What Makes A Dominant

This is an answer that will differ from one person to another. Every Submissive, Slave, or Baby Girl will have a different definition. Every Slave, Submissive or Baby Girl has different needs, their submissive is on different levels, but the characteristics should be somewhat the same when it comes to A definition.

Honesty should be first on the list. When you first meet a new Dominant the first words out of his mouth is. You should always be honest with me. Now if he holds you to such high standards , why would he not be held to the same ?

I know I rag on married men who cheat on their wives, but if a man is married and he tells you, I want you to be honest with me at all times. You need to stop and think about those words coming out of his mouth, because he is already lying to you about being honest. It is clear he cannot run or control his own home, so how can he control you?

I will speak about couples who move into the lifestyle here in a minute, because there is a clear difference.

You know when meeting a new Dominant you should be able to tell if he has your best interest in mind. Such as asking about your home life, your health, any medications your on. The music you like, your favorite foods, you get the picture.

It is very important the two of you get to know each other as friends.If you start the relationship off on a sexual note, then that is all you will have and it will be short lived.

Make sure you fully understand what is expected of you. I myself explain things in such detail when I am finished there are no questions. If you ask me a question I give a very in depth answer.

Before a Dominant can hand out any rules, he should know you inside out, He should know how you think and what makes you think the way you do. He must have a clear picture and understanding of your bad and good habits.

I have said before rules are meant to replace bad habits. Rules are meant to provide structure. Rules will give you a comfort zone, meaning you have a clear understanding of what is going on. Once you have rules in place, they are almost never altered. Once you have a grasp on everything a few maybe added or old ones taken away.

Training

Is training real? Absolutely it is real and there are many different levels of training depending on how far you are wanting to take your submission.
Training can be mild, or it can be extreme, and even taking as far as what some would call the Stockholm syndrome, and one of the best references would be to study up on the Patty Hurst case.

You the Submissive or Slave should know and understand exactly what it is you hope to gain out of your training. How do you see yourself living in a D’s Or M’s relationship.
Before the training begins, the Dominant should sit you down and explain what he hopes to gain from your training, and where he hopes to see you in 90 days or so.
The training process can only be effective if the Dominant is consistent on a daily basis. The training can only be effective if the rules, and protocols are enforced on a daily basis.

A Dominant will never ask you to do anything that may put your job in jeopardy. A Dominant will never ask you to do anything that could be against the law.

Isolation

Many of you really have no idea what the term Isolation means when it comes to a D’s or M’s lifestyle. Implementing such an act can be very harmful to you mentally, and physically. Shutting you out from the outside world, keeping you away from family and friends.
Lets face it we all need a break at one time or another. Being able to visit friends, family, having a girls night out. You want to be able to clear your head.
Isolation is something many fake Doms use as a tool. The more your isolated the less chance you have finding out any real information.
You Don’t need friends you have me. You don’t need to talk to anyone else , that is why you have me. I am your Dom, or master I have all the information you need.

You should never give your passwords or any other personal information to your Dominant. This is a true sign of the Dominant being insecure. We are all adults and we all need some privacy. Insecurity, and a huge ego will get you nowhere.
You as a submissive or Baby girl, you have the right to question, you also have the right to say no. If your not sure Google submissive or Baby girl.

If you do not live together you should have full access to your Dominants home, once you both have agreed to enter a relationship.
The reason being, he will tell you what is yours is now his. Well surprise, surprise it works both ways now..

You should have access to your Dominant 24/7 if you are not living together. If you send a text or email, you should expect a response in a timely manner, meaning within an hour or so.
I have seen on her where a Dominant has told his property he was to busy to text, or email for several days.

Pick up your cell phone and type 35 words and time yourself and see how long it takes. 15 seconds maybe? So your going to tell me the Dominant does not have time to respond, yea bullshit.

Remember you have giving your submission, and he the Dominant has taking on the responsibility. You do have rights.

If you do not live together, and you have agreed to enter a relationship, the Dominant should be able to provide you with a clear time line on when the two of you would be making some kind of move. If neither have no plans of moving in together that is fine.

The Poly Dominant

Poly is not for everyone, and living in a poly relationship is probably one of the hardest task in the lifestyle. Most poly families do not life together, for one reason or another. I know of a couple right now that are working but the drama is just out of hand.
If you do not live together, there is no way to maintain any type of structure. If you do not live together, there is no way to enforce any type of rules or protocols.

You the Submissive needs to ask upfront if the Dominant is poly or not. If you are not poly then you need to make it clear, and you need to stand by your words.
If you are open to the idea but with stipulations you need to make them clear.
You should also ask why he has a need to have more than one submissive or slave. When I has asked other Doms the answer has always been I need more flavor. Think about this for a minute, more flavor really? So your cocking sucking skills are not good enough, maybe he needs a tighter pussy? Or maybe you refuse to do anal and that is a need for him. If ass fucking is a need and your not into anal, guess what? Your the wrong submissive for him.

Dominants And Depression

That is a loaded gun, and the clip is never empty. There is a great chance you the submissive or slave has some form of depression, not everyone but the odds are pretty good you do.
If this is the case, how would you expect a Dominant who suffers from pretty much the same thing, take control of your life. If the Dominant is not able to control his own life, how can he control yours?
These are questions you need to find out before entering a relationship. You need to know what type of medications he is on and what they are for.
When entering a D’s or M’s relationship you can leave no stone un-turned.
Depression is a silent killer, watch the news this morning and you will see.

The Dominant.

No real Dominant has anger issues. The real Dominant is in full control. The real Dominant lives by the truth, and expects the same in return. A Dominant is in full control of his life and surroundings. The real Dominant has no Drama inssues, he has no Drama with the Ex.
Most Dominant are very active in the lifestyle it is a true need, I know this because it is for me, and the 25 or so I meet with every month.
You should be able to ask for references, of other Doms he knows and in some cases other Subs he knows or has owned before.

Reason being you are going to let a man tie you up, spank your ass, along with many other things, and you do not want someone who just read 50 shades thinks he is the almighty, he is now the Master of Masters. You can get hurt.

Couples moving into the Lifestyle

Now this is the other Dominant, he may still have some anger issues. Anger or controlling anger takes a while to master, it takes time to learn how to control. It took me some time, I do have a temper, and I have lost it, but Arianna has never seen that side of me and she never will.
You have to learn how to filter that anger and replace it with good.
One thing I started doing, my mentor told me this. If you are angry think about what your going to say before you say it.
This gives you time to rethink what your about to say, and it also gives you time to calm down a little.

If your wife is not Submissive, but you have found a Dominant side in you, if you sat your wife down and explain your needs in full detail, it is more than likely she will agree to experiment with your idea. You have to be able to sat her down, and explain in clear detail what has made you change, and why these things are now a need. In most cases it is in the woman’s blood to want to please.

If you are a submissive and your Husband is not Dominant, well it is sad to say your pretty much out of luck.
Chances are the male is not going to want to take on anymore responsibility than he already has, which in most cases is very little. Those who have very little responsibility, are in it for the mother figure thing , and that is what you are you do everything his mother did, except for sex.

You cook, you clean, you take care of the kids, you pay the bills, and he watches Monday Night Football.
Many married men see BDSM as abuse, and they feel bad about doing certain things.

You all know how I feel about stepping outside of the marriage, it is wrong.
When you got married you exchanged Vows and you made a promise.
If you are not happy leave, it is not fair to you, but more so it is not fair to the other.
How long are you going to live your life unhappy, so when you think about stepping out, think about your family. Why would you want to drag them or your children through your mess.

The Collar
The collar has great meaning. The collar is a sign of ownership. Once around your neck you will feel a bond like no other. This is when your relationship really begins to grow.

The Collar is giving after your first phase of training. The first phase as I call it, can last anywhere from 3 to 6 months. About the same length of time you would think about getting married to someone.
The collar means you are now owned, the collar means you and your Dominant have come to terms and you are now ready to settle in.

If your Dom went to Wal mart and purchased a 6.00 dog collar, you now know how much your worth. If he went to an adult book store and paid 9.99 for a collar, again you now know how much your worth.

The collar is meant to be worn 24/7, so if you are a professional then great care should be taking when he is selecting your collar.

Many 50 shades Dominant have these wal mart collars and will try to give you the collar on the first meeting. This is used as leverage, this gives him more control over you, because you have agreed to submit, and only knowing him in person for a couple of hours.

Last you want to be excepted for who you are, not who the Dominant wants you to be. You want to be loved and cared for, you want communication, you want honesty, you want someone who is going to always put you first no matter what. You want someone who understands you, as a partner and a submissive, you want security, but you want that firm hand as well.
You want a leader who is in control, and stands by his words.

You want a real Dominant.
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Vile

25 Responses to “What Makes A Dominant”

  1. I’ve been reading your blogs for awhile. Every day I tell my master, This is the best one I’ve read, however…you seem to top the last one every time lol. This is very informative and I Love this one. Thank you for taking the time to write. It’s always a pleasure to read what you have to say.

  2. “Those who have very little responsibility, are in it for the mother figure thing , and that is what you are you do everything his mother did, except for sex.” So, there you go. Summed it right up!

  3. Hi. I really enjoy your blog and posts. I am new to bdsm. I am married. I am dominant and my wife is submissive, so it works out great. We love the lifestyle very much.

    I think you have the most all encompassing and informative site as it pertains to bdsm, abuse, M/s, D/s, and other aspects of the lifestyle. I have read many of your articles, and I truly enjoy them. I do not have a mentor and do not know where to even find one. But being able to read your posts allows me to get an inside view of how it works and what is expected of me, along with my wife’s own interests. Thank you for that.

    I have been reading about your own expanded projects. I think they are great ideas. I just hope you keep blogging because that is where you shine. I am wondering if you would like an extra set of eyes to look over your posts before you publish them. I write legal documents for a living and was editor in chief of a national publication. I could look over your work for grammar and spelling mistakes that are easily overlooked by an author’s own eyes. I would enjoy doing this to make your ideas more expressive. If interested let me know. And maybe in exchange you could write on a few topics that I have had difficulty grasping and incorporating into my life. Let me know. And again, thank you for the site, it truly is a great one.

    Jason

    • sure jason my email is viledesires62@aol.com

      Thank you for stopping in and more so I enjoy knowing someone is getting something out of my blog.

      You know I have no plans of stopping, but I am approaching 950 post in 2 years.

      Right now I avg about 40K a month in visitors, and it is growing monthly.

      I do get a lot of hate male from mostly men, and a few from liberated women who think I am abusive, but I still sleep at night.

      I am always open to idea…

  4. I love this. Having had a horrible experience with a Dom a few weeks back, your post explains why. He wanted me to become something I was not, instead of embracing me for who I am. In doing that he disregarded a boundary and created a very unsafe space.
    Great post…
    a

  5. this is a smart read…
    I’ve read many articles along the way and very often it seems rules/protocols are weighted towards what the lead/Dom wants from their follow/submissive and what they think will ‘satisfy’ their follow/submissive’s needs. What you’ve said about rules being protocols that correct unhealthy habits is a useful approach to behaviour modification- with the end result being positive for all parties involved, a respectful and mindful approach to lifestyles. It also shows just ‘how much’ the lead/Dom needs to know their follow/submissive and any unhealthy habits they may have (and trust enough to disclose).

    Thank you for this eloquently written and respectful view.

  6. Black_Scorpio Says:

    thank you for very good text. You are the light-bringer for the newbies and even for some people that are in this life style for a while.
    I discovered that I feel very good as dominant and I need to admit that after reading your posts I am much more aware how does it work for both sides.
    It is very good that you are speaking loudly how some fakes try to abuse the one who has a little or no knowledge at all.
    Very good job, I will surely read your blog more often.

    BS

  7. Thank you for writing this
    Fantastic post
    been reading you a while now and your so honest and upfront
    You speak so loudly..its good
    ill be reading you more often
    x

  8. […] Source: What Makes A Dominant […]

  9. If you are a submissive and your Husband is not Dominant, well it is sad to say your pretty much out of luck. –

    I would say there are three options- 1) Try to turn your husband into a Dom with mentoring 2) Arrive at a poly relation agreement 3) Start the divorce proceedings.

    I have assisted with choice one from time to time. I’ve seen it work and I’ve seen it fail. It depends on the husband. Sometimes control was lacking but they didn’t understand the wife needed this. Sometimes the wife had to control because the husband sucked at it and that is pretty much a lost cause.

    There is hope though. You don’t have to be out of luck. Now I have to say hello to an old friend I haven’t spoke with in years. The husband of this relation became a strong Dom back in 2010 to save his marriage. I need to see if that is still working. A hello is long overdue.

    • I have seen this happen but not very often I am working with a couple now who are struggling

      • I often say, this is an orientation, not a lifestyle. Some people are Dominant or submissive by nature or upbringing but for whatever reason, they just have what it takes. Long way of saying.. yeah.. not very often.

  10. Hiya! I know this is kinda off topic nevertheless I’d figured I’d ask.
    Would you be interested in trading links or maybe guest authoring a blog post or
    vice-versa? My blog goes over a lot of the same topics as yours and I believe we could greatly benefit from each other.
    If you are interested feel free to shoot me an email.

    I look forward to hearing from you! Awesome blog by the way!

  11. […] just textbook theory and other boring stuff.  Plus, as I JUST observed in a comment on whose blog? Vile of course..  Some things you can’t […]

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