To All The Vanilla People

Lets forget about BDSM for a minute and talk about some core issues. I want to touch on Values and respect for a short time here.

I am not better than anyone else , as a matter of fact I know there are others who are more knowledgeable than I am when it comes to the lifestyle. I also know we are all different we all have different needs as well.

There are two reasons a relationship fails, one is communication and the other is infidelity. If you have a break down in communication the second is sure to take place, looking for something better that is really not there. The grass is never greener on the other side. If you make it to a marriage counselor the odds are your already at the end of your rope.

I find it to be sickening for someone to open up the private part of one life to complete stranger. The advice you are getting is just someones opinion, and don’t forget to write the check.  Pawning your problems off on someone else in hopes they can fix the mess both of you have generated. I get it though it is much easier to pay someone 200 dollars an hour to fix your problems, because one or the other is out fucking the world. One is breaking the family apart, one is breaking what two worked so hard to build.

There are circumstances where two get married knowing it was the wrong move , there are those mistakes, I know Ive done it. I was trying to fix something I thought was wrong and in the end it was a disaster. Nine years of agony it was the most fucked up move I had ever made and 17 years later I am still paying every week. What I can say is no matter how fucked up things got I remained loyal, because I took the vows very serious, I made the mistake so I had to eat dirt.

I promise to love, cherish and obey” and “To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part.  What do these words mean to you, did you really mean it when you both stepped up to the plate, some spent thousands for a day of happiness a few minutes in the lime light, that one last moment of glory.

It is however much easier to just throw the towel in and say fuck it I am done , I give up go fuck yourself , I hope you have a better life without me.

Today we have the internet , we have the mobile dating apps, and Ashley Madison if you dare. It is so easy to find that piece of ass today, you think it is so easy to fix your problems by stepping out. The truth is your only thinking about yourself , your thinking of the choices but not the consequences..

The blame is just not on men the blame is on women as well. Most of the time you both end up fucking or sucking cock in a car then you go home and cook your kids supper or maybe go to a PTA meeting, a family outing.  The problem is you always get caught does not matter how sneaky you are you always get caught.

Okay well lets talk about it, I do not want to talk about it , this means it has been over, many times one will wait for the other to make the move so they do not have to take the blame.

It all boils down to a couple of things, Truth, honesty, communication , and last Morals. If you lack one or any of these please pick up your phone and call your parents and thank them for fucking up your life, they deserve a pat on the back.

Where am I going with this ? What is the point I am trying to get across ? My blog is BDSM based , I will have to admit I have calmed in my older years , but as far as me in general I have not changed when it comes to my way of thinking.

I shared before I came from a very broken home and when I left at the age of 17 I knew who I was not going to be, I had to set my own example , I had to define who and what I was.

You have to communicate, you have to set time aside to just talk, you have to learn to talk to each other and not at each other. You have to learn how to express yourself , your feelings and your needs.

If your going to argue you need to learn how to argue, and this can be down through self training. First if your angry you think before you speak, you think about how what your going to say would sound, many times you can reword things. Thinking and pausing before can save a lot of grief. Being honest with yourself and your partner. There is a need to spend a whole day with each other on your days off. You have to set time aside if you have kids.

The problem with arguing is most do not argue it is an all our war of words unless it gets physical , words are thrown at each other and the hurt takes place.

Just following a few simple steps can repair a relationship if both are willing to work through it , but if one is not game just leave pack your shit and get out. Why would you want to put yourself through such a mess?

Most say well it is for our children , they need both parents, while this may be true, it is not fair to drag them through your mess and hear your screaming and calling each other names, this does more damage than if one just left.

My one question is why would you want to put yourself through so much bullshit ? Why Torment yourself causing all that stress ? Why drag yourself and kids if you have them through all of your drama?

The truth is , it is much easier to just throw in the fucking towel and say fuck it. It is much easier to just walk away and just drop what ever you broke in the first place.

Sometime ago I was seeing a few older married women, there was no sex including Oral, it was Bondage and humiliation. These were women with degrees and had been married for more than twenty years.  These were also women who had not been able to communicate with the Husbands, and when they did they were ridiculed , told they were sick, one even divorced his wife because of her sick urges. The male wants his needs met, dinner, clothes, bills, shopping , sex on their terms. I cannot imagine living 20 years or longer so unhappy…

So the question is were you ever really in love? The most important question is, What Do You Want To Do With Your One Life ?







8 Responses to “To All The Vanilla People”

  1. You are killing me with these recent posts 😉 …making the gears in my head work overtime. It is crazy how you are hitting the nail on the head with some of the things I have been dealing with and thinking about lately. I enjoy reading about your perspective on these things especially. You have been there, experienced it and learned from it. I have been working on being able to take advice from people who have gone through what I am going through so that hopefully I don’t have to suffer the same mistakes as them. It is hard when I am so hard headed. And even though your writings aren’t directed towards me, they still affect me in a big way and open my inexperienced mind up to things I never would have thought about. Thank you 😀

  2. You are so totally right about trust and communication in relationship that it makes me sad…

    • Thank you and thank you for stopping by

      • Well…I’m reading your blog from the beginning now. Sometimes reading by topic. A lot of stuff which I have never heard of 😉 though I’m getting used to it and don’t treat it like some freaky stuff anymore. Being in BDSM requires much more conversation, trust and understanding. That part of being in relationship should be applied everywhere. It’s wonderful how you speak about those things. It’s sad that vanilla couples just take each other for granted and expect everything will just fall in place without any effort. I guess you miss struggle for domination and decision making too 😉

        Just a handful of my thoughts on the topic.

      • Thank you for stopping by and your comment….While it is true some D’s or M’s relationships fall under this topic as well, the sub or slave being taken granted.
        I am far from perfect , but I give 110% at all times…
        Feel free to comment or ask questions

  3. I usually read your blogs without comment, but this one I must. Vanilla people drive me crazy. From my perspective they have it all wrong. I have however a very different conclusion as to the primary problem with why relationships fail.

    Yes communication and fidelity are key. Fidelity is however rooted in honesty, trust, and communication. They are all one big thing. If we dig deeper though, the real failing in modern relationships is the notion of equality.

    Just the idea that there is a problem with equality brings down all the potential wrath of the political y correct, but I stand by by conviction that the Ds community has something to teach the nilla community.

    Imagine if you tried to run a business, with two partners and every decision would be decided by a vote. That is a recipe for failure and yet that is exactly what equality gets us.

    I am not advocating that we encourage gender based inequality, I am saying that in Ds we see that power and power structures are natural. We see that for a system to run efficiently there needs to be a single decision maker. If a couple wishes to divide up responsibilities or impose them on one partner or another, that is the correct path.

    We should all be free, and equal, but within that equality should be the right to decide what power to surrender. We have no choice in some case. Involuntary draft makes our bodies government property, and our will is directed to kill others. That is the extreme case of surrendered power. But on a lesser scale ever police officer expects to be able to give a citizen a legitimate and legal order and be obeyed. Power is all around us. If we ignore this, and try to enter into a relationship without any power exchange at all, just two people and two votes to make every decision, you will fail at that relationship.

    I think freedom and consent are important. Equality under the law, and work space is critical. Its what allows us the ability to choose the power we will negotiate away, or take. To my mind, relationship fail because of issues with honesty and communication, and under the category of communication is the equally important discussion of who controls what. How will power be exchanged? That is the lesson we have to bring to the nilla world.

  4. Reblogged this on thekinkyworldofvile and commented:

    This is true

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