Archive for the BDSM Dating Sites Category

Finding A Dominant Or Master On Fetlife

Posted in Bad Dominant, Bad Reltionships, bdsm, BDSM Communitys, BDSM Dating Sites, Bdsm events, BDSM Relationships, Building a BDSM Relationshp, cock sucking, compatibility, consequences, Dominant, exposing bad dominants, FaceBook Vile Woods, Fake Dominants, Fetish, fetishes, fetlife, Fetlife Fetishes, Fetlife Groups, Manipulation, Master, Master and slave relationship, Meeting a Dominant for the first time, Meeting a new Dominant, Meeting your new Dom/Master, munchs, Safe and Sane, sane and consensual, Self Proclaimed Master, slave, Submission, submissive, sucking cock on July 14, 2015 by thekinkyworldofvile

There are some days I just sit and shake my head. I limit my friends on Fetlife mainly because I do not want my friends feed full of junk and drama.
As a matter of fact I am going to clean house later today on my friends list.

Fetlife is really an awesome social site , you have millions of people , many who share the same fetishes with you, the same kinks and maybe the same interest when it comes to submission. There is a group for any kind of fetish you can think of.

What is really awesome is you have the ability to fins a partner if you want to invest enough time. If you truly know what you want and need there is a partner for you, be it a male, or female , Dominant , submissive , baby girl, daddy dom, pony play everything is right there at your finger tips.

Fetlife is worldwide , now please let it be known I am not pimping fetlife but I have been a member for a very long time , and it is one of the only social sites out there that is not covered with spam……

The search is relatively easy , you can search by country , state and in most cases even the city you live in.. If you find someone who strikes your interest shoot them a email because it is free….

So finding a Dominant a submissive a slave can be time consuming but it can be done with enough research and Patience….

So from time to time I like to perv profiles, it is funny because on Facebook you want to see where people are from and who their friends are, on Fetlife you want to see what your friends look like naked..

So you come across a Doms profile or a Masters profile , you perv his pics and most are cock pics , well this is the way he thinks, that is where his brain is located. Second you read his profile many times it is blank but then you look at the list of groups he belongs to..

Here is a Dominant I ran across this morning and his profile is blank.. However he does have a huge list of groups he belongs to.

…but i like it rough
1950’s Household Relationships
69 by 420: Marijuana Kinky
Accidental Nudity
Adult Movie Theaters
Any RolePlay, Any Time!
Anything Taboo
BBW AND MEN WHO ADORE THEM………………..
BBW Women of Cental Florida
Being groped or fingered in public
Big Brothers/Big Sisters of littles
Braless in public
Breed My Fertile Cunt
Brevard Kinksters
Candle Wax
Cheating wives and girlfriends
Confession
Consensual Nonconsent
Cum In Panties
Cumming in public
Curvy Women and the People Who Love Them
CYBER SEX IN WEBCAM
Daddy Doms and babygirls
Daddy ~ girl Relationships
Daddy/Daughter Love
DADDY/teen girls
Devilishly Single
Dirty Old Men & Young Sluts
Dirty, Filthy, Naughty, Perverted & Taboo
Dominants Who Loan Their submissives/slaves to Others For Sex.
Domme Daughters for sub daddys role play
EDGEPLAY
Erotic Word Games
Erotica of All Kinds
Erotica, for writers and readers.
Exhibitionists/Nudists.
Fantasies & Role Play: Bound, Gagged and Raped
Fantasy Rape Stories
Female Squirters/Gushers
FetLife Announcements
Fetlife Classifieds
FLICK- (Floridians Living in Consensual Kink), Central Florida
Florida bbw & the men that love them!
Florida Singles
Florida Squirters
Florida Threesomes
Forced Exhibitionism
Forced Orgasms
Forcing girl to go in public with remote control vibrator deep in her pussy…
Fuck Friends
Fuck or Pass (without any drama)
Fuck or pass.
Fucked While Sleeping
Guys who like to masturbate to women’s fetlife photos & Women who like guys masturbating to their fetlife photos
Hand over Mouth/Drugged Kidnap Play
Having sex with pregnant women
I ❤ Squirting!
Incest Role Play
Interracial Love
Kink-Friendly Housing / Apartments / Roommates etc.
Kinky Parents
Masters & slaves
Masters and slaves
May/December Kinky
Munch of Central Brevard
Naked Family
naughty / sexual ageplay
nudism
Orgasm Denial
Orlando – BBW and people who love them!
Orlando area sex party hub
Orlando Daddy Masters and babygirls
Orlando Golden showers and Water Sports
Orlando Kinksters
Orlando Kinky Swingers
Orlando Personals
Orlando Play Partners
Orlando Poly
Orlando!! Meat Market
people that like pee play
People who are awake at 3:00 a.m.
Picnic
Play Rape
Playing Overtly or Covertly in Public
PREGNANT AND PLAYING
Rape play
Rape Roleplay
Really Taboo
Rough Sex
SEX WITH STRANGERS
Skinny Dipping
Skype Webcam chat
Sluts, Cunts, and Whores
SOMETHING FOR EVERYONE
Sons Of Anarchy Fan Club
Squirty Girls
submission by cam
Talking Dirty
Tattoos!
Teasing To The Brink Of Orgasm
The Oral Sex Classifieds.
The Woodshed Orlando
Tittie lovers
Unpartnered Little Girls
Upskirt peeking
Webcam Encounters
Winter Park, FL Kinksters
Young BBW (18-30) and admirers!
Young Breeders
Young Individuals Looking for Older Partners and Vice Versa

While pretty interesting he has no ties to the community at all, this should be a huge red flag. Blank profile. You want someone who is active in the local community , but mot of all you want someone who knows what they are doing. There is a reason this Dom is not part of the community because I am going to guess he is not welcome or he is just a predator.

This profile is actually on a friend of mine friends list and he was mentoring her…. She is pretty new to the lifestyle and is at a point where she is not listening, shrugs ….

Look at the groups , check out the fetish list see if your compatible , if your not into bestiality or watching your Master being fucked up the ass then he is probably not the dom for you.

Now it is true just because he is active in the community does not make him a good dominant, some are active but most times you will be warned…

It is not science it is common sense..

bill

I fucking Love Bill he is the Man, well next to me

Vile

You Should Be Scared

Posted in @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, bdsm, BDSM Communitys, BDSM Dating Sites, Consensual, consequences, Dominant, Dominants, emotional, Emotions, Master, predators, Rape, Safe, Safe and Sane, Safe Call, slave, submissive, Vile Woods on FaceBook on May 19, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

Sometime last year I made the statement that a Submissive should ask a Dominant for references, prior to exploring anything physical. Someone made the comment that it was stupid to ask for such a thing because you do not ask a vanilla male for references. In my eyes there is a huge difference when it comes to dating a Dom VS a Vanilla male. The vanilla your probably going out to eat and a movie, the Dom and the submissive is probably going to get their kink on.

There are thousands of rapes everyday, some are very brutal, and some do not have the opportunity to go home or to the hospital. A lot of you out there are mothers, more of you at some point in life want to be mothers, have a family.

You meet a new Dominant on line and you plan on meeting. He wants you to wear the shortest skirt you have with no panties, and if you agree your chances of being raped have just jumped up drastically , not meeting in a public setting your numbers have just jumped up even more.

It is a good feeling when you think your about to meet the one, you have probably been searching for sometime and most of the Doms you have been talking to are not local.

Wearing a short skirt with no panties does not have anything to do with being submissive. Wearing a short skirt with no panties does not prove you are submissive.

Most of you at least end up sucking cock in the Doms car the first meeting, then there are some who even agree to get a room to start your training.

Think about this for a second you do not even know this man, you do not know anything about him, except what he has told you.  He has told you he has been in the lifestyle 5,10,15 or even 20 years.  Again this is what he has told you, and you have to believe him because you have not asked all the questions you were suppose to because you feared that you would upset him or make him mad.

When your sitting in the car and the Dom makes the statement , well lets start your training as he is unzipping his pants. Something in your head has to be thinking. This cannot be right, is this really part of training? The bad thing is you are not going to question your just going to do it. Now those who have been in the lifestyle for any amount of time will call his bluff or just tell him to fuck off.

You agree to get a room, with a man you have never met. Your chances of getting hurt has just shot up. Now you may or may not walkout. So what is your life worth? What is your family and friends worth?

You decide to play, you let this man you just met tie you down on the bed spread eagle, your gagged , you don’t have to be blindfolded just gagged. What the fuck is going through your mind right about now?

If you have done any kind of real research then you would know that no respectable Dominant would even go through a scenario like this. You would know, no real dominant would of even brought play into the picture on the first meeting.

Some of you have played just like the above mentioned and you came out okay, but some of you know exactly what I am talking about, some of you have been used and raped. Those of you who walked out okay, you can be thankful , those of you who have been raped you have to carry that memory the rest of your life. While I have met a few it did not bother I have met those who it tortured. Even after the bad they still continued down the same path, with the same experiences.

Meeting a Dom for the first time, going to a room with him, allowing him to tie you up, gagging you, make you fair game. Your chances of being hurt is now about 50/50 maybe more like 70/30 or even 80/20.

I had a friend who had been talking to a Dom on line for a while and agreed to meet him. The first meeting yep a room. They could not go back to his house because he was married. Once finished the bed covered in blood, he told her to get cleaned up and get the fuck out, when she came out of the bathroom he was gone. The bad thing is she did not even know his real name. The only thing she knew was he was married, and did not find out until that night.

You cannot let your emotions run your life. Entering any type of relationship requires a great deal of thought, but to enter a BDSM relationship where the trust factor is so great. Okay any type of relationship requires trust, but to allow someone to tie you up, someone you just met, it just does not make sense.

Okay I will back track a little here, there are some Doms who are not active in the local community, while this maybe true, they do know others in the lifestyle, and these are questions that should be asked. For a Dominant to say he has been in the lifestyle for ten years and not know anyone, yea that does not carry to much weight, but if your new then why would you even wonder how that is possible.

Good things comes to those who wait, anytime you make a rush to judgement the outcome is rarely good. A good thought out plan will serve you much better, but you have to stick to that plan.

You can save yourself a lot of heartache , you can save yourself a lot of drama, and problems, but most of all you can keep yourself from being hurt

A D’s or M’s relationship can be very rewarding, it can be very exciting, it can be everything you have ever imagined and more, I know I am living the dream. The difference is I had a much thought out plan.

Safety should be your first concern, and submitting to someone on the first meeting is not being safe.

Always make that safe call………

Image

Vile

 

My Slaves Life

Posted in 24/7, abuse, Acceptance, Adapt, anger, Argue, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Communitys, BDSM Dating Sites, being used, Bondage, Caning, communication, Consensual, consequences, Consistency, consistent, control, Daddy, Daddy Dom, Daddy Doms, Dating, Dominance, Dominants, Fiction, In Search Of A Master, In Service Slave, Kink, kinky, MAST, Master, Masters, Masters And Slaves Together, micromanage, munchs, No Rights, owning a slave, Protocol, Protocol public, punish, Punishment, Rules, Safe, Safe and Sane, Self-Discipline, serve, session, slave, Slave no rights, submissive, Total Slavery, Total Submission, TPE, training your slave, Verbal abuse on January 7, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

While at the MasT Meeting Last Friday night we had an awesome conversation, and we got off topic several times, but the leader of MasT Slave S Looked at Arianna and I and said we have a very unique relationship, and wanted me to go into detail about how I maintain control,and it was and is still one word Consistency nothing more.

This is more about us and how we live our lives. Just to give you a more in depth look at a Master and Slave. We want to share this side of us.

Either you are or you are not. I will be the first to admit I could not be a submissive nor a Slave, but let me make one thing clear, being either does not make one weak, nor are they a doormat. Most who are submissive or Slaves have a great deal of responsibility. Most take care and run the Home, that is Arianna’s job. She insures things within the home run smoothly. Most of the time we make the food list together we talk about what we are going to have during the week. A lot of times we shop together, and when I can I cook. That is to help take some of the load off of Arianna

Arianna has full control over all money every week she gets my pay check, and my monthly bonus. She insures all bills are paid, and balances the checkbook. If I should want something I ask if we can afford it. I never question her ability when it comes to running the home.

On top of running the home Arianna has a very good career, a lot of responsibility. Her commute one way is 51 miles. To make such a long drive I had to insure she had good transportation, so in May of Last year we bought her a new car .

Our job as a Slave owner comes down to only a couple of things, all of which are great importance. We make things run as smoothly as we can with in the home and outside. We take care of any problems that may come up. We insure our property has a stress and drama free environment. The drama and stress free are probably the most important, but the most important is staying in control. Slaves are going to make mistakes, that is a giving. A mistake does not mean she broke a rule.

One thing we found out when we first met is we have more in common than just M’s that is also very important, it would be pretty boring if all we had in common was BDSM. The only things we really do not have in common is music and some of the old cars I like, other than that we are on the same playing field.

I do give Arianna free time to visit friends although she really only has one she visits but this time is important to her, and I respect that. Everyone needs a break from time to time.

If Arianna wants to buy something for her be it clothes, makeup, what ever I hardly ever say no. This is a type of reward. It is very hard to deny one who gives so much. Her favorite place to shop is Amazon.com if it comes with free shipping, she also loves thrift stores, she is like a little kid in one, really fun to watch. I do go shopping with her, I take an interest in her needs.

Just sit back and try to imagine giving up full control. Giving up full control to the point the word No is not allowed to come out of your mouth. Trusting someone that they will not cause harm or hurt, physically or mentally. Allowing your body to be used for someones pleasure.

The more control we show, the more we show we care, the more communication we keep, the more the slave will give. The slave will give without thought. The slave will have the need and want to give.

If you have rules or protocols , they should each be explained in great detail, so when the Dominant if finished the slave has a full and clear understanding of what is expected. If I implement a new rule I explain why I think it is needed. I explain it so there are no questions.

Although your always in that frame of mind Master and Slave you have to be best friends, you have to be able to talk, laugh and joke. I act nutty at times, I like to joke, I enjoy making others laugh. That is a very important part of ones life.

The key to training a Slave is first and for most the Slave must be willing, the slave must have the need. The last the slave has to find the right match.

I have stated before training is a type of behavior modification this is not done over night, in my experience 6 months to as long as a year, and it is something that is continuous it never ends. Again the key word and I cannot express it enough is Consistency.

Seeking a long term M’s relationship is something you need to give a lot of thought, for one the responsibility, and what the long term effects are going to be.

I know a slave now who lived in total servitude, on one hand she was lucky because she had sister slaves, but she rarely saw the out doors. Her owner has since past and she is lost, and will continue to be lost until she is able to find a new owner that will allow her to live the same way..

In my opinion if you have been in a long term relationship speaking of an M’s it would be most difficult for a slave to just pack up and leave, unless they are experiencing abuse, and then still after living in such a structured environment even with abuse it would seem hard to be able to function.

People today relate BDSM to a sex game, I have said this many times before, it is because we as humans are visual, None of the BDSM videos show what it is like to live a normal life. It is all about bondage and sex. The same if you google images, Bondage and sex comes up along with someone being beaten. Most of what you read are women being abused, whipped , gang banged, it just goes on and on. It is wise to read about real life experiences between a Dominant and Submissive, a Daddy and his Baby girl, or a Master and Slave. This way you get the real life of people and not just fiction.

If you are considering the lifestyle to any degree you need to do a lot of research, on all levels. Before taking your first step try and figure out where you may fall in the realm of submission. Maybe a pet , a baby girl, a submissive , or maybe just a bedroom submissive wanting to get your kink on from time to time.

Once you have somewhat narrowed it down, now is the time to find the right partner. I have always said the easiest way is to get active in the community. Hitch on to other who are submissive, more than likely they will be able to point you in the right direction. They will also tell you who to stay away from.

Meeting someone on line can turn into a good thing at times, but you really have no idea who you are meeting. Remember on line we can be who and what we want. We can pose as anyone, and your going to believe them. Most new submissive’s are really naive and are easily persuaded  with very little effort. I am not saying your stupid but it is the not knowing, the not knowing a lot. You not knowing can get you hurt.

If you ask people for advice and you get the same answer from two or three, then you should listen, in the end it may pay off.

So your ready to be a slave, being a slave is usually 24/7 TPE a Total Power Exchange. The relationship between two is consensual as it should be. Being a Master and Slave living apart seldom works, even more so if your long distance.

Second you both have to enter the relationship with a full understanding of what is going to happen, and what is expected from both. Remember there has to be a Bitch in the house.

This takes much thought on the slaves side, the slave has to help things move along as well. Think before speaking, or acting. Learn to control your anger , this takes practice just as it does with a Master. Voices should never have to be raised at each other, there is not need after all we are adults. If the Master loses his temper and starts yelling who is really in charge. Why would a Slave respect someone who cannot stay in control.

You the Slave, will lose all rights , you will have no say , unless and there is an unless, you are going to be harmed, or your Master is going to do something that could be departmental to the home, other than those two factors you have no say.

A slave if no children in home should be nude at all times, and available for use. Being nude gives the salve a more slavish feeling, being full exposed. The knowing they can be used at a moments notice. Being nude also gives a feeling of being vulnerable. These are little mindsets to keep your slave in that mode.

You are told what to wear, how to walk, talk, sleep and what to eat and how much. You will be instructed on how to act in front of others, you will follow protocols when out in public with your Master or alone.

You the Slave you are a direct reflection of your Master when out. You are expected to carry yourself accordingly. Now there are choices and consequences.

An M’s relationship can be a beautiful thing, it can be a very loving well structured home. As with anything you need to make the right choices, after all this is your life.

Be safe.

Image I will continue with more this week.

Vile

Are You Fucking Your Mentor

Posted in bdsm, BDSM Communitys, BDSM Dating Sites, Consensual, consequences, control, Depressed, Depression, emotional, Emotions, Health, Mentor, Safe, Safe and Sane, Security, slave, submissive on January 2, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

Being new to the lifestyle is not easy. Being a young submissive or slave can be very difficult to say the least. It sounds like the guy knows what he is talking about, he gives out rules and tells me what to do, so he must be real.

Well you get burned a couple of time, maybe 3 or 4 times before you catch on to the game. If your playing foot ball and your team has rules while the other does not, you cannot possibly win, you will lose every time. The same goes when you are trying to sort through all the Doms out there. You are probably out numbered when it comes to being a submissive maybe 8 to 1 or even higher.

So you meet a dominant and he comes up with an idea, let me be your mentor, or your protector, and I will teach you everything you need to know to be safe. This sounds pretty harmless , what could it hurt?

Being depressed , lets say you have been looking for a relationship for sometime, things have not been going as planned. You fall into a state of deep depression, or maybe you already suffer from some form of depression. This makes you very vulnerable, it puts you in a different state of mind. This is when you need to have your guard up.

Someone to watch out for me, some one to take care of me, some one to guide me, while he teaches me about the lifestyle.  It does seem pretty harmless, and this Dom is going to take time out of his life to help me.

While there are some Dominant who are truly genuine , there are some who prey on those who are new to the lifestyle. This Dom is on the hunt but he has taking a much easier avenue. He does not have to really look you come to him. He sets the bait and you bite.

I have a follower on here her name is Miss Lizzy, and awesome woman, nice personality, but she like many has been burnt many times. She is on fetlife and I offered to put her under protection so to speak, I am not sure how much weight it really carries, but it does make her feel better knowing someone is watching out for her.

While explaining what to look for in a Dominant, who to make friends with which she has followed through with, what groups to join which she has followed through with and so far everything is going very well. I can tell you the subject of sex has not come up, and it will not. I do not get my rocks off sitting at a computer

She went to visit her parents this Christmas so we had little contact, but when home I check in with her daily, to insure she is following through with certain task. She will email me when a Dominant is showing some interest. When she tells him he needs to contact me, they never do, but the right one will come along and he will. You can pretty much guess why the others have not wanted to talk to me.

Your Mentor you share your most private life, you will tell your mentor things you have not shared with anyone before. You feel safe and secure. This may or may not be the case.

Now this may not always be the case, there are many good Dominants out there who are most sincere , and truly want to help, then there are those who only wish to take advantage of someone who is in a very vulnerable state of mind..

Some of these relationships can bloom, and turn into long term relationship, but that is not the case most of the time.

Being a mentor or having someone under protection long distance is not an easy task. All you can do is give advice, and hope they will follow at least some. The idea is to try and guide them in the right direction.

I have always found that if a submissive needs a mentor then the submissive should seek out another, so they may confide in. So you may get the thoughts of someone who is in your shoes. You may find it much easier to communicate on deeper levels.

With a male mentor be careful with what you share. If you start to say something and your not sure if you should then stop. It would be the same with meeting a new Dominant be careful with what you share. If you continue to see someone after the first meeting then each time you meet share a little more, but just don’t sit down and open your luggage and pour it all out on the table, exposing your entire life.

Think before you speak.

Vile

Are You Looking To Meet A Dom

Posted in Alt.com, bdsm, BDSM Communitys, BDSM Dating Sites, Bdsm events, Collarme.com, Dating, Dominants, fetlife, slave, submissive on December 10, 2013 by thekinkyworldofvile

Your a new Submissive or Slave a you recently became interested in the BDSM lifestyle. You have done your research , you have read blogs, been in chat rooms and stil no luck.

Fetlife can be an awesome site. You can learn a lot from the different groups, tons of information made available to you for no cost, unless you want to Donate so you can watch video’s

Then comes ALT.com at one time Alt was a very good site to meet singles. That was before computers became so popular, I am going back some ten years. Now the site consist of mainly spam, and those Doms who are lurking in the dark for their next victim.

Then the one that is used the most today is Collarme.com. Mostly spam I have seen men spend a lot of money , sending money to females they have never met for a ticket so they can come and live as a Slave. Willing to do what ever they want a no limits Slave, and these dudes fall for it. They never even get to speak to there new Slave. and they never show up.

If every Dom was real you met on collarme or ALT there would not be any single Slaves. What need would there be for these sites to stay in business.

Unfortunately there are not very many who are true to the lifestyle. They see women who are submissive as a weak target, being needy, and yes an easy Lay.

Most not all but most who are submissive or a slave come with some emotional problems, some baggage , which can really be pretty minor under the right Dom. Note I did not say all had emotional problems.

Those who do a man picks up quick on what you share with him, and he will play on your emotions , and most of the time you will fall for his game. Playing a game can be fun if you know the rules. If you do not know the rules your going to lose every time.

Fetlife can be a place to meet a Dominant but you do not try to meet scanning through profiles. You never want to be the first one to make contact.

Fetlife is huge it covers the world, it covers the US, it covers each state even the state you live in and chances are either your city or a city close to you.

This is when you start going through Submissive profiles, Slave profiles even better those who are already in established relationships. These are the ones you want to befriend.  Most you will meet chances are will already be active in the local community, that is step two.

Once you have made several friends you begin to communicate asking questions, you can never ask enough and the only dumb question asked is the one you don’t ask .

I can almost guarantee they will know another Dom or their will know someone who is single. This is how you weed out all the bad. Don’t get me wrong every Dominant you meet on Collarme is not fake but the majority falls under that fake mode.

Being introduced by someone already in the lifestyle takes out a lot of the negative. He is already known, and you will be told who to stay away from and who is safe. Meeting someone off of ALT or Collarme you have no idea about the Dom except what he has told you.

Now comes the time to put your big girl dress on, and hit up a few munchs. They will welcome you with open arms, you will feel like family, and they will treat you like family most of all they will respect you. Again you have already met a Submissive who is active in the local community chances are you would meet them there or they could even pick you up.

You stay at the Submissive’s side and she will take care of you as well as her Dom. They would not let any harm come to you.

Okay this seems like a lot of work, it seems like hours and hours of searching, but if you add up all the dates you have been on, the time spent chatting, and talking on the phone. You would not spend near as much time making friends with other Subs and Slaves.

Your one goal is to find the one. Why would you not go the extra mile? Why would you not put time and effort in your search.

A Munch is a gathering of like minded people. Most are held in a public setting, like restaurants. No sex, no nudity. Some do have play parties after, but that does not mean you have to take part. The key is to always be safe and aware of your surroundings.

Take your time and you will find the one.

Image

Vile

My Slave, This is Arianna’s Story Her Search For A Master.

Posted in 24/7, abuse, Acceptance, Argue, Arianna, BDSM Dating Sites, Change, control, controlling, Dating, Dating Add, Deception, Discipline, Dominance, Dominants, Email, Fake Dominants, Fear, In Search Of A Master, Masters, Mini Skirts, older Dominants, Respect, Rules, skirt no panties, slave, Submission, submissive, sucking cock, sucking dick, Total Power Exchange, Total Submission, Train your slave on November 24, 2013 by thekinkyworldofvile

This email was just sent by my Slave and wife, she is at work today and I am just about ready to leave for work. She does read my blog daily and at times she does comment. Arianna for the most is private and I respect that.

This is the story of her search and I am guessing you are going to know and understand where she is coming from. The road can be long and scary. The key is to think before you act.

Dear Master. 
This is my response but I totally understand if it's too personal to use. 

The search
So, I stumbled into the lifestyle out of curiosity and need. A need to fill an 
emptiness. A void. A knowing that there was a deeper connection that could be 
had between two people. From what I knew of the bdsm lifestyle, which was very 
little at the time, i understood it as a viable possibility that this is where I 
needed to be. So the search began. I put myself out there. I went to a bdsm 
personals website and created a profile along with a real pic and info that 
included I was new to the lifestyle. 

The very next day my in box was breeming with inquiries. I sifted through the 
hey babys and picked three that I thought might be real doms. The term "real 
doms" for me was really vague. I was looking for older gentleman who claimed 
they knew what they were talking about and were already starting to give advice. 
There was a consensus between two of them that I should immediately take down my 
profile off the personal site because my profile screamed newbie which could 
land me in a predators hands. This gave me a sense that these people really were 
looking at for my best interest. 

Next, I started emailing back and forth between the three. I also started phone 
calls with them. One wanted to know something that I never shared with anyone 
before. This was a hard task because I'm an open book. Between the three I 
blurted out my entire life story. I babbled and babbled hoping that one would 
accept me for me. 

It came time within a week to meet the local guy who responded. I met him at a 
local eatery but he did request that I wear a skirt or a dress with no panties. 
So I did. The conversation was all about me and I was loving the attention but 
in the back of my mind I couldn't help thinking that there has got to be a 
better connection to submit, right? I told the guy about the other two doms I 
was talking to. I was very truthful with how I was feeling. I just didn't feel a 
connection and told the guy that I wasn't choosing him. That was hard but the 
prospect of him taking me home and fucking me, kind of disgusted me. 
The guy responded to the rejection by saying that he was disappointed because he 
wanted to start my training as a slave that day which would have included me 
being naked at his house giving him a blow job to see what areas needed 
improvement. 

So. Now there were two. The two remaining doms were both out of state. One was 
30 years my senior and wanted to fly me up to his house to spend three weeks 
with him. That was to be the first meet. I decided that the age gap was just too 
much for me.  And  he seemed to smother me. I wasn't looking for cuddling and 
spooning with an older guy. I wanted a Dom to enforce rules and put into place 
structure. 

Then there was one. Although I had already told this last Dom that I wasn't 
interested he wouldnt take no for an answer and I wasnt confident enough to 
stand firm and had The belief that he knew best. So after a couple arguments and 
heavy discussions we decided to meet. He flew down to meet me at a fancy hotel. 
I met him in the Lobby. He was a smooth talker. Asking all sorts of questions 
about me. It was all about me. And he started buying me drinks. I got relaxed 
and then we moved up to his room. He said that I needed to ask him to submit. I 
decided that I didn't have much to lose and the conversation was going so well 
and I could always change my mind, right? The last question was internal and not 
verbalized. 
So I said, Master I would like to serve you. Will you accept me? 
Of course his answer was yes. I felt a twinge of excitement. A new beginning. 
Then in a moments notice everything changed. His demeanor got serious. His face 
had a scowl. He turned scary. Then I was like, oh shit. I said, your scaring me. 
He responded that now I was his. We proceeded to get into a heated argument 
where I threatened to leave. He threatened that security wouldn't let me because 
I had too much to drink. I screamed fuck you. Then he changed again and gave me 
a whoo is me story about how nobody loved him and he wanted to take care of me. 
Really laid the guilt trip on so I conceded my defeat and submitted to him 
again. Little did I know that over the course of the next six months we would 
have other heated arguments about me leaving and each time he turned the tables 
on me to where it was my lack of commitment and falling back on my word. This 
was my downfall every time. 

I finally was able to break free. After six months. It wasn't a match. Never had 
been but I was naiive in figuring out what my needs and wants were in the 
lifestyle. I thought that every Dom was real and experienced. I believed every 
word they said. Never in my mind did I think that there was a hidden agenda. I 
didn't classify them as a normal male. Doms were so far above the vanilla man 
because they are confident and take a " true" interest. Lol
This is not always the case. I admit. I was full of anticipation. Full of 
excitement. It was a total rush but over time it was a burden with my first Dom. 
I realized that he was controlling and not in control. He would lose his temper 
and blame me and my emotions for anything that went wrong. And I took it because 
I was his property even though I was not flourishing. Even though I knew in my 
heart that this wasn't going to work. I settled. I got hurt. And it took me a 
while to heal. 

. 

I'm awesome now. I have gained a better understanding of myself. And I have 
found my "one". 

All in all my experience is like thousands of others just entering the 
lifestyle. We have stars in our eyes and fluttering hearts that maybe we will 
have our very own Dom or Master. 

I just wanted to let other subs and slaves and newbies know that it's pretty 
normal to trust. I think it's in our nature. But that could be a double edged 
sword. Trust should be gained and not given when meeting someone. I know my 
experience may ring true with others. I hope it opens your eyes that it's easy 
to be swept away when your guard is down. 

My openness was taken advantage of and used against me in my search. Also my 
attitude of doms not being able to do wrong. That they always have the best of 
intentions. That they would never harm. But what I failed to realize until later 
is that the lifestyle is like the vanilla world in that there are good and bad 
apples. It's up to our internal discernment to tell us the difference but we 
have to give ourselves the chance. 

Be careful and good luck. 
Arianna

Vile