Archive for the anxiety Category

BDSM And Mental Health

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, Acceptance, Adapt, anxiety, Argue, Arianna, BBW, BDSM Hypnosis, Collar, communication, Consensual, consequences, Consistency, consistent, control, controlling, Depression, Dominant, Dominants, Dominants Protocol, FaceBook Vile Woods, Fake Dominants, Honesty, Humiliation, Hypnosis, Lie, predators, Protocol, Rules, sadist, slave, Submission, submissive, Submissive being used, submissive or slave has rights, sucking cock, sucking dick on July 4, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

While it is true there are many who are Slave and Submissive’s in the lifestyle who do not suffer from any type of depression, anxiety, or anything else. It has been my experience over the past two decades that well over half of those I have met have falling under what I am going to speak about.

Before Arianna met me she had been with a couple of Dominants who were abusive, one more physical than the other. The one who was the oldest was more mental abuse, screaming yelling, keeping her up for hours at a time. While the other was more mental, he was the one I called the Hypno Dom.

He is local and uses hypnosis to lure his victims in. Now Hypnosis does not work with everyone, I know because I went to see one once before to try and stop smoking

On the other hand hypnosis does work on some, if the mindset is right. Picking those who are submissive and knowing one could have problems, or maybe even show signs of being lonely. I even consulted a couple of well known Dominants in the area, and it was pretty much Wow that sucks huh.
Well when it comes to rape, or really hurting someone physically to me is a huge deal. Arianna had taking a couple of good beatings from him before she caught on.

I mentor a submissive who lives in another country, and she has improved 1000 times over since we first met, and it was mainly just staying in touch and giving advice when she asked.
So she emailed me about this Dominant who was into mental sadism , I was thinking like wow really? Okay so I contacted him, and I asked if he knew she suffered from anxiety and depression? His answer was no.
So he was going to session with her not knowing anything about her or her mental state..

It is no secret that Arianna had a break down not long after we had met, it was something that was a long time coming, and things were just piling up, and it was like a Volcano.

I do try and make all of Arianna’s appt with her, and yesterday was one, and as the Doctor walked out to welcome Arianna, she looked and said oh your here. Yes I am I thought.
So there were a few changes, and I asked a thousand questions. I wanted to know why, how, what for, and why again. Yea she loves me.

Her doctor knows of our lifestyle as well, we had never come right out and said anything but I am sure she knows what the collar is around Ariannas neck.
I forget what was said but she made the comment that rules and structure were good to have in a home.

I am not going to go down a long list of medications, but I just want to touch on a few things.
If someone is taking medication for depression you as the Dominant need to know why, the same with Anxiety . How long have they been on medication?
At what age did they start? What was the family upbringing like? What was school like? You need to know the submissive inside out ,and then outside in.

So what if this Mental sadist was to of had a session with this Submissive who is bipolar, suffers from depression, and anxiety, not having a clue about her mental state. Lets say he started off playing some mind fucking games, moving into a little pain, all while she is bound, gagged, and blindfolded.
Do you really think he was going to care about the aftermath . The same with the Hypno Dom, who preys on weak women…

Before I say anything else, not every submissive , or slave suffers from anything, there are those who wake up perfectly normal. There are those who do not need to see doctors. To those I say you are very lucky.

Above is the abuse I have been talking about for so long. If you meet a Dominant and he is not asking these question, you are not going to volunteer any information in fear of rejection. If he is not asking questions wanting to know the real you, and he is just interested in your kinks, or demanding you call him Sir. Yea you know.

Although you want to share your life, you do not want to spill your life out in one sitting, this can also make you a target. You should however share information about any medications your on and why you are taking them, how long you have been taking them, and why.

Once I learned about Arianna, I did have a little help as well, that was her journals I read, it took me over 8 hrs to read everything. The training plan I had in mind prior was much more strict , I probably would of seemed more distant in someways. I was not looking to hurt anyone mentally or physically, I was looking for a partner and slave.

When you first meet a Dominant and the first couple of days are just sexual, and he is not trying to get to know you as a person, do you really think he has your best interest in mind?

Here is the number one problem this is to those who are new. You believe anything your told,and you feel you do not have the right to ask questions.

I know when I first meet someone I want to know them inside out, because if you dont and you have a real intense session, and the Dominant dose something to cause a break down, the first words out of his mouth is , Well I didn’t know.. You did not tell him, or he did not ask, there is the lack of communication maybe on both parts, it is not always the Doms fault.

A submissive told me the other day she had suffered from depression but no longer took her meds, she said she was cured and no longer needed them. She came to this conclusion on her own, and the Dominant who I take is a Doctor agreed with her. If he was not a doctor he would of taking different steps I would think. You cannot play with someones well being, you cannot play with someones mind, or their emotions.

All it really takes is you sharing very important information, you the submissive has the right to say no I am not going to do that, or you are not going to do that to me. You have that right. You have the right to have what was promised, you have the right to walk away when you are being abused or lied to.

If the Dominant your with does not care about your safety , then he is not the one for you. If the Dominant does not care about your well being then he is not the one for you.

Move on…

love

Vile

7/4/14 My Thoughts On Mental Health And BDSM

Posted in @vile62 on Twitter, anxiety, Arianna, bdsm, Bipolar, Collar, communication with tags , , , , , on July 3, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

I have touched on this subject before but I have some new information I would like to share.
Also the effects of training someone who suffers from depression and anxiety.

Knowing your submissive or slave is very important before starting any type of D’s or M’s Relationship.
I have had two doctors tell me the lifestyle can be beneficial as well , when one is provided with a stable home, structure, rules and yes the word everyone hates protocols.
I am sure you will find what I have to say very interesting.
Also feel free to interject,  I like it when people comment agreeing or not.

Have a kick ass 4th Vile style.

I Hate Fake People Mentors That Is

Posted in @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, Acceptance, anxiety, bdsm, Depressed, Depression, Dominant, Dominants, Fake Dominants, MAST, Master And Slave, Masters And Slaves Together, Mentor, slave, Submission, submissive, Submissive being used on May 26, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

Ive been mentoring a submissive for almost a year now. It has not been easy being she is some 6.000 miles away, but in the last year she has improved 100% and continues to get better everyday. She had been out out work due to depression and anxiety, but is now able to possibly step back into the work force again.

So finding a mentor close to her, now Ive blogged about this a little but I did not go into much detail. So where this submissive lives there is a huge community, Dominants growing like wold flowers. So you would think someone would be willing to step up to the plate. Not.

So this submissive has had me contact a couple of Dominants she thought would be a good mentor, yea she thought and there was one who I was really disappointed in a leader in the community. A leader of a local MasT group. Masters And Slaves Together.

Now to become a leader of a MasT chapter it is a very long process, I know, because I have been strumming the idea for a while now, starting a local chapter that is. I have been in contact with the regional office for sometime now. MasT is world wide, with members numbering in the thousands.

So I was in contact with such a leader a pillar of the community, someone who is respected because of his knowledge, his wisdom, well fuck who would make a better mentor. So after my first contact and I explained what this submissive needed , he agreed to help. Then I dropped the bomb. The submissive was not interested in sex, well at this point in her life. I explained that sex caused anxiety , it made her nervous, I am going to guess because of past relationships, I would not know because we have not talked about SEX.

So she contacts him, and fuck me the first thing he wants to know was her sexual fantasies she had as a child. Get the fuck out, really? Then he proceeded to tell her I had to be out of the picture because no mentor would want to take her on because of me, again really?

So I contacted another, and again I made it clear there was to be no sex, just a mentor, a friend someone she could talk to, someone who could guide her in the right direction, but you take the pussy out of the picture and helping a submissive is no longer worth it. No pussy no mentor.

A man who thinks like this is no leader because he is weak. Someone who is weak minded cannot lead, someone who thinks like this is a predator and nothing more. Using his position in the community to get laid.

Wanting me out of the picture, and I will tell you why. Once this submissive explained the amount of respect she had for me, I was a threat. I was a threat because she was still going to continue to listen to me. It goes as far as the other dominant would have to speak to me before punishing her. This was not my choice, it was not something I said, it was something she felt needed to be in pace, because I had earned her trust.

If either Dominant had stepped up to the plate and they were who they claimed to be, you never know what might of happened. If you don’t give up the pussy I am not going to help you. If you don’t suck my cock I am not going to be there for you.

This is a news flash gentleman. Pussy is not in shortage, there is plenty to go around, and there will always be plenty to go around. It is those who are fakes who believe their is a shortage.

Ahh she suffers from depression, she suffers from anxiety, I do not want to get involved with that mess. Well the truth is it really is not a mess, if you are who you say you are. It gets to a point to where you don’t even really notice it , because you take the time to get to know the person, face to face not while she is on her back.

I said yesterday BDSM is not about sex, and I find it really hard that someone who has been in the lifestyle for 20 years or more still looks at it a weakness.

I get gratification from helping others, I get a good feeling when I help others, even more so when I see someone move on and they have been able to improve their life. I have taken submissives in before and helped them get back on their feet, and I never once asked for anything in return. I never thought about fucking any of them. That was not the connection I wanted and it surely was not going to help.

There should be an Oath we as Dominants should have to take. There should be standards we as Dominants should have to uphold , if your going to boast about who and what you are in public you should be held accountable for your actions. I am guessing these guys carry self proclaimed titles. They have appointed themselves leaders.

Sure I will help you, but first you got to suck my cock then we will talk about your needs, and what your trying to achieve. Wow that just kills me, 20 plus years in the lifestyle and most still think like a twenty year old.

These are the dudes who are single by the way. These are the dues who are married and their wife wont suck cock but you will. These are the dues with all the drama in their life, all the problems, the dudes who have a secret life, your hidden away, your kept in a closet until your needed.

So when the next Dominant tells you hes been in the lifestyle for twenty years and he is demanding you call him Sir, or tells you that your training starts by sucking his cock, you tell him to go fuck himself with a chainsaw , train his self. Or go back home to his wife and make her suck his cock.

Don’t be played by a dumb ass, because you are being laughed at, I know I use to laugh a lot..

Image

Vile

I Am Really Disappointed

Posted in @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, Acceptance, Advice, anxiety, bdsm, control, Depression, fuck buddy, Mentor, Praise, slave, submissive, sucking cock on March 22, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

I have been Mentoring a Submissive for about 6 months now, although we live in different countries I try to stay in contact on a daily basis.

She has needed someone to help guide her in the right direction, making sure she takes her Medication daily and just trying to get her life on the right path. The good thing is she is improving almost daily with a few slips here and there but just like training it is a habit, and you have to make good habits.

So the submissive emails me and ask about a local mentor, someone there she could talk to, someone who would help teach her, and she sent me the name of a Dominant who lives local, and she asked me to kinda feel him out.

I contacted him explaining what needed to be done, I also informed him that the task would not be easy. I also explained to him that for now there should be no sex and no talk about sex, until she is fully back on her meds. I also explained she suffered from depression and anxiety so he had to be careful.

So the conversation him and I had was much different than the conversation they had. I even forwarded the email him and I had to the submissive to show her exactly what had been said.

So the time came and he called her and talked for a while. Now to give you a little back ground. This is a Dominant who has been in the lifestyle for over twenty years, and is the leader of a local group called MasT. Masters And Slaves Together. The group is world wide. He is also suppose to be highly respected there in the local community.

She also made it clear in order for them to move forward he had to read my blog. She explained to me that because of me she has set her standards very high when it comes to meeting a new Dom. Wow okay I did not know I had that much of an impact.

So after the phone call I get an email from the submissive, telling me about their conversation. The main topic was about sex. He felt in order to get to know her she had to share all of her sexual fantasies starting at a young age. He needed to know what she liked and did not like when it came to sex.

The I get an email from him. which was totally different. The thing that stuck in my mind was, A Dominant would have to invest a lot of time and would not get anything in return. Now the getting in return thing, are you talking about getting your cock sucked, getting pussy. What is it one may want to get in return.

Now in the six months I have been mentoring this submissive, sex has not come up . I have not brought sex up, she does from time to time, but it is just questions.

I truly enjoy helping those who are submissive, more so those who are a slave. What is it I get out of it. I actually get a lot. I get to watch someone grow, I get to see the self improvement. I get to see the want to move forward. I get to see one getting their life back together. Last I get to see them pack up and move on. All of that is a huge reward. Knowing that I have made a difference in someones life.

This Dom also made it clear to her that as long as I was in the picture no other Dom including himself would have nothing to do with her. This is mainly because he saw the amount of control I had over her, so if I was out of the picture, she would be fair game.

A mentor is someone who is willing to step in and help guide, to help get someone back on track, to help keep someone on the right path.

A Mentor is not a fuck buddy. That is just taking advantage of someone in a time of need. This is my definition of a Mentor.

Mentor- A tutor, a coach, a guide, a trusted counselor.

When a mentor steps in and they are filling the role of a Dominant, often the Dominant who is doing the mentoring will find that the submissive or slave is in a very vulnerable state of mind, and it would really be easy to take advantage of someone. One develops feelings and the other is just getting their rocks off, and in the end the submissive ends up getting hurt.

Here is the email I sent to this Dom.

I am contacting you on name taking out behalf.
I have known her for several months now, and have been trying to help out as much as possible. Offering advice, making sure she stays in line.

I was wondering if you might know of anyone local, who may be able to step in a kinda guide her.
She does have some issues, she suffers from depression, and is on medication for it.
She is just looking for a mentor to help guide her. I am not sure if she is really ready for anything sexual. We have not really spoken about sex.
If you could or know of someone who might be willing to look out for her that would be awesome.
Thank you
Vile

This was his reply

Hi Vile,

an update as discussed:

I had the phone conversation with name the other day for over an hour and did a lot of digging, and some pushing, to see who and what she was. I needed to understand what makes her tick. I have had some general interactions as well and have noted more things.

I think I should let you know a little about me so you can put what I say into perceptive. i have been active in the lifestyle for over 25 years, and was active even before the Internet. Inj that time I have trained guided protected and mentored many subs/slave & Doms as well. I do a lot of instruction around the mental side of dominance and control and am held in high regard in the Sydney scene. I actually am a committee member of the local MAsT chapter  and an the leader and coordinator for a Male Dominants group called the

I say this because I want to give a little credence to what I want to say as sadly it is not really that positive. I delved into her psychological make up, her dreams and desires, her sexual maturity and her basic sexual drivers. I also tested her core submission and pushed her for reaction.

The result of all this:
She is extremely immature when it comes to relationships and only lost her virginity just before she was 30. As a result she will attach herself quickly to those who show her any affection, especially when that affection is matched with dominance and power. As can be seen by her lifestyle relationships. This means that if she just stepped out she would attract the predator type Dom.

Her depression is long term and extremely well established. This will cause major issues in the lifestyle as it will spark major fear and anxiety from simple play. The long term depression means that her thinking and perspective are skewed to that way of thinking and would read situations in a bad way (happy to send links that cover this). There is one proven cure and that is sustained regular exercise. She needs to find the way to actually do that.

Yes she is submissive, my pick quite extreme as well, but there are huge underlying trust issues. I dont know where they came from but my pick is way before she started her time in the lifestyle. This means that she would require a lot of investment from a mentor before she would actually start to blossom. Sadly the payoff versus the investment means that in her current state most Doms I know would not be willing to invest the time to mentor her as they would get nothing back…. just lots of hard work.

On the up side she has very strong fantasies and she lifted markedly when they were just accepted and not judged, so much so she keep expanding on them. I beleive this shows that she has repressed these since she had them in her early teens but could be a way to help motivate her to start taking action, and could be the shortest path to releasing her true submission.

If that is done in a controlled manner then there is a good chance she could make the improvements in her self and her ability to trust which would show possible Doms her true potential.

I am happy to keep talking with her, but not willing to step into full blown mentor and nor would any Doms I know be willing to either. Her trust issues, and the other things I mentioned above , make her a liability not anything of value. She needs to make herself of some value. I suggest she keeps going to muches, she attends workshops, expands her social connections, and start exrcising in earnest. Her current approach, (she sent me an email stating I would have to earn the right to mentor her and that I would have to do so under your guidance – which is not the way any Dom i know mind works) is not going to achieve anything for her. Hence my suggestion.

I have not feed any of this back to name and will only do so under your instruction. I am happy to say something sofetr to her for example I dont have the time if you want. But I dont think that would help her.

Let me know what you think.

Regards

Now I have known her for over six months and we have had some in depth conversations, and although I came to the conclusion that she needed to take her meds daily, and she had to get out and walk daily. I recommended her going to local meetings, I encouraged her to make friends, more submissive and slave friends. I also make it a point to give praise, Praise goes a long way.

So lets get Vile out of the way. If Vile is no longer in the picture, I get what I want. If Vile is not around she will have to listen to me.

I also recommend if a submissive or slave needs a mentor then they should find another Submissive or slave as a mentor. There are very few Dominants who would take on such a task knowing they get no sex out of the deal.

So if I do not get any pussy, or your not going to suck my cock why would I want to spend my time with you?

There are many in the lifestyle who are just mentors, and they never step up to the plate when it comes to a relationship. Being a Mentor gives you the power but no real responsibility. So while your on your knees sucking cock he can tell you what you have done wrong that day.

This is the fucking ball kicker, another Dominant contacted the submissive I am mentoring and told her they had footage of her and everything was sent to me. I am not sure what he is talking about, I have only had brief conversations with him. I am not even sure why someone would want to fuck with someones mind in such a manner.

This happens all to often, this is what I try and warn all of you about. Because being new to the lifestyle you really do not have a clue, and you have to take someones word.

When I read the reply I was truly at a loss of words and even more so when I read her reply because it was something totally different. Now who am I going to believe. Certainly not the Dominant , I do not know him, how ever I do know the submissive.

Vile