My Definition Of A Unicorn

The term or word Unicorn is relatively new , and it is a word I would never use myself in a general conversation or even when looking for a third to form a Triad.
So when I used the word unicorn it was as almost impossible to find , or non-existent.

Arianna and I were talking last night about how other Dominants have a full house and she made the statement well you could too if you lowered your standards.
I could not meet someone and bring her home and tell Arianna hey she is staying with us like it or not. You would really be surprised how often that happens.

There is a myth that unicorns are disposable and while many think that may be true I have never heard that before.

I was speaking with a male submissive a couple of months ago and we were talking about poly and Triads , and he mentioned the Unicorn and the definition was they are called unicorns because they are either not real or extremely hard to find. I stand by that statement.

Now I or we have had the opportunity to bring others in , but the click or the chemistry was not there. To bring another in it has to fit like a glove, nice and snug.

In the past weeks I have met a couple of friends , I am trying really hard. So I met a Dominant who is new to the lifestyle as with his Submissive but they are still finding what works and what does not work. He then began to explain he was thinking of adding a third.
I thought for a minute then I said you cant not right now , the two of you have still not defined your relationship or which direction you both want to go.
To bring someone into your home and your relationship not being in place , and stable it would not be fair. You bring someone in with false hopes and you can really fuck someone up.

Talking on Facebook my friend Bopeep made the comment and while I agree with her I never looked at a unicorn in that way, until my last blog I had never used the word unicorn.

BoPeep Hmmm..I think that the poly community frowns on the term “unicorn” and couples who are “unicorn hunters” because it implies that the third is a disposable object or toy for the couple. It dehumanizes the third. I’m sure there are a few out there that would tolerate it for a time, but if you are imposing limits to the thirds “importance” in the relationship right off the bat, the third already has one foot out the door. Most poly-fi-tri’s I’ve read about that are successful happened out of shared friendships over a period of time. I wish you and Arianna the best, if anyone can make it happen it’s you

Last I believe this whole topic is hard to explain or more so for anyone to understand my reasoning. When you ask most Dominants why they want to add a third the answer is always more flavor. If you need more flavor then the submissive or slave you have now is not meeting your needs. So by adding more flavor you can now justify the act of fucking someone else.

Arianna and I have been speaking about adding a third for sometime, we have weighed the good and the bad as well as the awesome possibility’s, but the click has to be right.

We have spoken to several submissive’s and time and time again I have explained it is not me you have to win over it is Arianna , win over is a bad way to put it, Arianna is the one you have to bond with.

So maybe the term Unicorn hit a bad nerve with some of you, and as I look back on my post I can see why. To many men or Doms and even couples Unicorns are disposable. So the female is never allowed to truly bond with either nor are they treated as a equal within the relationship.

I think in many Triads the third is left out a lot and I hate using the word third but I got a lot of feed back about using the term Unicorn. There are those who could give a fuck about your feelings be it a Male Dominant or a couple, in fact many times a third is used to fulfill a couples fantasies and nothing more.

In most cases the fantasies get old or jealousy kicks in and the communication falls apart if there was ever any, or maybe the couple did not have a clear vision on what was expected from each, or what the needs would be. Any way you put it playing with someones emotions or feelings is a bad way going about things, but there are those who could really give a fuck. Find you use and abuse then dump you. There are several sides to that picture it goes not only for women but men and couples.

Arianna and I are still talking about adding someone to our home but I and we know we have to be careful, at this point another slave would be a no go, a submissive yes. The rules would be much different I am sure.

Anyway I just wanted to add more on my thoughts about the Unicorn and third..





16 Responses to “My Definition Of A Unicorn”

  1. I know we try to follow the rule: He brings a third male and she brings a third female. That way, He is not offering her a female replacement and she isn’t choosing a possible replacement for him. No matter who brings who, the core relationship MUST be solid and stable first. And communication, communication, communication, communication is an ABSOLUTE MUST between the couple AND with any additional partners. This is what works for us. Just a suggestion. 🙂

  2. Kathy Lewis Says:

    To me unicorn seemed like what poly wanted but I didn’t realize it had a negative notation to it. I thought it’s what both partners were looking for. To make them disposable seems rather cruel and for a couple to spend so much time looking just to toss aside seems like a waste of time.
    Then you think about the “unicorn”. Do he or she want to be considered that or truly want to be a part of a group. You definitely have to be in a stable relationship in order to consider adding to the relationship.
    Great blog and again thanks for sharing.

    • Kathy again thank you for your awesome comment.
      You are right but what is more important is that many do not think of the outcome when your asking someone to come into your home , and many times the Dominant caves in when it comes to Decisions, although not dominant my eight wives is a good example…
      A Triad can really be awesome if all work together

  3. That is messed up if a couple invites someone to live with them and for them to all be together, yet they just basically ignore the person. They should at least be up front and say hey basically we just want a roommate and occasionally be friends with benefits. Some people are just mean and selfish

    • Some do have good intentions I do believe , but once you are living it 24/7 it is much different. Many times in this situation the main female becomes the one who is in charge as well as jealousy.
      There are those who just use people as well.

  4. Thoughtful, and well-said. Not every bedding is a wedding, but no one is disposable. Most people don’t know what they want and never stop to anticipate the consequences of their actions. A case of selfishness compounding self-ignorance.
    I still agree that unicorns are magical and rare.
    Chazz Vincent

  5. I’ve been that unicorn just not in a M/s or even D/s relationship and it is very easy to dismiss that third as disposable. It’s a risky position to be in that, even poly-fidelity is no insurance against heartbreak. Yet I find it very insightful that if there are two women involved that it is best that things develop well and naturally between them. I found that to be very much the case much to the chagrin of the male in my former triad.

    I was never able to ignore the disposability factor that I was in. I was playmate and toy, best friend and shoulder yet not the core. I am unsure if that was because of the rest of my relationships or not. And seven years later, the disposability factor did wash up and things are over.

    There is something rare and beautiful in a poly triad when it’s working well. How do you find the other two pieces that help complete you? Where all the rough edges are smoothed and everyone is committed to the best for each other? How do I explain that yearning of wanting my husband and my wife? That level of ‘us’ that I felt was real until practical reality steps in. But then, I was not living in the same household and that is why I think it lasted as long.

    After experiencing such contentment and growth, I still yern. It was beautiful and I’d go through it all again in a heartbeat.

    • I am sorry you had a bad experience, and yes it can be good in fact it can be awesome if all three are working together.
      My vision is not impossible it is just hard but it will happen..
      Much falls on the males shoulders, he is the one who has to keep everything flowing with communication but most important keeping the third in the loop and including them in all activities

  6. Again I’m pretty new to the scene so sorry if this is rude, but I thought in TPE the decisions were up to the Dom. Why would a third need to win over Arianna, doesn’t she consider your word final?

    • All Decisions are made by the Dominate or Master, but if the two are living good, and things are flowing in the right direction , it is very easy to disrupt what you have.
      So if your first sub or slave does not like the third you brought in what is to say your first would not leave? That is her right , remember the relationship is consensual. What if both hated each other and they both left ?
      While the Dom is in control it is up to him to insure the house runs smoothly. Make sense ?

  7. godhead Says:

    Yep, sure does. Thank you.

  8. Michael Barbus Says:

    I have been reading your blog for several months time now. I am a dominant man by nature but untill reading you posts knew nothing about the lifestyle other than the stereotype. Your approach to attaining your goals in your relationship and life in general is inspiring. If more couples in general would just consider the honesty and consistancy that you hold to Oath as a Master, or take the time to realize that wedding vows need to be taken literally and compleatly because as a Husband and as Wife (just as M and S) these roles are responsible for the others success.
    I feelthere is no respect for the roles we have as Men, Women, husbands, wife’s, let alone fathers and mothers in society today. If we cannot be honerable to our best friend and most intamate partner how can we expect to do anything but fuck up the lives of our children and continue to trash the value of keeping one’s word and being truthful to another human being. No wonder the great percentage of marriages today end in divorce. My partner Renee and I have been together happily for 10 years as of 10/14/15 we were both previously married w/children and divorced before fate brought our lives together. At one point about three years into our relationship I helped my partner realize ( never before having a bisexual thought in her mind) that she was sexually attracted to a new female best friend. She never before and never since has really had many female friends let alone a best friend. We both look back with fondness to the time She was in our lives. The reason the relationship was successfully was because at the very beginning we all sat down and honestly discussed what we wanted out of our relationship and set boundaries and protocols for every aspect of life public and private. I knew going into this that losing Renee over an extra set of tits (no matter how amazing they were) in my bed was not acceptable to me. And like I said Renee has had few true friends and I too respected and cared for the wellbeing of what came to be “My GIrlfriend’s Girlfriend.” We all had a wonderful 16 months together. Even after the relationship changed in its nature we continue to be friends to this day. The only reason is because we were honest with our wants and needs and roles. More couples period need to read your blog and think hard and long about the consequences of their actions and their responsibility to their partner / submissive / slave ‘s and their own quality of life.

    Thanks Vile much respect!!!


    • Wow 10/14/15 my Birthday.
      The world has changed so much over the past 10 years , something happened, kinda like a light switch.
      Our values and morals have gone someplace .
      I saw a kid in a store who must of been 11 or 12 with an iphone 6 plus, wow.
      Things will only get worse, I am very protective when it comes to Arianna..
      Thank you for stopping by

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