Submission , Codependency And Depression

I get it I really do , Ive been in the lifestyle for more than 25 years and still counting and still going strong. I have had my ups and I have had my downs , I have also made mistakes but I learned from my mistakes. Mistakes allows you to grow unless you continue to make the same mistakes.

I get and understand submission , I understand Codependency and to a point I understand depression .

I do not have a PHD but what I do have is life experience , I have had and continue to have a relationship where all three apply to this subject. Depression runs in the lifestyle this is a known fact. I did not say all so don’t be putting words in my mouth. Codependency is very common in the lifestyle.

The problem when seeing a professional you get 30 minutes to an hour , he or she pulls out a booklet and proceeds to write you a prescription. Ill see you in 30 days maybe 60 or even 90. The pills take the edge off but your still not on that high your looking for, not high as in a drug but the high on life, the happiness.

The problem is you are seeing someone who knows very little about you,and the truth is very few are completely honest. This comes from a lack of trust and the feeling of the awkwardness of telling a stranger your problems .

What causes depression ? I do not think anyone person has the answer maybe a chemical balance malfunction. Things happen you could lose someone very dear and close to you. A break down the brain becomes overwhelmed and can no longer function, or function correctly without some type of adjustment . Today the pill is the answer and you could spend years finding the right combination before you find yourself on a level playing field.

Codependency usually comes at a later time in life most of the time it becomes stronger once you are out on your own. You enter a relationship and the codependency grows stronger , the needy comes out of the closet and you just want to rely on your partner. You become stressed when away from your home , more stressed when away from your partner. Being codependent is not something you brought up at the beginning of your relationship and this is because you did not even know. Then comes the end of the relationship. Your partner wanted someone who is independent , someone who can take care of the bills , the shopping , cleaning and cooking , while he sits on the couch and watches sports.

Your doctor will guide you to a Life coach , it is explained the coach can guide you down the right path. Ladies and gentlemen , Doms and Subs , Masters and Slaves this is so far from the truth it is not funny. A Life coach is not going to understand you and why? Because you are not going to share your feelings with a stranger and if you do he or she has no clue. It is not only a waist of money but it is a waist of your time and if you are like me my time is very valuable.

One thing for sure depression is huge in the lifestyle , although many will not admit it, some may be ashamed to talk to a potential partner. Honesty is the best medicine.  If you are not truthful upfront it could be the end of your relationship when things start to emerge.

It will not matter how many relationships you enter if someone does not understand you or is not willing to try to understand you it will never work. You have to be upfront when you first meet as embarrassing as it may seem. Codependency and depression is not something you can hide in the closet. So your upfront and to the point and either they are willing to give it a shot or they are not.

There are not many who understand Submission as a matter of fact many see submission as a weakness , many see submission as a easy target , many see submission as a easy fuck , someone they can control for a short time until you have a breakdown or you become to needy. I am not speaking of a full mental breakdown just kinda like the feeling of being confused.

Submission can start in one or two phases , one being from a younger age but you do not know the word or anything about it , or two it hits you at a later time in life. In most cases not all but most something dramatic in life happened , the loss of someone very close, or the worst being abused by a family member or even raped at a young age. Something triggers your feeling but you are not sure , you just know you are.

While there may not be a fix all cure , while you just may be on a level playing field, not happy but not sad I can tell you the environment you spend your time in can help you maintain what you do have.

If you suffer from depression , your taking medication, seeing your doctor on schedule but your home life is a total wreck you are fighting a losing battle. If you spend your days fighting and arguing the medication you are taking is doing nothing.

You need someplace you feel safe, you need someplace peaceful, you need someplace you can truly call home. You need to be stress free , drama free, but more important you need someone who supports you , someone who understand you. Someone who cares enough to find out what is going on and what they can do to help your healing process. This not only applies to BDSM but those who are vanilla.

Being honest about your depression , codependency does cut your odds in half in finding the right Dominant but if you stand your ground your odds are better in finding the right one.

Arianna sees a doctor , at times I go at times I do not, when I notice things are slipping I go this is so I can give my side of the story. Her doctor has requested I come to each visit. I feel taking part is very important.. You should want the same..

9 Responses to “Submission , Codependency And Depression”

  1. This is WONDERFUL! I found myself in a place where I could no longer keep my shit together. I had no idea why. After almost doing something REALLY stupid, I found professional help. Turns out, most people at my deep level of depression are nonfunctional. I Definitely wasn’t functioning normally, but I was moving through the appropriate motions, which I have decided made me AFUCKINGMAZING! Anyway, finding help, medication and the overwhelming love and support from friends and family, especially Professor, I am not only functioning but thriving again. Getting better has also sent mine and Professors relationship into a deeper realm than I ever thought possible. When he stepped up to care for me when I could no longer care for myself, I found a deeper submission. Thank you for posting this Sir. 😊

  2. Daddy JD Says:

    Yes, all those things are present, in our lives and among the vanilla couples as well. God, depression? My partner/wife/sub of 16 years passed three years ago. Co-dependence, trying not having her anymore. Took me 2.5 years to prepare to move on. But I used the time to reassess myself, what I could offer my next and what exactly do I want from her. That, a lot of interviewing and shear numbers, and guess what – I found exactly what I wanted and I am exactly what she wants.
    That took a lifetime of daily struggle to be a better dominant.
    I’ve been a 24/7 dominant for nearly 30 of over 40 years. To me its always been the mental. I learned real quick to get my own depression (never met someone who wasn’t) resolved so I could be the mentor, guide, nurturer they all depended on. I studied and worked in the field to acquire enough insight to be the dom I thought I needed to be.
    I believe strongly in keeping journals. Both of us. I do read her’s. That, meditation, communication, and more communication minimize a lot of potential stress. We are their rock, their reason to be. Don’t forget that! Step back, think about the relationship – are you both physically healthy, having fun and most importantly, are her needs being met? If the dominant doesn’t know unequivocally, tonight’s play session should be called “pillow talk”. Then do just that.

  3. Isn’t there always going to be a level of codependency? I’m not sure. Maybe I have it wrong but as a sub don’t you look to your Dom for guidance and sometimes direction? Wouldn’t that eventually make you reliant on him/her?

  4. This is very interesting insight, and your candor is appreciated. I would however be careful about cautioning people from talking to someone about their problems. Doctors prescribe, counselors/therapists listen, and come from a place of genuinely wanting to help. It might be a tough for this lifestyle to find someone that would genuinely understand, but not impossible. As someone who is finishing my own masters degree so that I can help people, and also is a sub in training, you have given me something to think about in terms of creating a safe space for people in the lifestyle.

    • you are 100% correct there are professionals and most are good at what they do and care.
      However most who see doctors are not totally honest about what is really going on, for instance.
      on a scale of 1 to 10 how are you feeling right now ? That is a question when you see your doctor, the key words are right now. It is not last week or the month it is right now.

      Entering a relationship with someone who suffers from depression is a huge task depending how extreme.

      I myself had to think twice about entering a relationship mainly because I really had no clue.
      What meds are you taking? What is each one for then comes the research.

      However providing a stable home , communication and knowing limits. Security plays a huge role as well.

      The Dom being able to accept the ups and downs , this is caring. Being able to understand your partner.

      You can have 6 months of ups then comes the crash. Being supportive and not a fixer.

      Abuse runs wild in our lifestyle but we have to include the vanilla as well.
      Abuse be it physical , mental , verbal , if you are living in those conditions the medications giving are pretty much useless , just my opinion.
      While I do not have a degree I do have some 25 years experience in the lifestyle.

      There are those who see submission as a weakness , those are the predators or those who simply do not have a clue and do not care to have a clue.
      Most men want a mother figure , someone to cook , clean house, laundry. When someone becomes clingy or the codependency comes out it then becomes a hassle.
      Thoughts?

    • I am not saying I am better than anyone else.
      Look at the different Doms you have met?
      Then you add the so called married Doms who are cheating on their wife.
      If they were really Dominant they would be running their own house. If things were really so bad they would just pack up and leave , but the fact is their wife built the home, it is the wife who pulls him out of the mud when he falls..

      You cannot be a part time Dom and expect full time submission. Wow! that is some deep shit there.

      My life is good , I am in a good place , I am happy but I get zero down time….
      Much love

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