Dominant Support Group

I was actually reading a post from a Fetlife group and it caught my attention. I felt a need to share because it has a lot of good information.
The group unlike others is active but could use a few more members.

https://fetlife.com/groups/20948

I emailed the moderator last night to make sure it would be okay to re-post the topic and it is.

I believe having such a group can be of great importance , lets face it we do not have all the answers , and sometimes just hearing something from someone else can give us the boost that is needed.

To date there are times I need advice but my circle of people I can trust is growing smaller by the day.
I also do not want anything shared on CNN or Fox News so you have to be careful with whom you share your information with.

Sometime ago while at a local munch a slave I was living with was talking to other females, and this Dom was listening and he called my slave to the side telling her what I was doing was wrong.

She came to me and explained what she had done and she also explained what the other Dom had told her.
So me being me I confronted him. I first told him it was very disrespectful to call my property to the side and consult with her , I also explained he had no idea how my HOUSE was ran. He had no idea about our relationship.
I went deeper and I told him to keep his cock sucker shut , and next time would not be very pleasant.
What made things bad he was single and had been single since Mary gave birth. So he was trying to make me out to be the bad guy and he was going to rescue her. Fucking WOW!!!!!!

Some Dominants and Masters tend to be ego driven, they tend to want to share there know it all knowledge. Every fucking body is wrong it is there way or noway, and most of these guys are single. They want what someone else has , because they cannot find their own for what ever reason.

So a Dominant support group , a Dominant round table , a very good idea.

It is not everyday I pimp someone but I do from time to time if I believe the cause is good, and this so far has turned out to be an okay group.

In our world today as Dominants and Masters there comes a time when we need to be able to turn to someone.
I am not sure about others but I do know there are times I need to speak with someone and the truth is I really have no one to talk to.

Many Dominants do not understand our relationship or how I am able to maintain it. There are many who believe I am to strict as well , and I have even heard I am unethical.

One of the problems are , although we are suppose to be open minded and non judgmental when it comes to the lifestyle this is so far from the truth.

Because everyone is right but at the same time everyone is wrong. You don’t know what your doing. You are clueless about the lifestyle.

This goes back to what I have been saying for over two years now.
We are all different , every Submissive or Slave has different needs, personality’s are different , the different levels of structure , or rules that are needed.
Then you have those who are just in it for the kink, these are the ones who are the quickest to past judgement on someone.

I have talked about how if your meeting a New Dominant it is very important to make sure he is active in the community. It is very important he should be able to show you who he is..

I am not speaking of those who are married and you have ventured into our world, the lifestyle , because I am not sure if you fully understand where I am coming from.

Dominants need that interaction with others in the lifestyle , it is almost like two Elks butting heads on a mountain side, we need that interaction.
I know I need my fix , it gives me someone I can talk to I have something in common with.
That is why I am not grilling out with the Jones , because we have nothing in common and nothing to talk about.

Even if your a new Dominant to the lifestyle there is a lot of valuable information.

If you want to take that walk , the path is not easy and you will have to be committed , and yes to make a D’s Or M’s relationship work it takes a great deal of time , effort and work.
You have to be willing to grow and grow wisely. You have to learn to communicate, and listen. We hear everything but taking it in is the key.

This is the post I wanted to share.

Accusations-how should we handle them.

by Xtac

Two quotes:
For those who believe, no proof is necessary. For those who don’t believe, no proof is possible. – Stuart Chase

EVERY accusation of consent violation has a predator and a victim..every one. The real question is, who is the predator and who is the victim? ~ Xtac quote

So.. based on the thinking framed above, I break action into two categories.
What to do about accusations (X advice)
If you do not have personal involvement.

Because every accusation has a victim, you should not risk the chance that you are contributing to an attempted character assassination nor should you act like a vigilante and take it upon yourself to act as the hand of vengeance to prevent further victimization.
If you do have personal involvement.

Victims should press all legal options. If behavior is illegal, and you are aware of the risks, it should be prosecuted. The proof needs to be tested in a court of law. Of course not everyone agrees. Including me

If it happened at an event, you should notify the event leaders right away. Friends of victims should limit their behavior to support of the victim. If you are a witness, write down what you remember asap. Memory changes over time. Offer to share your information with law and event leaders. For example, if a bottom specifies absolutely no genitalia contact during negotiation, yet while in a heavy subspace head space, is violated but barely conscious of the consent violation, as a friend you might come forth to say, I witnessed behavior that was not consensual, while you were out. It depends on how egregious and obvious the violation and of course your friends feelings about it.

Event leaders have the unique and unenviable job handling these complaints. Like captains of a ship, they are judge, jury, and executioner. They have withing their right, and responsibility to assess the evidence and ban people. ALL key members of an organization should be part of this process. It sucks, but you do not have the skills of a seasoned investigator so go with your gut instincts, and let the chips fall as they may.

If events have reciprocity, where vetting in one group is recognized by the other, it is incumbent upon both groups to share information privately between the key decision makers in each group. Either that or dissolve the reciprocity. You can’t have it both ways. That information however should be privileged. Members can go pound sand if they don’t like it. Internal decisions don’t need to be explained. Event leaders get to do as they please, for any reason at all.
But what about consent violation in the first degree!

It is a long standing legal principle that the actions of one person, that leads to the death of another, are not all treated the same. The law recognizes degrees of violation. In keeping with this thinking, it makes sense that a general idea of what we think constitutes a first, second or third degree violation of consent is.

I absolutely disagree that all consent violations be subject to one broad stroke of the brush. Accidents, poor negotiation, intent, history, and damage to the victims physical and mental well being are all considerations for the degree of the offense.

Questions event organizers might ask themselves are:

Is there a chance this was an accident
Was there room for misunderstanding in the negotiations
Was this arranged to allow abuse
Does the accused have a history
Was there physical contact
What was the degree of offense, resulting from contact

Possible actions by event leaders, depending on the degree, include admonishment, suspension, banning, or a life time ban are possible actions.

So, what are your thoughts and examples? What do you think justifies a life time ban, or a simple admonishment?

I found this to be an awesome topic I hope you enjoy and there is more to come….

support

Vile

One Response to “Dominant Support Group”

  1. Great post Vile. Yes, the hardest thing is finding others to talk to who understand, especially when all your friends are vanilla, or just kink.

    Even those of us who are married and came into the lifestyle with our spouse will still need someone to talk to. Someone to bounce ideas off of. Someone to validate what we are doing is sound.

    Thank you for posting the fetlife link for us to check out.

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