Archive for the A Submissive’s Home Category

Depression And BDSM

Posted in @vile62 on Twitter, A Submissive's Home, abuse, Acceptance, anal sex, anger, Anger Issues, Argue, Arianna, ass fucking, bdsm, Bipolar, codependent, Commit, commitment, communication, compatibility, Consensual, Consistency, consistent, control, Depressed, Depression, Dominant, Dominants, Dominants who suffer from depression, Master, slave, submissive with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 1, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

You know I have been down and out in my life. I have hit rock bottom and crawled back up dusted myself off and hit the trail , not really worrying about where I was going , but making sure I did not repeat the same mistakes.
By the grace of who ever I have never been homeless, I have always managed to stay a float.

I remember i was 13 I am guessing , and when I woke up a bright light was shinning in my eyes. It was the police , and my parents had been in a huge fight , a fight that got pretty physical.
So my brother and I were taking to a foster home and we were there for about a week before being allowed to go home.

This was not something that was unusual , as a matter of fact it happened pretty often.

Although I was popular in school , some of the kids started talking about me because I had been wearing the same pair of pants for half of the year. I knew something had to be done.

We had a small restaurant across the street so I went and talked to the owner about washing dishes.
At 13 I worked from 3.30 pm until roughly 10pm on the weekends 11pm. Yup I was making 2.35 an hour.
The funny thing was it took almost a month for my parents to even know I was missing at night, and once they found out they wanted a cut.
Yea I am thinking not. I did however pay the power bill to get the lights turned back on, we had gone most of the winter without heat or hot water.

So in about two months my closet was full again, jeans , shirts dingo boots , yea I was pretty well set.

At the age of 15 I went to work at the local cotton mill, and I went from 2.35 an hour to 4.25 union wages ha ha ha.
On top of that I still continued to go to school and I made 170 bucks a week , and I had a plan it was just putting everything into place.
At the cotton mill I ran a huge denim sewing machine, it was about 15 feet wide and as long and when it was threaded it had 800 single threads making one huge white sheet of denim before being dyed. It was a total bitch if a thread popped.

At 15 I knew I was changing I had started dating and this is when the rough sex came into play.
I had read most of the smut books my dad had bought from local truck stops and they are all pretty violent. Girls gagging on 14 inch cocks being fucked up the ass, just all about humiliation. Okay so I thought we this must be the norm although I did not have a 14 inch cock.
As you guess I did not date to much, my pickens were far and few between, well I had Beverly but so did everyone else then a girl named shannon. I had a different level of respect for her so she was treated different than Beverly.

Then I turned 17 and a Army recruiter came to out high school one day and I was in.
My plan was coming together , I made the appointment took all the test , brought home the paper work and after dinner one night I told my parents I had to take summer school and I had some forms they had to sign to approve it.
Bam 2 signatures and I was ready to go. I was now in the United States Army.

The 14th of October I turned 17 , while upstairs packing my dad walked in and asked me what I was doing.

I said you know , its been nice , well not really but I am out of here, I just cannot live like you two do any longer. So it is time for me to say goodbye I hope things get better.
The shit hit the fan, well it to late you and mom already signed the paper work I am leaving today and Ill be at Fort Dix New Jersey tomorrow.
If you take one step towards me it will be the first time in your life a 17 year old beat your ass , now back the fuck off.

Well at the hotel downtown Atlanta I was told I was put on hold because I was 4 pounds under weight, fucking go figure. So for three days the army stuffed me with food.
Then on my way via train , and I had no idea what I was about to walk into.

I had started smoking pot around the age of 15 , that is before the scales got fucked up in the mid 80’s. I was living the dream , well what I thought was the dream. I tried to smoke all the weed in the world but I could never catch up.
The kicker was I managed to work and go to school. Although I knew a lot of people I had very few friends , that was mainly due to not trusting anyone.
You can learn so much from just watching and listening to your parents. It made me wonder why two people who seemed to hate each other so much would stay married.

I started people watching as a teen and I would just observe , and listen , wondering if their home life was as fucked up as mine. Little did I know this would help me read people.

Once out of the Army that is where my life really started to get out of control.
I was still smoking pot , my drinking was out of control and I was taking pills. You could hand me anything and I would take. I did not care what it was , I just wanted to get high.

My first job out of the Army was making parachutes for sky diving teams. The pay was awesome but my work ethics were not. That job was short lived. Missing work and the quality of my production.

The next year I jumper from minimum wage job to minimum wage job , trying to make ends meet.
Fired once again and now nearly homeless because I knew no one , I decided to head to Florida.

1989 I loaded my 1967 cougar GT and headed to Florida. Once in a hotel reading the local paper a job caught my eye. Maintenance engineer wanted industrial laundry , hmm now that sounds interesting.
So I spent the next few days putting my fake resume together. Instead of Air Defense in the Army , I was now an electrical Engineer who had worked at power plants.
I went to the interview, got the job and I gave a starting date of about three weeks later.

I spent the next three weeks getting cleaned up. I stopped drinking , no more pills , and no more weed dammit.
Standing on the beach at sunrise I came to the conclusion there has to come a time when you have to grow up. I was no longer 17 and I wanted more, and I knew there was more out of life than just getting fucked up.

A week into my new job the head engineer called me in the office , as I sat down he said you little lying fucker. All I could do is just sit there.
He looked at my resume and asked me if there was anything on the paper that was true, and my reply was my name and address.
I was thinking well here it comes but he said look I like you and I am going to keep you on but you will have to show you want to stay here and learn.
Three years later I was transferred to collegedale Tennessee as the head engineer of a industrial laundry facility. The only bad part was the facility sat right on a seventh day Adventist college. How fucked up can that be ?

I had never had so much pussy in my life , I was banging someone different every week.
Then came the day I was called in the office and I was questioned about my sexual activity which was really none of their business well besides being employees.

So shortly after I left and back to florida Back to daytona, still working for the same company but moved into a tracker trailer position, yup they sent me to truck driving school.

It did not take me long to realize I was against any type of manual labor, and my driving career was very short lived.

News paper add read Call Center Manager for major financial institution, hmm interesting. This meant new resume and a better one.

Us Army Director of Communications Ft Ord California , who were they going to call The base had been shut down, so I moved right into my office with about 350 employes under me. By this time the internet was alive and I spent hours researching my newly found job and spent the next 5 years there until the closing of the center.

The moral of the story above you can do anything. Just as Sir Richard Branson said , if your asked if you can do something , you always say yes then you learn how to do it.

Now on to Depression. I am not a medical Doctor nor am I am shrink , although I do believe many Dominants would make better shrinks. One thing we do well and very well is listen.

We not only listen we communicate very well , be it with our partner or out in the general public. As Dominants we tend to be in control more , not only with our emotions but our thoughts our anger, our surroundings.

We tend to be more in control , we love structure we love putting plans together. We love challenges, we love our minds being put through the test. I myself I crave solving problems, but like most Dominants we solve problems before they become a problem.
Putting something off becomes a problem so we or I handle things before hand.
I love being told I cant do something, I love being told something is impossible to do.

As Dominants we provide a stable environment, as Dominants we provide stability. As Dominants we provide structure, As Dominants we provide Love and communication. As Dominants we provide rules that will help structure ones life so our property may grow and continue to grow. As a Dominant we provide positive reinforcement. As a Dominant we provide advice and we solve problems.

Our role is just not in the bedroom, our role is not just about kink, our role is just not about punishing.
Our role as a Dominant is to lead and we have to earn enough respect so you will want to follow.

The CDC says An Estimated 1 in 10 U.S. Adults Report Depression.
I myself believe that number is probably twice if not three times higher,
the one in ten are those that are reported. I am sure there are many more that do not go report and people just live with suffering on a daily basis..

Okay so this is where some controversy is going to come into play and I am not trying to offend anyone here, and again this is just my opinion and I am basing my opinion on about 22 or 23 years in the lifestyle.

There are many who are submissive and slave who suffer from depression and other medical issues such as bi-polar , anxiety , it goes on and on, and most are on medications.
I did not say every submissive or slave so do not go putting words in my mouth, I said there are many.

The above is looking for everything I described above , the structure , security , the freedom of open communication , stability you get the picture.

If your Dominant suffers from any of the illnesses I mentioned , you are doing more harm to him than good. He has enough on his shoulders keeping his life straight without having to keep someone else in check.

As a Master who is Married to my Slave I now have two to look out for not just one. I make all of the decisions so what ever I decide effects both of us not just me.

A Dominant has to have the ability to think clear and be able to stay on a level emotional playing field.
Many Dominants who suffer from depression have a very low self esteem as with the novice Dominant I spoke about the other day.

The blog was I wish I was A Better Dominant.

Now if your in the relationship just for the kink, the sex and being spanked hey have at it, but a Dominant who suffers from depression can in noway provide a stable home with structure.

I have never at one time stated, Oh I wish I could be a better Dominant , I wish I was who you need. Those words have never come out of my mouth and they never will.

Adding that type of pressure to someone who has such an illness , is setting someone up for failure.

I am held accountable for my actions and I will admit my wrong doings. EH when and if it ever happens.
I am not cocky , I am no arrogant , I am not stuck on myself , I am confident.

If your looking to enter a D’s or M’s relationship and your looking for a Dominant that is one of the first questions you need to ask.
Do you suffer from any type of depression ? Do you have anger Issues ? Do you have drug or alcohol issues ?

If you the submissive or slave feels uncomfortable asking any of the above then you are not ready for a relationship.

If you suffer from any form of depression and your Dominant suffers from depression , how does that work ?

Those who do suffer from depression or even bi-polar you are not broken you just need a Dominant who has true patience. You need someone who is willing to dedicate enough time to allow you to grow.
You need someone who is going to understand your ups and downs. You need someone who is there to communicate with you , but knows when you need space.
Your in need of guidance and compassion , someone who understands you. More so someone who understands your limits, the train of thought pushing you over that edge.

Arianna had a break down right after we had met , but I knew if I invested time and I stuck with her through her bad times in the end it would pay off and today I am standing on top of the world.
I found Arianna a new doctor , a full change of meds and I go to her appointments with her and I speak up because I know she will not.

I have a very structured home, and to date we have not had an argument and that is due to our communication.

You need to change your game , before we would give someone three strikes and I see three strikes as being to many chances.

If you let someone run over you once they will do it again and again. If you let someone abuse you be it physical , mental or verbal they will do it again and again and again.

The new Dominant should be asking questions as well, your health , mental and physical. He should want to know everything about you inside and out.

In many cases sucking cock comes up first, do you take it up the ass ? Are you Bi ? Then you know your best interest is not in mind.

Depression effect people in different ways , but you all get those highs and lows, understanding you makes a huge difference.

You should want not only the world but everything on it.

You can be happy with depression in any relationship if you are in caring hands.

world2

Vile

My Wife , My Partner , My Slave

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, A Submissive's Home, abuse, Acceptance, Adapt, anticipation, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Rules, BDSM Safety, BDSM Structure, BDSM TPE Relationships, Commit, commitment, communication, consequences, Consistency, consistent, control, Dominants, FaceBook Vile Woods, Master, Master And Slave, Master and slave relationship, Meeting your new Dom/Master, slave, Submission, submissive, sucking cock, Total Submission, TPE, Train your slave, Training Arianna, training your slave, Training your submissive with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 20, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

Wow it has been two years now and we are still counting. I would like to say that each passing day gets better.

You know there is one thing we all want , and that is to find the perfect partner. Someone who is not just our partner , but our best friend, someone we can count on, turn to. We all want someone we can spend the rest of our life with, someone we can grow old with and sit on the porch in the evening , and talk about our past , present , and future.

The lifestyle is just a little different , because our needs are different. The way we view relationships is different , because your either a Dominant or your a submissive , and if you want to go deeper a slave and owned property.

Your stepping into a wide open world, and in many cases the world of the unknown. A new life journey, a new path , but we want to know what direction we are traveling in. What is more important you want to know you are going to be taking care of.

Being a submissive , slave or Baby girl is no easy task. You are really giving up so much, but under the right conditions you can gain so much more.

So 4 years ago I set out on a journey , and that journey was to find the perfect Slave , partner and wife.
I had made up my mind it was time to settle down. It was becoming old waking up in the morning alone , although I have always preferred being alone.
A year before meeting Arianna , I agreed to let a couple move in , I had been looking for a roommate for a while. It was not because I needed the money , I suppose it was more of a company thing , like during dinner or something.

Just prior to that I was living in a cabin on the river which was very relaxing and more so because there were no people near me. It was a short time after I became ill and after a dozen times going to the doctor we determined the cabin was full of mold, and I had spores on my lungs, so I had to move.
I underwent a couple of months of treatments and I was slowly beginning to feel better.

I ran across a house that was being remolded and I asked about renting it. It just so happened the house was right in the middle of the Hood. The house set on a street all alone so there was no one around me, but I was the only white dude with in about 6 or 8 blocks.
I quickly felt at home and I had made a couple of good friends. The only problem with friends is they want to visit , and I am not the social type , I tend to be out spoken and some take my personality offensive at times and my rather dry sense of humor.
The only reason I moved in was the house had just been remodeled other wise I would of never thought about moving there.

Okay I got off track a little so here we go.

I got real tired of jumping from relationship to relationship, and it was all because I was settling for less that what I wanted and needed. I was fulfilling the moment knowing it was not going to work, but I played it out until it ended. It was for companionship and nothing more and that never ends well.

So I was in the process of moving to the Philippines I already had a job lined up.
I had been searching for almost 2 years for the one, and I refused to settle for anything less. I already had my mind made up. So when it seemed I was just out of luck that is when I made arrangements to relocate.

Then One day I received a call from a Dom I knew who lives in Orlando and he said he wanted to introduce me to someone. He said we would be a perfect fit.

So reluctantly I agreed to meet and when I saw Arianna getting out of her SUV. I thought Lord Jesus there is a God. Wow I almost spit my coffee out.

So we talked for a couple of hours , we met again the next day and talked more, and the more we talked the more I thought it was some joke. Because I had never met anyone who did not object to anything as far as my needs and wants.

Then came the blow we talked about her needs and being micromanaged , protocols and rules. This was something I had to give a great deal of thought about because I had been in a micromanaged relationship before and it was really not my thing.

One thing I want to make clear, I was not looking for a housekeeper , or a cook. My house for the most was spotless. I was not looking for someone to do my laundry , and I was not looking for a mother figure.

I wanted to live an M’s relationship , nothing less. I was not looking for a submissive, why ? Because a submissive negotiates their relationship, a submissive has the right to say NO. I had tried that and it failed. There were not going to be any type of negotiation , the slave had to fit my needs.

You cannot be Master and Slave 24/7 it is impossible. You not only have your everyday life you have to deal with, but you have to be best friends.
You have to at some point and time be normal, there has to be a vanilla side that comes out.

I am a huge cut up, most people never know when I am serious or not.

We do have protocols in place and daily rituals that keeps us in that frame of mind, but we also have date nights we go out and do things together, and yes I even go clothes shopping with Arianna.

You as a submissive or slave should always come first in your relationship, that is your right. If your not you have the right to question, you also have the right to walk away.

If something is not going right you have the right to question. Again you are and should be number one.

I currently work from home , my office is covered with Arianna, I have pictures on the wall on my desk so where ever I look I see her, and she is the reason I am here today.
She is my last thought before I fall a sleep and my first breath when I wake and she is laying next to me.

Being in a D’s or M’s relationship is so much more than just barking orders or punishing you for something you really did not do.

The relationship is meant to provide security , structure , and yes rules but the rules are meant to provide the mentioned.

Once Arianna and I agreed to start a relationship , she really had no idea her training had started, I said nothing. It was an intense 90 day run we had.
Training is never over it is on going , I call it daily Maintenance , and that requires me to me consistent on a daily basis.
As Arianna grows she is always coming up with new ways she sees that she can hmmm reach a deeper state of submission.

The other night we were talking and she made the comment that she felt the mental aspect of our relationship more so than she would with pain.
The fact is I have never left a bruise on Arianna nor do I wish to.

Arianna had been in two bad M’s relationships prior to meeting me.
One of the first things I did was introduce her to people I knew in the local community, and people I had know for over twenty years..
It was not something I felt I had to do , but I wanted to put her mind at ease. Maybe it was to validate who I was. I do know she had been abused and lied to in the past.

Today her training still continues. We talk everyday , I want to know how she is feeling, what she is thinking, is there anything she wants to talk about.
Often she comes to me with ideas about how she wants to grow or explore an idea she has.

So if your Dominant says he wants to train you. You need to ask him to clarify just what his training means. What are you going to get out of his plan ? How is his training going to help you grow ?

One thing that cracks me up is when a sub or slave meets a new dominant he wants to impose rules.
I find that truly funny and I would assume the guy is a total dumb ass because he knows nothing about you, he knows nothing about your needs or habits.

NEVER I mean NEVER send anyone nude pictures of you unless you want your kids finding them on the internet one day and that will happen.
If he wants nude pictures tell him to use google. You sending pictures of yourself does not in anyway prove your submission.

To date Arianna and I continue to grow as with our love, and to date we have yet to have an argument and that is the truth, and it is not because she is not allowed to speak or ask questions, it is because of our communication.

Unfortunately for many when they first meet a New Dominant , one of the first words out of his mouth is. I am going to train you , I am going to teach you my ways.
That is the last thing you hear about training , unless you fuck up then it is brought back up about how his training has helped you.

Once that statement is made the first time you meet , your relationship becomes sexual and nothing more. There is little to no communication , there is no structure, there is nothing but you on your knees or on your back. Don’t get me wrong some are very happy with a situation like Ive stated above.
I am also sure some of you have experienced just what I just spoke about, and it is really sad you continue to follow such a dumb ass.

Your caught up in the moment , your caught up in the awe of things because you are now owned , and it is clear you the sub or slave really has no clear definition of the lifestyle.
What is even more disturbing you really do not have a clue as to what your looking for, you just know your looking for something.
You really have no clear definition , what the lifestyle really means.

When I started my journey I knew exactly what I was looking for in a partner. I knew the height, the weight , the personality. I had a clear picture in my head of how I wanted to live. I refused to settle for less because I knew inside I was better, I knew I deserved better and I refused to settle for less.

Life today is good , it could not get any better , and it is more than I ever dreamed possible, but that is because I had patience.

Your training is never ending because we change, as humans our needs change on a daily basis, so we either lose or we adapt. I can assure you it is much easier to adapt.

Once you have everything in place , it is just daily communication to keep the flow of things going. I cannot stress enough how much these two words mean. Consistent and consistency. You should have post it notes all over your home with these two words, and you should live by them and refuse to settle for any less.

Here is the thing , you already know your submissive, you already know you want to submit. You know your a slave , you already know you want to serve.
You do not want to be told to, you do not want someone to demand you submit. You should want to be in a place where you can do so willingly.
You want someone to step in and mold you.

You want a Dominant who can take what you have to offer and perfect it, and there is such a thing as perfection. You want someone who wants to grow with you and care enough to have the need to guide you.

You want someone who is going to be there for you, when times are good and when they are bad, you want someone who will understand your neediness and not see it as a weakness. You want someone who really understands you.

It is not science , it is not even math. It is both of you being who you are and wanting the same thing out of life. That my friend is not asking for a kidney.

Arianna grows almost daily , and now she is at the point to where she is able to express your inner thoughts and her needs , and it is me who adapts to her needs . In turn this allows her to grow and it gives her a chance to explore her submission…

The road is not hard and you can prevent pot holes.

Consistency

Vile

You Cannot Just Bring Another Bitch Into Your Home

Posted in 24/7, A Submissive's Home, abuse, Acceptance, Adapt, anger, Anger Issues, Argue, Baby Girl, bdsm, Consensual, consequences, Daddy, Daddy Dom, Deception, Dominant, emotional, Emotions, Lies, Living Poly, Living Triad, Manipulation, Master, poly, Poly couple, Polyamory, Protocol, Rules, slave, Submission, submissive, Total Submission, Uncategorized on February 23, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

I have talked a lot about poly living and Triad. This is something Arianna have been talking about. The key word talking.

I have seen this done many times. Even in a Master Slave relationship. The Master just walks in with another slave and says here you go she is now part of our home, or she is spending the night as we are all going to play.

I had a Master not long ago tell me he was fed up with his slave because of her attitude when he brought home another slave. Well I can see where the attitude would come into play at.

I said in my last post that there is no room for negotiation, well in this case there would be. It is something the Master, the Dominant or the Daddy has to do, before bringing in another. There has to be a valid reason, and needing more flavor is not a valid reason.

Okay so you have a female cat at home. Your cat has had the run of the house. Then one day you bring in another female cat. Guess what is going to happen? They are going to fight and will continue to fight until one submits, and then there will be times the queen cat will strike. You the cat has just invaded the other cats territory , you have disrupted their whole process, you have disrupted her whole way of life.

I have seen this done many many times and it has never worked, the Dominant has a revolving door. A female Slave, submissive or Baby Girl is very territorial , and they will do what ever they can to protect their home.

So you the third has a few choices this is not something you asked for, this is not something you wanted, surely you do not need it. The only way you can possible gain any ground is to show your submission to the head female.

I am not saying you have to sleep with her, have sex but you will have to show your submission. You will have to kneel and ask to be excepted. If she does no grant you permission, then you leave. Why would you cause her the grief, why would you cause trouble in her life, it was not something she asked for. She was there first. You invaded her place, you invaded her space.

If the Dom is married the number one will when the argument every time, no questions asked. She is the head cat and she is the head cat for a reason, the second cat will never win.

There is some reason a Dominant thinks he is the power above, he has the right to do anything and everything he wants to, after all he is the Master. I am sorry to tell you that is not the way it works.

You are in control of what you have, your submissive, if you go out of your way to meet another sub, slave or baby girl, and just decide you want to bring her home, you do not have that right.

You could end up losing everything, you could end up losing both.

So you want to bring in another. First you have to have a valid reason. You have to be able to explain why it is a need. Second you have to introduce, this is done on neutral grounds never at home. Remember the cat thing. You have to meet and talk, you have to let the two get to know each other, that part is the most important. The two must like each other, and get along. Then the first has to agree to let another in.

The female cat is now willing to share her space. You the third you have to be willing to serve both and be willing to submit to both, you have now invaded someones space. You do not have to serve both, but you must fully submit to both.

If the Dominant is married he will remain married, once the drama becomes to much, once the arguing hits that level to the point he cannot take it any longer you will be gone.

Finely you have no right to complain, you have no right to ask for any privileges you have no right to ask for anything.  It is not your domain.

This is something that has to be negotiated and it is something all three have to come to an agreement on. If the number one says no, no matter what the Dominant says the answer is no because if you do your life will be a living hell, and in the end she will win, she is there for a reason, and no matter what your told, she will always be there for a reason.

That is like the married Dom cheating on his wife. He is not going to leave her. He is just finding someone to suck his cock because his wife wont, other than that he is happy. shrugs.

Why put yourself through all that abuse.

You must I repeat must follow the number ones rules and protocols, you do not have any say. Remember you are in her home. Again she will win any battle, she was there first and will be there last.

If the Dominant is not already in control, you you have entered a losing battle. She will Dominant both. If he cannot control her he will not be able to control anything.

You have to meet on neutral ground, this shows the submissive of the house respect. This is the first step in showing your submission.

Until you make things right with number one, it will never be okay. It is her home and you have to respect the fact that she was first, if you are not wanted and she will not except you. Leave

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Vile