Before Your Training……

Training seems to be an area many of you who are submissive have been mislead on. It seems many of you have been giving incorrect information, or your just being used.

Remember my blog is my own opinion , but you also have to remember I am giving you a males point of view and nothing more.

Courtship , courtships are so nice, I remember dating back in school, and the courtship set the pace of what was to come.

Although once I hit the age of 14 I went through some huge changes. It was as though I woke one morning a different person, something animalistic inside me came to life.

Courtship before BDSM the getting to know each other phase, the giggling and laughing. The different foods we like, how we like our steaks cooked. The music we like, places we have traveled and so on.

Something I did prior to meeting Arianna, if I was considering a relationship. I would require the slave to write a journal for 30 days.

You cannot possibly enter a D’s Or M’s relationship not knowing each other. You and I know this can not be done in a week or even two weeks.

Now if your just looking for the kink side of things, and your not interested in the structure, protocol’s and everything else that goes along with a D’s relationship , then the above would not include you.

It takes roughly a month for the Dominant to know you well enough , before he can start implementing rules and Protocols. The Dominant has to know you inside and out.

Something else you have to consider, every Dominant is different, every Dominant has different expectations, goals, and needs.

A journal is an inside peak into your life, it tells who you are, what your thoughts are, your needs, and what you need out of a relationship.

I would take the journal and spend about a week reading it so I could come to understand the slave. I wanted to know what made the slave tick. I wanted to know what the slaves needs were. Where she was now and where she wanted to be in the future.

Putting a plan together, a training plan that would benefit the slave.

As a Dominant or Master our only concern is our property is being taking care of, mentally and physically, nothing else matters because we are now going to put our property before anything else in our life. We have made a clear commitment and a promise we would be there for them no matter what….

You should be number one at all times, that is what you expect and you should not settle for anything less..

Compatibility is the first both will need to find out, if you agree to enter a relationship and you really know nothing about each other the relationship will be short lived..

I do agree the training should start once you enter the relationship but there has to be a getting to know each other phase, if it is just sexual then that is all your going to have.

Let the Dominant explain upfront what your training is going to consist of, what your going to get out of your training.
If those questions cannot be answered then you are with a 50 Shades of Grey Dominant, and that is one thing the movie left out was the training, why the training and how to maintain a D’s Or M’s relationship.

50 shades of grey is just a more intense version of the movie , 9 1/2 weeks and nothing more

If your Dom is not taking interest in your needs, or lets say your blog, or your not recognized on social sites as being their partner, or not interested in your hobbies, then you know he does not have your best interest in mind, and your probably really nothing to him.

The journal opens the door to your world. It shows the real you, it shows your inner feelings that you may not otherwise be willing to share.
Sometimes putting it on paper is much easier that trying to talk and share your feelings.

You know even today Arianna will email me if something is on her mind, because it is easier for her to explain something in that form, and I understand.

If your journal is your blog, make sure your Dominant reads it, ask him questions about your thoughts, sit down together and go over everything.
He may be able to give you a much clearer picture.


Both of you need a clear plan prior to entering the relationship. ..


10 Responses to “Before Your Training……”

  1. My “journal” ran through emails and conversations — I wrote quite a bit more than M, but he said, “everything” and I took Him at His word. It was a good way (for us) to communicate at any time of the day.

  2. I’m going to caution against giving access to your blog too soon as a woman… Learned that the hard way.

    Gives far too much power to the wrong man if you have chosen unwisely.

    Otherwise, totally agree!


  3. Reblogged this on Searching 4 Selina and commented:
    Something to remember and to keep in the back of our minds.

  4. A sore point for me– I express myself best in writing, and I use a lot of words… it is my “craft” and my love. I love DH very much and I know he loves me. We have a commitment that far surpasses any D/s, we’ve stuck together through the lowest of lows… the vanilla, the celibacy, the rejection, and our redemption. I blogged for 2 years as I sought D/s for us. We’re now on that road, doing well, he knows of my blog, but still, it is hard for him to make reading it a priority. He understands a little better that it means a lot to me that he reads. But he won’t initiate a conversation about what I blog. I’m impressed you see the usefulness of this. So, question– if you sub were to blog something about you that was angry, frustrated or critical, would you be angry?

    • You never get angry at the one who lays on her back. That may sound mean or a little to out there but it is my way of thinking.
      You do not have to be a Dominant to show such interest, but a loving partner
      The problem many vanilla men have crossing that dark side is, the first thing they hear is more control.
      You want to hand over more control, and in a males vocabulary that is a no no.
      The man wants to be taking care of. He wants the cooking done, the bills paid, and so on.
      Then he wants sex, so the word control equals fear…
      Keep communicating that is important..
      Much love

  5. We too have made use of emails and notebooks to communicate in a different way from the everyday conversations.
    The starting point for our move into our current D/s phase came from an email I sent whilst working away, in which I just blurted out “This is how I am feeling”. Not ‘what should we do?’ or ‘this is what I want’. It led into weeks, months of email exchanges and conversations looking at our life together. What had we been like in earlier times, why are some of those things not in our life now? What would we like to bring back? what new ways of being together would we like to explore?
    I don’t think we have benefitted immensely from this considered approach.
    He continues to require me to present ideas to him, handwritten in a notebook, slowing things down, considering.


    • Putting things in black and white are some of the best ways to communicate.
      Yes even today, Arianna will shoot me an email, because it is much easier to explain.
      She is also coming up with new things, things she wants to try to deepen her submission, so I do understand where you are coming from..

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