Archive for the Baggage Category

When Do You Give Up On Training On A Submissive

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, Argue, Arianna, Bad Dominant, Baggage, bdsm, Conform, Consensual, Consistency, consistent, control, Dominance, Dominant, Dominants, journal, Master, Protocol, punish, Punishment, serve, slave, Spanking, Structure, Submission, submissive, The New Dominant with tags on May 23, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

This is really a hard question to answer, but sometimes you do just have to say okay I am done , its not working.

The reason behind my way of thinking is there are many who are submissive or a slave who have never lived a 24/7 relationship. You feel submissive you think your submissive, everything you have read points to you.  Remember we as humans are visual people, while reading your taking in the information but your eyes make contact first. Then you see pictures, and fantasies come to mind, again the visual thing.

Training someone new is a huge task for the Dominant, but it can be just as hard to train someone who has years of experience, and I shall explain.

Training someone who has years of experience in the lifestyle most are set in their ways. Most already have expectations on what to expect, but then comes the comparing part. The new Dominant will always in most cases be compared.There are those times things just fall into place.

The submissive or slave who has never been with a dom, in the beginning stages is very excited at the thought or opportunity to be excepted and is very eager to begin their training.

Training should begin as soon as possible, from my past experience those who continue to put training off really have no clue on how to train. Just like the Dom I spoke about last week when he told me he was going to start training a baby girl, when asked what he planned on doing, his answer was the usual.  Which meant he really had no clue, and that is all he had to tell me but Mr Ego got in the way.

The new Novice Dominant is always willing to jump in head first. He has been waiting for his chance to prove himself. Just like the young wolf. The young wolf has been waiting for the chance to show the older wolfs he can stand his own ground but will learn very soon it is much more than what he thought. He will learn it is much more than just barking out rules and looking for reasons to punish. He will learn quick that if not well equipped he will fail.

So when do you just give up on training ? As I stated above the lifestyle to many is just a fantasy, once the submissive gets a taste of the lifestyle they may soon find out they have stepped into a world that is just not them. Maybe they are just submissive in the bedroom which is going to be the case most of the time, or they do not want to follow rules.

If you are just hitting dead ends while you are trying to train, and the submissive is putting up resistance and is not willing to adapt to your ways. Why would you want to exhaust to much time and energy on something that may never come to light.

If you find you are arguing, yelling at each other, why would either want to go through the trouble? One can be submissive in the bedroom but once outside its back to the normal. You cannot force someone to conform, it will never happen.

Start out by giving small task, a few rules, have the submissive start a daily journal. If the submissive is ready and truly wants to life the lifestyle they will follow through. You may need to correct somethings, ask questions if things are not completed , this is where communication comes into play.

If things are not going well and it has been a month or so, there is no need to keep trying, and it is neither ones fault…. One or two things, either the lifestyle was not for the submissive, or your not the right Dominant.

The best thing to do at this point is to part as friends.  Why stress yourself out over something that will never come to be.

Lastly if you are not 24/7 it is almost impossible to train your submissive. You are not there there for you truly do not have any real control.  If you have no control how can you possibly train.

When I first met Arianna I was somewhat skeptical just because of the way she had been treated by previous Doms, but once she moved in everything just fell into place. Arianna put up no resistance at all and was the most compliant slave I had met to date..

One thing that will surely help is if neither brings any bad baggage into the relationship. Baggage and drama will make you fail. The idea is to start out fresh and new.

As far as things not working out, it does not make you a bad dominant, it just means you were not the dominant for the submissive. , or the submissive was not right for you.

As far as the online thing I never understood that anyway.

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Vile

Being depressed Is Not The End Of The World.

Posted in abuse, Advice, anti depression medication, Baggage, bdsm, Bond, Change, codependent, communication, control, controlling, Conversation, counselor or Psychiatrists, Depressed, Depression, disable, Discipline, Dominance, Dominants, emotional, Emotions, Fear, Health, Humiliation, Kink, Lie, Lies, life, Love, masochist, Master, Mentor, needy, non caring, Paranoid schizophrenia, Patience, proactive aftercare, problems, provocative, sadist, Scared, slave, submissive, TPE on April 19, 2013 by thekinkyworldofvile

Your laying in bed one night reading erotica , and you stumble across a BDSM story. You find it intriguing, interesting. You go to sleep , and the next morning your thinking about the story. During the day the story you read really makes you think. Hmm maybe just maybe this is me. Maybe I am a Slave, maybe this is what I have been missing.

Books are a great source of information, but you are only getting ones opinion. The same if you are depressed and your seeing a doctor, you are only getting ones opinion, you see another doctor and more than likely you will get another opinion. Sometimes in life you have to take what you see, read, and hear with a grain of salt. The Story Of O is a great book. This is the story of ones life. It can give you ideas and thoughts on how you want your life to be, but the truth is you have to find your own Story. You have to start out with an empty book and write it yourself.

I will agree that many of those who are submissive or slaves can be late bloomers. There is a hidden trigger in your brain, and something just flicked the switch, now the search is on. In my time I have never met a Submissive or Slave who did not suffer with some type of depression, anxiety, maybe bipolar, you get the picture. There is a switch in your brain and something turns it on.

Something from childhood, may have happened at a very young age, and your brain has now blocked it, maybe abused at a young age. More extreme raped, or even molested. I have heard all of the above.

I was recently told by a Medical professional that someone who suffers from being bipolar and depression, as well as other mental issues, can live a very healthy life while in the lifestyle under the right conditions. Fucking listen, THE RIGHT CONDITIONS.

Stability is a major factor, a stable home. Structure, in a stable home. Communication in a stable home. The Dominant must try to understand the illness. The Dominant must take part in all treatment. The Dominant must ask questions, after all you are concerned about yours.

The Slave must be honest when seeing Doctors, counselors, Psychiatrist, you have to be honest. Never be ashamed of who and what you are. If you do not talk about your lifestyle, your treatment may not be effective.

I actually thought while speaking with this counselor, I was going to be hammered, I was going to be giving the third degree, just general conversation, but still when she began to explain how under the right conditions a BDSM lifestyle can be healthy. Again this was only ones opinion.

In most cases the Submissive or Slave will bond with one, that being the Dominant. She is looking for support, guidance, structure, and someplace safe and stable. They are afraid when out alone, at times they get manic, the anxiety  level is at an all time high, and mass confusion hits.

There are things a Dominant will have to do in such as relationship, if he truly cares he has to step up to the plate. You know sending your slave to the store cause Anxiety. So you have to make the trip with your slave. Most who are Submissive or a slave cannot handle confrontation, guess what the Dominant has to step up to the plate. If the Submissive or Slave makes a mistake, the Dominant has to fix it. The Dominant may have to make phone calls. The Dominant may have to do most of the cooking, stepping up to the plate.

If you are in the lifestyle as a Dominant just for the pussy, the kink, the physical abuse, you are really not going to give a fuck. What you are doing as the suppose to be Dominant is causing more damage, you are turning on more switches, then poof your going as fast as you came.

Very seldom do you see a Dominant as a late Bloomer. The majority of Dominants have been Dominant since childhood, it is in your personality. Once you become interested in the lifestyle , it can takes years to master your Dominance. As I have stated before I had a few great mentors. Today I have two I confide in.  To this day when I am speaking to an older Dominant you will hear me call him Sir, out of respect.

A man cannot wake one Morning and say I am a Master, that does not happen. You cannot wake one morning and be ready or willing to take on the responsibility of someones life. Be able to guide, put structure into their life, guidelines and be consistent it cannot happen. This is not old school talking this is common sense.

Most who are Submissive or Slaves tend to trust to fast. They truly believe they have found the one. Early on they spill their heart, they share all the good, the bad, and the mistakes they have made. You as the Dominant must take all this information in, you digest it, then you put your plan into motion.

I have seen Dominants use what has been told to them as ammunition, and at some point in the relationship they throw it back in their face causing more hurt. Why would you as a Dominant do such a thing, when you were trusted? The Submissive confided in you, the submissive was being honest.

We as Dominants must be supportive, we must encourage, guide, and walk hand in hand. Although in some cases we do have to allow one to stumble, not fall, at times we have to say Yes, we have to let one make a mistake. You cannot spend your relationship saying no.Even when they stumble we still need to praise the effort that was put into what ever the Submissive or slave was trying to accomplish. Positive reinforcement goes a long way. Stumble but not fall. If for some reason they do fall, we have to be willing to pick up, dust off and continue walking.

Here is the kicker, and this takes much thought. You as the Dominant are getting ready to enter a new found relationship. The Submissive or Slave has just spilled their heart. They suffer from all of the above. You know you are going to have to spend a great deal of time with yours. You may have to give things up in your life, bowling night, Bar night with the buddies, Because you now have someone glued to your side.

You are entering a relationship , you have to think long and hard if you as a Dominant want this type of responsibly, because once you start you are committed. You as the Dominant have giving your word. You will be there no matter what. The crying, the confusion, the midnight phone calls. You cannot complain because you made a promise and a commitment. You have said Play Ball.

Just like the Slave or Submissive the Dominant cannot read a book, if you are a true Dominant what you have is already there. A good mentor can bring the best out, but what you are taught, you have to take bits and pieces and put your own to work, your own style. The way you run your house, your own rules, and protocol. You have to be you.

If you are a Sadist, find a Masochist. Do not take someone who is not into pain and force one to be willing to explore your needs. Physical abuse is not tolerated, and that is what you are doing. Never force one to do something that is unhealthy. In many cases a Submissive or Slave will do things just to please, without thinking of the consequences. You as the Dominant may think everything is fine, when in fact it is not. They will not say anything and let you continue, and what you are doing is chipping away at wood, and eventually the wood will be gone.

Having an illness is not the end of the world for the submissive, they can lead a very productive life, under the right conditions. Please do not think that everyday is going to be cake and ice cream, because if you do you are living in a fantasy world.

You as the Dominate must step up to the plate it may be full or only half. When a problem arises you have to be willing to work through it. Most of all if you really care, you may have to adjust your whole life around the submissive.

It is up to the Dominate to dig deep, what kinds of medication? What are you taking them for. Listen to their story, take it in, digest it, and put it to good use.

You as the Dominant make have to make all the decisions, in everyday life. You have to be willing to accept this task. No matter what you must never complain. Take the Ball and run with it.  Most of all never use their sickness against them, never throw anything back in there face. If you do what you have built you have just destroyed. Everything you have built is now gone, you have to start from scratch, if the submissive will allow you to.

You the Dominant must be in control at all time, there is never a reason to yell, scream, argue, put down, degrade, abuse. You must be in control and not controlling.

Down time is very important. This is needed not for one but for both. I know once I put Arianna to bed, I take a deep breath and then and only then can I relax. This is my down time. It is good to suggest hobbies, allow them to go out for a day without breathing down their neck, the mall, a book store, or just taking a nap. Down Time is crucial and it is a need. This allows the Submissive or Slave to breath, relax, take in the fresh air.  You as the Dominant should suggest the down time, encourage. Allow some freedom, when they are out don’t be blowing their phone up . Allow them to have friends, see family Go with them if asked. Don’t make an excuse why you cant. Do not seem like you are thinking about their request just do it.

With the exception of a few illnesses you can have a healthy relationship. I would say someone who suffers from Paranoid schizophrenia would be a huge no no, unless you have been in a relationship for a very long time.

Most who suffer from any type of illness are visual people. You will see many times a submissive or Slave writing things down. This is the visual. When they are trying to make a decision you may have to communicate the logic part to them. Allow them to be visual encourage them. Writing things down they can see the pros and cons, talk to them about what they are feeling.

You can live a very happy life, if you the Dominant are willing to take the right steps. If you are there just to use, you need to sit back and think of the damage you are doing or have done.

One thing you cannot and must never do is remind the submissive or slave what you have done for them, throw back in their face well where would you be without me.

Karma is a Mother Fucker.

 

Vile

A Comment I posted Last Year To A dear Friend

Posted in abuse, and Respect, anger, Arianna, Asian, Baggage, bdsm, Bond, Cheaters, cheating, Cheating Dominant, communication, control, controlling, Safe, Safe and Sane, Sane, slave, submissive on April 8, 2013 by thekinkyworldofvile

I speak so much about abuse not only in the lifestyle, but in the vanilla world as well. Abuse turns to confusion, and your really not sure who you can turn to. It can be mental, verbal, and the worst is when it turns physical. One can only be beat down so much before nothing is left. All hope, all your self esteem, then your heart turns cold.

I have seen it many times when a Dominant brings a submissive or slave into their fucked up world. Mental problems, financial, and the best is problems with the EX. The Ex still runs their lives.

This is not a real Dominant. To be a Dominant you must be in full control of your life and surroundings. A married Dominant is not in control of his life, if he was he would be home fucking his wife, being in control of his little family world.

I had problems a couple of years ago. I stepped back to clear my head. I stayed to myself while getting my life back on track. I never gave it a thought to bring someone else into my problems. I slowly worked everything out, and when I was ready, I began my search.

This time was going to be different. I was not going to settle for less. I needed someone to complete me. It was going to be my way or no way. I wanted a true slave. I needed that control.

In a year and a half I dated probably 50 or 60 women. I carried my notes. I had a list made out of what I was seeking. I shared, I said read, and each time they would shake there head no. I did not give up. I knew what I wanted in a slave. I needed that connection. It was no longer about sex, it was the connection. We must be able to be friends first.

I run a strict and well structured home. I control everything. Look up the definition of everything. I micromanage everything, look up the definition of micromanage. It is about me.

I did not demand respect I earned it. I did not ask Arianna to be my slave. Arianna asked me if I would take her as my slave. I do not abuse Arianna in anyway. I give her my full respect, I give her support, structure, and most of all loyalty. Arianna knows no matter what she comes first, nothing else matters. Arianna knows I will drop what I am doing at a moments notice. Arianna knows she can fully trust me, she knows I would never harm her.

To be a Dominant is to be in full control. To be a Dominant is taking full responsibility for someone else.

I stand by my words if you are married and you are fucking around behind your wife’s back you are a piece of shit, you are nothing but scum. You use women to do things your little wife wont do, or your to chicken to bring up the lifestyle. Or you do not have the balls god gave you. You may feel guilty about face fucking your wife so you find another. You are scum, the lowest of life. Do you not think about the possibility of taking something home, and passing it on, or maybe passing something on to another submissive.

It is not fair to bring another into your little fucked up world. Get your head out of your ass and be a man.

Why bring someone else down to your level, the heartache, the confusion, and yes the abuse. Mental scars do not go away bruises do, verbal scars do not go away, bruises do.

So I wrote this response to my dear friend Butterfly, who was going through some hard times. I like her and not only because she is Asian. she is smart and beautiful, with a tender soul. Much Love Girl.

There is someone for everyone, many times we let our emotions overrun our logic. That usually turns to disaster, but before we can recognize it, we are already caught up in a tangled web, and we find it hard to break free.

We want so much for this to be the One we have been searching for, and we fight to make it work, only to find ourselves devoured in a cocoon, and it is too late.

We are there, nowhere to run, it is dark, and confusing. We have been brought down by someone else, we are not part of their world, their problems and insecurities, their anger issues. Things are taking out on us when we did nothing.

Yet we hope, that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. We are reassured that things will get better this is only temporary it will pass, and we will be happy and together.

Insanity is making the same mistake over and over expecting different results.

Then we break free, but the one is still dragging us down. We fight and struggle for air it is so hard to breath, mass confusion, we are withdrawn into their little world.

Once we see the light and we walk through the door, we begin to shut it, the door is oh so heavy, it weighs 5 tons. We push, and push but it seems like it will not close. Then somehow we gather the strength and courage and again we push, and push.

The door closes.

Our back to the door we are breathing so hard, our palms resting against the door, our eyes closed. Yes I made it, I am free of their clutches, they can no longer control me. I am me I am strong, you are weak, leave me alone.

I have struggled with you for so long and you have brought me to the depths of your hell, wanting me to feel like you.

I am free now. I have but two words for you, before I lock this door.

Fuck You.

Vile… 8/21/2012

A New Slave Has Come To Light

Posted in 128 Basic rules, abuse, Baggage, bdsm, BDSM Hypnosis, controlling, Discipline, Drama, Fake Dominants, Health, life, molding your slave, Protocol, Rules, slave, submissive on December 4, 2012 by thekinkyworldofvile

I told everyone not long ago I was seeing someone. The relationship is really starting to take off. Things are going well. She comes with no Drama, really no baggage , very smart, a nice career , takes good care of herself, very beautiful, inside and out, and incredible to be around.

It is really hard to find someone you are compatible with in the lifestyle. Some will bend or even give up some of the things they cherish when it comes to needs. We all know this does not work.We have to be who we are, and be with someone who excepts us for who we are.

I will be the first to admit I am not the easiest man or Dominant to live with. It is not that I set up for failure, that is far from the case. I want a slave to excel , I want her to be all she can be. I want to support her in anything she wants to do.

There are many slaves more so those new to the lifestyle who are led down a road of destruction, those who are just used and abused,and when they are no longer useful, they are tossed out like a bag of garbage. Waiting to be used by the next, because the slave knows no better.

I can imagine it must be pretty confusing to a slave who cannot find normal ground to stand on, and thinking there has to be more to what I need.

I am very positive this will work. I have looked for over a year, for the right one. The one I click with. The one I can have conversation with, the one who enjoys having the right to open communication. A slave who was able o sit down, and express her needs.

I have told everyone I am old school, a lot of younger Dominants do not agree with me on a lot of things. Times change, people change. I am not a man of change. I refuse to be someone I am not.

Many subs or slaves that follow me here, most think I am out of touch. I was chatting with Gemini the other day, and just from reading my blog she had me pegged, on who I was and what I needed in a relationship.

When a slave enters a relationship she is looking for certain things to make her complete. Number one is structure. Two someone who is honest. Three someone who truly cares for them. Four. someone who is not abusive, be it physical , mental, or verbal. Five Consistency, stay one track be who and what we say we are.   A slave or submissive never really ask for a lot. So we as Dominants should be able to step up to the plate.

I remember first entering the lifestyle, young and dumb. Full of ego. When I spoke to a slave she asked what rules would be in place, not knowing any better, I would copy and past the basic 128 rules. Those who had been in the lifestyle anytime , they knew I did not have a clue. Those rules have been a joke for years.

Well it seems today their are those Dominants out there that are still using these rules. Tish’s last Dom used them, who had been in the lifestyle for 20 years. Married to his slave of course. Took away a few and added a few of his.

How in the fuck is a slave suppose to remember 128 rules, and not break one. In my opinion rules are meant to be about positive reinforcement, to help, to guide, not to set up for failure.

Then the almighty Hypno Dom, I posted about yesterday. He preys on new subs and slaves because they do not know any better.  This is not the slaves fault, it happens.

So the slave continues to seek out the one who meets her needs. It may take a few mistakes before making that connection. The end result is truly life changing, when you find the right one.

 

Vile

What The Fuck Is Wrong With Some Dominants

Posted in abuse, Baggage, bdsm, Bond, control, controlling, Daddy, Dominants, Health, Master, Mentor, Protocol, pussy, relationships, slave, submissive on September 4, 2012 by thekinkyworldofvile

So I am at a cook out yesterday, which I really did not want to attend, but I did go for a friend, who ended up leaving me there with these people from the movie Deliverance , I was really out of place, I I slid my jack in my pocket, opened the grill, grabbed some chicken, because I did not want to use their plates, and made my exit.

I get a text from a slave I have been mentoring for a couple of years, about her Dominant. Who I have not cared for from the start, for various reasons.

Number one he does not acknowledge she is his slave on fetlife. Because he does not want any drama from his EX really. The pic on his profile is of his dick, so I know what he thinks with.

Jessi is a special kind of slave she needs a lot of attention, and needs to be number one. Her Dom knew she was not able to bare any more children when they met. He was fine with this because he did not want any.

Jessi is not one to share, nor does she want to be shared. One on One, that is her game, no need to stray because there is nothing she wont do.

So now he wants to bring another girl into the relationship, because he wants a child, with his last name.What this means now is Jessi becomes number two.

Jessi’s place is to small and she has two children, so the new slave would stay at his house. Where does this put Jessi? On the outside looking in.

A Dominant shows leadership, a Dominant is in control. A Dominant is capable of standing his ground. A Dominant is in charge. A Dominant earns respect.

If A Dominant cannot control his own life, how can he control a submissive or slave.How can he give 100% to the one he owns.

Most submissive’s or slaves come with some type of baggage, be it emotional, abuse at some point and time. I am not saying every sub or slave but for the most.

When you first meet, both of you lay things out on the table. Your needs and what is expected out of a relationship. Then either both agree or disagree. If you disagree that is the end of the story.

You cannot change rules midway into the relationship, more so a Dominant. When the Dominant begins to change or bend the rules, then they are no longer what the sub or slave needs. If you the Dominant are going to lay out rules and Protocol standards. How can you expect one to follow if you cannot lead, and go by your own protocol.

A couple of years ago when I split up. I took sometime off to get my shit together, so I could get a grip on my life.

I have an ex with a child, we have no drama, she knows all about me, does she agree with it no. It is my life. I will be with whom I want to be with. No one will dictate to me who I will be with, nor will I let anyone stand in my way of being happy.

So this am there are two Dominants who have made my PUSSY list. Stop thinking with your cock, grow a pair of fucking balls. Maybe get an operation, chers daughter did. Maybe you should think about submitting to someone, instead of fucking with someones head..

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Vile