My 1000th Post
It is hard to believe I have hit 1000 post, time sure does fly by.
I started my blog The Kinky World Of Vile with one intent.
I wanted to give a guide to those who are entering the awesome world of BDSM.
Much of my blog is about me, my past , present and a little about where I think my future will take me.
The biggest thing I hit on though is safety. What you should be looking out for when your looking for a new partner, a Dominant, a Master, or a Daddy Dom. Because in the past 20 yrs or so I have filled different roles in the lifestyle.
Safety is huge today, and if you do not know anything about the lifestyle, it can be a very hard road.
Unfortunately most of what we learn in life is by making mistakes , mistakes can be good if you learn from them.
In the past I have taken advantage of women, in the past I have used women, just so I could get what I wanted.
I have had many successful relationships that ended because it was just time to move on, and I have been in relationships that ended in failure, and the failure was my own doing, my fault.
I have been in relationships that were just convenient for that time. It is good sometimes to have a piece of ass around when you want it, or you would think so, but it is not always what it seems.
I have shared my first real experience with a Slave. How I learned so much from her, and now as I look back, what we did she craved but in my eyes it was just abuse.
Sherri called me Master but I was so far from being a Dominant it was not funny , and I was never a Master, nor was I in control.
I was someone who inflicted pain so someone could get off. There were no rules, no protocols, nothing.
The biggest part of the relationship was about humiliation. Some would think it was fun, but it really became a burden because I had to out do what I had done with new sessions.
What I did learn though was impact play. I learned where it was safe to hit and not safe to hit. Believe it or not you can really hurt someone if you do not know what you are doing.
As I look back if I had met her today I would not of entered such a relationship. Number one that is not me, and two I know now what I did was abuse, because of her mental state.
I do however believe just because someone is bipolar does not mean they cannot enter a D’s or M’s relationship. Being with someone who truly cares about you and your well being makes a real difference.
I have posted material about how someone knew could meet a new Dominant and the questions to ask. I have mentioned the warning signs, and how to tell if someone is real or not.
It is so easy to avoid a huge disaster , and move on until you find the right one.
While the majority of my relationships have been long term, the reason they did not last as in the one, was because I settled for something less.
I settled for the then, the now instead of what I wanted and needed
You cannot change who you are, I have tried, I left the lifestyle in search of something that was not there, and even being unhappy I remained loyal, until the day I left, because I made a commitment.
Many believe they are submissive but once they enter a relationship they come to terms that they are not. Most Dominants will try to stick it out, but will soon walk away.
This is something the submissive cannot understand but the Dominant is doing the right thing. It is not fair to her and it is not fair to him..
Many women who are married to a vanilla male and she wakes up one morning with a burning desire to serve, cannot expect her partner to step in and turn his life around or his beliefs.
Many see D’s or M’s as abuse and it is a mental picture that will never go away
The first word out of the submissive’s mouth is more control, and this is all the male hears and he wants no part of that.
He married you to take care of the home, the bills, the cooking the laundry, getting the car serviced.
So you either pack up and leave, or you suck it up like your suppose to.
I have talked about how I truly believe a woman can find herself at a later age, meaning something triggers an emotion, something triggers the need to serve.
I also believe this is less likely to happen with a Male Dominant.
A male Dominant is born, he is Dominant by nature. I knew in my early teens I was different. I had different needs when it came to sex.
It was not even really about sex it was about control, and it took me years to perfect what I have today.
When I am talking I am giving a males side of things not just mine. I am telling you how we think, what makes us tick.
So you need to take a few steps to insure you are getting exactly what you need in a relationship.
Okay so if a Dom you are first meeting gets upset because you are asking to many questions, he does not have your best interest in mind.
Your going to be the one laying on your back, your going to be the one on your knees, so you should have expectations, you should have questions and concerns.
Are your limits going to be respected ? Are you going to be number one in his life?
One of the first questions most ask is are you Bi ? Have you ever been with another woman ? Do you have fantasy’s about it?
If you say no then here comes the disapproval , here comes the I am the dominant you do as I say.
I myself love seeing two women together, there is nothing more hotter, than watching a woman go down on another woman.
Here is the thing Arianna is no Bi although she has been with a few women.
I respect her and I respect her enough to never force her to do something her heart is not into.
Another question , why would I take a chance and fuck up what I have now? Why would I want to possibly hurt Arianna? Hurting her mentally.
Arianna comes first and she always will, on another note I am living the dream because as it is I get anything I want, and I do mean anything.
So I would never jeopardize what I have , in the end I could lose everything.
So my 1000th post or blog what ever you call it. While I do not claim to know everything, nor do I believe my way is the only way, I would hope you can take bits and pieces and put something together.
I have talked about Training. Training does not really take place in a D’s relationship and even less in a Daddy Dom relationship.
Although at one time I filled those shoes, it was not who I was or wanted to be, I let my emotions get the best of me.
Even today When at a Munch or a MAsT meeting I have trouble relating to other Dominants and more so the Daddy Doms, because it seems there is no type of structure or protocols.
It is not to say all relationships are that way, but I suppose that is why I do not have that many friends.
Twenty plus years in the lifestyle and their is one Dominant I call a true friend, and sometimes he even makes me shake my head but we can relate to each other.
I currently have others I am trying to get close to, but I am having a hard time. Even as friends you have to have something in common.
I have spoken about how important it is to become friends before moving into a D’s relationship. Although communication is a very valuable asset, compatibility comes into play and compatibility in my eyes could be a serious deal breaker.
You want a Dominant who wants to get to know you as a person first, instead of someone who just wants their cock sucked.
A well structured home is a stable home. A Dominant with not anger issues is a stable home. Consistency equals a stable home, communication open communication equals a stable home.
The same goes for the male Dominant as well, many times the Dominant will settle for less, thinking he will be able to change someone. Many times this will not work out, and it becomes more of a struggle and causing stress and arguing.
The idea is not to change someone but to improve on what is there , while it is true we train to fit our needs, changing someone to someone they are not will never work.
I think this goes to men who are vanilla as well, settling for less and they end up looking outside the home to be happy. It is not fair to your partner because you made the mistake. It is not fair to your partner to mislead them.
Then when your caught and you will get caught you put the blame on them, but that is just to make you feel good…
Think about it, if your seeing a married Dominant who is cheating, and he is telling you how bad his wife is behind her back, think about what he is telling his friends about you behind your back.
If you stop and think about it, if his life was really so fucking bad he would of been long gone. He would of already been divorced prior to meeting you. Then you have to look deeper, if he is cheating on her, he will cheat on you, if you think other wise you need to do some real soul searching.
Training a slave, I have talked about the importance of being not only consistent during training but after as well. Consistency means everything.
Prior to training a plan should be put together a short term plan as well as a long term plan. It is very important you know the slave, it is very important you know the needs of the slave.
Prior to training Arianna I spent about a week putting a plan together that I would would work. I also looked at what aspects of the training I would have any type of resistance , and how I would handle it.
Once I started I never said okay get ready get set go. I slowly introduced things into her life. One of the first things I did was validate who I was not what I was but who. So I introduced her to very close friends in the lifestyle I had known for 15 plus years and some beyond 20 years. I had nothing to prove, I wanted to make her feel more comfortable knowing I had been truthful with her, I was in fact who I said I was.
The initial training was roughly 90 days, and it was 90 days of no real freedom, very little speech, and a lot of listening and paying attention. We attended local events, and I even invited another Master and Slave over and Arianna was the host.
The one thing that threw me off was the lack of resistance, Arianna just went with the flow. The truth is that was something I had not counted on, and although I was somewhat confused I just went ahead as planned.
To date I have never left a Mark on Arianna, and I have never raised my voice to her. To date we have never had an argument. It is not because she is not allowed to voice her opinion, it is because we have the right connection.
A Dominant who is abusive has no place in the lifestyle, a Dominant with a temper has no place in the lifestyle. A Dominant with a drinking problem has no place in the lifestyle. A Dominant with drug addiction has no place in the lifestyle.
My way may not be your way, as a matter of fact I am almost sure its not, but what I am giving you is the foundation, something you can build on.
In my world there is such a thing as perfection and she wakes every morning. Perfection is in the eye of the beholder. At times I just set back and look and I think to myself , yea I did that.
Vile radio is coming That I promise, things have just been so busy, but it is something we are working on, it will be a lot of fun, and yet another get away for me…
1000 post post and another 1000 coming, much love to all the awesome people who follow my blog, and a huge thanks to those who stop by.
You know your always free to comment , and you do not have to agree with me, your also welcome to ask questions, but just make sure you want the truth.