Archive for October, 2015

To All The Vanilla People

Posted in 24/7, abuse, Acceptance, Arianna, bdsm, commitment, communication, compatibility, control, Dominants, slave, Submission, submissive, Vanilla, Vanilla Relationships with tags , , , , , , on October 28, 2015 by thekinkyworldofvile

Lets forget about BDSM for a minute and talk about some core issues. I want to touch on Values and respect for a short time here.

I am not better than anyone else , as a matter of fact I know there are others who are more knowledgeable than I am when it comes to the lifestyle. I also know we are all different we all have different needs as well.

There are two reasons a relationship fails, one is communication and the other is infidelity. If you have a break down in communication the second is sure to take place, looking for something better that is really not there. The grass is never greener on the other side. If you make it to a marriage counselor the odds are your already at the end of your rope.

I find it to be sickening for someone to open up the private part of one life to complete stranger. The advice you are getting is just someones opinion, and don’t forget to write the check.  Pawning your problems off on someone else in hopes they can fix the mess both of you have generated. I get it though it is much easier to pay someone 200 dollars an hour to fix your problems, because one or the other is out fucking the world. One is breaking the family apart, one is breaking what two worked so hard to build.

There are circumstances where two get married knowing it was the wrong move , there are those mistakes, I know Ive done it. I was trying to fix something I thought was wrong and in the end it was a disaster. Nine years of agony it was the most fucked up move I had ever made and 17 years later I am still paying every week. What I can say is no matter how fucked up things got I remained loyal, because I took the vows very serious, I made the mistake so I had to eat dirt.

I promise to love, cherish and obey” and “To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part.  What do these words mean to you, did you really mean it when you both stepped up to the plate, some spent thousands for a day of happiness a few minutes in the lime light, that one last moment of glory.

It is however much easier to just throw the towel in and say fuck it I am done , I give up go fuck yourself , I hope you have a better life without me.

Today we have the internet , we have the mobile dating apps, and Ashley Madison if you dare. It is so easy to find that piece of ass today, you think it is so easy to fix your problems by stepping out. The truth is your only thinking about yourself , your thinking of the choices but not the consequences..

The blame is just not on men the blame is on women as well. Most of the time you both end up fucking or sucking cock in a car then you go home and cook your kids supper or maybe go to a PTA meeting, a family outing.  The problem is you always get caught does not matter how sneaky you are you always get caught.

Okay well lets talk about it, I do not want to talk about it , this means it has been over, many times one will wait for the other to make the move so they do not have to take the blame.

It all boils down to a couple of things, Truth, honesty, communication , and last Morals. If you lack one or any of these please pick up your phone and call your parents and thank them for fucking up your life, they deserve a pat on the back.

Where am I going with this ? What is the point I am trying to get across ? My blog is BDSM based , I will have to admit I have calmed in my older years , but as far as me in general I have not changed when it comes to my way of thinking.

I shared before I came from a very broken home and when I left at the age of 17 I knew who I was not going to be, I had to set my own example , I had to define who and what I was.

You have to communicate, you have to set time aside to just talk, you have to learn to talk to each other and not at each other. You have to learn how to express yourself , your feelings and your needs.

If your going to argue you need to learn how to argue, and this can be down through self training. First if your angry you think before you speak, you think about how what your going to say would sound, many times you can reword things. Thinking and pausing before can save a lot of grief. Being honest with yourself and your partner. There is a need to spend a whole day with each other on your days off. You have to set time aside if you have kids.

The problem with arguing is most do not argue it is an all our war of words unless it gets physical , words are thrown at each other and the hurt takes place.

Just following a few simple steps can repair a relationship if both are willing to work through it , but if one is not game just leave pack your shit and get out. Why would you want to put yourself through such a mess?

Most say well it is for our children , they need both parents, while this may be true, it is not fair to drag them through your mess and hear your screaming and calling each other names, this does more damage than if one just left.

My one question is why would you want to put yourself through so much bullshit ? Why Torment yourself causing all that stress ? Why drag yourself and kids if you have them through all of your drama?

The truth is , it is much easier to just throw in the fucking towel and say fuck it. It is much easier to just walk away and just drop what ever you broke in the first place.

Sometime ago I was seeing a few older married women, there was no sex including Oral, it was Bondage and humiliation. These were women with degrees and had been married for more than twenty years.  These were also women who had not been able to communicate with the Husbands, and when they did they were ridiculed , told they were sick, one even divorced his wife because of her sick urges. The male wants his needs met, dinner, clothes, bills, shopping , sex on their terms. I cannot imagine living 20 years or longer so unhappy…

So the question is were you ever really in love? The most important question is, What Do You Want To Do With Your One Life ?

 

slave2

 

 

 

 

It’s All Fun and Good Until Someone Gets Hurt

Posted in Uncategorized on October 28, 2015 by thekinkyworldofvile

I reblogged this from https://cinnamonandsparkles.wordpress.com/2015/10/28/its-all-fun-and-good-until-someone-gets-hurt/

I find this to be very disturbing , a lack of caring and true Abuse. In this blog stop does not mean stop.. A true lack of caring

Take My Hand

Posted in bdsm, BDSM Relationships, BDSM Trust, Building a BDSM Relationshp, communication, Dominants, slave, Submission, submissive, Take My Hnad with tags , , , , , , , , on October 26, 2015 by thekinkyworldofvile

I am not going to make promises instead I am going to earn your trust. I want to share with you everything I have learned over the years.  I can see in your eyes you are lost, take my hand and I will guide you, I will protect you, I will love and cherish. I will put you before anything, that may come up in our life, I will put you first no matter what may happen.

Take my hand and look into my eyes so you may see the truth I speak. If you should stumble I will steady you, but I will never allow you to fall.

You have the need to serve, you have the need to please and I shall guide you and allow you to be you.

Take my hand and I will give much more than I will take.

Take my hand and there is no past there will only be a future, a future of love and growth.

Take my hand and together we will reach your goals, I will support you no matter the road you choose to travel.

Take my hand and I will communicate , together we will grow.

There is a whole new world waiting , take my hand and we will explore together.

Take my hand and I will take you to new heights you could never imagine.

Take my hand and I will use to for my pleasure.

Take my hand , be my girl , my best friend my slave but most important my partner.

hand

Vile

 

Bondage The Ultimate Aphrodisiac

Posted in Uncategorized on October 26, 2015 by thekinkyworldofvile

Just wanted to share again

thekinkyworldofvile

Many of us in the lifestyle use Bondage as a form of play, just as we do spanking. Even those who are vanilla dabble in a little kink from time to time.

To me Bondage means so much more, Bondage puts one in a different frame of mind, a since of security, sub-space, and at times the mind is zoning, not really thinking of anything your mind is just blank.

Arianna enjoys Bondage, but to her it is more of a comfort zone, she feels safe, and secure, it puts her mind at peace. I remember not long ago I had her tied up and blindfolded, and it was not long until she just started rambling. What she was saying made no sense at all, a little giggly. She felt safe yet vulnerable, open and exposed.

Arianna loves to be restrained at night, this is done when I want. I…

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Are You Consenting Or Are You Just Agreeing ?

Posted in 24/7, abuse, Acceptance, Adapt, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Relationships, choices and consequences, communication, Consensual, CONSENSUAL NON-CONSENT, consequences, control, Daddy Dom, Dominant, Dominants, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, masochist, Master, Master And Slave, slave, Submission, submissive with tags , , , , , , , , , , on October 25, 2015 by thekinkyworldofvile

The words Consent and non-consent has been coming up a lot in the past month or so. Our lifestyle is probably the only Lifestyle where we need to talk about Consent, the do’s and the Dont’s . What can be done what cannot be done and what we are open to, and what is off limits.

When we are talking to someone be it a Dominant or a submissive , one of the topics that seem to come up early on is what are your limits? The limits question was something I stayed away from until I knew we could make it as friends. Because if we had nothing outside of the lifestyle in common why would I want to enter a relationship if the only thing we had was sex. Kink and sex only last so long, and all your doing at that time is filling a missing void.

So the common off limits are, no blood , no children, no scat maybe no golden showers , the list can go on and on. The thing is what ever limit you have you need to stand by it.

Many times when meeting someone we tend to get caught up in the moment , this is the one, he or she has to be the one, they know what they are talking about. That is not always the case. More often you are being told what you want to hear, your being told something that is so far from the truth but you buy into the words and not the knowledge. Once you figure  things out it is to late because your already caught up in the relationship. Once you agree to something it is almost impossible to retract what you said or what you agreed to..

I am not into Humiliation, and the Dom will say we you don’t really know because you have not been trained.  Or I do not do anal sex, well no one has done it right I can make it feel good. Everything is about consent it is about coming to an agreement and hoping to have the chance to enter a long lasting relationship.

If your not into pain , or you don’t like being face fucked speak up, because if you do not , you are just agreeing and your not consenting. This falls under how much freedom your willing to give up, the rules your going to follow. Are you Monogamous ? Are you Poly ? These are all consensual questions.

Poly is a huge thing if you are looking for a one on one relationship, many times these types of relationships you are kept apart and never see each other. I had thought about poly at one time, but reality hit me, why not just find one who fulfills are of my needs rolled up into one. I am not saying Poly is bad its just not for everyone, so if you agree to a poly relationship and your not poly you are just agreeing and not consenting if that makes any sense..

Arianna and I had talked about having a closed Triad with another female, and being Bi was not a criteria. Bringing someone into our home, and when I explained to others it was not for me but would be a sister for Arianna some thought I was crazy, but it was not because I needed more flavor that is far from the case I get anything I want when I want and how I want it without question.

We communicated about the process and what would have to take place, it was 100% consensual. As far as a 3rd it did not work out but it is what it is no biggy..

The Bottom line is if you agreed to something but your not all in 100% then that is on you. Theoretically if I just wanted to bring someone in, I have that right because our relationship is consensual , non-consent  but at the same time I have to worry about Arianna and what the effects would be.

Believe me there is someone for everyone in our world , there is someone who will fit your needs. If you are agreeing in fear of not having a relationship your doomed from the start, it will never last, if you agree just because your in fear of the relationship not working your training will mean nothing just as earning your collar.

As I said in my last post , what do you want to do with your one life ? How much of your time do you want to waste on something that is not going to work? How much pain do you want to endure if your not a Masochist ?

It is not your Dom or your Master who will have to adapt it is you, so there should be a lot of thinking, we all make choices we just have to see if the consequences out weigh the choices.

viledesire62@aol.com

50 shades

 

Vile

 

 

 

Training Is On Going

Posted in 24/7, abuse, Acceptance, Adapt, are you submissive, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Relationship, BDSM Relationship Negotiations, BDSM Relationships, BDSM Slave, BDSM Slave training, BDSM Structure, commitment, communication, compatibility, control, Dominants, Domme, FaceBook Vile Woods, Master And Slave, Rules, slave, Submission, submissive, Train your slave, Training Arianna on October 25, 2015 by thekinkyworldofvile

You read you hear the word Training on a regular basis. You hear how some have been trained , you hear about those who want to be trained and why they want to be trained.

I have found over the years even though I had a mentor , I had some training I had to go through , more of a self training , things I knew I had to make improvements and different areas ..

At one time I had a very bad temper , it took me years to get it under control, it took me years to learn how to channel anger into positive thoughts. This was a must after all if I could not control myself how was I going to control someone else?

The first thing a Dominant will tell you is he is in full control, then comes the screaming and yelling calling you a stupid bitch, or at times even getting physical.

At times I have to make changes to Arianna’s daily activities , maybe adjust a rule a protocol , I change something up. I may see an area that needs improvement. I make the change many times without even saying anything, or her even knowing, that is how well I know her.

Just as a submissive’s or Slaves training is ongoing our role as a Dominant or Master is ongoing as well. I know on a daily basis there is something I learn, I want to gain more knowledge be it about life in general or about the lifestyle.

There are three major downfalls when it comes to any relationship, the first being communicating, second Trust and third anger issues, and for anyone to Master all three is nearly impossible.

Past relationships can cause your current relationship to crash and burn, if you bring either of these three with you. Being able to freely communicate is so important, the Dominant must allow theirs to openly communicate about anything without fear of retribution, if you cannot then maybe you need to rethink your current relationship.

There are those who crash and burn their relationship on purpose, I have a friend who has told me several she will purposely sabotage the relationship, just because things are going to good… I suppose this stems from past relationships that included abuse.

If I cannot control myself , if I cannot control my emotions , if I cannot control my temper , then how can I control someone else ? If I cannot control my own life, if I cannot make the correct decisions , if I cannot show respect , if I cannot be truthful , if I cannot be honest ? Then how can I expect someone to submit to me ?

The tables turn when it comes to the submissive or slave, you have to be upfront, you have to be able to communicate, you have to be honest , truthful, but most of all you have to want.

I would imagine or I know being Dominant or Submissive without knowing what or who we are can be pretty confusing. I knew early on I was different but until my early 20’s I never gave it much thought. I assumed every woman wanted to be tied up, spanked and fucked in all holes without asking. I saw women as an object to be used just for pleasure, and in some cases even a hobby.

Once you start being able to figure everything out most things begin to fall into place, then meeting people with the same interest. That was the time and point I started to grow , slowly putting the pieces of the puzzle together..

What makes the lifestyle so awesome is we find our own place in life we need to be, it allows us to be who and what we are. It allows us to open up , communicate and share with others. I know for the longest I felt pretty lost not really having anyone to talk to, or sharing my thoughts with anyone.

Even dating It was hard to express my feelings and emotions when I did not even know what was going on inside my head, and there were not many woman who understood me.

What I have learned over the years is to try and understand others, while I may not agree we should take the time to learn when it comes to different kinks and fetishes. Today it seems we are to quick to judge others instead of trying to understand.

It was not until my early 40’s it hit me when thinking how training really hit someone , you actually change someones way of thinking, you change the way one acts, talks, walks and the way one dresses. You take things away and give as you see fit. We guide , we train , we give rules , we give the promise of being there , we communicate and yes at times we punish. This is a lot of responsibility , this is a huge task , and at times staying on task can become a task.

Over the years I made mistakes, I made a lot of mistakes and I made some over and over.  Something I never did though was blame someone else, I knew when things went south it was my fault, but by the time you catch the mistake it is to late to take control again, mainly because the sub as seen that side of you.

You can only train someone if they want , need and are serious, if the sub is just going through the steps you are wasting your time and neither of you are able to reach your goals. I always started out with small task to see what the frame of mind was. I was and did not intend to go through the motions just to get my kicks, my time was way to valuable..

What type of Dominant are you looking for, maybe a Daddy , a Top a Dominant a Master all of these are things you need to consider. If your a Baby Girl why would you enter a relationship with a Master ? If your a Bottom why would you enter a relationship with a Dominant ?

What makes you a Baby girl ? What makes you a submissive or a slave ? What makes you just a Kinkster ? The Dominant or Domme should ask the same questions , what role does one want to fall into, where is the best fit, how much responsibility or control do you want..

What do you want out of being trained ? What are your goals ? What are your needs ? Has the training process been explained to you ? What does the Dominant want out of your training ?

The question is , What Do You Want To Do With Your One And Only Life ?

viledesires62@aol.com

focused

Vile

 

 

What Kind Of Dominant Are You

Posted in abuse, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Relationships, control, Daddy Dom, Dominant, Dominants, Master, Master And Slave, sadist, slave, Submission, submissive with tags , , , , , , , , , on October 20, 2015 by thekinkyworldofvile

This is a topic that has no real answer, over the years we have branched off so much , in most cases the term Dominant is not even Dominant it is a self giving title. Daddy Dom , Master self giving titles.

Even if you try an place a definition on each one , to many that definition is different and they all come with different stages of responsibility’s , to no responsibility at all.

That is not what gets under my skin, what get under my skin is when one of the above try and talk to me and tell me I am doing something wrong.

A few months back I kinda of invited Arianna and I over to someones home, at that time I was assuming some type of friendship may come to light, well I was wrong…

As we were sitting on his balcony and he looked at me and said there are not many like us out their , and Arianna’s jaw almost dropped off… Just a little more info , I did kinda invite us over texting then calling.

Once there his submissive was wearing a see through dress , I could tell she felt very uncomfortable , probably her first time in such a setting, once we were sitting outside and talking he made the statement that arianna could get naked as well, I just looked over that statement and continued talking. Most of the time the first impression sets the pace when meeting someone but it is clear the first impression was a total fake.

Sitting there telling me about how depressed he is , how many times he has thought about suicide , my mind was just racing. So I asked about medication? Ahhh fuck that it makes me to tired , I cant that that shit. While talking he is showing interest about bringing a 3rd into his home to train a submissive.

Okay I got off track that subject has been bothering me for sometime…

Every home is different , the way a Daddy Dom , a Dominant , or even a Master Runs their home different, some may have few to no rules or structure or no protocols.  Some may set goals for self improvement. Some may set task to keep you busy..

The bottom line is it is up to the Dominant to determine what path he wants to take. This does take a lot of soul searching , the main reason is you want to find someone who is going to fit your needs , someone who wants and needs to adapt to your way of living.

How do you as a submissive want to be treated ? How much do you want to give up as in freedom ? Do you want rules ? Do you want to give up full control or just partial ? Are you submissive only in the bedroom? These are questions you should have answers to before entering a relationship. How deep do you want to explore your submission ?

What are your limits ? What are your soft limits ? What do you want to explore ? Who do you want to explore with? Then you allow yourself time for growth , learn and understand.  Insist on communication, communication is a need and a must.

How do you want to be treated in private ? How do you want to be treated in public or around friends and family ?

In the past I was guilty of making a rush to judgement , entering a relationship before covering all bases or entering a relationship just to fill that void, and that never works , it does but only for a short time..

What ever your kink is , your limits , there is someone out there..

The Daddy Dom tends to be more on the soft side, more nurturing , more caring. He tends to be more clingy and expects the same in return. The Daddy Dom gives support and direction and makes sure goals are met…

The Top is in charge of a scene after the scene has been talked about, the bottom will many times give the top direction and the Do’s and Dont’s , once the scene is over its over the top is back to everyday life.. The upside most Tops are very good rope men, the down side do not look for aftercare after a session.

The Dom is a Dominant during play or just in the bedroom , Many times this is a release for married couples , or those in a long term relationship. The Dom is usually Dominant outside of the home as well.

The Dominant takes on a bigger role if living 24/7 he may enforce more rules , structure , protocols, in a sense in complete control of his home and environment. What I did miss on all of the above was the communication, that is something we all specialize in.

The Master takes on a much deeper role , putting together an extensive training program , takes on a greater role in molding one to fit needs. Rules are put in place and enforced. Training is never over it is  continuous growth , recognizing change and knowing when change is needed.

I believe all the different roles above could very well fall under the Master’s role, I believe the above could fill the shoes , but we all know where we want to be and the type of relationship we need. Many times the Master will take on a greater role in the local community , allowing others to reach out to them. Many times a Master who is active in the local community is a leader and takes pride in watching others grow..

This is not to say others do not take a role in the local community, I have seen Daddy Doms, Dominants all take part in helping others.

At one time I was a Sadist , looking back if I had it to do over I would of taking a different route , I do not believe I would of stepped into that role. I was not a Dominant , nor a Master I was someone who got off on inflicting pain. I did not care about feelings or emotions, I had no idea what aftercare was nor would I of cared. Very few Sadist are Dominants, while it is possible for a sadist to fall into that role.

The Switch I find to be interesting, and I truly do not understand other than it is just an individuals place, somewhere where they feel comfortable. Only being Dominant or submissive during that scene or session.

I recently tried playing cupid and I still do not have a clue as to why I would want to take on such a task, but I thought these two who did not know each other would be a perfect fit.  The one a male is a switch the other claims to be a submissive but I am sure she leans way towards being a slave , I just thought that would fit , because I was not sure how a switch would respond.  So neither one thought the other was interested, and it has just all but stalled. When I asked if he could step up and be a full Dominant , he stated he was not a Uber Dominant, what ?

The next again for what ever reason I knew two who were single so again I step in and introduce the two one a Daddy Dom I have known for a couple of years , he had a bad breakup with a submissive and all the blame was put on him, well as it turned out it was both. So I introduce the two, and before wanting to learn anything about the submissive he jumped right into sex and service, now I know why he is still single. In the end I had to jump in and put his breaks on.. So my cupid career is over..

It does not matter if your male or female you can tell if someone is truly interested in you.. Again there are two things that we are in full control of in our life, and that would be Choices and Consequences , the ball is in our court.

There is much more information , this is just a quick over look and my own opinion

basketball

Vile