I had a bad day..

When I shower 99% of the time Arianna kneels at the tub and we talk, once I step out she drys me off. Now before you jump to any conclusions , this is something she wants to do, and made it clear from the beginning.

So the other night Arianna was cooking and I did not want to bother her, and as I stepped out of the shower I reached for the door, where we hang out Bath Towels, and nothing is there. So I begin to look around looking for a towel. Where in the fuck are the towels I am thinking ? I walk out in the hallway I open a closet door, or I think that’s what it is and look, oh this is where the sheets are. Good to know.

So I now call out Arianna where are the Bath towels ? In the pantry in the Bathroom Master where they have always been. Really ? Well you learn something new everyday. Now our Pantry is weird. The house was built in the early 40’s, so somethings are a bit different. When you open the pantry it is like a huge fucking box built into a wall, and it has 3 shelves, but it goes back like 2 feet it is really deep.

So I open the pantry door look in, and it looks like a Macy’s makeup counter. I open the door on a regular basis, but I know where my mouthwash is and hair spray, other than that Ive never really gave it much thought as to the contents of said hole in the wall.

As I am looking up I see what looks like 5 or 10 Bath towels,all folded very nice.

Here is the bad thing, I did not have a fucking clue where they were. Because there is either one hanging on the door, or folded and laying on the toilet seat with my clothes that are also placed on top of the towel.

I really do not know where anything is in a house I have lived in for more than a year and a half.

I come home from work, most of the time Arianna is fast asleep , so I try to be somewhat quite. My clothes folded nicely on the edge of the bed, my phone charger in place , water on my nightstand , and my pillows are fluffed.

Yea Ive got it made, and I know it. That is why I give back so much, without thought. That is why I have a need to give back.

Saturday was somewhat of a bad day. I was going to cook dinner for Arianna. So while getting up, from my desk to get ready and go to the store, I kick the bottom of the desk, breaking the toe next to my pinky toe. My head just went numb, and I was yelling all these nice words.
I get dressed walk out into our dinning room look at my car keys, walk out the door locking it behind me and I stopped. No you did not just do that?

I turn around looking at the knob slowly reaching I turn, and I said mother fucker. Yup locked.

I look at my phone 28% battery left, Arianna will not be home for 3 hours.
So now I am like that TV show Naked and afraid, but I am really neither I just locked out of my fucking house.

Okay so how long can I survive out here in these harsh conditions, how soon will I need protein, water, worse my Vap ecig is almost empty.

Text Arianna, then I call the maintenance man who takes care of the house, voice mail, then I text, and of course nothing.

Fuck me now the landlord the bitch from hell. She invented the word cunt. If you squeezes her head you could not get a penny to pop out of her ass.
She lives up north but we have met. I am not her biggest fan.

So I called and I explain my problem. She says I should get in my car, drive over the the maintenance mans house and get an extra key.
Dead silence, and I am thinking of my next words, because I just heard something very fucking stupid.
I said marg, my car keys are on the same key ring my house keys are on, pretty much like everyone Else’s. She says well if you call him you will have to give him some money. Okay not a problem.
Then she hangs up. So I have to call back, and I say marg the reason I called was because I called his cell and it went straight to voice mail, I need his land line number. She goes $%$@#$!$!&* and hangs up, and no I did not get the number, so I call back , and ask her to repeat the number slower, and she says why don’t you just write the number down. Now I want to slap her, but with all the Botox she could explode.

The maintenance man comes and once in he walks straight to our Aquarium looking at it and asking me again about the fish I have in it. Once the conversation is over hes looking like the hungry bell hop, almost holding his hand out, so I said you know I do not have any cash on me but I am going to the store now so Ill drop you ten dollars off here in a little bit. Then I think wait a fucking minute, the last time he was here, he fell in love with an old picture I had in my dinning room.

It was a old poster called rules of the Inn. He loved it because he owns a Bed and Breakfast. So I said hold on for a second, I walked out and came back with the poster, I said here please take this, no no no I could never. I said well you either take it of I am going to drop it. He walked out looking like a kid in a candy store.

So I guess in a sense he saved my life, now I can get protein and water in my already dehydrated body, and I know I was on the verge of death.




17 Responses to “I had a bad day..”

  1. Oh how dramatic is the end of this story… LOL

  2. Welcome to being Human, Superman.

  3. Hahaha….I especially love that you didn’t know where your towels were. As a matter of fact, I’m giggling right now about it. No, sorry, I’m collapsing in fits of laughter….Sorry… I’m better now… No, I’m not… I’m still laughing…

  4. That was hilarious, Vile. Glad you didn’t starve!!

  5. Cinnamon Says:

    You have an amazing wife and slave. And that was hilarious. 🙂

  6. Wow, never thought of you as such a survival specialist! Glad you survived this horrendous ordeal. The towel thing was indeed hilarious. When you write down stories like this your style reminds me very much of that of Charles Bukowski.

  7. Reblogged this on thekinkyworldofvile and commented:

    This is an older post. I have something coming in the next few days..

  8. That was hilarious…..great writing style. Really enjoyed

  9. tiffanyj Says:

    Eurgh…..how annoying are those days where EVERYTHING literally goes wrong?! I hope your day got better?

  10. Oh my I absolutely love this. So glad your close verge with death was avoided. I love how people listen with both ears closed. Truly amazing. Thanks for the story.

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