Archive for the 24/7 Category

What Does She Get Out Of The Relationship

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM 24/7 Relationships, BDSM Protocols, BDSM Relationships, BDSM Rules, Building a BDSM Relationshp, commitment, communication, compatibility, CONSENSUAL NON-CONSENT, FaceBook Vile Woods, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, Master And Slave, Slave, Submissive, Training Arianna, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on October 19, 2016 by thekinkyworldofvile

This was a question posed to me last week while out . A friendly get together , One of my days I am able to get out and be me. Getting together with those who somewhat think as I do, a heavy sigh when I sit down and sip on my chocolate Latte , or is it mocha ? I know it is one Arianna always gets my drink. This week she was not with me , Arianna and out newest addition to our home were spending quality time together . Ariannas mother has been ill and had a heart procedure done on that Wednesday so rest was much needed as well.

I have been mentoring a new Dominant and at last it is someone who is truly interested in the D’s lifestyle, someone who has not only been listening but someone who is taking the proper steps in building a relationship.

There are several things that come into play when building a 24/7 D’s Or M’s relationship.

One being compatibility just because your a Dominant or submissive does not mean the one you met is right for you.  A lot comes into play , you may or may not want rules , your view on kink may be different, you may or may not like pain or humiliation , you may not want to give up total control. If the Dominant you have met has nothing in common with you then move on.

Being able to talk to each other not at each other, you can listen but not hear a fucking thing.

Knowing you have a open line of communication any time you have the need. Knowing you can share your feelings and not be afraid to. Knowing you can share your feelings and not worry about being yelled at.

Both having a goal in place , both having needs that have to be met.

When you first meet a new Dominant be it being introduced , maybe a dating site , maybe fetlife and you both hit it off you may want to see where things go.

One thing I try to explain to submissives or slaves he is not your Dominant he is a man and you are a woman. You have to set the lifestyle to the side and find out what you have in common. The Dominant has no control over you , nor can he make any demands.

On a normal vanilla date the man ask what kind of food do you like and the Dominant as if you take it up the ass? Do you swallow ? Do you get off on humiliation ? How do I know this ? I have been there I have done just that , I have played and I have used and when I grew tired I forgot your name.

Something I never gave much thought about was the impact I would have on someone by using them. I never thought about the emotional impact The impact if they were not stable in life , mentally. A few months or week can have a huge impact on someones life, and many times the submissive or slave will make several more mistakes before they find out they have been played. Then the one she connects , the one she begins a relationship with is handed the task of cleaning everything up, if it can be cleaned up.

What does she get out of the relationship ? I am older than she is I just cannot see what I have to offer, I do not see how I can benefit her.

Here is the tricky part , once you decide you want to take that step and try to begin a new relationship there are steps that should be taken. If at any time you the Dominant try to take any short cuts or look over something you will fail, you will crash and burn.

More so , both have to be honest with each other to a T, you cannot leave any skeletons in your closet. Things are easier to fix or deal with if all your cards are on the table. If you wait and something comes up and it proves to you be your fault or you lied , you are the only one to blame. If you cannot be honest and truthful you cannot be trusted, if you cannot be trusted you cannot build a relationship.

Codependency runs through out the lifestyle not all but the majority of those who are submissive are codependent. Being codependent is not a bad thing that is unless you happen to fall into the wrong hands. I read something not long ago where a submissive said she was feeling depressed and the reply from a Dom was , you just need a good fucking.

When I talk to a new Dominant who is about to enter a relationship , my first words are you’re whole life is about to change. You’re thought process is about to change, the way you acted , the way you speak , walk, act in public.

Then comes the dump truck , that will back up to you’re front door and start to dump. This is when you sit down looking at a puzzle in a million pieces and you have to put it all together. As you are putting together getting all the pieces to fit together you are looking and the puzzle is still growing.

I have yet to figure out why ? Most of the time a submissive will jump right out of the pan into the fire and just start spilling their guts and the Dom just sits there with a blank stare thinking what the fuck have I done.

It is like you have a hundred books in front of you all of them are open, here is the tricky part. Some are fiction but some are non-fiction and you have to be able to separate everything.

Once you have gathered all the facts and you have decided to move forward you can now put a training program in place. A training program that will be tailored to not only you the Dominant but to the slave or submissive. What worked training worked on one will not work on another. The same goes with rules.

As Dominants we have our standards when it comes to protocols public and private, we already have our structure in place and both will fall into part of the training.

I had mentioned codependency and the needy thing , while there are some who do not fall under either, I have found through out some 25 years most are indeed both.

In a perfect world and there is such a thing I know I am living it , in a perfect world there are many benefits a submissive or slave will experience.

What does she get out of the relationship , more so if the Dominant is older and in our lifestyle the age gap is pretty common.  An older Dominant for the most has settled down, the anger issues are out of the way, we have sewn our oats We are more settled and basically looking for the same thing a life long relationship.

Being in the right frame of mind , this is why we must communicate to make sure this is a need and not a want, making sure it is just not a fantasy or a sub frenzy. Communication I call just dating getting to know each other, finding what we have in common besides the lifestyle ….

The Submissive is seeking what most are seeking that is love and understanding, they are seeking acceptance. They are seeking guidance, and structure, and knowing someone wants to be with them because of who you are.

Being in the right frame of mind , truly understanding who you are and what your needs are. I would like to add LDR’s Long Distant Relationships seldom work unless there is an immediate plan for one or the other to make a move. If that is the case you should meet more than one. The submissive should be able to obtain references , check the local community. A good reason just recently a submissive move from Main sold everything she had moved in with a Daddy Dom and in thirty days time he set her out on the street with no place to go.

Training is for the good of the relationship I use to call training a form of Patty Hearst Syndrome, but as I grew older , now it is almost like rehabilitation a total mind reset, changing ones thought process.

You cannot begin training someone unless you truly know them, until you truly know the submissive inside out and it does not begin being physical.

The Submissive should have 24/7 access to her Dominant living together or even in a LDR this is most important if long distance it gives a sense of security.

If long distance know where your Dominant lives, know where he works , what he drives, after all he will want you to be transparent and he should as well.

Once you walk through the door and you drop your bag it is like you have stepped into another dimension, you will enter a whole new world. You the submissive has to be willing to adapt, you have to go in with a blank mind.

On the other side there is another Dominant and submissive, both who require no rules , no structure, no protocols and this is fine because if that works for you life is good.

When Arianna and I first met she was somewhat hesitant about entering a relationship with me because of the age difference. She had a bad experience with a Dominant who was much older than she was . He wanted the play and control but wanted none of the responsibility that came with the relationship. When Arianna first met him she was in a slave frenzy and trusted way to easy. After 6 months it came to a end but we had met just prior to the crash.

We talked or I let her talk because I needed to see where she was coming from and what her needs would be.

If you think about it a Submissive or Slave is looking for about the same thing someone in a vanilla relationship.

Trust , open  communication, honesty, , Loyalty , Someone who will not hurt them be it mentally , physically or verbally.  Knowing her limits will be respected. You can push someone over a cliff and the damage may not be repairable, or you could lose the trust you worked so hard to gain.

A good friend of mine a new Dominant asked the question what does she get out of it and she gets the above , but she gets so much more. Now she feels she has found home, she now feels she can be herself without being made fun of.

If you the Dominant leads with a fair but firm hand she will follow and follow with no questions.

Once rules are in place you cannot change to fit your needs, nor can you add more than one can take. Here are 50 rules and I want you to memorize them and be able to recite them back to me. This is unfair unless you the Dominant can do it. Very few rules are needed if you have protocols in place. Many have made fun of me when I speak about protocols but the fact is if you have in place and you are consistent you do not need that many rules.

If you the Dominant explain in detail who and what you are, then you have to maintain that status, so you need to be careful when you start explaining who and what you are about. If you tell someone what you need and expect you have to be able to explain what you have to offer and how you can benefit the relationship.

I explained the relationship is about me, when it comes to taking care of me, when it comes to sex everything, but I had to prove I would give back more than I would take and to this day I have proven that.

A true Dominant has gotten past the anger issues , a true Dominant is in full control , not only himself , but his surroundings , his home and his property. A true Dominant will drop what ever he is doing in a time of need. A true Dominant will listen with an open mind. A true Dominant will listen and care and find a solution when needed. A true Dominant will step up and take full responsibility. A true Dominant will put you first even when it comes to family and without question. A true Dominant who truly knows you , knows when something is wrong or about to be wrong, and will fix before things get out of hand.

I believe the Submissive should get way more out of the relationship than the Dominant does.

Arianna and I live a consensual non consent M’s relationship but and there is a but. This was all agreed on prior to entering the relationship . We entered the relationship as Master and Slave.

If you are both true to your word , if you are both honest and can communicate openly you will experience a relationship like you could never imagine..

Vile

 

 

Some Do Not Like Me

Posted in 24/7, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Relationships, commitment, communication, Dominant and Submissive, http://bestslavetraining.com/, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, Protocols, Slave, Submission, Submissive, Sucking and fucking, sucking cock with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on August 15, 2016 by thekinkyworldofvile

When you first meet me , you will probably think I am the most obnoxious man you have ever met, you will probably think I am rude, You will think I am loud and unbearable to be around , but if you take the time to get to know me you will find you cannot have a better friend.

My friend circle is very small , I do this mainly because it is really hard to find what you would call a true friend. It also keeps the drama down to zero.

My way is not anyone else’s way , my way works for me, although if you follow my blog I am sure you can take parts of it and put it to good use.

I have learned I cannot please everyone , what a ton of work, so I am me and only me you like me or you don’t .

Just because you do not like someone does not mean I will have the same feelings.

Master Johnny ignored her safe word during play , Master Johnny raped her, Master Johnny is very abusive. Now I am hearing this from a third-party. I am not hearing from the horse’s mouth, nor did I hear it from Master Johnny.

There are two sides to every story what I will do is speak with both parties ,  the slave or submissive first then I speak to Master Johnny. I am not going to take your word just because you do not like someone.

When I introduce myself I introduce myself as Vile the word Master is no where in our conversation. If you walk up to me and you introduce yourself as Master Johnny and your single , I will step back so I can allow your ego to expand.

Before I met arianna if someone was to ask me what my role was in the lifestyle I would say I am a Dominant. I suppose there are those who need the self title, the recognition , the need to feed your ego.

Arianna is my PR representative , she is now  fact checker like in the news. On the way to an event Arianna will say Master we are going to be in public, I acknowledge the fact then I ask why?  Then bringing up the last week coffee and I was talking about-face fucking, and ass fucking without lube. However she has said I have gotten much better over the years and I do not embarrass her as much as I did when we first met.. okay so I am out spoken I am me you like me or you do not. My fact checker when I say something. I just recently had surgery on my back and I ended up with about 20 stitches on the inside and 29 on the outside, but with me being male the numbers were much higher, so when I gave the numbers out everyone looked over at Arianna and she either nods in agreement or shakes her head.

I feel this is my world , I walk my own path , and it is me who has to live by choices and consequences. Yes In the outside world I have rules I have to follow and I walk a straight line. I am honest to a T , I am going to guess that is why everything always works out in my favor.

I speak my mind I say what others are thinking , however,  I will agree there are times I speak without thinking the comment out , at any rate,  I meant to say it.

i am not prejudiced when I look at people I see one color and one color only. What I am Prejudiced towards is stupid , those who know better but continue to fuck up. Those who work the system , those who want something for nothing , then they blame others when they fail. Then the system is working against them.

I am Prejudiced against the dominant who just use those who are submissive, those who have no goals or goals in life. Those who use and just toss aside without care. Instead of seeing the full picture they spend more time playing a game.

The fact is if you the Dominant wants to build a real relationship you can pretty much have anything you want. You sit back and just picture the relationship you want and be like Nike and just do it. You can implement rules , protocols I am huge on protocols. If you have enough protocols and rituals in place you need very few rules. Yes it does take work but the rewards are never-ending.

You can dress the way you want, you can teach how to talk , walk, sit , eat and act. You can teach the sub how to suck cock, even how you like to fuck. If you are a true leader they submissive will follow, if you get stupid you will spend your nights alone.

I very seldom show empathy , this goes back to the stupid thing , I just shake my head and walk away.

My ex just had a kidney transplant and was out of work for some time still not 100% but she is back to work. While out of work I increased my child support by about 60 dollars a week to help out. I also contacted people about helping refinance the house I lost. I contacted the state about some kind of assistance , and because my child support was not court ordered they state refused to help her even though I had bank statements proving I had been paying.

So I contacted a local radio station who does fund-raising for some , 104.1 based out of Orlando , Russ Rollings and Jim Phillips , I explained in detail what was happening and not one reply , how sad is that ? I sent not one email ,not two , not three but several. These are people who support the community.

So while my responsibility was not really mine I took steps I thought would help. I do not mind helping those in need , but I will not take away from my home. I will not do anything that would put Arianna second , never.

Next time you want to speak your mind do it , people will respect you much more..

 

 

 

 

 

Implementing Rules

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, Arianna, BDSM 24/7 Relationships, BDSM Protocols, BDSM Relationships, Dominant and Submissive, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, Protocols, Slave, Submission, Submissive, sucking cock with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on July 3, 2016 by thekinkyworldofvile

Over the years I have talked to hundreds or slaves and those who are submissive, most of the conversation has been about rules , who when , what and where?

You meet a new Dominant and after the meeting you have a long list of rules you must learn and remember word for word, you must be able to repeat them when asked , but the fact is the Dominant cannot do that. Why ask someone to do something if you cannot do it?

Knowing someone for an hour , a week or even a month there is no way someone could possibly implement any type of rules.

You have a Dominant then you have a Master these are clearly two different type of people. In most cases the Master is in a TPE relationship , Total Power Exchange while a D’s relationship the submissive has say in what happens and can say NO fuck you I am not doing it. A TPE relationship runs much deeper but in many ways both have the same responsibility. We are to take care of ours and we ensure our partner is on the right path. We set goals , we have a plan for self-improvement so the rules we put in place should be for the good.

Dominants and Masters are in theory Therapist  without PHD’s  but the difference is we can come up with a plan, a plan to guide someone in the right direction. A Therapist spends about 15 minutes in a session and tries to make decisions based on the information giving. Based on the information giving is based on the prescription giving, and I know from experience more often the information that is giving is not 100% honest. Most do not feel comfortable opening up their life to a complete stranger more so if you’re in the lifestyle. If you do not share your lifestyle there is no way anyone can possibly make the right decision.

When asked by a doctor about our home life I explain we have a very structured home, we have communication, no drama but most of all no arguing. Most catch on  to our lifestyle without me having to go into great detail. I go on to explain I take care of everything , I handle all problems we may face and at times I handle problems Arianna knows nothing about.

A great deal of those who are slaves and submissive suffer from some type of depression , some are even bi-polar. I did not say all so please do not put words in my mouth.

Many take medications many take more than one, so we need to know what type of medication and why? What is your medication suppose to do and what happens if you do not take it?

we have to know all of the above before we can even think about giving out any type of rules.

We have to know what makes them tick, why do they think the way they do, but most important what are they thinking at any giving moment. I know several times a day I ask Arianna what is on her mind, what is she thinking? Many times if you ask what is wrong it throws up a defense a wall goes up and the fight begins, when in actuality there may have been nothing wrong. This is the base of most arguments , fights screaming at each other. we say things to hurt each other, we use words we would not normally use. It takes longer for words to heal than it does a black eye, words are never forgotten.

A few things we tell a potential partner when we first meet them is always be honest , meaning always tell me the truth. Be open , communicate and always be loyal. We also state we will be there no matter what and we have their back when no one else will.

If we expect the above then why would a Slave not expect the same in return? Why should we be held to different standards ?

Submission cannot be demanded, respect cannot be demanded, loyalty cannot be demanded. Everything we do as a Master or Dominant has to be earned.

You will call me Sir , you will call me Daddy, you will call me Master why ? This or those titles we so crave are earned, the same way we earn respect , the same way we earn trust.

Once you begin or agree to start a relationship then we can start to implement some rules, perhaps a daily bed time or a wake up time. If medication is being taking a good rule would be to let you know when and what.

Most Dominants who are new to the lifestyle often give rules out that are just sexually based. Like you must worship my cock  or suck whenever we are alone. You must wear short skirts with no panties. You will learn to take my pain, you get the idea nothing has to do with structure or improvement.

Just because we are Dominant does not mean the submissive next door  will fit our needs, it does not mean the slave we are talking to is our fit. This is where the getting to know each other comes in. Learning about each other, our likes and dislikes. We do not want to come off as trying to change someone, we want to let the slave know we want to improve.  Although changing someone can be done it does in tell a lot of work and should only be done if you plan on the relationship being long term.

There are two hard parts in finding the perfect partner and there is someone who is perfect. Finding the right partner, then finding the right partner who is willing to adapt to your ways, follow your rules, follow your structure and be willing to be trained and take it seriously. If you find the above then it is a need for the slave..

Have a plan put in place, knowing who you are and what type of Dominant you are will determine what plan you need. This goes for the same with the sub or slave.

If you’re a Daddy Dom why would you pursue a Submissive or even a Slave? If you’re a Baby Girl why would you pursue a Dominant or a master?

Rules and protocols run the same path both basically have the same outcome. However, both will help where help is needed.

The slave must be willing first off, rules , protocols, and training must be a need , if everything is just a fantasy it will be time wasted, if a need the possibility’s are unlimited .

The need to give up total control the,  need to give another total control, not a want but a true need.

If your rules are mostly about sucking cock, no panties in public , or anal training if you’re in a LTR , sending pics or videos , then maybe you should sit back and rethink your relationship.

You have to truly need it, you need to crave and with the right leader your relationship will truly rock.

Before moving into a relationship why would you not want someone who wants to be friends, someone who wants to get to know you as a person a friend , even a best friend before moving into the kink area. I would think you would want someone who has your best interest in mind and you can see the difference but you turn your head hoping everything will be okay , even if it is not you stick around in fear of being alone…

Living apart makes a D’s relationship rather hard for the Dominant to maintain control. I myself am hands on, I am visual. I like to stay in contact even through out the day, I like knowing where mine is and what she or they are doing. I require check-ins, I want to know how the day is going. These are forms of protocols  if you have enough protocols in place very few rules are actually needed..

Rules are meant to improve where improvement is needed…

Last you must have 24/7 access toyour  Dominant , you must be able to ask questions ands hare your concerns. You must be allowed to communicate.. A good Dominant will never raise his voice or shlow anger towards you

Vile

 

 

 

As A Dominant

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, bdsm, BDSM Relationships, Behavior Modification, cock sucking, Consistency, Depression, Dominance Through Intimidation, Dominant and Submissive, fucking, Manipulation, Master and slave relationship, Slave, Submission, submissive, viledesires62@aol.com on June 18, 2016 by thekinkyworldofvile

It is our responsibility to pick those up who have stumbled, those who are having a hard time coping , Those who are having a stressful position on life , those who are confused and feel they have no one to turn to.

Something that irks me , is to be at a public outing and the big bad Dom sits back and tells about his times and travels , what he has done, what he knows and the mile long experience he has, but when a submissive needs a helping hand they just turn their back and walk away.

You want the pussy but you do not want the responsibility , you want your dick sucked but you do not want the responsibility, you want to tie their ass up and beat them but you do not want the responsibility.

This does not pertain to all of course there are those who just enjoy fucking , but there are the few who are different , there are the few who suffer from depression. When you play with someone who has some sort of mental issue , you are doing nothing less that manipulating  them, your playing head games and once your front door closes your done your finished.

I was talking to someone the other day and he wanted to know hot to train someone , so in answering that each is different but I gave a few ideas and he stopped me midway and said it was to much work.  I explained that it could be a little work in the beginning but within 60 to 90 days everything would start to fall into place.

Training is no joke , as a matter of fact it is something close to rehabilitation , you are changing someones thought process, changing habits, the way someone dresses , talks and walks, of course this is a M’s relationship and at times it very well could be a D’s. Once everything is in place it is just daily maintenance , not weekly or bi-weekly it is daily.

You want the perfect relationship but your not willing to put the effort into building something that could be the most intense relationship you have ever had..

Karma is a bitch and it will bite you in your ass. Think twice before you ruin someones life. Unless your in for the long run leave the ones who are vulnerable   and need that guiding hand alone, unless your going to answer your phone at 3 am.

Playing with those who have emotional problems or suffer from depression does not make you a Dominant , it shows you are weak and you have no values, and if you think for one minute that you are not being talked about you are dead wrong..

So next time your sitting at at table at a munch and you introduce yourself as Master Dick , take a look around the room.

Vile

Abuse Is Alive And Well

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM 24/7 Relationships, BDSM Mentor, BDSM Protocols, BDSM Relationships, BDSM Rules, Being A Dominant is 24/7 365, Cheaters, Cheating Dominant, Choices, communication, compatibility, consequences, Dominance Through Intimidation, exploiting your slave, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, Master and slave relationship, relationships, Slave, Submissive, Submissive being used with tags , , , , , , , , , , on June 4, 2016 by thekinkyworldofvile

MAsT:Kissimmee

 

May 19th

 

Meeting

A small group of 9 attended the 19th meeting and the topic was abuse. Even though I lead the MAsT, Masters and Slaves Together. http://www.mast.net , if you are not familiar with MAsT check out the site.

Abuse many understood how abuse can happen in a D’s or M’s relationship some were still unsure.

Girl- L  who is an awesome friend helped facilitate the meeting and she came loaded with awesome information. I myself like to let different people facilitate MAsT meetings because it make someone feel a part of. We also get different point of views which is truly needed.

The meeting is held at our home , meeting in this type of environment allows people to speak freely with out prying ears. It allows people to relax and let go where as they would not in a public setting.

We also spoke about how abuse is just not about men but there are women who abuse as well , mainly through manipulation or known better Topping from the Bottom. Most of the time this only occurs if the Dominant is not experienced or very new to the lifestyle…

Many times the abuse can be stopped prior to entering a relationship with the right education and asking the right questions. The problem today is many are to impatient and do not care about taking the proper steps. Being active in the community is a huge step forward , making friends as well. I have a handful of people I actually consider my friend. However being active does not always solve all problems because there is a dick or a bitch at every corner. The thing is it does not matter what others think about you or how you should be living your life, that is unless they are going to pay your bills..

One thing about the BDSM lifestyle is everybody is right and no one is wrong , everyone has the right answer and everyone is wrong. No one knows what they are talking about, even on Fetlife everyone is wrong. The one thing i noticed is all the people giving advice about how your life should go are single more so Doms. So yes taking advice from someone who has never been a D’s relationship is the way to go..

Abuse when it comes to the lifestyle is a huge gray area and it can be a touchy subject for some.

I know I have been approached by Doms in the community asking me if I thought I was to strict on Arianna. I suppose this is the difference between a Master and a Dominant, a Submissive and a Slave, having rules and protocols or just letting your girl run wild, and having no consequences for their actions.

I run a very smooth home, I am strict and firm, but I do so without arguing , screaming, calling names or even getting physical. I have rules in place and they are followed, I have protocols and they are followed.

I am not a 9 to 5 Dominant , I am not a weekend warrior , I am not a once every now and then Dominant , I am 24/7 and no less. I take full responsibility for not only my relationship but I admit when a mistake is made. One thing Arianna comes first and always will , I will drop what ever I am doing if needed. A Submissive or Slave should have 24/7 access to their Dominant or Master and no less, there are no excuses.

Okay ive been ranting a little and if you follow me you know by know I get off the subject at times.

One thing that really irks me is when mental abuse comes into play. When a slave or submissive is suffering from depressions, maybe being bipolar , manic and the newly found Dom does not see the signs or maybe he just does not give a fuck. Having any or all of these symptoms can put unneeded stress on someone and cause more damage.

Many times everything is in the open but many times who ever suffers from such a  disease will not be upfront about their illness. Many are ashamed but more are scared of failing a new relationship.

I myself cannot even imagine how someone who is bipolar , come close to even knowing what their thought process is, or even how one makes it through a normal day , much less how someone would handle being tied down and beaten, or used sexually. I would not even want to comprehend the thought process, or how scared or confused someone might be.

On the other hand there are some aspects of the lifestyle in which someone could benefit from a D’s or M’s home , if it was based on more of a structured setting , where rules and protocols were put in place to be beneficial. Understanding ones limits and not trying to push that explore button.  Insuring they are on medication and on the proper medication.

Just to let you know I am not talking out of my ass I am speaking from experience. I am living in such a relationship. The beginning  was a rough start but 3 years later I am and we are blessed. I suppose the setting would be different if love did not play a part , I suppose it would be different if you were just being used as a fuck toy….

The above can only be accomplished if you truly know someone and you care enough to put any effort into building a lasting relationship.

Some of the most common situations when it comes to abuse starts out with isolation. Separating you from friends and family. Making you turn over passwords to all of your accounts. Emails , social media , not allowing you to speak with other Doms, and the most severe is your banking information.

These tactics are used by Doms who are insecure or new to the lifestyle. Many have anger issues and use fear in order to obtain your submission, verbal and eventually it will turn physical.

Being new it will take some time to catch on before you will see the abuse or something pay hit you , thinking Hmmm there is something here that is not right. You feel like you have no one to turn to, after all you have turned your back on all of your friends, but even then how would you explain such a relationship?

Female abuse happens often and this is done through manipulation, and it happens with a Dom who lacks experience. However there are times when ones judgement can be blurred by letting feeling get in the way of a D’s or M’s relationship.

I have written about this subject many many times and at times I get this fuck it attitude because the truth is maybe one out of a hundred even takes notice.

The signs are clear first is isolation from friends and family , making you give all passwords to your email and social  media and email. Constantly putting you down calling you names and telling you , you area  worthless bitch. At times taking your banking information.

The fist date is either a Denny’s or a motel and your training starts off with you sucking cock. You get to see your new Dom maybe once a month if your lucky, or maybe more often to suck cock. The first date is the only date you are seen in public with him, unless your dumb enough to invite a total stranger to your house.

When you ask a question or question the way the relationship is going you get yelled at.

You the s;ave the submissive should have 24/7 access to your Dominant no questions asked. If you text you should get an answer , but most of the time it is days not minutes.

Most of the time you know something is wrong but you have it in your head he is the one, there is no one else who can fill his shoes , or should I say diapers.

You know I am not so sure it is abuse at times , I think it is more on the side of the Dom not knowing what they are doing. Many do not understand the amount of time it takes to develop a new D’s or M’s relationship, or most may not want to invest the time it takes, or some may not even consider the needs the submissive may have. Many see the relationship more as a maid service or just a sex toy but it runs much much deeper than just a piece of ass.

Ive had many new Dominants tell me they want to talk and spend time with me, and after I agree I hear nothing else from them.

There are those who are just male chauvinist pigs who see a bdsm relationship as a open door to abuse and just use and toss away until they have that need again.

After 3 years I am still finding it takes a great deal of time and communication.. I get to a point to where I have to alter things such as protocols or rules , I may have to add or take away. Both of us sit down and go over the rules to see if they still apply or maybe make some changes, maybe head in a new direction.

Only you the submissive knows what you need and you need to have a plan and know exactly what you need out of a relationship. Because a mistake made more than once is a decision , and everything falls on you if you allow yourself to continue to be unhappy or used…

What kind of Dom are you looking for ? What type of submissive are you ? Are you a slave? If so a Daddy Dom would not fit your needs. Are you a Masochist ? Then a Daddy Dom is not going to work.

You need to know who you are and what you need before you can begin your search.  Just because a Dom contacts you does not mean he is the one for you…

Last you need someone you can talk to , someone who understands you or at least tries, you need to have an outlet when something is not going well….

Again a Mistake made more than one is a decision..

There are those who crave to be used for what ever reason , those who continue to fall into the same trap, and just sit around wondering what has gone wrong or blaming others.. life is based on two things and only two choices and consequences .

Then I have to rag on the married Doms who are married and they cheat on their vanilla wives who know nothing about the other side of their husband. The wives who believe they have built the perfect home. Let me tell you something a man has what he has because of his partner , be it a vanilla wife a submissive or slave she built the kingdom.

He will talk about how bad she is and how he plans to leave her, she is a bitch and does not understand him, there is no communication , she takes no interest in his likes or hobbies. She is a total bitch.

If she was really so bad he would of left long ago. However maybe if this so called Dom had communication skills and really tried his wife who built his kingdom might be open to a little kink.

Instead he finds someone like you, who will take his bullshit , who will take his verbal abuse, and physical abuse. Someone who will take his humiliation, someone who wants to control you but he is controlling not in control. Someone who takes it up the ass because his wife will not…

Your a piece of ass and you will lose every time. You would cost him to much money if he left not to mention if there are kids involved… He is not going to leave the security he has the security his wife has built. You will do just fine until you become to needy and you will and he will dump you because you have become a liability.

While I was married to a vanilla for 9 years I never stepped out on her. I was in the lifestyle prior to meeting her but I was trying to change who I was. I wanted the house, the cars, the kids and the dog. My first month I knew I had made a bad mistake. Remember the choices and consequences ?

After 9 years I came clean about who I was and what I needed. I lost a house on the beach , two cars and a lot of money. I left with 1500 dollars in cash a canvas  bag full of clothes dirty and clean, and a beat up Yamaha 750.

My philosophy is if your not happy get the fuck out.. There is no reason to drag someone through the mud more so over something I did. I lied to her , I mislead her, I was someone I was not, and I made a fool out of her. I can say for the past 9 years I have paid child support every week and I have never missed a payment working or not..

You do not have to let someone drag you through the mud and in the end it will be your fault…

 

 

 

 

BDSM And Discipline

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Abuse, BDSM Relationships, BDSM Slave, BDSM Structure, Building a BDSM Relationshp, communication, consequences, Consistency, controlling, Discipline, Dominant and Submissive, Dominants, Ego, fucking and sucking, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, Humiliation, Master And Slave, Master and slave relationship, Protocols, punish, Punishment, Slave, Structure, Submission, training your slave, Training your submissive, viledesires62@aol.com with tags , , , , , , , , , on March 25, 2016 by thekinkyworldofvile

Discipline is something I do not look forward to nor do I set back and hope a rule will be broken. That takes way to much time and causes one to walk on egg shells….

My observation in the lifestyle most Discipline or punishment is in a  physical form and consist of pain and leaving black and blue marks , how ever I believe something that is looked over when others speak of being punished is aftercare.

Being punished the different forms , the main of course which is most commonly used is physical, which I have used in the past , but my way of thinking if a rule or protocol is broken 99% of the time it was a mistake. So I sit down and talk so I can find out what happened. Did something come up , or was it forgotten? The next question is what can be done to prevent it from happening again , what steps are going to be taking to make sure it does not happen again?

Some different ways besides physical , would be verbal , talking and seeing what happened.  taking something away , taking a privilege away , confinement, you get the idea. Beating someone is not always the answer although if you read enough blogs or talk with others this seems to be the trend today.

If a submissive or slave is breaking rules on a daily basis there is a problem, a lack of attention or maybe the training.

I met a Baby girl at a local function I know the Dom well, and while outside I could hear the displeasure in her voice. She had just moved from Main down to Florida and the end result was not good he ended up putting her out on the street.

A friend of mine sent me a text and asked me to call him so we could figure out what happened and what we could do. We did find her a place to stay but she had already made arrangements to fly home with the help of her parents.

Why was it her fault ? Number one she did not do her homework , she did not Vet him prior to moving down meaning she did not contact anyone to see if he was who he said he was, as it turned out he was not.. She took his word on everything , only to sell everything she owned moved and found out soon afterward everything was a lie.

I tried to reach out to him after she contacted me and asked why he was kicking her out? He just stated she was not for him, and when I asked if he was just going to put her out his answer was yes.

The texting was going good until I asked him what steps he had taken in training her , and the conversation went dead. This just proved he had no clue, nor did he care about putting the work into the relationship to make it work.

I think when it comes to our lifestyle Discipline in someways are over played , many see discipline as a daily ritual , see it as needed in order to be in a relationship.

Just a few and the first and most popular is the physical part the spanking, the beating, the leaving bruises as a reminder a show of Authority showing who is in charge.

Self punishment which I always found funny, that is something I never took part in and I find it to be Ego driven and someone who is full of their own shit.

Taking a privilege away something the submissive or slave enjoys, be it TV , a girls night out, their ipad something one cherishes. Free time giving during the day , down time, I have found this to be very effective.

Then talking , communication sitting down one on one and find out what happened , why was a rule broken ? There are times when it cant be helped, and at times things need to be looked over.

As Dominants you spend so much of your time building an awesome relationship why would one take the time to beat someone so precious, someone who is suppose to mean the world to you.

Those who do not have a clue spend much of their time talking down to the sub or slave, degrading and humiliating. This is to keep someone at a very low self esteem, and unless they are able to communicate with others, they do not know any better..

Training On Different Levels

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, adapting, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM 24/7, BDSM 24/7 Relationships, BDSM Relationships, BDSM TPE Relationships, Behavior Modification, Dominant and Submissive, http://bestslavetraining.com/, https://dominationsubmission.wordpress.com/2013/07/16/bdsm-training-methodology-and-techniques/, Master And Slave, Slave Owned Property, Submission, Submissive, Total Power Exchange, TPE, Training Arianna with tags , , , , , , , , on March 7, 2016 by thekinkyworldofvile

I was just reading a Blog By Master P.

https://dominationsubmission.wordpress.com/2013/07/16/bdsm-training-methodology-and-techniques/

The topic was BDSM Training-Methodology and Techniques
Before you start ranting I am not totally disagreeing with him but I find to have a different opinion one a few topics.
thekinkyworldofvile.wordpress.com is based one a Master , Slave relationship, it is based on a owner property relationship , it is based on a TPE relationship , Total Power Exchange. If you put these all together I control everything and while I do listen I have the final say.
Again I agree with Most of what Master P is talking about but we are talking about two different relationships. Dominant , submissive , Master And Slave and there by definition is a clear difference.
Behavior modification is changing ones way of thinking, in a good scenario this can be done willingly or forced that would be totally breaking someones will.
Although most training is done to fit the Masters needs there are other things we look at , changing bad habit into good ones.
I did train for service , I did so because I have protocols that I want followed when company is over. I have protocols for private and public, I have different stages of protocols and each one is used depending on the setting.
So I was just thinking about why men cheat be it vanilla , D’s and I do know Doms who cheat , hell Ive known Master who cheated.
So when finding a partner why not find someone you can train to make you complete.
I am in no way saying Master P is wrong with what he is saying it just proves that we are all different in the way we think , act, and train. Our train of thought is different , more so our needs.
Although a Master puts his slave first she is there to fit his needs and wants and the Master insures the Slaves needs are met on a daily basis.
When looking for a partner you should take your time and find someone you can connect with on every level in life. You should be able to communicate on every level and be able to speak freely and openly.
Training is something I take very serious and now I will only take on such a task if it is to be a long term. I also make it known it will be a slow process it is not something where I meet you on Monday and Tuesday we both jump head first..
Putting a plan together is needed before hand , what worked for the last slave will not work for the next.The same with rules although my protocols have never changed over the years if anything I have become more strict.
With the submissive , the submissive accepts and strives for submission a slave strives for Obedience.

Submission Vs Slave

Best Slave Training if your a new Dominant , or submissive , slave there is a ton of useful information. There is not one website or book you can base your relationship on but you can take bits and pieces and come up with a plan.
In my opinion, a submissive retains freedom of choice and a slave gives her freedom of choice to her Master. A submissive makes a choice to give her submission in a limited fashion, for a defined period of time and under certain conditions. A submissive can have a long-term relationship with a Master, but still retains certain controls. However, many are satisfied with casual role-play without any long-term goals. Training may or may not be involved between a Dominant and a submissive.
A submissive often has a list of conditions, rules, and limits that a Dominant is required to agree to before entering a session or relationship. These conditions, rules and limits usually define time, place and activity.
Slavery calls for a higher level of commitment and of serving, obeying and pleasing than submission. Slavery is the complete commitment of a slave’s body, mind, soul, and spirit. She submits to the will of her Master. His choices become her choices. Obedience is a major focus in her life.
Being a slave means you are willing to be molded to fit her Master’s needs and to serve him. A slave is re-socialized and re-educated by her Master to serve, obey and please him. Her attention is on his happiness.

Submission Vs Slave

The Master makes his slave his number one priority , even when it comes to friends and family. The Master insures the slaves needs are taken care of , even on a emotional and mental state.
While in some D’s relationship as stated above there may or may not be any type of training , what is important is you have found your place in life and your relationship.
Some thought my training strategy was a little strict , or maybe even a little unorthodox, but I am me and I was not going to change who or what I was . I did just that before and I failed..
Once you give your word you cannot go back or try to change anything when it comes to rules or protocols.
Again Master P is not wrong with what he is saying but we are talking about 2 different lifestyles.
I will give you a peak into Airanna’s mind she had dropped me off at a store and I told her to circle and pick me up when I was ready. She was texting with someone and she explained she was in service, this is just one example but her train of thought.
I enjoy the training , I love watching the transformation, I love creating but this comes with a cost, and that cost is Arianna and her well being is my responsibility, The decisions I make greatly effect two and not one. Yes this is where choices and consequences come into play…
It is the slave that has to adapt to the Masters way, if your having problems then sit back and think of what could be improved on
Vile