Sex and Submission

The world of BDSM is much different that=n the vanilla world, the little flirts , the long love making sessions , the caressing the I love you’s. The comes the no I am not doing anal , no I am not sucking your dick, or I do not swallow.

If you as a submissive look back on your vanilla dating and look at now there is a clear different.

In the vanilla world if you acted kinky you were a slut , so as we grew older we tended to hide our kink, until it was no longer controllable..

It takes time to get adjusted in the lifestyle we make many mistakes and mistakes we wish we had never made , but as long as you learn and you keep moving forward there will be a light at the end of the tunnel.

Although most when thinking about submission the word sex comes up, most think sex is the biggest part of the lifestyle and to many it is , but it really runs much deeper.

Submission being able to get into the mind and just walk around and check things out, being able to do silly mind fucks. Being able to understand the way your submissive or slave thinks, why they think the way they do, what makes them think?

Being in control , most who say they have limits when it comes to giving up control in a stable relationship the limits will slowly fade.

Sir Franco Bolli @  Made the following comment

..It is my personal experience that it is not so easy to find a partner who is compatible. Having found an almost perfect match is a true blessing.

The above statement is very true , this is why it is important you do not jump into the first frying pan. Being compatible means everything including outside of the bedroom on your back or on your knees.

If your going into a D’s or M’s relationship and your soul purpose is to be a used fuck toy then you need to have that understanding and both have to be on the same page.

Most of the time when you enter a new relationship everything for the first week or month is good, but then something happens you become more clingy , more needy you want to give up more control but your dom is not on board? This is when you communicate your needs. If you fear speaking what is on your mind then your in the wrong relationship, or if you do and your Dom is not on board then again your in the wrong relationship.

BDSM has really change so much over the past 10  years , today it is more of a kink than a lifestyle , most are only bedroom and that is fine if it works for you.

I do not have a switch I can turn on and off, at times it would be nice but as of right now I am in a good place , life is good.

BDSM today is more of a sexual based than anything , for the most it is just about sucking cock and fucking and very little to do with the D’s or M’s side of things.

I like the control , I need the control and not just in the bedroom. I need a very structured home , I need protocols in place as well as some rules. The truth is if you have the first two in place very few rules are needed. once everything is in place it is just daily maintenance and communication.

I love sex but sex is on my terms, I love the kink but on my terms, I love bondage and at times extreme bondage again on my terms. I have the final say in our home , be it from dinner going out or even when and where money is spent.

That is why when meeting someone new it is very important to be on the same page. Before entering any type of relationship both needs to know what is expected of each other and where both want to be and what part each will take on.

The submission is earned it cannot be demanded , it is earned by earning respect , and being who and what you say you are.

Control is in the mind , submission is in the mind , although being physical is good , it does not take being physical to earn ones submission. You cannot earn ones submission through intimidation those types of relationships are short lived.

Being compatible when it comes to sex is very important , sticking to your limits is very important , finding someone who respects your limits is a must.

As in any D’s or M’s relationship a great deal of time has to be invested, time invested from both not just one.

If you the slave or submissive are going to lay on your back or get on your knees then you should get something out of the relationship. It should be more than just fucking or sucking , or the Dom trying to find out how much pain you can take.

What do you want to do with your one life.

This set was custom made for Arianna by my good friend Jon. We received them yesterday and I have never seen such quality….







10 Responses to “Sex and Submission”

  1. Vile, I am learning that what you start out with has to grow, as well, because of Life situations and needs. It cannot be stagnant. That must be taken into account, as well. You may think and state what you want in the beginning, but the partners and patterns may change in time – illness, fear of death, etc.

    • I speak of the past and present , no one can predict the future. That is why I never plan anything more than a month out….
      Things do happen while there are some you cannot avoid most can be , even when it comes to health.
      This I know I was put on medication 3 months ago because my cholesterol good and bad was way out of wack, another test and in February when I go back my meds will be cut in half and soon I will be off.
      My brother had been a diabetic for years , he lost over 100 lbs and he no longer needs shots , a lifestyle change.
      This cannot happen in every situation some cannot be prevented.
      I cannot worry about what will happen next month , next week or even tomorrow

      • Ah, but we (M. and I) are worrying as we live changes and we seek things that were not stated in the beginning because it couldn’t been foreseen and in light of what happened in the recent past. (M. almost died.)

      • Again you cannot predict the future , things happen even death . I have found it is much better to live in the present and use the wisdom from the past..

      • If I were to die which I have no plans to. I have made sure Arianna would be taken care of..

      • Excellent move. We are both taken care of through ourselves, but we are in the midst of a discussion what type of Life/Relationship we want. There is a 20 year age gap to consider….I have fears, M has fears…and so it goes. XO
        I just was saying, focus in the beginning but don’t forget about being open to modify along the way.

      • We all change and you if the submissive you adapt that is what you do.
        When Arianna entered my life she had to adapt to my way of living.
        Her needs change as well and I decide if it is needed if so then I change to make sure her needs are met

      • We are not 24/7 and we may never be, but Thank You for the thoughts. I have learned patience through M. To wait and watch, but the worry still goes on inside.

  2. Great post and very true. Thank you for quoting me, my Friend, I am honoured.

  3. Interesting blog. I have a seizuer disorder and where I need space . For example, the Dr’s say that are no driving or swimming. So, in a sensse, that is, subsigation, of a kind. I am athletic and hate impositons, that are beyond my comfort zone. Safety first and perhaps, this is a strong necessity. I watch and learn. I explore my own thoughts.

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