I Feel Alone

I am not speaking about my relationship With Arianna , I am speaking in general. I am obsessed with the TV The Walking Dead , and I wonder at times if something like that could really happen?

What I am getting at , I remember the very first Walking Dead , when the Deputy Rick had been shot and was in a comma. Once he woke up and started looking around he realized there were no people around. He walked outside and there was nothing no other humans.

Now I am not going off the deep end just in case your wondering , I am just sharing my thoughts. This is why many Dominant need that interaction at local munchs and MAsT groups so we can interact with those who have the same interest.

Here lately that has not been so easy. Arianna and I have attended several different functions and I have not clicked with anyone. I am not sure if it is a lack of differences , or a lack of how we view the lifestyle. I do know that over the past several years the lifestyle has moved more towards the kink side of things, than the what I call the standard BDSM flow. Being communication, structure protocol and rules , and then on to ownership.

I do at times find it difficult to trust people, I also find it difficult to sociable , but maybe that is just the lack of things in common. Going to different functions allows me to be me , and in hopes of communicating with others who have the same interest. What I do find is others bringing drama into a public setting and that is what the conversation is centered around….

I am still debating on filing for my own MAsT chapter , as of now I do have the support of another MAsT group and would give a good recommendation. It is just finding the right time. There is so much more I want to do , but with moving and getting set up , my new job and yes I consider being at a job for 8 months still new. It was not suppose to be as stressful as it is , but I do enjoy it.

Arianna pointed out several months ago , that some people find me to be intimidating , and I am not sure why unless it is my lack of joking around. She also brought it up that many think it is my way or no way. While I can see her side of things , that is not the whole truth. It comes down to a couple of things. If you portray yourself to be someone your not , if you lie , or if your bringing your problems or drama someplace that is meant to be educational , or if your abusive that is where I draw the line.

Arianna brought it up that I should try being nicer to people , be more open or receptive, and after giving it some thought for a while , I decided to give it a try.
I invited someone to my home , and even offered to take them out, as it turned out I had to work so Arianna met her and spent a great deal of time with. Now I invited with the intentions of just being friends nothing more. I made no out of the way advancements because Arianna was in the loop the whole time, and once the two started texting , I for the most dropped out of the picture, we still chatted on Facebook but it was just friendly chat.
I am more than positive Arianna was a good host, I am also sure Arianna was polite and friendly. So after going to a theme park , out to eat a couple of times, all communication stopped.
So one or two things happened , either I offended her or Arianna was not a good host and was not friendly , which I doubt was the case, at any rate this is the reason I distant myself from people , this is the same reason I have very few friends. This is why I do not allow myself to get close to anyone , because after it was all said and done , I felt as if I was used, no explanation or anything.

In the end it is all good though , I am in a good place and it is my own little world….

Before you start thinking , this is not a pity party because I do not roll like that, I am just expressing my feelings , on this part of life..

horse

Vile

6 Responses to “I Feel Alone”

  1. I can completely relate Sir Vile. I often feel alone. Friends don’t understand the relationship I have with Daddy. They don’t wan to try to so they stay away. I have found that I am happiest with my bubble. My 2 kid that are home keep me entertained and Daddy and I are finding we can only really rely on each other. The notion of friends and non-judgment is nice but I always feel dropped and not good enough. I tend to stay away as well. Makes life easier.

    ️Hugs
    Angel

  2. Yup, I know this feeling well also. You reach out to people and sometimes you talk for a bit but then they just fade away or just disappear. Sometimes I reach out and don’t get a response, so it is just easier to stay in my safe little world. I am grateful to have my Daddy and a couple of friends that I know I can rely on. Of course, this is all in the ‘online’ world. I don’t have any friends around here that I can talk to this stuff about.

  3. Express away — we all need to think things through. XO

  4. Very good post I have enjoyed your writing lots of good points I’m not into your life style as much as I would like to be the wife don’t think she would like any part of it so I just don’t try to push it, we are a lot a like you and I as far as friends, people we work with even did my basic training at the same place although I’m older than you I’m 57 I would have been there before you i like my jack Daniel’s, wild turkey, beer lol, I’m what people would call a loner I like to start to myself keep work at work and home at home don’t like what I call popup people just show up at your door hope you keep up the good post look forward to the next one.

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