Dominant , Submissive Equals Compatibility
Your relationship is not going that well , the two of you are not getting along , or maybe you argue a lot. Maybe you don’t have that much in common or you don’t talk the way you use to. Maybe your both losing interest and your not sure why.
Compatibility is the one thing we look over at times because we make a rush to judgement. We jump in to fast before we can see the whole picture.
Sometimes your mind is caught up in the moment and your not thinking straight, your feeling over whelmed, but you know it has to be right.
The new is always good the first 30 to 60 days are awesome everything seems to perfect , but then the new begins to wear off and that compatibility thing starts to come into play…
Several years ago I was chatting with a slave online and I guess I gave her ideas about a relationship that I was not aware of. Then one morning about 4am I get a knock at the door and when I open it she is standing there, and before I could say anything she said I am home Master.
So I invited her in after all she had just drove 1200 miles and I made a pot of coffee and I was thinking okay she is not hard to look at her personality is okay so why not give it a try.
At that time I was still into S&M but I was slowly moving in another direction I just had not found myself as of yet.
The first two weeks she slept on my couch, it was weird because I just did not have that connection with her, so I knew then it would not work.
I tried to session with her several times, we did some impact play as well as a little needle play but I was just not feeling it.
In the mean time she is communicating with all my friends asking them how she can learn to take more pain, and the answer was always the same , you cannot learn.
Then came our conversation , she starts off well I think you need to change the way you play I cannot handle it. You need to be more gentle and start off slower.
I am just sitting there looking at her with a confused look, and the words rolled out of my mouth.
You knew what I was about , you knew the type of play I enjoyed , you knew you were not into pain, but you just up and packed and moved without even telling me.
I refuse to change who or what I am for anybody, and this conversation is closed.
I felt kinda bad about just kicking her out so I gave her one of the greatest mind fucks of all time.
I put a St Andrews cross in the bathtub , I then filled it with water I placed her in the tub, cuffed her then came the blindfold.
I then went down stairs to our garage and I picked up an old marine battery that had been then I guess 20 years.
Once in then bathroom I hooked a pair of jumper cables to the battery, then I lifted her blindfold and showed her the battery and the jumper cables and she passed out and peeing.
The next day she moved out, wow what a rough time that was and I really tried to make it work.
The thing was she jumped or tried to jump into a relationship no knowing anything about the compatibility. She did not even think about having anything in common.
Then expecting me to change who I was , well that was not even fair to me, but going to my friends and trying to get them to talk to me about changing. Nah that was just a wrong move on her part.
Then of course came the bashing to all my friends, about how cruel I was and I was an abuser, I lost control, yeah okay what ever.
On the other hand I was lucky I had friends in the community that knew me and knew me well, and well enough to know she was lying to them.
So the problems you are having in your relationship may not be all of your Dominants doing’s, He may actually be trying to make things work but refuses to change who or what he is and you probably knew everything up front.
Life is about choices and consequences , and if we make the wrong choice then we have to face the consequences.
You should put a great deal of thought when it comes to the type of D’s Or M’s relationship your looking for.
It is also very important to find a Dominant who is compatible in all areas, because he will not change no matter what you think.
Being compatible means you have more than BDSM in common. You will have to have other interest , if your relationship is going to survive..
If your not a Masochist , you would not want a Sadist as a partner. If your a baby girl then you wold probably want a Daddy Dom.
You have to decide before hand what level of submission you want to start out with.
The good thing is your relationship can always grow , remember you can always go forward but you can never go back. You also cannot expect someone to change midway through a relationship.
You have to find the Dominant who is going to fit your needs just as the Dominant will find someone to fit his.
Compatibility , if you have nothing in common then you have nothing to talk about. If you have nothing to talk about , then you have no communication, and if you have no communication you have nothing.
You can have things in common but not be compatible , yea it sounds weird but if the dominant your speaking with is poly and your not then you would not want to enter a relationship with him.
Compatibility will make or break your relationship, although you the submissive or slave will have to adapt to the new surroundings , you need to make sure your going to fit in..
You may have a list of your needs and this list is what you will need to survive in a relationship. As your getting to know your new Dominant you would want to be able to put a check next to each need. The first X you have to put should be the end of the conversation , unless the Dominant is open to negotiations.
You will want to know how much time you will be able to spend with your Dominant if not living together. If your needy you need to explain this up front and get the answer you need to hear.
Never allow yourself to be used on your first meeting, meaning keep your legs closed , and your mouth shut. Sucking dick does not prove your submission. Laying on your back does not prove your submission..
You should be allowed to be yourself , you should be allowed to grow and flourish. You want to grow, you want to learn, and your looking for the perfect teacher..