Archive for the Bdsm events Category

A New Dungeon In Town , Orlando Florida. The Ninth Circle

Posted in Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Communitys, BDSM Education, Bdsm events, BDSM Protocols, BDSM Relationships, BDSM Rules, BDSM Structure, communication, Dominants Protocol, fisting, MAST, MAsT Kissimmee Florida, Master And Slave, Masters And Slaves Together, Old Guard, Old Leather Guard, Orlando Florida. The Ninth Circle, Safe and Sane, slave, Submission, submissive, suspension, The Ninth Circle, Total Power Exchange, viledesires62@aol.com on September 22, 2015 by thekinkyworldofvile

The Ninth Circle

is a membership community for Education and Socialization within the Leather lifestyle……
Arianna and I were talking a couple of weeks ago and she brought up a new group on fetlife , she thought we may have something in common. As she passed the tablet and I began reading , my thoughts were WOW.
I love structure , I love Protocols , I love Education , but most of all I love when there is a place where people can go and play and not have to worry about not being safe. A place with structure, protocols and rules.
Although pictures were not allowed there are a few on the Ninth Circles website. As you walk in there is a meeting area, and a small snack bar.
Arianna and I were the first to arrive , I was really stoked and I will explain more here in a few. The class we were attending was the Introduction to leather and the History. Then after the introduction the tour of the Dungeon , I will be the first to admit with being to other Dungeons in Florida I was not really expecting very much.. What I mean is once you have seen a Dungeon you have seen them all, but this was not the case..
Master Stephen runs the Ninth Circle along with The Lady Kathryn… Master Stephen was very friendly , well spoken and he carries a lot of knowledge.  A Leather man who entered the lifestyle back in 1972 and one who was once mentored is now mentoring those who wish to carry such an honor and earning Leather.
Master Stephen opened the door to the Dungeon and as Arianna and I walked in my jaw dropped open.  The setting was awesome, the lighting was just right, new indoor outdoor carpet , I believe there were three St Andrew cross’s, a spanking bench , but Master Stephen called it a fisting bench. Two swings and a setup for bondage and suspension. Then onto the toys and my favorite which Arianna hates the Violet wand. I asked Master Stephen to use it on her nipples and she felt it for some 30 minutes after.
 You can read all about the Ninth Circle here…
 http://www.theninthcircleorlando.com/
A little more about Master Stephen:
“I entered into a life of Leather back in 1972 in New York. I was blessed to be mentored by a true Old Guard Leather Man with deep insight and personal integrity. He instilled this way of life in me, and in so many others. I was called to take over his house when we lost him to cancer in 1984. Now some 30 years later I still hold true to the traditions of my Mentor. I strive to pass knowledge and insight along to others with a true and serious desire to live a leather life, a life of personal integrity, dignity and a compassion and concern for others.
I further believe that life has changed since 1972; some for the better and some NOT SO MUCH! So, with that said, I recognize that there needs to be a current and relevant presentation of the traditions and values my Mentor taught me. For me that means looking at each person seeking mentoring and take into consideration their personal reality. It is not hard to teach the traditions and respect one need to hold for a mentor and for the lifestyle when you are living it!”
https://fetlife.com/groups/123155
Now On to why Leather is so passionate to me, Vile….
I am passionate about a few things, my relationship with my slave, the lifestyle as a whole, safety , any type of abuse and Education. I also have a few things on my bucket list.
First was to have a MAsT Chapter , it was a very long road some 6 months in the making but in the end I was giving the opportunity. Second was earning Leather , I am very Passionate about this. That was our main reason going to The Ninth Circle, but after reading the mentoring program I will have to look at a different avenue..
To me Leather is about Integrity, Honor, Discipline, Trust, Respect, Service. Its about holding ourselves to a higher standard, and I truly believe this, it is also about education , sharing with others.
If your ever in the area please check out the Ninth Circle you will have a lot of fun…..
Vile

Viles Grammar

Posted in Anger Issues, Arianna, Bad Grammar, bdsm, BDSM Communitys, Bdsm events, Dominants, Dominants Trashing Dominants, Real Life Sir, slave, Submission, submissive on August 20, 2015 by thekinkyworldofvile

While my Grammar is not perfect  my life is, I recently received a comment from Real Life Sir. Sometime ago I posted , I am not a professional writer, and this I understand.

I would however like to point out a few things, while I usually do not comment on such childish comments I will now.

One I have never visited someones blog and bashed them, I have never visited someones blog and said they were stupid, or they did not know what they were talking about.

The Kinky World Of Vile this is my hobby. Real Life Sir who’s blog by the way was blocked so I could not read or comment , and that is all good.

He says I cannot command because my grammar is so bad and he could be right I suppose because I do not command anyone, I do not demand respect, I dont have to demand anything nor do I command, I guide.

I am married to my slave , I am not single, I live a true 24/7 M’s again married to my slave.

While serving in the United States Army , I reached the rank of E-5 in 2.5 years and E-6 in just over 5 years , by not being able to command. Today I teach sales classes to one of the largest tech companies in the world and just last year we sold over 38 million cell phones..

I find it hard to believe another Dominant would visit someone just to bash.

If I had anything negative to say or questions I would of reached out to a private email, and my email is posted.

We as leaders in the community do not make it a habit to Bash other Dominants, we support each other.

Here is the comment I did not approve..

Submitted on 2015/08/20 at 5:25 am

The grammar in this is horrendous. If the Dominant cannot command the English language, how on earth can others be commanded? Get the nitty gritty grammar book and start practicing where you can and cannot put a comma. Learn your or you’re (you are) do something that shows you’re minimally educated.

From a Real Life Sir.

how on earth can others be commanded? This statement is not one I understand , I do not command anyone not even my slave whom I am married to. I earned my slaves respect and while I do not command anything I do guide.

I am asked to speak at local community functions , and while speaking no one has ever commented on my grammar, while helping others no one has commented on my grammar, while taking submissive’s into my home and helping them get back on their feet, while not asking for anything in return, my grammar never came up.

I share my life and thoughts nothing more, but the thing is if you do not like my blog or my grammar you do not have to visit.

I would probably say more but I am under a vote right now by a world wide Total power Exchange organization , in hopes of having my own chapter, so I can continue to share and bring others together. I feel education in our lifestyle is very important. We as Dominants and leaders in the community need to take a step forward.

I am a very respected Dominant and Master in the local community , my opinion is valued and that I truly appreciate. I can also say I did not get here by trashing other people…

My Grammar is not the best , wow not like I do not know this, and that is my fault. Coming from a broken home , again not my fault , dropping out of high school to help support my family again not my fault or joining the US Army at the age of 17 again not my fault.

So Real Life Sir , thank you for stopping by, thank you for your concern, I hope you have an awesome day… I also hope your comment made you feel better….

Much Love Vile

Finding A Dominant Or Master On Fetlife

Posted in Bad Dominant, Bad Reltionships, bdsm, BDSM Communitys, BDSM Dating Sites, Bdsm events, BDSM Relationships, Building a BDSM Relationshp, cock sucking, compatibility, consequences, Dominant, exposing bad dominants, FaceBook Vile Woods, Fake Dominants, Fetish, fetishes, fetlife, Fetlife Fetishes, Fetlife Groups, Manipulation, Master, Master and slave relationship, Meeting a Dominant for the first time, Meeting a new Dominant, Meeting your new Dom/Master, munchs, Safe and Sane, sane and consensual, Self Proclaimed Master, slave, Submission, submissive, sucking cock on July 14, 2015 by thekinkyworldofvile

There are some days I just sit and shake my head. I limit my friends on Fetlife mainly because I do not want my friends feed full of junk and drama.
As a matter of fact I am going to clean house later today on my friends list.

Fetlife is really an awesome social site , you have millions of people , many who share the same fetishes with you, the same kinks and maybe the same interest when it comes to submission. There is a group for any kind of fetish you can think of.

What is really awesome is you have the ability to fins a partner if you want to invest enough time. If you truly know what you want and need there is a partner for you, be it a male, or female , Dominant , submissive , baby girl, daddy dom, pony play everything is right there at your finger tips.

Fetlife is worldwide , now please let it be known I am not pimping fetlife but I have been a member for a very long time , and it is one of the only social sites out there that is not covered with spam……

The search is relatively easy , you can search by country , state and in most cases even the city you live in.. If you find someone who strikes your interest shoot them a email because it is free….

So finding a Dominant a submissive a slave can be time consuming but it can be done with enough research and Patience….

So from time to time I like to perv profiles, it is funny because on Facebook you want to see where people are from and who their friends are, on Fetlife you want to see what your friends look like naked..

So you come across a Doms profile or a Masters profile , you perv his pics and most are cock pics , well this is the way he thinks, that is where his brain is located. Second you read his profile many times it is blank but then you look at the list of groups he belongs to..

Here is a Dominant I ran across this morning and his profile is blank.. However he does have a huge list of groups he belongs to.

…but i like it rough
1950’s Household Relationships
69 by 420: Marijuana Kinky
Accidental Nudity
Adult Movie Theaters
Any RolePlay, Any Time!
Anything Taboo
BBW AND MEN WHO ADORE THEM………………..
BBW Women of Cental Florida
Being groped or fingered in public
Big Brothers/Big Sisters of littles
Braless in public
Breed My Fertile Cunt
Brevard Kinksters
Candle Wax
Cheating wives and girlfriends
Confession
Consensual Nonconsent
Cum In Panties
Cumming in public
Curvy Women and the People Who Love Them
CYBER SEX IN WEBCAM
Daddy Doms and babygirls
Daddy ~ girl Relationships
Daddy/Daughter Love
DADDY/teen girls
Devilishly Single
Dirty Old Men & Young Sluts
Dirty, Filthy, Naughty, Perverted & Taboo
Dominants Who Loan Their submissives/slaves to Others For Sex.
Domme Daughters for sub daddys role play
EDGEPLAY
Erotic Word Games
Erotica of All Kinds
Erotica, for writers and readers.
Exhibitionists/Nudists.
Fantasies & Role Play: Bound, Gagged and Raped
Fantasy Rape Stories
Female Squirters/Gushers
FetLife Announcements
Fetlife Classifieds
FLICK- (Floridians Living in Consensual Kink), Central Florida
Florida bbw & the men that love them!
Florida Singles
Florida Squirters
Florida Threesomes
Forced Exhibitionism
Forced Orgasms
Forcing girl to go in public with remote control vibrator deep in her pussy…
Fuck Friends
Fuck or Pass (without any drama)
Fuck or pass.
Fucked While Sleeping
Guys who like to masturbate to women’s fetlife photos & Women who like guys masturbating to their fetlife photos
Hand over Mouth/Drugged Kidnap Play
Having sex with pregnant women
I ❤ Squirting!
Incest Role Play
Interracial Love
Kink-Friendly Housing / Apartments / Roommates etc.
Kinky Parents
Masters & slaves
Masters and slaves
May/December Kinky
Munch of Central Brevard
Naked Family
naughty / sexual ageplay
nudism
Orgasm Denial
Orlando – BBW and people who love them!
Orlando area sex party hub
Orlando Daddy Masters and babygirls
Orlando Golden showers and Water Sports
Orlando Kinksters
Orlando Kinky Swingers
Orlando Personals
Orlando Play Partners
Orlando Poly
Orlando!! Meat Market
people that like pee play
People who are awake at 3:00 a.m.
Picnic
Play Rape
Playing Overtly or Covertly in Public
PREGNANT AND PLAYING
Rape play
Rape Roleplay
Really Taboo
Rough Sex
SEX WITH STRANGERS
Skinny Dipping
Skype Webcam chat
Sluts, Cunts, and Whores
SOMETHING FOR EVERYONE
Sons Of Anarchy Fan Club
Squirty Girls
submission by cam
Talking Dirty
Tattoos!
Teasing To The Brink Of Orgasm
The Oral Sex Classifieds.
The Woodshed Orlando
Tittie lovers
Unpartnered Little Girls
Upskirt peeking
Webcam Encounters
Winter Park, FL Kinksters
Young BBW (18-30) and admirers!
Young Breeders
Young Individuals Looking for Older Partners and Vice Versa

While pretty interesting he has no ties to the community at all, this should be a huge red flag. Blank profile. You want someone who is active in the local community , but mot of all you want someone who knows what they are doing. There is a reason this Dom is not part of the community because I am going to guess he is not welcome or he is just a predator.

This profile is actually on a friend of mine friends list and he was mentoring her…. She is pretty new to the lifestyle and is at a point where she is not listening, shrugs ….

Look at the groups , check out the fetish list see if your compatible , if your not into bestiality or watching your Master being fucked up the ass then he is probably not the dom for you.

Now it is true just because he is active in the community does not make him a good dominant, some are active but most times you will be warned…

It is not science it is common sense..

bill

I fucking Love Bill he is the Man, well next to me

Vile

What Is A Master And Their Role In The M’s Lifestyle

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, A Masters Creed, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Communitys, Bdsm events, Bdsm friends, BDSM Protocols, BDSM Relationships, BDSM Rules, Daddy Doms, Dominance, Dominant, Master And Slave, slave, Submission, submissive on April 3, 2015 by thekinkyworldofvile

I have argued this topic with other Dominants for many years , and no matter who you speak with 99 % of the time the answer will be different , we all have our own opinions.

So the question is who is right and who is wrong ? In most cases no one is wrong, in most cases everyone is right , because that is the dynamics of their relationship.

I tried not long ago to explain to an up coming Dominant and Master he does own. I tried to explain if your new and coming into the local community we have steps that have to be taken. We have standards and protocols that have to be followed. Now no matter where you live, what state , city , county , or country , there will a a Dominant who stands out in the community your in, someone who is respected. He is not a leader per say but someone who has a voice , someone who is heard.

We are to quick to judge someone , we are to quick to call someone a fake , because they do not follow your steps or my steps. What we fail to see is how their relationship is working, and even then it is not even any of our Business.

Many years ago I was asked to speak at a local munch, and the topic was Training. While speaking another Master started asking questions about a previous relationship I had been in which was short lived. This was completely off topic , but I listened and once he was finished , I simply told him if he had any questions about someone he should come to the horse and get the answers instead of listening to a Jackass. The debate got pretty heated and soon our voices began to rise , and we left on very bad terms…

Several years go by , Arianna and I are together and I receive am email. Master Vile I would like to invite you to our Munch to speak. What ? Are you kidding me ? This has to be spam , I know it is because this Master would never think of sending me an email.
I am talking to Arianna about it, and I am telling her it is a trap, there is something going on, and he wants to pick up where we left off. So Arianna and I load up and off we go.
Once in and the introductions were done we looked at each other shook hands and on my end , I could still feel a little tension, but as the night went on it did get better. Today we are good friends and he also found out that everything that was said was false. I had nothing to prove , so I had no reason to explain myself , to him or the pope for that matter.

I posted the question on Fetlife. What is the Difference between a Dominant and a Master , or you can through Daddy in the loop as well. Times have change over the past ten years, and I can remember going to my first Munch , and even going back more my first Black Rose meeting . Dominants sat with respect , and honor , they were not as quick to pass judgement on others, and many were willing to step up and help when needed.

Today much of the Munch’s and MAsT consist of the nasty word Drama. As Arianna sit and listen we look at each other and just shake our heads at each other.

Fuck this , fuck that , fuck them , who the hell are they to say that? Who the fuck are they to do that ? It just goes on and on , and I sit there listening in total disbelief that people actually live in the manner they are speaking. Drama is a cancer , and it is never ending.

This past week Arianna’s mother and I had a very in depth discussion and I had to put the breaks on a few things. When I was finished her mother Apologized not only to me but Arianna and that is something she had never done in Arianna’s 38 years. Make no mistake I run my home , I am head cheese, I am head honcho , I am the general and emperor, what I say goes. That being said I protect my home and I do what is needed to keep a positive flow going and eliminate any problems or drama before they come to light.

To this day , listen because this is the truth , Arianna and I have yet to have an argument. We have not even come close to having an argument or a disagreement. Now there have been things we have talked about and I do take Arianna’s advice at times. I talk she listens , she talks and I listen, after something thinking most of the time I go with Arianna’s idea , not all the time but it does happen.

A Master is a leader in the community , he offers help and Assistance when needed , he gives advice to those who are seeking it , and is non judgmental.
Today what many fail to see as far as Dominants go , being a Dominant is not a 9 to 5 gig, once a week gig, or once a month gig. You are 24/7 365. Once both have come to an agreement to enter a relationship, the dominant agrees to take on the responsibility. To my knowledge there is not an on and off switch when it comes to submission.

A Master is a leader in his Local community, he takes part in different functions , helps and takes part in teaching his point of views when it comes to the lifestyle. He shares his Knowledge , shows what makes his relationship work. A Master Is non Judgmental and open minded.

I myself am very open minded when it comes to different aspects of the lifestyle and the way people choose to live I make it a point to learn something new everyday, lifestyle related and non related.

A Master enjoys helping others expecting nothing in return ,A Master is in control , and gives 100% communication.

Here is an answer that was giving When I asked a question on fetlife. What the difference is between a Dominant and a Master.

What sets a Master apart for me, is that a Master is someone who is recognized as such for their contributions to community, for workshops, for volunteering, and participation with others. A Master reveals themselves with a strength of presence and natural gravitation to a leadership role, which they exercise through that recognition. This takes confidence, balanced with humor and humility. A Master has unique characteristics, that cause other Dominants to recognize and respect their wisdom and seek their council.

In my time in the lifestyle I have never heard someone explain a Masters role in this depth……

It is not to say that some Dominants do not step up to the plate or Daddy Doms do not step up to the plate because I have met and know a few.

What I do know is if more leaders do not step up to the plate , the art of our lifestyle will die. BDSM and everything it stands for will become a Myth just like the lost city of Atlantis .

creed

Vile

BDSM And Fetlife

Posted in Arianna, bdsm, Bdsm events, BDSM Protocols, BDSM Relationships, BDSM Rules, Building a BDSM Relationshp, communication, control, controlling, Dominants, emotional, Emotions, etiquette, exhibitionism, exploiting your slave, Fetlife Groups, Humiliation, MAST, Master And Slave, munchs, Private Protocol, Protocol public, Protocols, Rules, slave, Slave Owned Property, Submission, submissive, Submissive being used on March 3, 2015 by thekinkyworldofvile

I thought I had found a place where I fit. I thought I found new friends well I was hoping anyway. Someone I could speak with on the same level and someone who truly understood where I was coming from.
Before sending a friend request I wanted to get to know the Master a little more. I wanted to see where he was coming from , and what his feelings were.
I had even gone as far as inviting him and his slave to dinner , mainly because we had so much in common…

I need that interaction with others in the lifestyle , I need to be able to relax , talk about things we have in common or just shoot the shit

The Master has not been active in the local community but I was willing to look that over , again things in common, we were on the same page of what an M’s relationship was all about. He is starting a new group and I was going to go as far as to promote it for him so we could get a good group together.

There are not very many Dominants who think or feel the way I do about the lifestyle , some even say I am somewhat unorthodox in my ways, or I am to strict , I need to let up a little , give Arianna some breathing room.

All in all I am me and nothing is going to change, I am who I am and I am completely happy. Right now I am in a good place and I do not see things changing anytime in the future.

So I have been on Fetlife for several years now. I have had one other profile but it has since been taking down now for a couple of years. I belong to about 21 groups and I have about 40 friends 90% of which I have met.
There has not been a group that has caught my eye until last week.

MALEDOM Central Florida…. Description:

A central Florida community of Male Dominants and female submissives that operates under the belief that “women exist to be the property, servants and playthings of men”

Okay so I am in the game so far , because this for the most is what I truly believe. I have believed this since a very early age going back to my teens.

Basic Membership Rules:
*Only 100% Dominant Males and 100% submissive females please, no switches.

*Females is defined as “having a vagina.” Post op transsexuals are always welcome, however no submissive men may join, including sissies, crossdressers, and pre op transgender. If you have a penis and are submissive, this is not the group for you.

*females will address ALL males respectfully and submissively at ALL times, addressing them as “Sir” unless otherwise instructed.
1. This is one of the problems I started to have with the Moderator of the group. The way I look at it is we are all different so I am not here to bad mouth anyone. We all have different point of views when it comes to the lifestyle , but unless under my direction Arianna does not and will not address another Dominant as SIR. That is part of my protocols and those who have been in the lifestyle for any time knows and understands my way of thinking..

*This group operates under the firmly held belief that “women exist to be the property, servants, and playthings of Men” so all members must share this mindset.

*Dominants must be courteous regarding other Dominants property, but all females will be treated as just that, property. females will always interact with Dominants without arguing, backtalking, or giving sass. There will be no expectation of respect, fair treatment, courtesy or politeness to property. females have no rights to ANYTHING here.

Here is the second problem I had , now mind you him and I have been texting and things have been going smoothly. Again we had a lot in common or so I thought….

Now he is new to the community as far as being active , so I am not sure how long he has been in a M’s lifestyle we never got that far.

Here are some more things I found troubling. I am The Master of Arianna , I am the owner of Arianna, and she is my property. Although there may be times I ask for advice I do have the final say in all matters…..

ALL females, whether owned or not, must wear a collar to ALL events. If they are not owned this is to signify and reinforce that they are property, not people, and certainly NOT equal to ANY male. Once inside any private event, all females will be expected to immediately strip down to panties or change into revealing fetishwear. If any Dominants would prefer their property to be dressed differently at an indoor, private event, please contact Master Joe at 555-555-5555, and exceptions can be made. If no prior arrangements have been made, females will be expected to strip down to panties and collar or revealing fetish wear at the door.

*ALL females will help serve at events and will be available to get drinks and food for Dominants. Any Dominant who wishes to remove His property from this group service for a period of time may do so by putting her on a leash or lead. Any female not on a leash or lead may be ordered by ANY Dominant to perform simple NONSEXUAL service (get drinks, move chairs, etc) and must immediately obey.

*No female will be required to participate in any sexual play (unless her Owner orders it, of course). If a female is available for play or open to sexually serving Dominants other than hers, this can be demonstrated by attaching a pink ribbon to her collar. A pink ribbon does NOT require a Dominant to allow His property to participate in any play and is used only to indicate that asking her owner is welcomed and not offensive. Any female without a pink ribbon attached to her collar is understood to be unavailable for sexual service or play with others and MUST NOT be ordered to and her Owner should not be asked as this is very rude and offensive.

*Please be courteous with other Dominant’s property. females are property and playthings and deserve no respect, however, if a female is owned, please remember that her Owner DOES deserve respect, so all Dominants please act accordingly.

Now the above

His group , he is the moderator , but I do find a few things wrong, okay wrong is not the right word. Maybe I would do thinga a little different..

While I do agree with 95% of the above there is 5 % I do not, and I will explain why.

I blogged last week I think it was about exploiting slaves and submissives , and the above is a form of just that. There are some factors you have to look into and respect being one of them , and then you have the mental side of things. Just how much can your property take? Although I do believe at times some humiliation is needed to keep things in check, but never in a public setting.

So shortly after Arianna and I met I began to put protocols in place as well as a few rules. Some of the things she wanted clarification on , was sharing , and being exposed in front of others, and if I would be taking on other Slaves as well ? Those are all good questions so I answered all of them , No Sharing , she would not be exposed and I had not thought about taking on another slave nor would I unless she brought it up and she has.
In the end I gave my word and for me to go back , well it would not look very good, and I lose that trust we have built. Rules once in place there is no changing , I have the right to add or amend if asked but I am head cheese.

There are no Dominants or Masters I know of who would agree to have their property topless at a gathering and be at other Dominants beck and call. I would never allow such a thing to go on.

Finding the right partner is hard enough for Dominants , Master , Slaves and those who are submissive. You cannot go back on your word.
In the end our partner , our submissive , our slave , our property, we are the only ones they can turn to and they need to know we are going to be there.

Again I am not here to bad mouth anyone. I did read in the rules though exceptions would be made if contacted and in my case there were no exceptions.

cuffed

Vile

The Kinky World Of Vile 2015

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, Advice, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Communitys, Bdsm events, BDSM Safety, communication with tags , , , , , , on December 26, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

2015 will be awesome in many ways. One being Arianna and I are moving the 13th of January. Although we love our house the commute is getting to be to much for Arianna.  We were lucky however the Landlord did agree to let us out of our lease early with no real penalties , with the exception of not getting out deposit back, on the good side the house is already rented.

We have both had the flu the past week or so first I then Arianna. I was almost over it but when hers kicked in high gear Karma came back and Bit me.

My blog for the most part is about safety , when it comes to women I have a huge heart submissive or vanilla. I also speak a lot about meeting new Dominants and what to look for and the questions to ask. Some steps are very important and it is very important to take each step without skipping any.

A lot of what I share is about building relationships but it does not really have to be geared towards a D’s Or M’s relationship.

I am going to do more interviews in 2015 but this time I want to get more personal, more on the kinky side of things.

I have talked about how important it is to get active in the local community. If you are looking for a new partner that is the best route to go. Many of you are afraid of being seen but I can assure you there are Doctors , Lawyers and even teachers who attend. Most are private so the chances of being seen are really slim. It is not like there is a sign hanging out front . WELCOME TO THE BDSM MUNCH . Attending functions would really take a lot of stress out of the picture.

I know I rag on married men a lot , maybe it is because they are easy targets and no one ever speaks up. If you think about it these guys are really not Dominants because they cannot even run their own house.  If you cannot keep your own affairs in order how can you Dominate someone else?

I do enjoy all the comments good or bad and I do try to respond to everyone. I like hearing different opinions as well….

Last , I do not claim to know everything , what I am sharing is my past , present and my plans for the future. I share what works for Arianna and I.

There is still going to be a Vile Radio coming early 2015 , things just got a little crazy and sometimes you have to put things on the back burner….

I am going to do more guest blogger as well, I think it is good to let people hear from others when it comes to their thoughts on certain topics…

2015 will rock and the kink will come alive..

Much Love to everyone….

New Year 2015

Vile

What Fifty Shades Doesn’t Tell You

Posted in 24/7, abuse, Acceptance, bdsm, BDSM Communitys, Bdsm events, BDSM Safety, Bondage, slave, Submission, submissive with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on December 15, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

I am going to share this article I ran across in my readers section here on wordpress. This is really like an all in one post and it covers many different areas.

Here you will find a lot of good information…..

The blog is ….

https://jolynnraymond.com/2014/12/fifty-shades-doesnt-tell-beyond50/

#Beyond50 (2)

What Fifty Shades Doesn’t Tell You

The Local Dungeon – If there is a local dungeon where you live, don’t expect to be invited there until people get to know you at a munch or class. For many of us our kink life is a huge secret, one that would cause havoc in our lives if exposed. Some places have a more public play space where you have to sign up to be a member, or an event where you just have to buy a ticket and register, but these aren’t an everyday thing nor are they located for the most part in smaller cities. If you want in to the private parties, go to munches and make friends so people grow to trust you. No one sets foot in my house until I feel they are safe.

The D/s Factor – When you venture into the kink community whether it’s to a safe and laid back munch or to the local dungeon. The people there will not all be domly doms and obvious submissives. If you are of the D variety, no one there is your submissive. I don’t care if they identify as the lowest of slaves, they are not YOUR slave, and they are not there to serve you. Same for the dominants at a gathering. I am mistress to my kink family. I am not going to be your fantasy domme, I am not going to drop everything and order you about, and I am not going to appreciate being called mistress by you if I am not your mistress. It’s annoying.

Subspace Danger – Everyone writes about that lovely floaty fabulous feeling that is subspace. You are sent there by a talented Dom or Mistress through a deeply subservient mindset brought about by the release of endorphins while playing. Subspace is a very vulnerable place. You are basically high. You must have a good long while to come down from subspace before you drive, make important decisions, agree to play with someone else and negotiate anything more than was originally agreed on. There are unethical dominants or tops who will take advantage of your floaty ‘this is a wonderful state of mind’ so choose your partner wisely. Always remember, driving while in subspace is akin to driving drunk. Seriously, it is. My wife hit a bus after playing with her previous dominant who shooed her out the door after they played. Negotiate your aftercare needs to include care required during your return to ‘normal’.

Corset Issues – We’ve all seen them, the lovely corseted ladies with the plumped up breasts and the tiny waists. I love corsets; they do things for my body that shapewear cannot, but corsets come with their own issues. Beauty is not free people. Things you should know about wearing a corset include the following:

  1. Put your shoes on before you don your corset. You won’t be able to bend properly afterward.
  2. Going to the bathroom while wearing a corset is tricky. Take a friend if you can to get everything back in place, and other garments tucked in.
  3. Put your corset on last. It is a real bitch to try and put on your skirt, leggings, pants or whatever once you are laced in.
  4. If you eat a big dinner, you are going to get gas. You may get gas anyway because your stomach and intestines are squished.
  5. Your can crack a rib by pulling a high quality steel boned corset too tight.
  6. Driving is hard in a corset.
  7. Trying to get it back on after you play isn’t worth the trouble. Take a sexy robe, more comfortable clothes, or even a Snuggie with you down to the dungeon. Seriously, you may be all floaty in subspace, and you don’t want to wreck that feeling by trying to get your corset back on.
  8. If you are the top in a play scene and are wearing a corset you will have trouble bending to unpack your bag, you will get overheated more easily, and your ability to move about will be somewhat restricted.

Don’t get me wrong, I love wearing corsets, but they come with unique problems.

Gas – If you are going to play it’s best to skip foods that give you gas. I don’t care if you are on top or the bottom. Your body goes through a lot of different things during play on both sides. Gas happens, and corsets add to the problem. Also, basic hygiene is really something you need to practice. Onion breath as I whisper sweet sinister words in your ear is not a great mix. Body odor is a no no too. I know, people think well of course it is, but think about the fact that you will probably sweat if you are topping, and that someone is going to be touching, caressing, beating, and kissing you if you’re bottoming. A gassy stinky partner with bad breath really spoils the mood.

Playing in Heels – We’ve all seen them. Those incredibly sexy spiked heels that look fabulous with that new leather outfit or PVC dress. They make your legs look great, and are stereotypical Domme wear. I call them ‘come fuck me shoes’ or sit down shoes, and you may be able to walk around in them for a little while, but they suck during play. They mess up my balance; they make my feet hurt, and they make my back hurt. If you are going to wear spiked heels, you should bring a pair of slippers in your bag. Those little slip on ones will have your feet doing the jig of joy, and anyone who has been around will know exactly why you have changed. Put these up there with a corset for after play pains in the ass. When you’re feeling all yummy, a Snuggie and slippers will make you feel much better than trying to put your sexy outfit back on.

Topping is Hard Work – Being the dominant or top is hard work. Yes, the bottom goes through a lot. Possibly a great deal of pain, but they aren’t the only ones affected by the scene. You see those people doing Florentine with the floggers? They worked hard to learn how to do that, and flogging, paddling, caning or any other type of play a top engages in is a real workout. I expend a huge amount of energy when I play. This is both physical and personal energy. When I am doing a canning or electrical play session, my personal energy is transferred to my play partner. I am not just hitting or zapping them, I am choreographing a scene, controlling the flow, using all my muscles to spank, flog, whip, cane, zap, paddle the person on the receiving end. It is more than just beating someone. It is a transference of my aura and part of my soul.

That sounds weird, but I am having a hard time explaining what two people experience and exchange in a well played scene. Remember, you are 100% responsible for the person on the receiving end. Stick to the negotiated plan. Never push past a limit you have not been given permission to pass. When playing, you get a rush from the power exchange and the ‘dance’ of your creation. It is a heady experience, but you must never lose sight of taking care of your bottom. Check in often. How is their circulation? Are their hands cold and possibly numb? Do they need water? Are they coherent? They are your responsibility during the scene, and needed while aftercare is taking place.

  1. Know your implement. Do you really know how to use a flogger? There are areas of the body to avoid for safety.
  2. Keep a small first aid kit in your bag.
  3. Make sure you have water on hand for during the scene.
  4. Carry chocolates or candies for afterwards. Blood sugar can drop during play.
  5. Always check in. If a partner is new to me, I will say “Color” every 5 – 10 minutes. It’s an easy check in to make sure you are reading their body language right. Green= great. Yellow = I’m reaching my limit. Red = Stop. Stop right now. Stop the scene and tend to your partner. Triggers can be tripped (I have an article on triggers in the archives); dizziness can occur due to changes in the body from endorphins, adrenaline, or as said, blood sugar.
  6. When you take your person down from the cross or bench, what then? I always have a blanket for Beauty to lay on if we are at an event. The first time we played I took her down from the cross, and she started to crawl on the yucky hotel ballroom carpet. I had things set to wrap her up and cuddle with her against the wall behind us, but she was out of it, and she’s a crawler. Now I know. At home, I make a nest on the floor with cushions and heated blankets. In public, it’s a smaller nest for us and right there.
  7. You have to do a lot and be in charge of many things when you are on the top end of play. It gives me a rush but is physically and emotionally exhausting. I give of my whole self. Topping is hard work.

Dungeon Etiquette:

  1. Some dungeons have rule about nudity and penetration. All dungeons have other kinds of rules. Know them before you enter. You may have to sign something. Read it. That paper will tell you things like no cell phones. In many dungeons, they will take your cell phone if it is out. Our privacy is too important.
  2. Spectators are responsible for their own safety. If you want to watch me play, that is fine, but I am not interested in your safety. See that dragon tail, flogger, cord for the wand, or cane I am using. Stay out of the way. My focus is my play partner. You are not part of my world.
  3. Shut up! Do not screw with our headspace. Keep a respectful distance and speak quietly.
  4. Do you have a question or concern? Wait until we are done or go talk to a dungeon monitor. Do not interrupt our scene. You have no idea what has been negotiated.
  5. If my scene bothers you, leave. I have seen things that are not in my general comfort zone. I usually watch and learn, at least for a bit, but then I move on if what is going on bothers me. If you are watching and my scene freaks you out, leave. Do not comment. My scene is not about you. Yes, you may question me later, but do it politely.
  6. Tell the dungeon monitor ahead of time if your scene is going to be heavy or appear to be over the edge. They are the ONLY people who may stop a scene.
  7. If you want to play with someone or experience something, ask. This goes for both sides of the scene. If I am at a big event, it is best to ask early, even as early as before the event. My dance card fills up, and even at home during our play parties I don’t want to fill every minute with play, but you should ask. I might say no. The no may be for that night, or it may be a no, I don’t wish to play with you, but you won’t know until you ask.

What you shouldn’t do is:

  1. Beg, badger, or try to get me to change my mind. That is annoying. No means no. You have no idea if I am saving my physical and mental energy or if I have already expended it.
  2. Expect me to play with you without knowing you or having time for negotiation.
  3. Expect me to play with you if we are alone. I only do that with my wife and my play partner Jud.
  4. Pout or act like a child if you are told no.

Two more things:

  1. Don’t touch without asking. That goes for toys and people. You may hug my wife if she is okay with it, but if your hands wander, you will have them smacked. Remember that some of the people in a public dungeon belong to or are considered owned by a dominant. They are not yours to touch.
  2. Don’t disrespect someone else’s kink. Just because you would never dress up like Cruella Deville and have your partner dress like a Dalmatian doesn’t give you the right to criticize. Yes, Beauty and I giggle when we get back to our room or are alone, but never, ever put down someone for their kink.

It’s Not All Erotic – Not everything is erotic, and not all play is sexual. It depends on who I am playing with. Jud and I are completely non sexual. My wife and I always end our scene with orgasms. Play with Beauty gets me wet and sexually excited, but the rush I get from the energy exchange of others I play with is completely different. And the whole “He had me so wet just from his dominant demeanor, or wished to possess me that I came the second he touched me”. Really? No. Beauty gets primed up as I ready the scene, putting on her cuffs and play collar and such, but even when we were having sex like rabid bunnies it took the foreplay of kinky play before she reached her climax. That really is what our play is, foreplay.

Scenes Go Bad – Sooner or later a scene you are orchestrating will go wrong. Not everything flows a scripted. Sometimes this can be hysterical, and it’s okay to laugh. BDSM doesn’t have to be all serious, but scenes can go bad in a dangerous way as well. Be prepared. Have that first aid kit, piece of candy, blanket, safety scissors with the dayglow handle. Things happen.

It Isn’t Living to Please 24/7: – Yes, Beauty sees to my needs. She does as asked, follows the rules, does her chores. That does not mean she waits for my slightest command with her every breath. 24/7 includes real life things, and that submissive you think you want isn’t going to want to be naked and at your feel around the clock. Beauty has a strong desire to serve me, she also gets sick, has mood swings and PMS, has to deal with life’s emotional ups and downs, and sometimes doesn’t want to have to get the laundry, cook dinner, or whatever. She does do it, but she isn’t grateful and overjoyed to serve me every second of the day.

It’s not fun to make all the decisions all of the time. – Sometimes having to make all the decisions sucks. Really it does. Sometimes I just want to scream “Make a fucking choice or decision.” Yes I love to be in charge and yes, my little world get off kilter if things aren’t done to my specifications, but being in command, making every decision, never having peace from everyone looking to you for the answer can be daunting. I’ve said this before, being a dominant doesn’t mean get me a beer and give me a blowjob. That can be a side perk, but with dominance comes responsibility, ALL THE TIME.

Glamourous – The world of BDSM isn’t all glamourous. Dominants are people; that sexy Pro Domme is a person, that sexy attentive submissive is a person. I play in my jammies sometimes. We have our ups and downs. Sometimes I don’t feel kinky at all. Sometimes Beauty and I are just your basic married couple. We watch TV, spend the day being slugs in our pajamas, be anything but the stereotypical BDSM dominant or submissive. I’m not always up to cracking that whip or swinging that paddle, and Beauty doesn’t always want to play. It’s okay, and I don’t make her, just because I feel like it and I can.

Not all of us are damaged, but predators are very real. – Our kink community population most likely has the same ratio of people who had terrible childhoods, were victims of abuse, have depression or other mental illness as any other slice of society. We are not broken people seeking therapy through the giving or receiving of pain. That said, we also have predators among us like any other slice of society. It is very easy to take advantage of a new submissive. Once you hook them and they launch into sub frenzy you can have them eating out of your hand, and in your twisted version of a D/s relationship before they come up for air. Be careful people. There are great big old lines that aren’t fine in the least between a healthy D/s relationship, and an abusive relationship be it kinky or vanilla.

That’s about it. Some of this stuff no one tells you about when you are new. People make mistakes, people cross boundaries they don’t know exist, scenes go bad which can be funny or very bad, kinky people are just people, but we do have rules and expectations for conduct, and we tend to be pickier about manners and protocol. Come on in, the water is fine, but even though there is a lifeguard at some pools, it’s best to learn how to swim, and to stay in the shallow areas before you try out life at the deep end.

cuffed

Vile