I wish I Was A Better Dominant

I am sure many of you have heard these words or similar. I wish I was a better Daddy , I wish I was a better Master , or Dominant.

These words come from a novice who has bitten off more than he can chew. He has stepped out of the frying pan into the fire.

A middle aged man waking up one morning after finding ALT.com or some other BDSM site, now he wants to step into that relationship really knowing nothing about the lifestyle. He now wants to control someone , impose rules , look for reasons to punish, yell and bark orders , make demands you are not sure you can do , or possibly get into trouble.
He now wants to isolate you, keep you from family and friends.

The novice has been in the lifestyle now for 10 years or this is what he is telling you. He has trained many , and the relationship has failed because they lied to him, they were not real , they were fakes.

Your needy and he is greedy sounds familiar yes? He takes and takes and you give and give, but you get nothing in return.

A novice a week into the lifestyle is not the Grand Master of Masters , the Lord the Grand Pooba.

On your knees bitch suck your Masters cock, I will train you just keep sucking. I own you, and you have only known each other for a couple of hours.

This is the Dominant you can tell nothing because he knows everything. This is the Dominant when the relationship falls apart it is your fault , you did it, you were not true , how dare you lie about your submission.

You know a couple of months ago I tried giving someone advice and he laughed at me.
He then sent me a friend request on Facebook , so I excepted. A month went by and nothing not a word so I then deleted him.
Then out of the blue I get a Message saying let me know when you can talk, as in making some kind demand , like he was making time for me. He is now blocked.

The novice is like a leach it will suck the blood out of you until you pick it off and throw it away.

I am far from perfect , I have and would never claim I know all. What I know has taking me years to learn not months or weeks but years.

He wants his cock sucked but the minute you become needy or he finds out your codependent he wants no part of you.
You need to grow up , your acting childish , I am not going to put up with your games , that is right your now a game , and in the end the break up is your fault and your fault only.

If the Dominant cannot control his own life , his own problems , his own drama , how in the fuck is he going to help or control you. If his life is a complete fucking mess , you have to think what can he bring to the table to help me ?

The novice Dominant will lose their temper at the drop of a hat. You are now the stupid bitch , your a cunt , your making his life so fucking miserable. He cannot train you because your a fake your not real. He will scream and scream then he will come crawling back with his tail between his legs begging you to take him back.

I wish I was a better Dominant , I wish I was a better Master or Daddy , these are the words of a novice and a idiot. He has stepped into someones shoes and they do not fit.

You the submissive in the end are the one in charge , you are running the relationship and you are faking your submission.

All you have to do is think.



12 Responses to “I wish I Was A Better Dominant”

  1. This sounds very familiar, but being a newbie myself just a few short years ago, I didn’t know any better. But now that I have most of my shit together, I can spot the new Dom a mile away. I have learned what to watch out for and I trust my instincts better.

    Your post also described my ex husband almost perfectly. He wasn’t dominant, just domineering and narcissistic!

  2. well said – many I know have approached the lifestyle from a textbook and hence missed the most beautiful parts of it – for both dominants and submissives….

  3. This hits home hard! Had this happen quite recently, although I wasn’t blamed for the break up, he certainly made the point that I’m always leading and controlling everything. I see it more that if he’s not going to lead due to inexperience or unsure of how to proceed, I’m not going to just sit quietly and wait for him to realize he needs to lead. I have a strong personality and my job requires I be sure of what I do and make executive decisions when the bosses aren’t there to do it. This does not mean I always want to be in control. I was deferring things to him, asking for his rules, protocols and desires, but he simply doesn’t have the experience to be able to answer my questions. He identified he was hindering my growth as I’m very new to the lifestyle and kindly walked away, encouraging me to find someone more experienced to be my Sir. Everything happens for a reason and I will glean what I can from that very short connection to help me grow and improve as a sub. Thank You for Your posts. I’ve learned a lot from Your writings!!

  4. Vile sir,
    I just want to tell you how happy I am that I found this blog. I recently just got out of this exact relationship. Im heartbroken and I feel like a complete failure. I always gave all of myself to him but in the end he claimed I was barely his sub. This post showed me that it wasn’t because I failed as a sub but rather he wasn’t a dominant. I’m looking forward to seeing more of your extremely relevant posts.
    Much love,

  5. Master Vile- you’re correct here with your thoughts and approach. It’s sort of like the young buck in the woods, maybe a 4, 5 or 6 point grunting, snorting, making all of the right noises to attract the most prime of doe. And then, bang, because of the noises in the open, at the wrong time, he finds himself dead of lead poisoning from the hunter’s crafty aim.

    Meantime, casually watching from within thicket is the old buck. He knows the noises both scare and attract, but the real proof is in the smell, the scent, the way he caries himself. Suddenly all of the doe for miles know him, they know what he wants without a single grunt. They begin fawning over him, they themselves becoming crazed just to rub noses with him.

    Yes, he gets what he wants with a simple gesture and knows how administer his authority with just a breath. He maintains the population of the heard by being smart about himself and protecting, caring and nurturing them. He seems a natural leader, but really learned by watching and paying attention to the needs of the doe.

    They connect when he knows the moment is right, when it’s most natural, and without demanding, domineering or expectation, protecting them and keeping them safe from the predators. Each returns- season after season, to have their instinctive needs fulfilled.

    Great post my friend… My best to you and miss Arianna!

    -Love Passionately-

    -Tom Wolf (Mynx’s Sir)

    • I do love your comments and your thoughts , I also look forward to hear what you have to say..

      I hope you had an awesome thanksgiving and I hope you have a kick ass Christmas….

      I will comment more to day I hope..
      Much Love

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