Interview With A Dominant
A couple of years ago the interviews were a regular part of my blog but as time went by it was hard finding someone who would take part. Promises Made Promises Broken.
I find the interviews very educational because it gives you a peak into someones life…
This awesome interview comes from a fellow blogger who lives in a Master , Slave relationship 24/7…
Every Dominant is different , each has different views , different needs and different goals.
Each Submissive or Slave is different , each has different needs , some may have an idea but need direction. Most are looking for just a few things in a relationship , security , trust, assurance and stability. There are many who need structure in their life, many who need daily direction , rules and accountability.
So here we go enjoy
(1) When did you first becomes interested in the lifestyle, and what degree did you want to take it?
Well, that would depend on what we mean as the lifestyle.. I have always been kinky. It started at an extremely early age.. Six I would say. I was aware of sex and it fascinated me. But in my child’s mind, I couldn’t figure out how a man could ever stick his “thing”, into a woman, and she would just let him. So in my child mind, my first fantasies began with rope, and bondage. My first apartment had rope. My first house had a water bed with rings at all four corners. I used to keep blanket strips, neatly rolled up beside the bed. They make lovely ties.. So soft and yet so tight and strong. You really have to try bondage with blanket strips sometime. My first slave was I want to say around age 26. She wanted to be an alpha slave with other women slaves. I went looking in Manhattan, which is only around a hundred miles from here, for that kind of scene. I did it all.. Orgies, and threesomes, and nudist parks.. Anything for a thrill, but it was always about control, about me getting my own way… I would always work the question.. Do you swallow.. Into a date…if the answer was no, there would be no second date. Some things I have never compromised on. But to answer your question, there has never been a time I thought about girls, and didn’t want absolute control.
(2) Why do you think those in the lifestyle are quick to judge others?
Now that is an interesting question. You would think we would be less quick wouldn’t you? I think I first have to ask, is it true that we are quick to judge each other? My answer would be, you don’t have to be in any Fetlife group for long to see it, do you? Throwing a question or strong opinion in to Fet is a bit like throwing raw meat into a cage of wolves. I think that passion is no different from politics for a reason. There are and always have been two basic groups of human motivations.. The hunters and the gatherers. The hunters are, individuals who fiercely seek independence, conquest, recognition, and freedom from any other power. They lean towards the Dominant side, and prefer politics that don’t interfere in their life, even at the cost of things that may help them. The other group are the gatherers, and they prefer to work together, they believe the collective is stronger, that some sacrifices of personal freedom are necessary to achieve these important objectives. They lean towards the submissive side, and their politics seeks the greater good for all, believing that it is the group’s right to distribute more evenly the spoils of effort. Now these two sides are locked in a battle to define what is right, since the dawning of mankind The hunters will say, this slave is mine, I define what that means. And the gatherers will say, we need more compassion, more room for people to express their self identity. Then some hunters see the wisdom of this argument and get behind this idea and back it.. But then some gatherers see the unhappiness this creates and side with their favorite hunter.. People begin picking sides, either for their belief or their alliances. I mixing metaphors here, I know, but what I am saying is that we are very passionate people, with strong alliances, that share strong beliefs about how things should work. Humanity has been fighting to make a perfect world for a very, very long time. What we should be doing is perfecting ourselves. We just never seem to realize that utopia is not a place where individuals design the perfect society, but where society is designed to let the individual to perfect themselves. Now can go back to fighting about how to do that…
(3) I assume you keep your lifestyle private, do you have friends who share the same interest ?
The best way to answer your question is to say this. I am very private in public, and I am very personal in private. It’s a question of choosing my audience. I’ve been in very public roles before and I know first hand that the larger the segment of any community you reach, the more guarantee that you will reach the fringe groups. In any population a very small percentage is nuts and trust me, you really don’t want to have to deal with them. I’ve been there. Here is the thing: How you say a thing can be as important as what you say. If what you have to say is going to reach people, first you need to know your audience.. Leaders listen and speak last, for all of these reasons. So in public, I am speaking to an audience I don’t know personally and who doesn’t know me personally.. So I write about the things I think are true and meaningful but in a broader sense. But in private there is trust and honesty and it becomes personal. I have many friends in the community and I trust them to have my back as I would have theirs. Most of my friends are in the community. I have found over time that my obsession with BDSM has driven away all but one good friend who is not in the community.. And that is OK. You don’t know your real friends until your friendship is tested. That one nilla friend, is a good and decent person, and a buddy for life.
3b) Why are you not active in the community?
Hmm not sure where that idea came from. I would say that I am active on many levels. I have my Dominant Support Group in Fet, I sometimes help with local support groups, I’ve done workshops, and I was most recently a judge at the North East Power exchange competition. That being said, I used to be more active. I was well know for fire play but I backed off that because of a thing called “the carnival ride”. When you are known for some talent then you can have five or six scenes lined up each night. It gets old being the carnival ride. So I more or less retired from that and withdrew a bit. I spend more time now with my slave, than being a local public figure. So many people have stepped up to fill the gaps in workshops and training, I don’t feel like I have anything unique to add. What’s the point I ask myself. Maybe I am underselling myself, but then I don’t need to grab all that attention to know who and what I am.. It’s enough that a few people honor me with the title of MasterX. After all, the only titles of value are those acquired thru recognition by others. One claims that title by exercising that recognition, not asserting it.
(4) Being a Dominant what is it you get out of your relationship ?
Hmmm power! I swear.. The most beautiful women walk through our local Dungeon naked, gorgeous, and sexy and ol’ Johnson doesn’t so much as stir.. But, and this is the funny part, some guy in a McDonald’s will say “Yes Sir” and there it is, that tingle. Now if a really cute girl whispers it, stand back, cause Johnson’s on duty. There is a this electricity when my slave Izrina is shy, or on her knees. I can’t explain why i feel it, maybe some of us are just wired this way. I think so.. I often say this is an orientation, not a lifestyle. I just feel alive when i have her submission.
(5) Being with your partner I am going to assume you were a couple for sometime, before taking that first step. Who’s idea was it to take that first step ?
Actually no. We didn’t start out as a couple. I was a lone wolf prowling the bars. I love to dominate on a pool table you see. I am fascinated with the level of control I can exercise over the balls, and when that leads to beating all challengers, well, what’s not to understand about my attraction? Now Izrina had another name when I met her, and she showed interest in me.. The dark dominating fellow that I was.. I explained to her that I could never be interested in someone like her, which of course I had to explain. I sent her to watch the movie Secretary, and then to a submissive site, and when she didn’t shy away, I took her to munches, and then dungeons. I gave her a collar of consideration finally, but there was a but.. A person sometimes becomes something else to be with you. Maybe your girl pretends to like football.. And you love her because you can share your love of football with her.. Then after you are married she hates football and you can’t understand why you are growing apart.. Well Izrina was a nilla. I needed to know that she had a slave’s heart. So I tested, and asked and tested and asked until one day she begged me to stop asking.. Yes! I have a slave heart.. Yes I want to be your property.. No I am not doing this to be with you, I am doing it for me. It was after that she got her training collar, and her slave name..
(6) Do you consider yourself to be a Strictly Bedroom Dom, or has it moved to a 24/7 relationship?
Oh God – no bedroom Dom for me. You know they say that when sex is good it’s 10 percent of the relationship and when its bad its 90? Well sex will always be a ten percent for a number of reasons. Not that I am not a horny little fucker, and not that she isn’t, it’s just that I get more from the power dynamic all day long, than I can ever get from sex, all day long. Let me give you an example.. Just walking from the livingroom to the car we can tick of over a half dozen protocols.. 1- I put on her coat and free her hair, she isn’t allowed to 2- I get the door for her 3- She waits in the hallway for me to pass so she can walk behind me and to my right 4&5, we repeat for another door, 6- I open the car door for her 7- I lean into her personal space, to tighten her safety belt… Now while I am walking around the car, as anticipatory service, she will power up and set the GPS.. And that was just three minutes of our day. It’s like this all day long. And It makes me smile constantly.. And the same with her. Sometimes we just grin at each other because we both feel it, the electricity of Domination and submission. Nothing is happening that anyone can see, and yet we both have that tingle. It’s just fucking awesome when you get the right person!
(7) Do you have any rules or protocols in place. if so was it your idea to implement the rules?
We absolutely have these. These are what give meaning to our lives, it is what helps us feel the power exchange all the time without even trying. We two rituals and they are both designed around Izrina realizing her happiness as a slave. We have two rules and these are about touch. I strongly believe in the power of touch. Rule one requires her to always be touching me when she is in my presence. I believe at last count we had 25 protocols. We also have something I call structure.. Not really rules or protocols, it more how I like things around the home. I have a touch of OCD. Everything must be in its proper place. Spoons to the right of the knife, forks to the left, even in drawers. Stuff like that. The “structure” of how i want things to be doesn’t neatly fall into the other categories, but it’s important to me, so I have a name for it. I don’t think Izrina has ever suggested a protocol.. Hmm maybe something that started as anticipatory service became a protocol, but nothing jumps to mind. I do need to add this… I never want one of these to be in place and me not remember to enforce it.. I can’t imagine something worse for a slave than to get away with breaking a ritual, rule or protocol, and not being called on it. We try to keep it simple, so I don’t hurt her this way.
(8) Last what advice would you give to couples who are thinking about taking that step into a D’s lifestyle
Do it! (laughs) Seriously though. I wish more people could see the box they put their hearts in when they draw boundaries. In Ds, the boundaries disappear. Its raw, and you are risking a lot, but you can’t reach these heights if you aren’t willing to take a risk! And power exchange.. Don’t get me started. How can two people decide everything together with two votes? There is no tie breaker in that vote and it is bound to lead to arguments. You want equality? Great.. Use power exchange to achieve it within that two votes thing.. One of you is in charge of this, and the other is in charge of that. Look.. someone has to be in charge or nothing works. Power exchange is the natural order of things. If you are seeing this, then do it, figure it out and make it work. Even if you end up splitting areas of responsibility at least you stepped into a better more sane world. After this truth dawns on you, everything else is easy.