Archive for the BDSM Protocols Category

My Slave Arianna’s Blog

Posted in Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Protocols, BDSM Relationships, BDSM Slave training, BDSM Structure, Dominant, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, Master And Slave, Master and slave relationship, Slave, Submission, Submissive with tags , , , , on December 3, 2017 by thekinkyworldofvile

https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2017/12/02/journals/

 

Two different people meeting at a time of need. Both searching for something , she had a idea and I knew what I was looking for and refused to settle for less.

Her very first real Master turned out to be a total disaster , the not knowing can get you into a lot of trouble.

Her first Master was somewhat abusive , no real communication , when she visited weekly much of her time she was chained, which I see no real problem with. If times were different she would be chained most of the time but hey I gotta eat. No real formal training and a lot of blow jobs. He was much older than she was and his health was not the best. A chain smoker with a temper.

Announcing the breakup the dude lost it , the losing control , losing his slave and not knowing why.

Then Vile stepped in we were introduced and it was game over for the chain smoker. Okay I smoked as well but had a plan on stopping which I did with the help of my little E-cig. Arianna did not smoke so it was not fair to her. So three years ago I quit again with a little help but I quit after smoking 38 years. Hoora for me.

We are two different people Arianna is much smarter than I am she has a degree , while I have a degree in street smarts. She listen’s to mellow top 40 and I am more of a AC/DC guy. Arianna is quiet and reserved and I am loud and obnoxious. I embarrass her a lot, and the word fuck is my favorite word and I guess I use it at the wrong time and the wrong place , but I am working on it I promise.

Talking to a Dom a couple of years ago after a MAsT meeting while standing outside he called me the luckiest mother fucker on earth , he said it was like a miracle fell from the sky right into my arms. That statement rings true still today.

Reading Arianna’s journals gave me a greater knowledge of who she was and what made her think the way she does. I grew to know her feelings and emotions , as well as the true woman she was. Her journals were deep and at times I had to  re-read so I could gain a full understanding.

Her Journals gave me a different view on how I would approach her training. What works for one slave will not work for another, the same goes for rules but protocols are mostly the same. While personalities change my needs do not. In the beginning of training it was made clear what my needs were and what I expected out of the relationship and what I expected out of a slave. I also made it clear I would not bend or give in when it came to my needs being met.

Getting inside the head , I have mentioned this a lot in my past blogs. Having a full understanding of the slave. You have to truly know someone before you can begin training.  When I speak of limits for the most I am not speaking about pain but limits when it comes to a mental aspect. How much one can take or if I need to move at a slow pace. Remember you are changing ones thought process , you are changing habits , you are changing all habits.

Once I started training I did not inform Arianna it had began I just started and over time I could see the changes , the positive changes that was happening before my eyes. Just sitting back and watching someone who is willing to conform to someones needs it truly incredible.

One of my main requirements is for her to get a full 8 hours sleep. Sleep is very important and more so if you are taking any type of medications. Sleep is important to the mind and body. A well rested slave is a good slave , more so if the slave has a full time job.

Training you are taking away ones free will , the way one eats , sleeps , walks and talks, the way one sits. You are changing the way someone dresses , makeup and hair as I have done with Arianna.

Most want the submissive or slave to start writing a journal from the start of meeting each other. I do not believe this has as much impact as those who have been writing. What is being written is what the Dominant wants to hear again this is just my thinking.

A deep look in ones mind , reading the good , the bad and the ugly. Truly knowing someone , knowing what makes them happy or sad, likes and dislikes.

In our way of life , there is no greater bond known to any human. There are however exceptions to any rule. Looking back at my Aunt and uncle on my fathers side I saw true devotion , and the greatest love for family. A great man who would do anything to provide for his family.

Arguing with your Slave is the worst thing you could ever do as a Dominant. This gives the slave a different side to you and the more you argue the more respect is lost.  At different functions I have asked people why do people argue? What is worth arguing over?  What is so bad that would cause one or both of you to blow up? Why would you as a Dominant or Master argue with someone who submits to you? By doing so that puts you on a lower level , that takes the dominant out of the picture , you are no longer a dominant your a pissed off man or woman if a Domme .

The journal gives you a deeper look being able to understand someones limits as I stated above. If you break it you have to fix it. If you break it and you cannot fix it you have really fucked up.

Make it clear from the beginning on how you plan to use your property , and remember training someone does not mean ownership , you should not be that advanced in the relationship , training is just that training. Training someone you are seeing if not one but both are a fit. Just because your a Master does not mean the slave you are seeing is the slave for you and it goes the other way as well.

Make it clear on how you plan to use, make it clear what you expect when it comes to sex and be very clear. Talk about pain , talk about humiliation. I am not as into humiliation as I was at one time but I do believe it is needed from time to time. Talk about protocols , put on paper. By putting on paper as with rules it gives a clear picture. Rules are good but protocols are much more important , protocols provides structure , and discipline and what is expected..

Arianna’s Journal is a good read check it out.

Peace out

Vile

Evaluating A slave’s performance based on service

Posted in Arianna, bdsm, BDSM 24/7 Relationships, BDSM and Goals, BDSM Protocols, BDSM Relationships, Evaluating A slave’s performance, http://bestslavetraining.com/, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, Slave, Slave Contract, Submission, Submissive with tags , , , on November 27, 2017 by thekinkyworldofvile

This is something that pops up in my mind from time to time , I suppose its something like a evaluation report you would receive from your employer. This is something Ive never discussed with Arianna or Lynn as I really saw no need.

I have stated before if you are new to the lifestyle one of the best resources is http://bestslavetraining.com One of the first sites about the lifestyle and still going strong today. Also on fetlife Best Slave Training a very active group with good topics and discussions.

My evaluations are more mental and a way to see if I need to make any changes or maybe cover something in general conversation. Instead of just asking a point blank question , its usually whats on your mind? When asking a direct question such as , Whats wrong? When asking whats wrong it puts up a defensive wall many times causing someone to shut down. Then comes the guy who demands to know whats wrong when there is really nothing wrong and its world war 3.

I look at a couple of areas one is following my rules and the willingness to follow, two following protocols , three communicating , four making sure my needs are met in service and sexually.

Behavior public and private , I have set protocols for both and I expect them to be followed. Having rules that are written down makes a easy guide. Every night before bed Arianna reads her rule , that is the last thing she does before turning out her light.

The state of mind. The willingness to take on different task when asked without prior planning. The wanting to complete all task when assigned without question. Showing her loyalty to slavery both public and private.

The following is from.. http://bestslavetraining.com

Observable objective of slave training that can be evaluated – service:

The observable objective of slave training is proper service. A Master can only truly judge a slave by what his five senses reveal to him. Try as he may, he is unable to completely see into his slave’s mind and heart. This is one thing he must accept and be honest with him about. He can’t hear her thoughts or feel the emotions a slave feels. He can only observe her behavior and come to a conclusion about what he sees. Demonstrating proper behavior is the best way a slave shows her state of mind to her Master.

If you the Master feels you need to move in a different direction then having something on paper is the best way to go. We as humans are visual we take in the information we are looking at. Having something as a reference , something to look back on so the slave is able to take everything in. This also allows the slave to ask questions if there are any concerns or to just verify something.

The training of a slave is like reprogramming someones mind, for instance Arianna does not use the words I or Me, the words are replaced with your slave. When speaking with others she uses she or this slave. You train how you the Master expects the slave to act in public and private.

My evaluations have always been private to me and I have never sat either girl down and said hey here is your yearly eval.

I have rules in place for a reason as with protocols , this does not mean they are written in stone , I may see something needs to be adjusted but I will never change , I will never take a rule away unless I see it is no longer useful. I may add to a rule or stricter protocols but protocols are something I will never take away , add yes take away no.

My evaluation has been silent , and making adjustments when needed. It is not that there have been a lot of changes but change can be good. You may see you are getting into a routine and changes are needed to break up the everyday norm.

Part of my protocols are dress , how both girls are dressed when out. I myself dress nice, 99% of the time a nice button shirt and nice jeans, my shoes are off the chart. I hate to admit it but I have a shoe fetish. Both girls look like a million dollars when out. I take pride in my property. The slave is a direct reflection of their owner , this includes how one acts , speaks , walks , eats and dresses.

So my final grades I am going to keep to myself for now , not that there is anything that is bad or anything that needs improvement because right now life is Awesome.

You do not have to do everything I say , you do not have to believe in my tactics , or my training process , but I can tell you it works for me.

I am living the dream , a life with zero arguing , zero drama and zero problems. My house runs like a fine tuned machine. The girls do not argue either both communicate all the time.

Communication is very important. Dinner time no cell phones are allowed this is the time to talk. This is the time to speak about concerns this is the girls free time to speak.

This is a short blog more so than usual but I have been working on a new project. Hypnosis , I spoke about this a couple of years ago but now it is balls to the wall..

Vile

 

 

 

 

What Does She Get Out Of The Relationship

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM 24/7 Relationships, BDSM Protocols, BDSM Relationships, BDSM Rules, Building a BDSM Relationshp, commitment, communication, compatibility, CONSENSUAL NON-CONSENT, FaceBook Vile Woods, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, Master And Slave, Slave, Submissive, Training Arianna, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on October 19, 2016 by thekinkyworldofvile

This was a question posed to me last week while out . A friendly get together , One of my days I am able to get out and be me. Getting together with those who somewhat think as I do, a heavy sigh when I sit down and sip on my chocolate Latte , or is it mocha ? I know it is one Arianna always gets my drink. This week she was not with me , Arianna and out newest addition to our home were spending quality time together . Ariannas mother has been ill and had a heart procedure done on that Wednesday so rest was much needed as well.

I have been mentoring a new Dominant and at last it is someone who is truly interested in the D’s lifestyle, someone who has not only been listening but someone who is taking the proper steps in building a relationship.

There are several things that come into play when building a 24/7 D’s Or M’s relationship.

One being compatibility just because your a Dominant or submissive does not mean the one you met is right for you.  A lot comes into play , you may or may not want rules , your view on kink may be different, you may or may not like pain or humiliation , you may not want to give up total control. If the Dominant you have met has nothing in common with you then move on.

Being able to talk to each other not at each other, you can listen but not hear a fucking thing.

Knowing you have a open line of communication any time you have the need. Knowing you can share your feelings and not be afraid to. Knowing you can share your feelings and not worry about being yelled at.

Both having a goal in place , both having needs that have to be met.

When you first meet a new Dominant be it being introduced , maybe a dating site , maybe fetlife and you both hit it off you may want to see where things go.

One thing I try to explain to submissives or slaves he is not your Dominant he is a man and you are a woman. You have to set the lifestyle to the side and find out what you have in common. The Dominant has no control over you , nor can he make any demands.

On a normal vanilla date the man ask what kind of food do you like and the Dominant as if you take it up the ass? Do you swallow ? Do you get off on humiliation ? How do I know this ? I have been there I have done just that , I have played and I have used and when I grew tired I forgot your name.

Something I never gave much thought about was the impact I would have on someone by using them. I never thought about the emotional impact The impact if they were not stable in life , mentally. A few months or week can have a huge impact on someones life, and many times the submissive or slave will make several more mistakes before they find out they have been played. Then the one she connects , the one she begins a relationship with is handed the task of cleaning everything up, if it can be cleaned up.

What does she get out of the relationship ? I am older than she is I just cannot see what I have to offer, I do not see how I can benefit her.

Here is the tricky part , once you decide you want to take that step and try to begin a new relationship there are steps that should be taken. If at any time you the Dominant try to take any short cuts or look over something you will fail, you will crash and burn.

More so , both have to be honest with each other to a T, you cannot leave any skeletons in your closet. Things are easier to fix or deal with if all your cards are on the table. If you wait and something comes up and it proves to you be your fault or you lied , you are the only one to blame. If you cannot be honest and truthful you cannot be trusted, if you cannot be trusted you cannot build a relationship.

Codependency runs through out the lifestyle not all but the majority of those who are submissive are codependent. Being codependent is not a bad thing that is unless you happen to fall into the wrong hands. I read something not long ago where a submissive said she was feeling depressed and the reply from a Dom was , you just need a good fucking.

When I talk to a new Dominant who is about to enter a relationship , my first words are you’re whole life is about to change. You’re thought process is about to change, the way you acted , the way you speak , walk, act in public.

Then comes the dump truck , that will back up to you’re front door and start to dump. This is when you sit down looking at a puzzle in a million pieces and you have to put it all together. As you are putting together getting all the pieces to fit together you are looking and the puzzle is still growing.

I have yet to figure out why ? Most of the time a submissive will jump right out of the pan into the fire and just start spilling their guts and the Dom just sits there with a blank stare thinking what the fuck have I done.

It is like you have a hundred books in front of you all of them are open, here is the tricky part. Some are fiction but some are non-fiction and you have to be able to separate everything.

Once you have gathered all the facts and you have decided to move forward you can now put a training program in place. A training program that will be tailored to not only you the Dominant but to the slave or submissive. What worked training worked on one will not work on another. The same goes with rules.

As Dominants we have our standards when it comes to protocols public and private, we already have our structure in place and both will fall into part of the training.

I had mentioned codependency and the needy thing , while there are some who do not fall under either, I have found through out some 25 years most are indeed both.

In a perfect world and there is such a thing I know I am living it , in a perfect world there are many benefits a submissive or slave will experience.

What does she get out of the relationship , more so if the Dominant is older and in our lifestyle the age gap is pretty common.  An older Dominant for the most has settled down, the anger issues are out of the way, we have sewn our oats We are more settled and basically looking for the same thing a life long relationship.

Being in the right frame of mind , this is why we must communicate to make sure this is a need and not a want, making sure it is just not a fantasy or a sub frenzy. Communication I call just dating getting to know each other, finding what we have in common besides the lifestyle ….

The Submissive is seeking what most are seeking that is love and understanding, they are seeking acceptance. They are seeking guidance, and structure, and knowing someone wants to be with them because of who you are.

Being in the right frame of mind , truly understanding who you are and what your needs are. I would like to add LDR’s Long Distant Relationships seldom work unless there is an immediate plan for one or the other to make a move. If that is the case you should meet more than one. The submissive should be able to obtain references , check the local community. A good reason just recently a submissive move from Main sold everything she had moved in with a Daddy Dom and in thirty days time he set her out on the street with no place to go.

Training is for the good of the relationship I use to call training a form of Patty Hearst Syndrome, but as I grew older , now it is almost like rehabilitation a total mind reset, changing ones thought process.

You cannot begin training someone unless you truly know them, until you truly know the submissive inside out and it does not begin being physical.

The Submissive should have 24/7 access to her Dominant living together or even in a LDR this is most important if long distance it gives a sense of security.

If long distance know where your Dominant lives, know where he works , what he drives, after all he will want you to be transparent and he should as well.

Once you walk through the door and you drop your bag it is like you have stepped into another dimension, you will enter a whole new world. You the submissive has to be willing to adapt, you have to go in with a blank mind.

On the other side there is another Dominant and submissive, both who require no rules , no structure, no protocols and this is fine because if that works for you life is good.

When Arianna and I first met she was somewhat hesitant about entering a relationship with me because of the age difference. She had a bad experience with a Dominant who was much older than she was . He wanted the play and control but wanted none of the responsibility that came with the relationship. When Arianna first met him she was in a slave frenzy and trusted way to easy. After 6 months it came to a end but we had met just prior to the crash.

We talked or I let her talk because I needed to see where she was coming from and what her needs would be.

If you think about it a Submissive or Slave is looking for about the same thing someone in a vanilla relationship.

Trust , open  communication, honesty, , Loyalty , Someone who will not hurt them be it mentally , physically or verbally.  Knowing her limits will be respected. You can push someone over a cliff and the damage may not be repairable, or you could lose the trust you worked so hard to gain.

A good friend of mine a new Dominant asked the question what does she get out of it and she gets the above , but she gets so much more. Now she feels she has found home, she now feels she can be herself without being made fun of.

If you the Dominant leads with a fair but firm hand she will follow and follow with no questions.

Once rules are in place you cannot change to fit your needs, nor can you add more than one can take. Here are 50 rules and I want you to memorize them and be able to recite them back to me. This is unfair unless you the Dominant can do it. Very few rules are needed if you have protocols in place. Many have made fun of me when I speak about protocols but the fact is if you have in place and you are consistent you do not need that many rules.

If you the Dominant explain in detail who and what you are, then you have to maintain that status, so you need to be careful when you start explaining who and what you are about. If you tell someone what you need and expect you have to be able to explain what you have to offer and how you can benefit the relationship.

I explained the relationship is about me, when it comes to taking care of me, when it comes to sex everything, but I had to prove I would give back more than I would take and to this day I have proven that.

A true Dominant has gotten past the anger issues , a true Dominant is in full control , not only himself , but his surroundings , his home and his property. A true Dominant will drop what ever he is doing in a time of need. A true Dominant will listen with an open mind. A true Dominant will listen and care and find a solution when needed. A true Dominant will step up and take full responsibility. A true Dominant will put you first even when it comes to family and without question. A true Dominant who truly knows you , knows when something is wrong or about to be wrong, and will fix before things get out of hand.

I believe the Submissive should get way more out of the relationship than the Dominant does.

Arianna and I live a consensual non consent M’s relationship but and there is a but. This was all agreed on prior to entering the relationship . We entered the relationship as Master and Slave.

If you are both true to your word , if you are both honest and can communicate openly you will experience a relationship like you could never imagine..

Vile

 

 

New Dominant

Posted in @vile62 on Twitter, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Protocols, BDSM Relationships, Building a BDSM Relationshp, codependent, commitment, communication, compatibility, Dominant, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, Master And Slave, New Dominant, Slave, Structure, Submission, Submissive, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on August 2, 2016 by thekinkyworldofvile

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/submissive

submissiveinclined or willing to submit to orders or wishes of others or showing such inclination; “submissive servants”; “a submissive reply”; “replacing troublemakers with more submissive people”

unassertiveinclined to timidity or lack of self-confidence; “a shy unassertive person”
obedientdutifully complying with the commands or instructions of those in authority; “an obedient soldier”; “obedient children”; “a little man obedient to his wife”; “the obedient colonies…are heavily taxed; the refractory remain unburdened”- Edmund Burke
humblemarked by meekness or modesty; not arrogant or prideful; “a humble apology”; “essentially humble…and self-effacing, he achieved the highest formal honors and distinctions”- B.K.Malinowski
subordinatesubject or submissive to authority or the control of another; “a subordinate kingdom”
submissiveabjectly submissive; characteristic of a slave or servant; “slavish devotion to her job ruled her life”; “a slavish yes-man to the party bosses”- S.H.Adams; “she has become submissive and subservient”
It took me some several years to get my feet firmly planted on the ground, it took me several years to figure out who I was and what I needed. It took me several years to figure out exactly what I needed in a partner a long-term partner.
One thing I never understood was the  word compatibility or how important that word would be in my search.
It took me a very long time to realize I had to be me and in order to be me I had to find someone who was okay with me being me, and I had to find someone who wanted to adapt to my ways.
I spent years trying to change people and forcing change never works in the long run , forcing change is only short time. Compatibility is the key word. Someone  who was willing to adapt to my way.
If you are new to the lifestyle , if you are a new Dominant take time find a mentor, a mentor who has life experience , experience in the lifestyle a Dominant who has built a successful D’s or M’s relationship.
If you are serious take a year out of your life and take the time to learn. Listen ,watch and learn.
Just because you meet a submissive it does not mean he or she is the right submissive for you… Compatibility is 90% the other 10% is finding that fit.
You’re  life is about to change , this is why I suggest a year. You are going to add more responsibility to your life , you are going to have to dedicate another 40 hours on top of your full-time job.
She is too emotional,  she is to codependent , she wants rules , she wants protocols , she wants to give up full control,she wants to be trained and you do not have a clue, why you ask? Because you did not take the proper steps. You did not want to invest enough time. You read a book and few post watched some porn and now you are a Self Ordained Bad ass Dominant who knows everything.  well , welcome to a whole new world.
This is where compatibility issues come into play, this is the time you discover if you fit or you just walk away.
There are d’s couples who have none of the above , there are those who have very few rules and protocols. The Dominant speaks the submissive listens. If this is you then find youre fit. Please do not drag someone through your mistakes and the lack of not caring.
She does not listen , she does not follow rules , she does not follow protocols. What have you done to control the above? What steps have you taken ? What have you done as far as Discipline ? If you are going to put a rule or protocol in place you have to enforce it , if you do not your words mean nothing and the submissive will lose respect for you.
As with any relationship we have to invest time , when it comes to a D’s or M’s you can double or even triple the time you will need to invest.
The more the submissive begins to trust the more they will want to give and in turn will come the added responsibility. The bad news is it is never ending,as with training, so be careful what you ask for…
To help you get a step in the door , find a mentor , find a Dominant support group . the chances are there is probably a group close to you even a Dominant to mentor you. Mentorship I would imagine would be at least a year, and i would think a year would be worth a life long relationship.
When I am approached about mentoring , I spend a little time seeing if the new dominant is really serious. The bad news is once i agree it usually only last a couple of weeks then the dominant knows everything and they no longer need my advice.
Remember I am living a successful M’s relationship
Again just because you find a submissive it does not mean she is the right submissive. It also does not mean you are the right dominant.
Vile

Implementing Rules

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, Arianna, BDSM 24/7 Relationships, BDSM Protocols, BDSM Relationships, Dominant and Submissive, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, Protocols, Slave, Submission, Submissive, sucking cock with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on July 3, 2016 by thekinkyworldofvile

Over the years I have talked to hundreds or slaves and those who are submissive, most of the conversation has been about rules , who when , what and where?

You meet a new Dominant and after the meeting you have a long list of rules you must learn and remember word for word, you must be able to repeat them when asked , but the fact is the Dominant cannot do that. Why ask someone to do something if you cannot do it?

Knowing someone for an hour , a week or even a month there is no way someone could possibly implement any type of rules.

You have a Dominant then you have a Master these are clearly two different type of people. In most cases the Master is in a TPE relationship , Total Power Exchange while a D’s relationship the submissive has say in what happens and can say NO fuck you I am not doing it. A TPE relationship runs much deeper but in many ways both have the same responsibility. We are to take care of ours and we ensure our partner is on the right path. We set goals , we have a plan for self-improvement so the rules we put in place should be for the good.

Dominants and Masters are in theory Therapist  without PHD’s  but the difference is we can come up with a plan, a plan to guide someone in the right direction. A Therapist spends about 15 minutes in a session and tries to make decisions based on the information giving. Based on the information giving is based on the prescription giving, and I know from experience more often the information that is giving is not 100% honest. Most do not feel comfortable opening up their life to a complete stranger more so if you’re in the lifestyle. If you do not share your lifestyle there is no way anyone can possibly make the right decision.

When asked by a doctor about our home life I explain we have a very structured home, we have communication, no drama but most of all no arguing. Most catch on  to our lifestyle without me having to go into great detail. I go on to explain I take care of everything , I handle all problems we may face and at times I handle problems Arianna knows nothing about.

A great deal of those who are slaves and submissive suffer from some type of depression , some are even bi-polar. I did not say all so please do not put words in my mouth.

Many take medications many take more than one, so we need to know what type of medication and why? What is your medication suppose to do and what happens if you do not take it?

we have to know all of the above before we can even think about giving out any type of rules.

We have to know what makes them tick, why do they think the way they do, but most important what are they thinking at any giving moment. I know several times a day I ask Arianna what is on her mind, what is she thinking? Many times if you ask what is wrong it throws up a defense a wall goes up and the fight begins, when in actuality there may have been nothing wrong. This is the base of most arguments , fights screaming at each other. we say things to hurt each other, we use words we would not normally use. It takes longer for words to heal than it does a black eye, words are never forgotten.

A few things we tell a potential partner when we first meet them is always be honest , meaning always tell me the truth. Be open , communicate and always be loyal. We also state we will be there no matter what and we have their back when no one else will.

If we expect the above then why would a Slave not expect the same in return? Why should we be held to different standards ?

Submission cannot be demanded, respect cannot be demanded, loyalty cannot be demanded. Everything we do as a Master or Dominant has to be earned.

You will call me Sir , you will call me Daddy, you will call me Master why ? This or those titles we so crave are earned, the same way we earn respect , the same way we earn trust.

Once you begin or agree to start a relationship then we can start to implement some rules, perhaps a daily bed time or a wake up time. If medication is being taking a good rule would be to let you know when and what.

Most Dominants who are new to the lifestyle often give rules out that are just sexually based. Like you must worship my cock  or suck whenever we are alone. You must wear short skirts with no panties. You will learn to take my pain, you get the idea nothing has to do with structure or improvement.

Just because we are Dominant does not mean the submissive next door  will fit our needs, it does not mean the slave we are talking to is our fit. This is where the getting to know each other comes in. Learning about each other, our likes and dislikes. We do not want to come off as trying to change someone, we want to let the slave know we want to improve.  Although changing someone can be done it does in tell a lot of work and should only be done if you plan on the relationship being long term.

There are two hard parts in finding the perfect partner and there is someone who is perfect. Finding the right partner, then finding the right partner who is willing to adapt to your ways, follow your rules, follow your structure and be willing to be trained and take it seriously. If you find the above then it is a need for the slave..

Have a plan put in place, knowing who you are and what type of Dominant you are will determine what plan you need. This goes for the same with the sub or slave.

If you’re a Daddy Dom why would you pursue a Submissive or even a Slave? If you’re a Baby Girl why would you pursue a Dominant or a master?

Rules and protocols run the same path both basically have the same outcome. However, both will help where help is needed.

The slave must be willing first off, rules , protocols, and training must be a need , if everything is just a fantasy it will be time wasted, if a need the possibility’s are unlimited .

The need to give up total control the,  need to give another total control, not a want but a true need.

If your rules are mostly about sucking cock, no panties in public , or anal training if you’re in a LTR , sending pics or videos , then maybe you should sit back and rethink your relationship.

You have to truly need it, you need to crave and with the right leader your relationship will truly rock.

Before moving into a relationship why would you not want someone who wants to be friends, someone who wants to get to know you as a person a friend , even a best friend before moving into the kink area. I would think you would want someone who has your best interest in mind and you can see the difference but you turn your head hoping everything will be okay , even if it is not you stick around in fear of being alone…

Living apart makes a D’s relationship rather hard for the Dominant to maintain control. I myself am hands on, I am visual. I like to stay in contact even through out the day, I like knowing where mine is and what she or they are doing. I require check-ins, I want to know how the day is going. These are forms of protocols  if you have enough protocols in place very few rules are actually needed..

Rules are meant to improve where improvement is needed…

Last you must have 24/7 access toyour  Dominant , you must be able to ask questions ands hare your concerns. You must be allowed to communicate.. A good Dominant will never raise his voice or shlow anger towards you

Vile

 

 

 

Abuse Is Alive And Well

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM 24/7 Relationships, BDSM Mentor, BDSM Protocols, BDSM Relationships, BDSM Rules, Being A Dominant is 24/7 365, Cheaters, Cheating Dominant, Choices, communication, compatibility, consequences, Dominance Through Intimidation, exploiting your slave, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, Master and slave relationship, relationships, Slave, Submissive, Submissive being used with tags , , , , , , , , , , on June 4, 2016 by thekinkyworldofvile

MAsT:Kissimmee

 

May 19th

 

Meeting

A small group of 9 attended the 19th meeting and the topic was abuse. Even though I lead the MAsT, Masters and Slaves Together. http://www.mast.net , if you are not familiar with MAsT check out the site.

Abuse many understood how abuse can happen in a D’s or M’s relationship some were still unsure.

Girl- L  who is an awesome friend helped facilitate the meeting and she came loaded with awesome information. I myself like to let different people facilitate MAsT meetings because it make someone feel a part of. We also get different point of views which is truly needed.

The meeting is held at our home , meeting in this type of environment allows people to speak freely with out prying ears. It allows people to relax and let go where as they would not in a public setting.

We also spoke about how abuse is just not about men but there are women who abuse as well , mainly through manipulation or known better Topping from the Bottom. Most of the time this only occurs if the Dominant is not experienced or very new to the lifestyle…

Many times the abuse can be stopped prior to entering a relationship with the right education and asking the right questions. The problem today is many are to impatient and do not care about taking the proper steps. Being active in the community is a huge step forward , making friends as well. I have a handful of people I actually consider my friend. However being active does not always solve all problems because there is a dick or a bitch at every corner. The thing is it does not matter what others think about you or how you should be living your life, that is unless they are going to pay your bills..

One thing about the BDSM lifestyle is everybody is right and no one is wrong , everyone has the right answer and everyone is wrong. No one knows what they are talking about, even on Fetlife everyone is wrong. The one thing i noticed is all the people giving advice about how your life should go are single more so Doms. So yes taking advice from someone who has never been a D’s relationship is the way to go..

Abuse when it comes to the lifestyle is a huge gray area and it can be a touchy subject for some.

I know I have been approached by Doms in the community asking me if I thought I was to strict on Arianna. I suppose this is the difference between a Master and a Dominant, a Submissive and a Slave, having rules and protocols or just letting your girl run wild, and having no consequences for their actions.

I run a very smooth home, I am strict and firm, but I do so without arguing , screaming, calling names or even getting physical. I have rules in place and they are followed, I have protocols and they are followed.

I am not a 9 to 5 Dominant , I am not a weekend warrior , I am not a once every now and then Dominant , I am 24/7 and no less. I take full responsibility for not only my relationship but I admit when a mistake is made. One thing Arianna comes first and always will , I will drop what ever I am doing if needed. A Submissive or Slave should have 24/7 access to their Dominant or Master and no less, there are no excuses.

Okay ive been ranting a little and if you follow me you know by know I get off the subject at times.

One thing that really irks me is when mental abuse comes into play. When a slave or submissive is suffering from depressions, maybe being bipolar , manic and the newly found Dom does not see the signs or maybe he just does not give a fuck. Having any or all of these symptoms can put unneeded stress on someone and cause more damage.

Many times everything is in the open but many times who ever suffers from such a  disease will not be upfront about their illness. Many are ashamed but more are scared of failing a new relationship.

I myself cannot even imagine how someone who is bipolar , come close to even knowing what their thought process is, or even how one makes it through a normal day , much less how someone would handle being tied down and beaten, or used sexually. I would not even want to comprehend the thought process, or how scared or confused someone might be.

On the other hand there are some aspects of the lifestyle in which someone could benefit from a D’s or M’s home , if it was based on more of a structured setting , where rules and protocols were put in place to be beneficial. Understanding ones limits and not trying to push that explore button.  Insuring they are on medication and on the proper medication.

Just to let you know I am not talking out of my ass I am speaking from experience. I am living in such a relationship. The beginning  was a rough start but 3 years later I am and we are blessed. I suppose the setting would be different if love did not play a part , I suppose it would be different if you were just being used as a fuck toy….

The above can only be accomplished if you truly know someone and you care enough to put any effort into building a lasting relationship.

Some of the most common situations when it comes to abuse starts out with isolation. Separating you from friends and family. Making you turn over passwords to all of your accounts. Emails , social media , not allowing you to speak with other Doms, and the most severe is your banking information.

These tactics are used by Doms who are insecure or new to the lifestyle. Many have anger issues and use fear in order to obtain your submission, verbal and eventually it will turn physical.

Being new it will take some time to catch on before you will see the abuse or something pay hit you , thinking Hmmm there is something here that is not right. You feel like you have no one to turn to, after all you have turned your back on all of your friends, but even then how would you explain such a relationship?

Female abuse happens often and this is done through manipulation, and it happens with a Dom who lacks experience. However there are times when ones judgement can be blurred by letting feeling get in the way of a D’s or M’s relationship.

I have written about this subject many many times and at times I get this fuck it attitude because the truth is maybe one out of a hundred even takes notice.

The signs are clear first is isolation from friends and family , making you give all passwords to your email and social  media and email. Constantly putting you down calling you names and telling you , you area  worthless bitch. At times taking your banking information.

The fist date is either a Denny’s or a motel and your training starts off with you sucking cock. You get to see your new Dom maybe once a month if your lucky, or maybe more often to suck cock. The first date is the only date you are seen in public with him, unless your dumb enough to invite a total stranger to your house.

When you ask a question or question the way the relationship is going you get yelled at.

You the s;ave the submissive should have 24/7 access to your Dominant no questions asked. If you text you should get an answer , but most of the time it is days not minutes.

Most of the time you know something is wrong but you have it in your head he is the one, there is no one else who can fill his shoes , or should I say diapers.

You know I am not so sure it is abuse at times , I think it is more on the side of the Dom not knowing what they are doing. Many do not understand the amount of time it takes to develop a new D’s or M’s relationship, or most may not want to invest the time it takes, or some may not even consider the needs the submissive may have. Many see the relationship more as a maid service or just a sex toy but it runs much much deeper than just a piece of ass.

Ive had many new Dominants tell me they want to talk and spend time with me, and after I agree I hear nothing else from them.

There are those who are just male chauvinist pigs who see a bdsm relationship as a open door to abuse and just use and toss away until they have that need again.

After 3 years I am still finding it takes a great deal of time and communication.. I get to a point to where I have to alter things such as protocols or rules , I may have to add or take away. Both of us sit down and go over the rules to see if they still apply or maybe make some changes, maybe head in a new direction.

Only you the submissive knows what you need and you need to have a plan and know exactly what you need out of a relationship. Because a mistake made more than once is a decision , and everything falls on you if you allow yourself to continue to be unhappy or used…

What kind of Dom are you looking for ? What type of submissive are you ? Are you a slave? If so a Daddy Dom would not fit your needs. Are you a Masochist ? Then a Daddy Dom is not going to work.

You need to know who you are and what you need before you can begin your search.  Just because a Dom contacts you does not mean he is the one for you…

Last you need someone you can talk to , someone who understands you or at least tries, you need to have an outlet when something is not going well….

Again a Mistake made more than one is a decision..

There are those who crave to be used for what ever reason , those who continue to fall into the same trap, and just sit around wondering what has gone wrong or blaming others.. life is based on two things and only two choices and consequences .

Then I have to rag on the married Doms who are married and they cheat on their vanilla wives who know nothing about the other side of their husband. The wives who believe they have built the perfect home. Let me tell you something a man has what he has because of his partner , be it a vanilla wife a submissive or slave she built the kingdom.

He will talk about how bad she is and how he plans to leave her, she is a bitch and does not understand him, there is no communication , she takes no interest in his likes or hobbies. She is a total bitch.

If she was really so bad he would of left long ago. However maybe if this so called Dom had communication skills and really tried his wife who built his kingdom might be open to a little kink.

Instead he finds someone like you, who will take his bullshit , who will take his verbal abuse, and physical abuse. Someone who will take his humiliation, someone who wants to control you but he is controlling not in control. Someone who takes it up the ass because his wife will not…

Your a piece of ass and you will lose every time. You would cost him to much money if he left not to mention if there are kids involved… He is not going to leave the security he has the security his wife has built. You will do just fine until you become to needy and you will and he will dump you because you have become a liability.

While I was married to a vanilla for 9 years I never stepped out on her. I was in the lifestyle prior to meeting her but I was trying to change who I was. I wanted the house, the cars, the kids and the dog. My first month I knew I had made a bad mistake. Remember the choices and consequences ?

After 9 years I came clean about who I was and what I needed. I lost a house on the beach , two cars and a lot of money. I left with 1500 dollars in cash a canvas  bag full of clothes dirty and clean, and a beat up Yamaha 750.

My philosophy is if your not happy get the fuck out.. There is no reason to drag someone through the mud more so over something I did. I lied to her , I mislead her, I was someone I was not, and I made a fool out of her. I can say for the past 9 years I have paid child support every week and I have never missed a payment working or not..

You do not have to let someone drag you through the mud and in the end it will be your fault…

 

 

 

 

The Slave

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, A Slave Is High Maintenance, Acceptance, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM 24/7 Relationships, BDSM Protocols, BDSM Relationship, BDSM Relationship Negotiations, BDSM Rules, Building a BDSM Relationshp, Collar, Collared Slave, commitment, communication, compatibility, Consensual, Consistency, consistent, Dominant, emotional, http://bestslavetraining.com/, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, Inservice Slave, Master And Slave, Master and slave relationship, Mental BDSM, Micromanagement, positive reinforcement, Private Protocol, Protocol public, Protocols, Punishment, Slave, Slave Owned Property, Submission, submissive, TPE, Training Arianna, Vile Woods on FaceBook, viledesires62@aol.com on February 22, 2016 by thekinkyworldofvile

I never pressured Arianna to call me Sir or Master , I waited because such an honor is clearly earned.

I loved the steps I took in building a relationship, I loved watching the relationship grow, but I also knew in order for it to be successful I had to be who and what I was.

I wanted Arianna to ask , and I waited for that question. Will you be my Master, I knew then I was on the right path.

Although we spoke of training and what our goals were , yes hers and mine , I did not go into any great detail and only answering questions when they were asked.

By earning ones respect you get so much more than trying to demand submission. You can demand submission but your not getting the whole picture nor are you entering a true relationship with any meaning.

A slave is not weak a slave is strong in mind body and soul, however a Slave does have different needs and goals, along with a different type of structure.

I had a strict 90 day plan in hand and I began training without a word. The one thing that made me stop and think was there was absolutely no resistance this was something I had never experienced. Today our relationship requires only daily maintenance , as with any other relationships just on a different level.

There are many definitions today when we try to define a D’s or M’s relationship we are all different and we have different needs.

Although Arianna may be my wife, best friend and partner she is property first, she wears a collar 24/7 that shows my ownership, I can proudly say it has been over 3 years she she has been collard and it has not been off one time. She wears her collar proudly and yes this includes work. Before entering a relationship that was a strict requirement of mine.

Many today do not take the collar serious , it is worn during play , when out to local functions, or when company comes over that is the only time it has any real meaning. If that is your lifestyle that is fine it fits you…

Although we train and we train to fit our needs  , we also have to take the slave into consideration. We need to set goals, we need to insure our property fully understands what is about to happen. We need to insure their needs are met on all levels, many would like to think it is a one way street but that is so far from the truth.

I myself take the collar very serious , it is a sign of ownership, it is a sign of devotion, it is a sign of submission, again do not take this wrong this is only my opinion.

Master/slave

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

In BDSM, Master/slave or M/s is a relationship in which one individual serves another in an authority-exchange structured relationship. Unlike Dominant/submissive structures found in BDSM in which love is often the core value, service and obedience are often the core values in Master/slave structures.[1] The participants may be of any gender or sexual orientation. The relationship uses the term “slave” because of the association of the term with ownership rights of a master to their slave’s body, as property or chattel. While male “masters” will usually be referred to as “Master,” whether or not female Masters are referred to as “Master” or “Mistress” may depend upon whether they identify as following the “Leather” or BDSM path.[1]:27-30

The Master/slave (or owner/property) relationship is entered into on a consensual basis, without the legal force of historical or modern non-consensual slavery, that is forbidden by the laws of most countries.

Respecting ones limits be it physically or mentally , knowing the limitations , knowing just how far you can go and still remain in control. Fixing problems before they become problems.

The feeling of security , the feeling of being wanted , the feeling of being needed, but most of all the feeling of being able to trust and respect.

In the beginning when the relationship is defined , what is expected , the rules and protocols, once everything is in place we as Masters cannot change things up a year later, many times going back on your word can be a deal breaker. There are times when something may need to be changed but I feel it needs to be explained in detail how it would benefit the home.

Training is changing the thought process , training is changing habit and replacing them. If you sit and think if done right you can create the perfect partner, that is the easy part , the hard part comes with maintaining it.

The training would include verbal , physical , mental, emotional , and at times rituals this is where structure comes into place. In my Master , slave or Owner , Property structure plays a huge part as with rituals , rituals become rules, protocols become rules.

Although I do feel punishment is needed that is not my main focus, I do not sit around and wait on Arianna to break a rule, she knows when she breaks a rule, which I can say has only happened once in 3.5 years. Positive reinforcement and communication plays a huge roll in any relationship.

Breaking someone to the point of feeling worthless , constant humiliation , abuse mental and physical , remember if you break it you have to fix it. I am more than sure the end result is not something you would want in a lifetime partner.

Training comes in a few different areas , be it service , sexual,  how to speak in public what to wear , how to talk , how to communicate with people or who not to communicate, who to hug or who you shake hands with ,how much do you want to control? We live a Owner Property relationship , a consensual relationship , consensual being the key word. Make no mistake I run and control everything in my home.

Just make sure who ever you are considering make sure they have your best interest in mind..