Sex And Submission

You take someone and mold them into one meeting all of your needs. Changing ones behavior to meet your needs , changing ones way of dressing to fit your needs, changing ones way of their thought process to fit your needs, teaching someone to fit your needs when it comes to service. Teaching someone how to please you sexually.

Teaching protocols which I am huge on , rules that are followed, protocols and rules that want to be followed, is the path you should want to take.

We all have different needs and wants , while the submissive or slave has needs, if the needs are met there are no wants. That should be your goal as a Dominant and a Master.

Every submissive is not a perfect fit, just as every slave is not a perfect fit, nor is every Dominant or Master , but the good news is there is a perfect fit for everyone , it just involves what many do not have and that is patience.

When entering the BDSM lifestyle not only a lot of thought should be giving , but a lot of care as well. In today’s world most relationships are formed via the internet. I do understand but again much more care needs to be giving. Behind a monitor we can be whom ever we want to be, our confidence level is much higher , we feel less vulnerable, almost powerless , we feel more in control of our emotions.. When meeting someone via internet the chances of it actually working is very slim , but it does and I have seen it work but for the most it does not. Meeting via internet everything is not fully disclosed , and it may not even be on purpose, but it is missed.

The downfall of most relationships are a lack of patience, even more so in out lifestyle, but the one key element that is looked over is having a clear definition of who and what you are. Having a clear definition of what your needs are , a clear definition of the type of relationship you need to survive on a daily basis.

You as a submissive may meet a Sadist but you are not a Masochist , he may be the nicest person you have ever met but you are not a fit and if you move forward the relationship is doomed even before you start.
You may be a submissive only in the bedroom , the Dominant you met on line may be looking for a Total power exchange , or TPE, again he is not the perfect fit.

Submissive meets Dominant online , maybe meet once then the submissive up and moves most of the time leaving most everything behind , only to find out she was no longer in Kansas.
The painting is no longer a painting it is a unfinished drawing that has been in the works for years, all of this because of that one word Patience.

When entering a relationship it has to be adventitious for both not just one , it has to benefit both not just one, both have to have their needs met not just one. Again you need to have a clear definition of who and what you are.

Although it is a give and take relationship , and that being true in any relationship , I believe it runs much deeper in a D’s or M’s lifestyle. The care is much different and in most cases the communication is not only much different but much more deep.

Many times a Dominant or Master will say I want to train you , but soon after entering the relationship that one word is forgotten, and no training ever takes place but it slips your mind as well because you do not have that clear definition.

A good friend of mine Lizzy emailed me a couple of weeks ago , because she wanted me to speak with a Dominant who was pursuing her for a relationship. The second email he sent her , which she forwarded to me he was explaining that sex was the most important part of BDSM. He also did not understand why she had someone listed as a sister on her fetlife profile, when in fact they were not sisters. The Dominant contacted me in the beginning but after that statement he was told to contact me again and he did not , mainly because his fake cover had been blown.

The courting process before entering a D’s or M’s should be friendship first, compatibility means everything. You never let someone try and define who and what you are, if you are allowing this again you do not have a clear definition of who and what you are.

The Negotiation Process , this is where you find out if your compatible in the lifestyle. This is where the Dominant lays out his training process, this is where he lays out the expectations of the relationship , this is where he will tell you his protocols, his standards in private and public, his beginning rules for you, this is where he tells you about his needs , his kinks , his fetishes , his sexual preferences. This is where he draws you a clear picture on how he sees himself in a everyday D’s or M’s relationship.

You may have a hard limit when it comes to humiliation. You may have a hard limit when it comes to sharing, you may have a hard limit when it comes to anal sex , or being face fucked. It could be a number of things or maybe somethings are negotiable.
If you say no i will not do those things and the Dominant is firm in his needs then you are not the right one for him and there is no reason to continue the thought of having a relationship.

Anyone who knows Arianna and I know we are a perfect fit, what makes us a perfect fit is I understand her, I understand her thought process, I understand what makes her do the things she does, but most of all I understand communication is needed. I know when to talk , I know when to ask questions , and I also know when she needs to be left alone so she can think and clear her mind. I say yes more than I say no , but when I say no I mean it. When she has one of her manic days at times I let her run, but I know when to reel her back in, so at times saying no is not an option.

I did train Arianna to fit my needs , I did train to fit my wants. I trained her sexually to do the things I like without being told what to do and when to do it. She follows my protocols , my rules to a T. I control everything but at the same time I am fair and I can assure you I give back more than I take. I put a great deal of work into our relationship to insure it runs smoothly.

I give Arianna down time when I think it is needed to visit family and friends , I do not try to isolate her which is a bad habit of some dominants , and that is mainly because they have insecurity problems.

Respecting ones limits , this is something that is looked over way to much and the main culprit is a lack of caring or just simply not giving a fuck. The not respecting ones limits happens mostly when two are not in a relationship. What does someone care after a play session where you get really fucked up either mentally or physically the odds of ever seeing them again are slim to none.

While sex plays a huge role in any relationship , sex is not the foundation when it comes to a D’ or M’s. When I met someone if there was any resistance in the way I saw a relationship the conversation was over because I refused to bend.. If many did the same they would see life in a much better place…
Make no mistakes it is you the submissive or slave who has to adapt



9 Responses to “Sex And Submission”

  1. I find it interesting how many men speak as you do, say they believe as you do, yet they do not walk the walk. Sometimes the hard part isn’t about knowing who I am or what my wants and needs are. The hard part is in weaving my way through all the bluff and blow to discover his true intentions. If I have to do that then he’s dropped like a hot potato. If half of these men would put the amount of effort they spend on building the bluff and blow into becoming true Doms with integrity we would see a whole lot more successful D/s relationships and subs less fearful when approached by true dominants. I dislike having to have walls and defenses at the ready every time a man approaches me, but it is what it is and I deal with it. I appreciate you trying to educate submissives and Doms as well. Unfortunately it isn’t so easy to discern those without integrity but as you say, patience is important. It has become a tool for me to reveal what lies hidden. Take care and keep up the good work to educate.

  2. Hey Mr. Vile,

    I have some experience as a dom, but unfortunately there’s no real community in my area and no one to really show me the ropes (so to speak, lol). Most of my learning has happened over the internet, which is a great resource, but one thing it’s missing is any kind of mentorship. I stumbled on your blog while I was investigating TPE. You seem to have a great deal of knowledge and I’d like to ask your advice about a few things if it’s cool.

    I’ve never been in a 24-7 relationship and am very interested in pursuing one. However I feel like my approach to BDSM is slightly different than most doms, and I’m not sure there are many subs who would be interested.

    1. Does there have to be an emotional component to a Master / Slave relationship? I’m very turned on by the idea of owning a woman and using her sexually as I like. However, I don’t feel like I could love such a woman, and I’d prefer she not love me either. The few women I’ve loved in my life were pretty amazing as-is and needed no correction from me, I’d have gained no pleasure from disciplining them. The desire to train a slave and punish her for disobeying is a purely sexual one. Is that unheard of in the BDSM world? Are there subs who get off sexually on subbing without expecting a dom to take care of their emotional needs, and who don’t expect him to be all sweet and romantic?

    2. I’m aroused by submission, but very turned off by codependence. I don’t want a little girl who needs taking care of. I want someone who is strong, confident and driven and who has her own passions and interests. Not someone who needs me to make decisions for her or who is only interested in what I like. I guess I imagine my role as like an Olympic coach or Navy Seal staff sergeant — she’s already impressive but I’ll push her to be extraordinary. Based on what I’ve read though, it seems most subs seem to want a very sugary sort of coddling and care, to be treated like a baby or an expensive cat, and they don’t want to take any ownership of their lives. I’d rather stick with vanilla relationships if that’s my only option. Have you ever encountered any submissives who might fit with me?

    3. I am really, really turned off by the idea that the sub is really in control of everything, and that this all secretly for her benefit. That the dom’s job is to orchestrate every sexual encounter to be totally mind-blowing for her like he’s choreographing a Broadway show. No thanks. I want a woman who genuinely wants to be my property, a toy I use how I want, when I want (within her limits, obviously). So many submissives claim that the pride they feel in pleasing their master is all the pleasure they need, but then go on to talk about lovely spankings and reassuring hands. Really? Is he your master or your slave? Does he rub your feet too? 😀

    Meanwhile I read some of your slave’s blog and, wow. You have her trained so damn well. That post where you face-fucked her til she puked and then you made her clean it up was the hottest, rawest thing I’ve read in so long. You are the first dom I’ve encountered who trained a sex slave that actually does what men want. None of that dainty Fifty Shades stuff, riding crops and silk blindfolds. How did you do it? I mean was she always into throat-fucking and painal or did you push her there? If you did it, you should write a book, man; you will make a million dollars. If you didn’t, where did you find her?!?

    Wow okay this ended up being longer than I meant it to be, looks like I had more questions than I thought. Appreciate your taking the time to read this if you did.

  3. Reblogged this on thekinkyworldofvile and commented:

    Older Post

  4. The part of this blog that sticks out in my mind, pivots on this question: Which has greater control – the owner or the hard limit list?

    A friend and powerful dominant maintains that perfect slaves only appear that way because their likes and dislikes match those of their Owner. To her way of thinking a true slave does not have to like what their owner likes. When a slave refuses something they are not a slave. If I understand her thinking correctly, the slave must decide to trust the character of the owner, more than a hard limits list.

    Its a pivotal point. Do you start from the premise that a slave will consent to all reasonable RACK commands or not? Do you have a hard limit list or not? How complete will the list be? What happens when the Owner desires a thing not previously discussed?

    I think to a certain degree the Owner has to have the knowledge and skill to shape new desires in a consensual way, and the slave has to be open to that. Certainly TPE or CNC done with protocols and focus is immersive to the degree that a person can dramatically change. There are no simple answers that fits everyone. All of this is why I support the concept of three choices for slaves.

  5. Hi Mr Vile,

    I’m looking for my 1st and preferably last BDSM relationship as a submissive. It’s not really a community or not 1 I’m aware of where I live. I’ve tried apps and am happy to start with it being online. I thought I’d met a good fit and I got attached quite quickly but there has been things he’s said/done/not done that’s stopping me from trusting him.
    He seems to talk the talk and sounds like he has experience and knows what he wants but yet ive caught a couple small lies etc, during the tester period I got talking to someone who’s much more open and understanding yet firm because I had been looking for advice. This guy was so great, suggested the importance of building a rapport 1st etc, he wants pleasure for his sub as well as her complete surrender. His forms of punishment suit me well as I’m quite bratty but he’s since disappeared quite suddenly and I’m worried he must have found someone already before I’d asked him to give me a chance and now I’m worried I won’t find that much of a potentially perfect fit. I’m just in a place where it’s all so new and I’ve heard (and nearly experienced) horror stories that can come of this virtually. I just want to find some guidelines that would help me know if the guy really wants it or if I’m gong to be broken, humiliated and abandoned.

    Seeking help,

    • Thank you for stopping by , finding a good match is very important , someone who has things in common outside of BDSM.

      Finding someone who make you his number one priority and willing to dedicate the time you need and deserve.

      Punishment should not be a priority , to pleasure his sub and want total surrender , that comes from you and all equals trust. Remember you do not have to submit until you feel things are right. You are in charge and make demands until you submit.

      If you go a day and hear nothing you give your first warning , his actions are not acceptable , there are no 3 strikes , the second time you end it no matter your feelings.

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