Dominants And Depression

This is a blog I have been working on for sometime , and it is a subject I have not seen anyone touch on for what ever reason. The fact is Depression is alive and well in both men and women and children as well. It seems way to easy to push medication on someone rather than look at the root of the problem.

There are a lot of medications people take for depression that has real bad side effects , I am mainly speaking of the body organs.

I have a friend who is bi-polar but also suffers from Paranoid schizophrenia

R is really on some heavy duty medication and right now his kidney function is down to about 15% and he is only in his mid 50’s. Pretty bad side effects I would say.

I am no doctor nor do I have a PHD , what I do have though is about 25 year in the lifestyle and almost as long being active in the community. I have met thousands of people in the lifestyle over the years, and the few things I have done and done well is, I have learned to listen , Observe and take in massive amounts of information. I have also learned to read people very well.

I have spent years talking to those who are submissive as well as slaves , and I have met Dominants from all over the world. Again I watched , I listened , and I observed.

I am always watching my surroundings when I am out. The other night Arianna and I were walking and I was asking if she remembered things around her and she said no.

I then went on and said and the end of the road the house on the right there is a red mustang parked in the driveway, along with a Toyota tundra , while walking past another house there was a car and I asked her what was missing , and she shrugged and I said there is a Nissan pickup missing , sure enough on the way back the truck was there as well as the mustang and the Tundra.

I myself think it is very important to be aware of your surroundings , especially with everything that is going on around the world today.

Pocket mouse a very dear friend who at the age of 23 took her own life. A Dominant on Facebook took his own life two weeks ago and put pictures up of the before on his Facebook. Both suffered from depression and both took what they thought was the easy way out….Over the years I cannot count on both hands the number of Dominants and submissive’s who has taking that road , thinking it was the easy way out.

Being a Dominant is no easy task , despite what many may think. Being a Dominant is not about barking orders , or getting your cock sucked. There is a lot of responsibility that comes along with that title.

So we not only have our life to look after , we now have a slave or submissive to look after. We are not only making decisions for one but two. So any mistakes we make does not only effect us , it effects someone else as well.

Please do not take me wrong everyone in life deserves a chance , and if your a Dominant in the lifestyle and you suffer from any type of depression you just need to find your happy medium.

How much responsibility do you want to take on, the rules you want to enforce , the amount of structure you want to put in place, or maybe your just into kink. The idea is to keep yourself healthy….

Then comes the manipulation when the submissive has a Dominant who suffers from depression.  Your with this Dom because he will cave in to your wishes rather than try and stand firm. Any undo stress put on anyone who suffers from depression works against their medication. At this point the submissive is in full control of the relationship

You have to think if it is fair to put so much responsibility on someone knowing they are not able to take it , or maybe they do not even want it.

The same would go pushing a submissive farther than they are really capable. Forcing someone and most will do what ever if they think they are pleasing or hoping they can just hold their relationship together.

We all want and need a drama free stable life. The less problems we bring on ourselves the better our life flows.

Arianna , Arianna is my world and I know she has limits, not sexual or serving but mental limits. I know her breaking point and I respect that.

At times Arianna even gets a little manic , at times and I give her a little rope because I know there are things she feels she has to do , I am not talking about anything crazy , but you cannot just spit out the word NO all the time.

Knowing someone your in a relationship with is a must. I am going to show you an email I received from a Dominant who wanted advice. He was asking what type of punishment I thought he should give her, I was like really are you serious ?

The thing is they have been together for almost two years and he did not even really know her. This is something I have brought up several times over the past couple of years…

Email from Fetlife

written 5 days ago:

Good afternoon sir. I was wondering if I could ask you a question and get your advice.

Vile1962 52M
written 5 days ago:

Sure feel free

written 5 days ago:

Ok this is the situation. We went out Saturday night and had some drinks and danced then we were leaving and my sub ended up having a little to much. Well on the way out she seen a guy she had not seen in a long time and said hello and started talking. Well she talked for a while and I told ok baby let’s go. She turned around and said she is talking and we will leave when she is fucking done. Of course I couldn’t correct her right then. So I went and got the car and pulled up and told her again let’s go. Then the other guy that was with her friend came over and threatened to fight me. Well then she finally came and we left. Well we dropped off a friend that was with us and then stopped at a store unfortunately the same guys pulled up at the store and well things got heated and almost fighting. In the mean time my sub ran into the store and locked her self in the bathroom and wouldn’t come out. I didn’t know at the time but she is terrified of violence because of something in her past and went into a shock and was not in her right mind. She was scared of me and wouldn’t talk to me or anything. She said she wasn’t going to talk to me and if I didn’t leave her alone she would call the cops. Well she ended up getting into the car with those other guys and they were taking her to her dads. To shorten story once her mind got out of were ever she was. I got her and we went home. Everything is ok now. I realize I was wrong with some of my actions and lost control. But I didn’t realize this problem of hers. So I am on the fence on what to do. I feel she should have some punishment for some of the stuff she said and did. Now that I know she has this deep problem that don’t have all the details to I am going to work with her on that part to help her. I don’t want to hurt our relationship or mess her up. Should she be punished? What are your thoughts? Also I don’t abuse her and never will so. She knows that but just went to her past or something.

written 5 days ago:

I do know I did wrong as a dom allowing myself to lose control

Vile1962 52M
written 5 days ago:

This time let it slide.
I speak about this type of behavior in my blog.

See you know her but you really do not know her , which tells me the two of you have a huge communication gap.

Both of you should set time aside so you can just talk and talk about anything.
Punishing is not always necessary nor is it needed.
She probably acted out because you two had not discussed any type of protocols while being in public.

You have to be a Dominant 24/7 you are responsible for her health and well being.

If you had truly known her you could of prevented much of what happened.

Now as to her you need to let it be known her disrespecting you will not be tolerated.
This falls under protocols meaning how she is to act in public or private.

Losing your cool was not cool. We are to remain in control at all times.
That does not mean you let someone push you over , but a man in control has just that.

You need rules in place and you have to be consistent.
Rules are taking bad habits and replacing with good ones.

Protocols keep her in check when out.
1 she can talk to anyone.
2 she can speak when spoken to.
3 not a word.

You two can add or take away to fit your dynamics.

Just let her know she disrespected you and it will not be tolerated.

Hope I gave you the answer you were looking for

written 5 days ago:

She tells you about herself in her profile, under fetishes.

Behavior modification , pushing your buttons to see if you will stand firm.

Remember getting angry shows a weakness she is now pushing your buttons.

written 5 days ago:

Thank you sir for your insight. I know as far as what she has let me know. I am working on it. She has a bad past with other people. She keeps some locked away. Some of it she doesn’t remember herself because she locked it away deep. I have been working hard to help. She said today that she is shocked that I have gotten deep in her mind. I have brought out some of it out and helping her heal. It is a process for sure. There has been stuff come out that she didn’t remember until it was brought out. She couldn’t remember it but it was effecting her. The one that came out the other night was one that was a shock to her also. That is why I was on the fence about punishment. You did confirm what I was thinking and not punish but have a firm talk and let her know it will not be tolerated. I just wanted to make sure that was the right thing to do and not let her think she can get away with it. Yes she does like to push my button and it is getting better. She Is learning that I do have that firm grip. It also helps me grow into a stronger dom also.

If you do not truly know someone more so in a D’s or an M’s relationship your at a dead end. It is clear she suffers from depression and her past still haunts her.

Is he a bad Dominant ? Probably no just inexperienced and still learning. The plus side is he is reaching out and asking for advice. I believe he cares for her but still has a lot of growing to do.

Depression is very serious and in some cases it can be deadly.

As Dominant we provide a couple of things, security being one, With security comes communication and honest communication.. Having the ability to speak when you need and open allows you to grow.

You need to set time aside on a daily bases and talk. You talk about anything and everything. Getting someone to open up is no easy task by any means. That is why through out the day I ask Arianna , Hey what is on your mind ? What are you thinking ? She will then share a long list of random things she has been thinking about and we talk about them.

What is fair for you may not be fair for someone else , you cannot just think about yourself , and if you do that is pretty selfish.



4 Responses to “Dominants And Depression”

  1. littleannab Says:

    Reblogged this on Little Anna B (Anna Bianca) .

  2. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and insights. I like this and agree communication, in any real relationship, is critical, and even more so in a D/s relationship. Also, REALLY knowing your D/s so that discipline is effective for their needs and balance. I’ve long though of blogging my thoughts on a similar topic, anxiety, and how fully submitting to my Dom quiets my anxious mind.

  3. Thanks for sharing your insights. I too suffered from depression throughout my life and until someone pointed out to me that I was trying to live my life by how other people thought I should live it, I never understood the root of my depression. When you take ownership of your life and are willing to be open and honest with yourself then once you find someone you trust it isn’t so difficult to share and let them help, but the key is you have to be willing to ask yourself the hard questions about what is going on and be willing to be honest with yourself in that regard. And to understand it is like taking baby steps, one foot forward at a time, and sometimes you end up taking a couple steps backwards in the process before moving forward again. It is scary digging into the root but it is worth it. Being free of depression or being able to recognize when it is coming, asking why, and understanding why is very liberating because then you can do something about it and also let others help. I just can’t stress how important this is and how it has helped in my life. Thanks again. As always you post topics which are thought provoking. – Kate

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