Archive for the Aftercare Category

My Take On Online BDSM Relationship

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, Acceptance, Aftercare, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Collar, BDSM Online Relationships, BDSM Relationship, BDSM Rules, BDSM Session, Bipolar, Collar, Commit, commitment, communication, Consensual, consequences, Consistency, consistent, control, controlling, Conversation, counselor or Psychiatrists, Depressed, Depression, Discipline, Dominant, Dominants, endorphin's, http://szymonw44.wordpress.com/2014/11/07/myths-and-facts-about-online-ds-relationships/, Humiliation, Master And Slave, Master and slave relationship, Online Collar, Online Dominanrt, Protocol, Protocols, psychiatrist, relationships, Rules, session, slave, Sub Drop, Submission, submissive, submit with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 7, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

I just read an excellent post from… http://szymonw44.wordpress.com/2014/11/07/myths-and-facts-about-online-ds-relationships/

While I understood much of it there were a few things that were not covered so I wanted to touch base on somethings.

I myself have never been in a online relationship , I have tried and it does nothing for me.
I am strictly hands on and I have never had the desire to have an M’s relationship via the internet.

I have never been a picture collector as well . I myself find it very degrading and most will send pictures just to please , okay that is off topic.

While I can see how one a submissive or slave could reach that endorphin release at that moment and time , I would think that Sub-Drop would begin right after the laptop is powered off.

While I do believe Sub-Drop can be controlled it would not be able to be controlled if you were 500 miles away.

Sub-Drop requires a great deal of emotional understanding , communication and being physical , I mean as far as holding.
Communication is huge right after play or having a session, because you the Dominant wants to pick their brain. How do you feel right now ? What are your thoughts right now ? What were your thoughts during play? How were you feeling ? It just goes on and on.
To be online and then having to power off until the next session, I would imagine it would be pretty lonely.

While I can see the high and the thrill of remaining anonymous while sitting at your keyboard , I can see the downs as well as some dangers.

Even for a new comer there are things that have to be considered. Someones health , how stable are they? Are they taking any medications? do they suffer any type of depression? Does their depression go deeper maybe bipolar. Maybe they hurt themselves when alone or depressed.

I do know of many who have met online and while some have turned out good most have failed.

I have also found many online Dominants are single , and there has to be a reason. Maybe online is a bit easier, there is not as much responsibility when having an online relationship, you do not have the communication needs online like you do in a physical relationship. Then there is a lack of commitment , not having to commit causes less stress.

If one relationship does not work out then I see the advantage of moving on to another and being able to rather quickly.

Being able to remain anonymous means you can be who you want, but so can the submissive, and unless you know their mental state someone could get hurt.
I do know someone will not open up about something so personal online and what happens with the laptop fires up could not have a good turn out.

I have never figured out how you can own someone and just be online. I have never figured out, when people speak of an online collar.

You never really have any control. The only control you have is the control your being told you have. You have no structure or stability with in the relationship. You cannot enforce rules on any level, you are having to go by what your being told.

I do know most online relationships turn sexual in a very short amount of time, and the Dominant is soon demanding pictures and videos. That I never understood since that is not what we are suppose to be about.

Although as Dominants we should never be rescuers , we are here to help. In many cases although we do not have a PHD we are at times a psychiatrist , we are a best friend , we give advice , we communicate , and we offer options based on our experience.

We provide the stability a sub or slave needs in their life, and in a sense we make everything alright. We take away the deep pain and the feeling of not being able to feel.

I have a saying I have used for many years. Come and Let me hold you so I can feel your pain , and today I believe that statement to be true you can feel someones hurt, you can feel someones needs but more so you can feel love.

Like Ive said I have never had an online relationship and I am 51 years old. Ive never wanted an online relationship, again because I am hands on…

While I do believe you can learn a lot online, a submissive or slave can never lern, what it is like to be in a physical relationship.

I found a lot of good from the post ……

http://szymonw44.wordpress.com/2014/11/07/myths-and-facts-about-online-ds-relationships/

I just wanted to add my side..

brad

Much Love Vile

The Slave Has To Adapt

Posted in 24/7, abuse, Acceptance, Adapt, Aftercare, Arianna, Baby Girl, bdsm, Protocol, Rules, slave, sub-space, submissive, training your slave on March 5, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

Adapting to a new way of life , this goes for the submissive as well. It can be more difficult if you have been in past D’s relationships, because every Dominant is different.

Dominants we all act different, we expect different things out of our partners, we all have different goals, but most of all we all have different needs and wants.

One of the things I hear all the time from different subsmissive’s and Slaves is a Dom telling them they can teach them to like pain. Okay so lets do a little experiment. Pick up a Hammer put your finger on a table and hit it with the hammer, do this once a week for a month, it will still fucking hurt.

Those who enjoy pain who that time as a release, it can be a release for inside pain, the pain that someone carry’s deep inside. It can be a stress reliever, those who truly enjoy pain experience the release of endorphins , which puts you in what we call sub-space.

Sub-space is very unique because each time you reach that level you experience a different feeling, you have different thoughts, it is never the same, it is unlike any other drug, natural drug that is.

I have and do so many times experienced what is called Dom-space , I actually have to sit down and just chill, so I can gather my thoughts. It is like a rush, I get chill bumps, I can feel my heart racing, I need to sit down. It is some kind of rush.

These feelings can only come after you have been with someone long enough to build that trust with each other, you have to have that bond.

Sub-space is very intense, your mind is traveling a thousand miles an hour, you cant think straight, in most cases you cannot even move your arms or legs. You are in a state of mass confusion. That is why during a session or play time, it is very important for the Dom to stay in constant verbal contact with the submissive.

After a long hard session with or without pain after care needs to come into play. This is when you hold yours, this is when praise come into place, this is when you ask what their thoughts are, what they are feeling, thinking, all while your holding.

I will say I am not big on after care, but it really depends on our play, or how intense it was, and how long. I suppose this comes from being a sadist for many years, maybe I am still in the deprogramming process.  I do know I have no desire to walk that path again. We all change as we grow older, and when we go through changes we have to be able to adapt. Being able to adapt and want to adapt can make a huge difference.

Before moving in with your Dom, your Master or your Daddy, everything has to be already planned out, because if you walk in blindly it could turn into a huge mistake.

You the submissive or the slave are walking into his house, you are now under his roof, his rules, his needs and wants. If you are not ready to do so or you have not worked out a plan there will be resistance , and that would not be good or fun.

Most of the time the only resistance I have seen is from those who have been in the lifestyle for any amount of time, those who have had several relationships. I think it comes from comparing, maybe not comparing outside the box, but mentally your comparing.

That is why I prefer someone with little to no experience because there is nothing to compare. Now I can set the pace, I can train to fit my needs, and I have found that the adapting process is much easier , and there is less resistance from the submissive or slave.

When you the submissive are fighting the process, your rebelling , or not willing to adapt to your new surroundings really makes the process hard on both.

When I first met Arianna I was ready for a battle, after learning everything about her, my train of thought was I had a long hard road, but I felt we had enough in common, that just maybe it would work.

I have said before we are visual we take in more of what we see than what we hear, we see more than we hear, but at times we hear more than we see if that makes sense.

Arianna kinda threw me off guard, because there was no resistance at all, there were no questions , no questions, nothing. This caused me to sit down and rethink things out. Even though she was not fully giving herself, even though she did not fully trust because of past relationships with other Doms, there was no resistance.

The Dominant has to set the pace, he sets the ground rules, he sets the house rules and protocols. Protocols are meant to bring structure into ones life. I have said this before it is a type of behavior modification. You are taking someone and you are molding them to fit your needs.

I am called Master Arianna does so because it gives her the feeling of a greater connection, it also reminds her that she is owned. I had to earn that it was not demanded. I never at any time demanded she call me sir, or master at any time. I am speaking with another submissive right now, well both of us are, and she calls me by my first name.

You cannot demand to be called Sir , Daddy or Master, if you do you need to grow up. Earning that comes from earning respect and respect is not something you can demand.

When you slave or submissive first moves in, this is what I call the Vanilla weeks, I say weeks as in two. You want the submissive or slave to feel as relaxed as they can. This is the time process where you are building trust and respect. I am serious because if you just go balls to the wall, the submissive will think what the fuck have I done? What the fuck have I gotten myself into ?

The vanilla time, the chill time, going out having fun, talking. You want the submissive to feel as relaxed as you possibly can.

You the Dominant you also have to be willing to change things up, because what worked with your last, I promise you it will not work with the new one. If you think it will you are dead wrong. Before you can begin any type of training you need to have a plan. I have a huge book in my brain, and I can use it as a reference at any time. This book comes from years and years of learning, watching and observing other Dominants.

Every Submissive or Slave is different, everyone has different needs, they need different structure, they need different rules, they need different protocols, the attention factor in each is different, so what worked last year will not work now. You may be able to use some but it will be just bits and pieces.  If what you are doing is not working or your not getting the results you thought you would you need to be able to change things up.

One more thing to look at, maybe the submissive or slave is really not either, maybe they just thought they were submissive or they wanted to be a slave. This happens often, and it does not mean they were not real, because in their mind they were and it was something they thought they were.

If that comes to light, and she comes forward and says hey this is not for me. Then you should allow her time to gather things and move on. Give her time to find another place. Never tell someone they are not real.

It could be your training, maybe your not what she thought you were, maybe she is not getting what she feels like she should be getting from your training. That is why communication is so important.

The worst thing you can do is play the blame game. Your not real, you played me. Or something like I heard from a baby girl the other day, the Dom said nobody wants me, really coming from a man who is suppose to be a leader. Nobody wants me, the self pity party now. That may work but only for a short period of time. If your the self pity king, your a loser.

If you do and act with what you have promised there will be little to no resistance, everything will fall into place. You may have to change things up, but it will work.

Last never share what your going to do. I am going to start your training. What are you going to do? I am not sure. Most of the time you can train and the other does not even know it. Not that hard.

If you the Dominant plays your cards right the Submissive or Slave will adapt and will do so without question. If you are who you say you are there will be little to no resistance.

Image

Vile

Training Your Slave Humiliation is needed

Posted in 24/7, abuse, Adapt, Aftercare, anal sex, anticipation, Arianna, ass fucking, Baby Girl, bdsm, Commit, commitment, communication, Consensual, consequences, Consistency, consistent, control, Dominant, Dominants, Dress Protocol, emotional, Emotions, Face Fucking, Humiliation, Humiliation Training, Local events, MAST, Master, Master And Slave, Protocol, Protocol public, Punishment, Rules, serve, sex, slave, slut, Structure, Submission, submissive, sucking cock, Train your slave, training your slave, Verbal abuse, whore on February 23, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

You meet and you get to know each other, and you are both ready. You have already talked about your likes as well as your dislikes. Being in a Master and Slave relationship there is really no negotiation, so it is much different than living in a D’s or Domestic Discipline relationship.

The Master explains what he needs and wants the Slave either agrees or she does not. In most cases the Master will not bend so it is very important that the Slave has a clear understanding of what their relationship will be like.

The training I have never been one to explain what will take place or when. Most of the time once the training begins and the Slave really has no idea she has already started her new life.

As your training progresses the Slave will begin to adapt. Your looking at maybe two weeks before you see any real progress.

You the Master must remain calm and cool throughout the entire process. You must be able to maintain complete control of your anger and emotions, anger has no place within the lifestyle.

While getting to know each other you both share what is expected, although there is no negotiation to Master must be clear and upfront., and everything must be explained in great detail, even when it comes to rules and protocols. The Master needs to go into such detail so when finished there are no questions, and there is a clear understanding what is expected from the Slave.

In my world the training process is like a long road of mind fuck. Never knowing what to expect, when or where. Most of the time you can train your Slave and she has no clue.

At the start of training the Slave may notice somethings , she may see how she is adjusting, and soon her train of thought will begin to change.

If the Master begins with positive reinforcement then in most cases the resistance factor will be very low, but if your only pointing out the bad then it may rise to a higher level.

The idea is not to want to punish, the idea is to keep from any type of punishment. This is done with clear communication, and being able to understand your Slave. You have to know how far you can push and when to back off. Although you may go into the relationship with very few limits, those limits in place must be respected. If you surpass those limits you have allowed you will lose all trust, and the training is now at a total stand still.

The Mind Fuck Training, everyday should be something new, even if you just change things up a little. . The idea behind not explaining what is going to happen during the Training process is to keep the Slave thinking. If you keep that frame of mind they will follow, they will observe, and they will take in.

One of the first things I do is limit the Slaves space within the home. I walk the Slave through the house and tell her where she is allowed to sit or stand. In the beginning furniture is never allowed. You are taking something away that the slave is use to. Even dining at times I had Arianna sit next to me on the floor and I would feed her myself. I controlled what she ate and how much, I controlled what she drank and how much. The entire training process is about control.

About a week into the process I start adding times, adding time I mean what time to go to bed, what time to take a shower, what time to eat, everything has a time, and everything must be on time. This is a control thing. Being in control is remaining consistent , on a daily basis, an hourly bases, and by the minute.

Humiliation plays a huge part in the training of your Slave, although I do not condone any type of abuse, and some forms of humiliation is abuse in my eyes. I believe some humiliation is needed in the training process. Most females are not use to being exposed. This is why I limit the time clothes can be worn, again it is a time thing, everything has a time. Slave positions I do not use often but during training I feel they are very important, this brings the humiliation factor in, again most are not use to being fully exposed.

The inspection position I call is on knees head down the slave reaches around and spreads her ass open. Fully exposed. This is the time you become vocal. Speak about how much you enjoy seeing her in this position. Speak about how hard it would be for you to be a slave you could never see yourself in such a position. That is position number two. One is on back legs spread the slave pulling her pussy open. You the Master sitting on the couch or a chair, again being vocal.

The use of slave positions and being vocal puts the slave in a very humble state of mind, I did the positions almost daily, and at the same time, again everything has a time. This is not something you are sharing with the slave but time means everything.

Use your Slave and use on a regular basis. Now is the time you do not care about aftercare, the word aftercare should not even come up. If the Slave should bring it up, the question should be ignored. You the Master you do not have to explain yourself, the Slave has to do the explaining. Remember we are speaking of a Master Slave relationship not a D’s. The D’s relationship everything is planned out before hand.

Use your Slave and use regularly without question or telling the Slave what is going to happen. On your knees open mouth. I truly enjoy face fucking, I think with me it is a control thing. On your knees hands behind back NOW as I push my cock in I instruct her to stay still and just hold it. Once I am hard I start to pump her mouth, just like I am fucking her pussy. Don’t swallow let it just flow from your mouth just drool. five maybe ten minutes just stop and walk away instructing the slave to get up . Say nothing about cleaning up, just carry on as if nothing happened. Go to the bedroom, position number one. Pull to the edge of the bed, again becoming vocal. Tell the Slave how much you admire her, slide your cock in and just fuck like there is no tomorrow, dump your load, pull her by the hair on the floor instruct to suck you clean, once done just walk away leaving the Slave there to gather her thoughts on just what happened. Anal sex do not ask you take, of course you may choose to use lube or use their mouth for lube, do not ask take what is yours.

Do not allow your Slave to cum without your permission. Remember you now own. The Slave is for your pleasure. You control everything. The Slave should only be allowed when permission is asked and granted.

Having the Slave in a very humble state of mind along with humiliation, allows you to continue, and continue with the least resistance. Again you never explain yourself.

Names the calling of names in my training process is very important. Just as never being exposed or humiliated, the same would go with the calling of names, again this is a Master Slave relationship.

If the Slave is sitting on the floor simply walk by snap your fingers. Follow me whore, follow me slut. Once she begins to follow and she will. Stop wait, snap fingers follow me whore. On your knees hands behind back. Yes my favorite. Face fuck finish and walk away.

As your progress in the first week you want to start implementing rules. Remember every rule must have a meaning, every rule is meant to improve the Slave on a daily basis, and every rule has a time, again time means everything. Protocols are also part of the training process. How to stand, walk, talk, with whom you may talk to, when and where. Service position standing legs shoulder width apart hands behind back.

Again being consistent is the key and it is the only key that will allow you to open each door. You being consistent will make your slave consistent, you being consistent will allow your slave to retain what you are teaching.

At night once the Slave ask you permission to enter the bed. You talk about what has happened that day. This should be the slaves time. The slave should be able to express their feeling about what has happened. How they feel about what happened.

If you the Master during any part of the training you let your emotions get in the way you will fail. The Slave will spot this and see this as a weakness. Weak is not what we want to be seen as.

You are changing their entire thought process, as I have posted before a type of mind modification. You are training someone to fit your needs and wants

Time is the biggest factor everything has a time. if bedtime is 9.30 then bedtime is 9.30 every night. If shower time is 5.30 then shower time is 5.30 everyday. Time is the most important factor. The thing is in most cases the slave will never catch on, or even think about it, but everything will fall into place, and things will be done without a thought.

The ninety day factor, ninety days tells everything. This is the I want this or fuck you I am leaving. If they choose to leave chances are they will return in a short time. Why is this? You have changed their entire thought process, this falls back to the mind modification. Things on the outside are not as simple as they once were, their world now looks different, they no longer have that structure.

I know some of you women are thinking what the fuck? Does this really happen? Indeed it does. Remember every Master has a different process, some training is not as extensive, some training does not go as deep, some training has no humiliation.

I can tell you this when we are out this is more so at a local function, a Munch or A MasT meeting people are amazed at how Arianna carry’s herself, how she acts, how she speaks, how she dresses. How she follows my protocols. If asked a question she looks at me waiting for approval before speaking

The same training would not go for a submissive or a Baby Girl. There is a different mindset. I have been with a submissive, I was a Daddy for seven years. The training and care is much different. We are talking about a Slave and only a Slave.

Once you are past that ninety day number you can let up some, you can now let aftercare in the picture some, but you have to remain consistent I cannot stress that enough. You must stick to your word, you must be truthful at all times. If you say your going to do something then do it. If your going to punish you must explain why, and you must have a VALID reason.

Your Slave must be allowed to have contact with family at all times. The Slave should be allowed free time after the first week. I can assure you they will need a breather.

Remind on a regular bases you own them, be it just in general conversation or while using sexually. You own them they are owned property. After each rule have the words You Are Owned. Those words will have a great effect. Remember we are visual.

If your in a LDR relationship you must still have a VALID reason when you punish, not being able to send a video with your submissive masturbating is not a VALID reason.

Everything you do has to have a VALID reason.

A submissive or Baby girl has rights. They have the right to what was promised, they have the right to be treated the way they were promised, and they have the right to walk away.

A man, a Dom, A Master Or A Daddy if you cannot keep your word that is abuse. If you lie that is abuse, if you punish without a Valid reason that is abuse. If you cannot control your temper that is abuse, screaming and yelling that is abuse. If you give nothing in return that is abuse. If you are like any of the above you have no place within the lifestyle and you are a piece of shit.

Just wanted to add that has nothing to do with training, but in a way it could I suppose

Image

Vile

.

Training And Fear And Fucking

Posted in Adapt, Aftercare, anal sex, Arianna, ass fucking, bdsm, Consistency, consistent, control, Daddy Dom, Discipline, Dominance, Dominants, emotional, Emotions, Face Fucking, Fear, fucking, gagging, Giving Head, Golden showers, Honesty, Humiliation, Humiliation Training, Lie, Master, Mind Fuck, My Bitch, oral sex, piss, Protocol, punish, Punishment, Rough Sex, Rules, Scared, Security, slave, Submission, submissive, sucking cock, Task, Total Power Exchange, Total Submission, TPE, use your submissive, whore on December 11, 2013 by thekinkyworldofvile

The first ninety days is the most important when it comes to training. I myself thing that once you put a plan together it is very important to stick to it.

The fear comes from the submissive, the not knowing what is going to happen, more so not knowing what to expect. There may be a little fear within the submissive not knowing if they will please or be able to meet your standards.

Training day begins I do not share anything, I do not give any ideas about what I am going to do. Just like I explained to Arianna watch and listen. That is all you really have to do.

Remember the Submissive will adapt to their new surroundings, and most will without question as long as you the Dominant keeps your word.

If you are new to the lifestyle the first ninety days will tell you if you really want to be part of a D’s relationship, in some cases it may take less than a week.

The first ninety days I gave no punishment, we were actually almost six months into our relationship before I had to punish Arianna. As a punishment I do not believe in spanking, because most who are submissive enjoy being spanked, so what is the point in doing something they enjoy when you punish. Arianna on the other hand is not into pain at all, so I decided that my best approach was to spank and I set that ass on fire. .

During the first ninety days a lot of positive reinforcement is needed, the idea is not to break down, but to build up. We want to point out the good, but we also need to correct when something is not done correctly. A firm voice without yelling or humiliating . The fear factor comes into play.

Your plan you must stick to exactly what you have planned, if you try to change things up you as the Dominant can get distracted, and may cause a little confusion.

The truth and always the truth, the first thing we tell a submissive is to always be truthful, never lie and always be upfront. If we cannot abide by the truth we cannot expect the submissive to. If we lie how can we expect the submissive to always be truthful. Once you gain their trust, that is the easy part, the hard part is keeping it. Once you break that trust you can almost never get it back.

I only started out with 4 rules as we progressed I added a few more. Handing someone a page full of rules, can really cause confusion, and again fear, the fear of forgetting. Some Dominants will hand out 25 maybe 50 rules and say you have to memorize each and everyone. Ask him if he knows them word for word, if not why or how could he expect you to. Rules are meant to give structure, and guidance. Rules are meant to be a reference for daily life.. If you give out to many at one time, the submissive will become overwhelmed , and feel like they are being set up for failure. Also rules we take bad habits and turn them into good ones. If you do this in a short time the Dominant will see a great improvement in any areas that needed work.

I was talking to a Submissive on the phone a couple of weeks ago, her and her Daddy Dom had split. When she broke a rule he would not punish, so there were no consequences for her actions, he was more worried what was for dinner.

I have found from past experiences if you do not stand by what you say and do what you mean you can lose control, again once you start to lose that control it is impossible to regain again. You cannot sit there and say I will change because it is to late. I changed because I let my feelings get in the way when it came to punishing or enforcing rules. I had a huge guilty feeling come over me and I no longer wanted to punish. In the end I lost control. Keeping our word is very important.

Arianna has daily task that has to be completed just like this am a list was completed and I will go through it and either keep it the way it is or I will veto if I feel she has put to much on herself. She has had a rough couple of days emotionally so I stepped in and helped out a little, yea I did dishes, cooked breakfast. Eggs bacon and sausage. I made her watch as I put three eggs into the frying pan and I flipped her without breaking a yoke. I broke one of mine so one out of six is not bad. Dinner I made a taco salad. We should step in at times and take some of the weight off of their shoulders. I like to show my appreciation.

From time to time I believe a little fear is needed, just like a little humiliation is needed. Sometimes the submissive starts to lose that feeling of submission, so we want to put them back in that mode..

Not long ago we were in our Den watching TV , Arianna was nude, I was on the couch she was on the floor, just looking at her drove me crazy. So I told her to spread, and she has these huge lips that look like butterfly lips that just makes me go bonkers. I stood up undressed crawled on top and just started fucking her as hard as I could. I wrapped my hand around her throat, and told her she was my whore, she was my cunt, but I had changed my voice up a little deeper , slower and I could see this look in her eyes. I told her to fuck me back and push, when she pushes I can feel her pussy grip my cock, and then her rocking her hips just WOW.

So I got up pulled her up by her hair and shoved my cock in her mouth  and started face fucking her, one hand one her chin and the other on the top of her head, pushing my cock in as as far as it would go.. Calling her my bitch, my whore, telling her that I owned her. After a few minutes I grabbed her by her hair again and pulled her into the kitchen bending her over the trash can and back in her pussy, I fucked her for a few minutes then I slipped it out and right into her ass. One hand around her throat the other with a handful of hair I banged her as hard as I could until I dumped my load. I then grabbed her hair taking her to the bathroom put her on her knees and I pissed all over her Tits, then came the cold shower. To me golden showers shows that I own, ownership.

She was scared, she did not know how to take my actions. After it was all said and done came the aftercare which was truly needed. I believe aftercare is needed but at times I am not at my best. So I am trying tp improve in that area.

The change in my voice, the way I was fucking, really confused her, not knowing how to act or respond but she went along with what I wanted to do and how I used her. It is good to have sex, sex makes life good. On the other hand it is okay to just use your submissive. Sometimes I will tell Arianna to go to the bedroom and strip putting her on the bed pulling her to the edge, fuck her and tell her to get dressed. Using puts them in that submissive state of mind.

The mind fuck, last week we went out for Mexican we were both stuffed Arianna was in the bathroom washing up and I told her to hurry, I said I have the brown bath towel on the bed I was ready. Her first thoughts were oh god he is going to face fuck me and I am going to puke. She procrastinated  for a good ten minutes once she walked in the bedroom and she saw no towel the look in her eyes were priceless. The mind fuck can be a very powerful, you can mind fuck even when joking, keeps them thinking.

You can tell when your cared for as well, the hug the kiss the way someone listens when your talking, you can just tell. I was getting head and Arianna asked if I wanted to finish in her ass, I love those words Fuck my ass. I had other plans though, I told her to lay on her side her mouth on my cock and I started fucking just like I was pounding her pussy, her arms were moving in the air her legs were kicking, I stopped from time to time to allow her to breath then right back at it, until I blew my load. It is okay to use your property. There is a very pleasing feeling that comes across your submissive when they know they have pleased.

Never share what your training plan is about. slowly implement things on a daily basis, give small hands on test. Such as Once I thought Arianna was ready I invited a Dom and Slave to our home and she was in full service, I am not talking sexually. When they both set down she was standing legs shoulder width apart arms behind back waiting for instructions for drinks and dinner. When training you train to fit your needs and wants. The submissive you train to fit their needs, their wants come later. If you say no then mean no, if you say yes then mean yes.

A little fear can be good with the proper aftercare the same with a little humiliation.

Image It is okay to use her.

Vile

Aftercare And Being Proactive

Posted in abuse, Adrenaline, Aftercare, anticipation, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Safety, BDSM Session, Breaking a Slave, communication, Consensual, control, Conversation, Depressed, Dominants, emotional, Emotions, erotic, Humiliation, inhibitions, Master, No Inhibitions, Pain, Patience, pleasure, proactive aftercare, provocative, punish, relationships, Respect, Safe, session, slave, Spanking, Sub Drop, Submission, submissive on September 13, 2013 by thekinkyworldofvile

Aftercare BDSM

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Jump to: navigation, search

In the context of the sexual practice of BDSM, aftercare is the process of attending to one another after intense feelings of a physical or psychological nature relating to BDSM activities.

BDSM experiences can be exhausting; and drain the participants of mental, emotional or physical energy. As a result, one or all participants may require emotional support, comfort, reassurance, and/or physical tenderness. Along with this, he or she may experience everything from an exhilaration to traumatization. Aftercare also may include a review or “debriefing” of the activities from experiences of both the dominant and the submissive.

Some participants may wish to be left alone or have other means of processing the experience. While the desire to be left alone could stem from just needing rest, it could also result from no longer feeling safe in the current environment or situation.

Common aftercare practices may include hugging, kissing, hair-stroking, cuddling, words of praise or gratitude, or general affirmation of an emotional bond between partners. Occasionally, more “vanilla” sexual activities such as intercourse or oral sex following an intense scene may also be considered as part of aftercare.

It is often thought in a submission/dominant relationship, only the submissive requires aftercare following BDSM activities. However, a dominant may require less, just as much, or more aftercare depending on the scene, person, experience level, and other factors. The role of submissive or dominant is unrelated to the amount of aftercare someone needs and should not be thought of as a metric in this regard.

In long distance relationships, a potentially useful practice when engaged in remote BDSM activities is to facilitate aftercare by the exchange of emotionally significant items which can be clung to for reassurance, though success of this depends on both parties’ level of emotional investment in the relationship.

If you sat down and wrote a list about your needs while in a M’s or D’s relationship Aftercare should be the first at number one, not two or three or five or six, number one. Here in a few I will explain my proactive aftercare.

You start playing or maybe you call it a session, maybe your submissive or slave is into hard impact play. Maybe you the Dom enjoys getting rough, but the submissive is really not into the rough play but goes along with to please. If your anything like me my play time can last for an hour or more.

During this time the sub is giving all they have, physically , and mentally, as well as emotionally. We take what is giving and then more. We want satisfaction out of our play time. Sometimes we go as far as pushing limits, just to see how far we can take our property. If we have pushed or maxed a limit we the Dominant gains a high, a rush, the adrenaline starts to flow. I have gotten so excited I have had to take a break so I could gather my thoughts, catch my breath, and the submissive is just laying there waiting not knowing what is on the Dominants mind, or how much longer the session is going to go on for.

After play this is when the first of aftercare kicks in, communication should be the first, asking and digging for questions. We want to know where they are at right now, what their thoughts are, how they are feeling. Talk about any limits that were pushed.  This is very important, we need to know if we pushed to far, what if the submissive did not like something it should be talked about, maybe there is another avenue we can take to make that part of the session different.  Many will play and give even if they are getting nothing out of it, this is done just to please.

Now on the other side at times we ignore aftercare, let me explain. I have met those who are submissive and Slaves who wanted to be broken. I have been asked a couple of times, but I have declined both times. First of all I did not want that type of responsibility. I did not want to be responsible for bring them down and then bringing back up. I am not sure why someone would need such a thing, but we all have our needs, Breaking someone is just not my thing. Breaking a Slave takes time, I have seen it done and it is not pretty, nor did I take part. To each their own we all have different needs within the lifestyle, so I do not judge anyone for their actions. The breaking of a Slave should only be considered if the two are entering a long term relationship, and the Slave must be sure of this. If it is just short term the after effects could be devastating.

We should hold while in the aftercare mode, we should praise, speak very highly of. We should cover every part of the scene, being sure to not miss anything. Okay I am guilty of not going into the full aftercare mode at times, but when it does come to aftercare I am proactive.

Constant praise on a daily basis. Many spend way to much time waiting on theirs to break a rule, or make a mistake, so they can correct or punish. Many Doms get off on just punishing. Degrading, humiliation. More so the new ones who have entered the lifestyle. Reading books, or looking at pictures, many for what ever reason cannot get past the pictures.

After a session or play we need to ask questions, we want to know where there thoughts are. What did they like? What did they not like? Do they want to try something different? We should hold and caress, make the two feel as one.

Proactive aftercare constant praising , when something is done comment about it.  The idea is to build up, make one feel confident. We want to build up their self esteem if needed and in most cases it is needed. This is what I mean by being proactive.

If aftercare is not performed sub drop occurs and despite what most think I do believe sub drop can be prevented with the practice of aftercare. Sub drop occurs mostly when the two do not live together, and the submissive is left alone. Getting together while in a long distance relationship every now and then, sub drop will happen.

The proper aftercare is very important we being different aftercare will vary from submissive to submissive. Some after play want to be left alone for a period of time, giving them time to gather their thoughts and feelings, while some do not want any aftercare at all. I do believe sub drop can be prevented despite what others think.

You the submissive if you feel this area is being neglected speak up, you have this right to insure you are being taking care of, you have the right to express your needs.

I am telling you from experience, if aftercare is giving and the proper amount, what use to be limits will soon start to fade away, what use to be inhibitions will soon begin to fade away. The more we as Dominants care and we show we care the more the submissive will want to give.

Aftercare is a must.

Image

Vile

Pain Can Be Pleasure

Posted in abuse, Aftercare, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Safety, BDSM Session, Beatings, communication, Consensual, control, controlling, Dominants, emotional, erotic, extreme, Fake Dominants, Fetish, Humiliation, Local events, masochist, Master, Pain, Pain Slut, pleasure, sadist, SADOMASOCHISM, Safe, Safe and Sane, Safe Word, slave, submissive on August 15, 2013 by thekinkyworldofvile

A couple of years back, I had called into MPR public radio, and I was disputing the theory that most cutters had a drug problem. This is the category they put people in, well she is a cutter so she must have a drug problem. That statement is so far from the truth. Parents want to accuse because they do not want to take the blame, it could not be them, they could not be the root of the problem.

Cutting somewhat like a masochist is a way to release pain, maybe stress, it gives one a high, a feeling of satisfaction, takes them to another world for that moment.

Okay Cutters tend to be different, kinda shy, stand offish , they really do not connect well with others, very few friends, and the friends they do have are the ones who understand them.

So most are forced into counseling , even rehab, because they have to be on drugs. Over the years I have learned how to spot a cutter, just as I am able to spot a submissive while out in public.

Being spanked hard, or cutting releases endorphin’s , a rush through the body kinda like when you get goose bumps. So there is pain but there is no pain if that makes sense. You feel the first blow or the first cut, then it is a total rush.

Okay so it is never the parents fault, we all have to blame someone else it could not be our fault. The fact is most do not want to take personal responsibility for their own actions, it is much easier to blame someone else.

So it could not be the alcoholic parents who fight every night, or not even drinking just fighting. It could not be the fact that there is no communication, or the parents do not take an interest in what their child is doing, or it could not be the fact that their child likes to dress different, and the parents do not except them for who they are.

Okay so let go up in age, Bea was a cutter when I first met her, being a cutter did not allow her to wear short sleeve shirts while out in public, nor could she wear shorts because of the marks on her thighs.

I remember the first time I saw the cuts I felt this deep pain, I felt a very deep sorrow, I could not even begin to imagine how she felt.  I did catch her a few times but the first couple of times I said nothing.

After being in a stress free environment for a while and someone who was taking an interest in their likes the cutting came to a stop.

The feel of a belt across the back, the sting, I would see sherris eyes get all glassy, she would bite her bottom lip, and I could see this intense pleasure in her eyes, this was a release for her, it took all the pain away for that moment in time. Our sessions would last for hours, and when I left she was fast a sleep, maybe not being able to sleep for days.

I believe Masochist are much the same way, although I could be wrong. I believe Masochist for the most carry a very deep pain within, and each session is like a drug, but the prescription never runs out. The endorphins take over the whole body, and most of the time one just goes completely limp, or you could call it sub-space, but in most cases no matter if aftercare is giving they will tend to experience sub-drop. Under normal circumstances I believe sub-drop can be prevented due to aftercare and being proactive when it comes to aftercare. Aftercare should not be used just during session, aftercare can be provided just from holding and talking, general conversation, paying attention to ones needs.

Pain can be bad in the wrong hands, you get a new Dom that has no clue to what he is doing, or the other who just does not give a Fuck. Both scenarios could turn out bad if not fatal. I have seen many get hurt physically, then when it hits what a dumb move you have made the mental kicks in.

Although it took me sometime to realize that not all women were not masochist, I still respected their limits. Respecting limits if not in a relationship is something many new Doms or fake Doms have no problem looking over and could really give a flying fuck, your a one night stand.

Those who are not into pain, well that is the way your body is written. If someone says I can teach you how to take pain, he is a fucking ass. No one on earth can teach you to take pain, I have been down that road it does not and will not work. If anyone says anything different run as fast as you can.

If you want to feel something erotic and not painful, try the violet wand, turned on low can rock your world. Turned on high well that is a different story.  Don’t ever buy the complete kit you can spend upwards towards 1200 dollars or more. If you look on Ebay you can find single ones with one attachment for about 35.00 dollars and you can buy attachments at a later time. Beware of the Chinese wands they tend to over heat and burn up.

If your a Dom looking for a pain slut, then look for one, do not take your aggressions out on someone who is not willing. If your a sadist talk to the submissive before starting any type of play.

Just my thoughts much Love to everyone.

 

Vile

Put Your Slave Back In Their Place

Posted in 24/7, abuse, Aftercare, anal sex, animalistic, ass fucking, bdsm, blindfold, blow job, Bondage, Bound, control, doggy style, Dominants, emotional, Face Fucking, fucking, gagging, Giving Head, Golden showers, Humiliation, journal, Master, Mind Fuck, No Rights, oral, oral sex, owning a slave, Respect, Rough Sex, Rules, session, sex, slave, submissive on July 31, 2013 by thekinkyworldofvile

First off I would like to say, I never have to explain my actions, you as the Dominant or Master should never have to explain your actions, well unless you do something really really stupid. If you the Dominant are on track and your keeping your word, you are not abusing, you never explain your actions. What does come into play though and should never be forgotten or looked over is aftercare.

I look at submissive’s and Slaves as being very different. A Submissive submits when they want to, they have the right to say NO. While some do follow rules most do not, perhaps on purpose, maybe they forget or they just don’t give a shit. Even living 24/7 much of the time the submission does not really carry outside of the bedroom.

A Slave does not have the right to say no, if this was an agreement entering the relationship, that would bring up the question are you submissive or are you a slave. This may sound bad to some and some will understand. A Slave is not equal, not in any sense. This does not mean the Slave is dumb, or stupid, but if the Slave is on the same page they understand this as well.

In an M’s relationship not only the Dominant but the Slave can become to relaxed, you start to become to comfortable in your relationship. Then it hits you I am really no different than the vanilla couple next door, who happens to be stuck up by the way.

We all give our Slaves a little bit of rope, some freedom is needed, but when the Dominant becomes to relaxed he needs to yank on the rope, and put your Slave back in place. A little reminder of who and what they are in the relationship. I am not talking about bending them over and beating them to a pulp, but doing something that will totally catch them off guard.

You have to have daily task, nothing to overwhelming , you have to have daily rituals, in order to do this you the Dominant has to stay consistent , you cannot bend from either.

A very good example Arianna has a small note book, every morning before leaving for work she writes the time and mileage , once at work same thing. This does not just apply for work this is anyplace she may go. Arianna is required to keep all receipts , then once a month or so I go through everything. I check her phone daily, this is not because I do not trust her because I do, I just want to know what she has been doing throughout the day. While home when I am at work Arianna wanted to keep a journal of all her activities while at home, she wanted this implemented so it is done and will continue. I do read by the way. A journal gives one purpose, a needed feelings.

Once you have been in a M’s relationship for any length of time, I call it needed maintenance, kinda like a tuneup if you will, a much needed reminder, of where both of you stand. I am man you are my Bitch, I am Master You are My Slave.

To put your Slave back in their place you do something out of the ordinary something that is not expected, something that will throw them completely off guard.

A time and place for everything, I find the perfect time is during a session, my sessions usually last an hour or so, that includes fucking if I wish to.

You do something that will just throw their mind off tract, something you would not normally do. A change in your voice, more authoritative , deep , serious, you fuck a different way maybe a lot rougher than you normally would, speak in a humiliating way. Golden showers are very effective, some do not like while some do, maybe after play put on hands and knees and give a cold shower, very degrading, but sometimes some other type of interaction is needed.

The Slave then becomes confused, the Slave is not able to process what has just happened, The Slave has just been or feels like they have been degraded, used humiliated mass confusion.

After all is said and done aftercare is very important, hold talk to, but you should never explain your actions.

Face Fucking to the point of almost throwing up, making the slave bark while being fucked from behind, or telling the Slave how much you enjoy sodomizing them while fucking their ass.

I myself enjoy bounding, blindfolding and gagging but putting in a bent position so I can still hit both holes. One could never explain the feeling that comes over one, when someone can do something and the other cannot do anything to stop it or speak. Wow now that is a lot of trust.

Many may not agree, but humiliation is needed from time to time, you as the Dominant needs to bring out the humble, to make feel lowers, put back in their place, just throw the Slave completely off track, mass confusing.

Unless you do something very stupid, You as the Master never should explain your actions, keep your Bitch in place.

 

Vile