughts would not improve.
    However, medication does not cure the problem…just mitigates the manifestations. The downfall is that the mind gets hooked on medication like a body on a walking stick…and this leads to permanent crippling

    Please read this article: http://www.bulletproofexec.com/how-to-fight-depression-and-feel-awesome-without-drugs/

    I am absolutely sure that under your caring attention Ariana will never need pills to drown her mind with…

    Respectfully, MK

    • Dear MK
      I can’t agree with you on this. Reading an article on the Internet is someone’s conclusion through their own analysis or maybe even a small study. I do not take medication to “drown my mind”. It is quite opposite. I’m not going to go into great detail but one would need to ask if your opinion comes from first hand knowledge? Have you ever experienced crippling anxiety or depression for an extended period of time where your daily life is affected to the point that you are on the verge of losing relationships and a career?
      In some instances and for some people with mild depression or anxiety I do believe that maybe therapy, acupuncture, diet change, meditation and lessening stress in one’s life can help. But in instances where there had been years of therapy and years of history and a diagnosis of major depressive disorder I firmly believe that medication will help to improve ones life in the functionality of everyday living. It’s not really fair to sufferers to conclude that they do not deserve to experience life fully because they should be able to help themselves without medical intervention. I would dare to say that I wonder if your advice would also be given to someone who has been diagnosed with a more socially acceptable disease like diabetes?
      Thank you for your comment. Have a great weekend.
      ~Arianna

      • * shy smile
        Dear Ariana,
        I know a little much more than the article…as I am trained professional psychologist. Someone wise told me that internet correspondence may be challenging due to limitations of not seeing the other person, cultural differences, phraseology.

        What I would like to convey is that unfortunatelly both doctors and patients are too easy with medication, which never comes without unpredictable side effects.
        The mind is a beautiful tool that needs nurturing and complimenting. When something is odd it is a sign that one has to find the root of the problem not to coat the signs.

        I graduated medical school but I has never been convinced that chemical substances introduced in the body would cure the disorder, except for antibiotics in well selected situations.

        You are a highly intelligent woman who could very well benefit from alternatives to medication that is not only addictive but eventually will require increasingly higher doses as the brain has this amazing ability to ‘get used to it’ and eventually become insensitive.

        Should you like to talk more about this, please write me to greeneyedminx7@gmail.com.

        I truly want you to enjoy the life you have with Mr. Vile fully you, without artificial props.

        Joy&Delight, MK

  3. Mr. Vile,
    Thank you so much for this post. I too, was abused both mentally & physically and also suffered many other atrocities at the hands of my now ex-husband of 10 years. Since I left, I have learned that he was a true sadist (and not the fun kind). Although I did not discover my submissive side until after I left, I see now (thanks to the guidance of my Master & His beautiful wife) that it was always there. My ex preyed on it, brainwashed me and nearly destroyed me because of it.

    I am so very lucky that I met my Master and His wife. Had someone else in the life found me, who knows what other abuse I could have suffered. They were very careful to learn all about me, my triggers, my medications & my depression / anxiety. Just as you mention, there were times that I felt (as a newbie) that I could not speak up. And when I didn’t, it caused major issues. Therefore, I completely agree with your comments about the submissive asking questions and speaking up. Once I learned to do this, (trust was part of the reason it took me a while to do, an abused woman is obviously hesitant) a new world opened up for me! I discovered that I am a slave at heart and I just needed the right guidance to help me thrive in service. My life is now in the hands of Those who truly care about me and my recovery. They have, and continue to help me discover both who and what I am. I will forever be indebted to Them for this.

    • Wow very nice. I am sorry you had such troubling times my heart goes out to you.
      I am very happy you are in a good place a secure place where you are cared for and loved.
      Truly much love.

  4. Wonderful, well-thought out and well written post which every Dominant should read. Regarding the medication versus therapy for psychological healing, in my humble opinion, there is no one right answer, and each D/s couple must decide with their physician and counselor what is appropriate for the patient. Sometimes someone might think they have recovered or are completely “cured” only to have a series of relapses throughout life. Anything can trigger depression and anxiety to return. It takes a wise partner to be a loving caregiver. I applaud you Sir Vile!

    Hugs to you and your partner Miss a.

  5. Knight Chadast Says:

    I wish I had found this a few days ago. I was giving a guest lecture last in a Human Sexuality class at a local college. My subject was “An Introduction to Spanking and BDSM” I most certainly touched on this topic but did not cover it nearly a eloquently as you did here.

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