Archive for the BDSM Protocols Category

My Soul Searching

Posted in Adapt, anal sex, ass fucking, bdsm, BDSM 24/7 Relationships, BDSM Protocols, BDSM Relationship, BDSM Relationship Negotiations, BDSM Relationships, BDSM Rules, Behavior Modification, blow job, commitment, communication, compatibility, consequences, Consistency, Dominance, Dominant and Submissive, Dominants Protocol, feminism, fucking, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, masochist, Master And Slave, Master and slave relationship, molding your slave, Safe and Sane, Slave, Slave being used, Submission, Submissive, sucking cock, Total Submission with tags , , , , , on November 25, 2018 by thekinkyworldofvile

Before meeting Arianna I was single for a little over two years , my you it was by choice. I had spent that time in doing some deep soul searching and I needed to find out a few things about myself. One who was I , I mean really I needed to know who I was in terms of the lifestyle. I cant remember back far enough when I had what you would call vanilla friends and my circle of friends in the lifestyle well I could count on one hand. There are reasons I keep my circle so small , one being if my circle is small and I am in contact with someone on a regular basis and I know I can turn to them ,  then I can consider them to be a friend. Even social media like Facebook or Fetlife I am not a friend collector , after all what is the point of having 2000 friends if you are never in contact with them?  Two I needed to find out what my needs were , what type of relationship did I need to have to keep the fire inside going ? Three what type of woman did I need in my life , was it a submissive ? Was it a Slave ? Or the last thing that popped in my head was she to be property ? There are clear differences between the three and each Dom or Master or owner differs as well , after all we are all different.

Knowing those three things before you enter a relationship is very vital when it comes to having any type of successful relationship but more so when it comes to our lifestyle.

Now during the 2,5 years I was single I did date and the dating process was so I could eliminate what I was not looking for and again I wanted a better Idea as to what I truly needed out of a partner…

One date I remember submissive saying I do not swallow , now sex was really down at the bottom of my list but to tell me you are not going to do something is a strike , and another no anal for me I get nothing out of it. It was obvious we had different out looks when it came to a relationship because it was not about her it was about me. I do not like bondage it does nothing for me , another I do not like humiliation it takes me to a bad place , the list went on and on. So at the end of the dates I would pay for the dinner and explain we were way to far apart to be able to come to any type of an agreement when it comes to a relationship. You mean because I do not like anal you do not want a relationship ? You are 100% correct that would be a need for me and while anal is not at the top of my list I may at times go a month or so just ass fucking , but of course then I always want to finish in the mouth. ATM is my favorite word..

Being a Dominant just did not fit me , this is mainly because a submissive has the right to say no. Being a master there are still negotiations which meant something on my check list could be marked off , yes such as no anal , or no sex when I dont feel like it or I am to tired. Tired really ? All you have to do is lay on your back I bust a nut and get up and you can go back to being tired.  I am to tired what the fuck does that mean ?

I wanted the word NO wiped from ones vocabulary , I cant , I wont. I wanted and needed full control over someones life, I would be responsible for taking care of everything , I would meet ones needs but then I expected my needs and wants to be completed again after all it was about me.

First entering the lifestyle the first slave I met was a total Masochist and needed humiliation just to survive , now how awesome was that ? Well one would think they struck gold but in time I found the Humiliation to be difficult because each time I had to out do the last. The pain part I learned where I could hit and where I could no that my friends is very important because you can really fuck someone up and try explaining that to a Judge. Sherrie wanted a relationship but I did not and while we dated for almost seven years I never not one time fucked her , yea that is the truth. Now she did however suck a lot of dick and I mean a lot but I never fucked her. I did fist her pussy and ass she really got off on that. I would stop by her work and insert a coke can and come back several hours later so I could take it out.  Driving down Hwy 95 in Daytona one time we were pulled over , and I am thinking what the fuck. Sherrie was sitting in the passenger seat butt ass naked holding a huge ass dildo. So the cop walks up and looks in the car and I am thinking this is not going to be good. He simply asked if everything was ok and Sherrie said yes. She was giving a ticket because her tag had expired. The cop never said anything about her being naked , I am guessing the size of the dildo did shock him because it took two hands to hold it.

Years and years past since the late 80’s and while I thought all of my relationships were on spot they were not and each one failed because of me. They failed because I was not willing to commit the time needed and it was pretty much one sided , which now it is pretty much one sided but what makes it different now is I give back , on my terms..

Now you are thinking the kind of relationship you want is impossible. You would never find a slave who would just submit to your every need right ? The key word is patience , good things come to those who wait and most of the time just like my now relationship Arianna fell right into my lap out of the sky. Speaking to a Dom one night and him and I are pretty close with our thoughts when it comes to ownership , anyway we were talking after a MAsT meeting one night and he stated I was lucky and just like I thought he said it was like Arianna fell from the sky as a gift.

I have been very blessed over the past 6 years and knowing many more years to come is more of a blessing. I am also blessed to live with not one but two women Arianna my slave and Lynn our submissive. Arianna completed most of Lynns training taking a huge weight off of my shoulders. Our house runs smoothly and without a glitch , both girls get along with each other.  There is zero Drama and zero problems yea sometimes I cannot believe how smoothly things are going.

Negotiating our relationship was really pretty easy it was my way or no way. I was straight forward and to the point. The thing that blew my mind was Arianna said one word, Okay. That threw me off for a few minutes but I did not show it. Arianna then explained her needs , now in order for me to get what I want I knew I had to give back and her one and only request was to be micromanaged. This was a area I had zero experience in , even asking others in the lifestyle I was told it was way to much work let her go..

Remember the slave must adapt to your way of living , your life , your needs and your training.

Training is something I take very serious and I put a lot of thought into it. What worked for the last slave will not work with a new one. The rules are different , their personality is different , their mindset is different and of course needs. If all the needs are met there are no wants.

I asked the question several times are you sure ? Are you sure this is the path you want to take? Each time the answer was yes and so our journey began.

I am more of a Mental Owner , in order to control someone you need to be in their head , you need to know what makes them think the way they do , their habits , why they have those habits. You have to know their reasoning , now that part is deep. You have to know what makes them think the way they do. Once you are inside as confusing as it may be you are now in full control. The hard part is knowing what to do , when and why. If you fuck something up you gotta fix it so be careful.

What I do in a sense is strip one of ones dignity , I take everything away that was a need and turn them into privileges. I took all clothes away including when company came over , again depending who it was. I took all furniture away including being able to sit at the dinner table. I controlled shower time , bed time , food that was prepared. I controlled hair color , nail polish and I controlled what clothes would be worn outside when we did go out.  I controlled the way she sat , how she spoke and who she spoke to. I used her and used often. I used without a word , I used every hole , I let her know I was taking what was mine.  The slave is yours , your property , you own after all they gave you that right. Use and use how you want and when you want. While I am not a huge fan of Humiliation I do use some form during my training , again this is to reinforce our positions within the home.

Breaking a rule must be a serious offense , the slave forgot to text this is part of training. There is no reason to go off the handle. Training is about changing habits and depending on who you are working with you are looking at 90 days or more before most things catch on. We as owners must show patience.

Keeping that mindset , putting protocols in place and staying on top of the protocols , ownership is not a 9 to 5 job. As Dominants , Masters and Owners we must be available to our partners 24/7 no questions asked.

The one weakness that can kill a M’s relationship is when the Master feels guilty about punishing , or slips and does not stay on top of things , begins to let rules go without consequences. Once you change and your property has seen the difference it is impossible to turn back the pages.

The words I wish I was a better Dom or a better Master , I am sorry I am a failure. Think about those words yea pretty pathetic and your property may not say anything but the same thoughts are there. There are thoughts you keep to yourself , it is actions and words you share. The property looks up to us , not only for a relationship but guidance , direction and depends on us to keeps the rules we have put in placed enforced..

I had thought about Blogging about feminism but as stated above I will leave that as a thought..

Vile

Communication

My Dark Side

Posted in @vile62 on Twitter, anal sex, bdsm, BDSM 24/7 Relationships, BDSM Protocols, Consensual, Consistency, fucking, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, I own every hole, sex slave, Slave, Submission, Submissive, sucking cock, Total Power Exchange with tags , , , , , , on March 4, 2018 by thekinkyworldofvile

I am like a perennial flower , you think I am gone , then Boom I pop back up.

 

I suppose we all have thoughts and most of us even have fantasies and the same with both , somethings are just better off left as thoughts or fantasies. Sometimes our sexual desires can even become dark , the art of controlling every move , tied up , with a hood , total darkness. I have a set of leather cuffs that was made just for Arianna , and I love chain , thick chain then pad locked. If you use rope if someone wants out bad enough they can do it , it may take a while but one can escape. The Hood I have is made from spandex but it has a blindfold inside , so there is total darkness. I believe there may be a touch of fear when one loses their sight.

I suppose as a Dominant we all at some point come up with what we consider to be twisted thoughts. I am not speaking of any physical harm , I do not like putting any type of marks or bruises on my property , I am more mental , I enjoy being in the head , all the mind fucks , the not knowing.

I have been thinking of like a breaking weekend , kinda like a kidnapping , of course part role play but the not knowing what will happen. Just using for a whole weekend not saying a word. A couple of months ago I made a nice spreader bar and have yet to use it , timing has been one thing it seems we are always busy.

I find a few things to be humiliating and one of my favorite is face fucking , man I love that gagging feeling , and that sounds like a song to me. While sex is not the most important part of a relationship , there are somethings that are important to me and one is oral sex , I have had many a blowjobs but have came across very few who were either really good at it or those who tried really hard and was just not there. Anal sex is very important to me , the reason it is about submission , submission in my eyes. I not only want every hole , I need every hole.

I have acquired a few toys one being something I have been after for a long time and that is a spanking bench , the other was giving to me is a really nice fucking machine. The machining is almost brand new and was very expensive when first purchased. The girls do not really care for it but I enjoy watching it being used.

I like being in control , I take that back I need to be in control , I am in control of not only my life , my surroundings , and if I make a mistake then everything falls on me. I am in control at work for the most and 99% of the time I get what I want.

As a Dominant you have to be able to separate your feelings , you can still care for and even love , but when it comes to using what is yours , you have to be in a different frame of mind. What happens often is a Dominant will start to feel guilty , the feeling of guilt when playing , you start to grow a soft side and when you do this it changes who you were when the two of you first met. When you change , when you let your feelings get in the way , your slave will be the first to notice the difference , the mindset of the slave will change and will start to push barriers. Once you lose control of the mindset , once you lose control , it is impossible to regain. The slave has already seen that soft side , the side of feeling guilty and there is no turning back.

Just as you train your slave , you the dominant has to train your mind , this is a mistake I made more than once and I always wanted to blame the slave. It is very important to lay all of your needs on the table when you start to negotiate the relationship , If you truly have a need for something do not give in , this just means the slave you have met is not the one for you. If you do give in , the subject will come up again at some point and you cannot go back on your word.

We take 1 we give back 5 , what I am talking about is the more we take the more we have to give back. We must remain positive and give positive feed back , we need to give that reassurance , we need to praise even at times when not needed. I express my appreciation all the time , even telling I appreciate everything you are doing after all it makes my life easier.

To train is to change someones thought process , make changes in ones behavior , make changes to fit your needs. The mindset of the Dominant who own , your slave is valued property. The slave is for your use , be it for service , communicating , or sexual. Lets drop the kink side of things for just a second. Once you are inside the head , you know what makes the slave tick , the thought process , why the slave does certain things , the decisions that are made , to include their interest , likes and dislikes , foods and movies , music. Days that are special , Birthdays , Holidays , places the slave likes to visit , you get to the point you know the slave better than they do , then and only then can you begin true training.

You pile on a bunch of senseless rules that has no meaning , except to worship your cock , or not allowed to wear panties or maybe a bra. Those rules have zero meaning , the only benefit you get is getting your dick sucked but that comes later because you want the slave to want to please you .

I am huge on Behavior modification but it has to be consensual , agreed on with both Master and Slave and it has to be a need for the slave , a true need.  The relationship needs to be consensual , there needs to be negotiations prior to an agreement. You do not have to explain what your training will consist of , or when it will start.  If you explain anything a rule , maybe a protocol you explain it in such detail there are no questions.

Just because a rule is broken does not mean punishment , after all there are mistakes. Life does happen , things get in the way , if there is a resistance to something talk and find out what the root of the problem is. If a rule is broken does not mean you beat the slaves ass or smack them around , you sit down and talk like two adults and find out what happened. My two favorite words are Choices and Consequences. There has to be consequences to ones choices , just as there has to be rewards for the good that has been done. If we as Dominants take one we give back 10 , if we take two we give back 20. We have to give more than we take.

I have thoughts , thoughts of just rough raw fucking , like maybe a rape scene , or kidnapping , long hours of bondage and humiliation. My favorite before anal is face fucking , probably the biggest rush for me , the control and at times the forcing.

Maybe I am not as dark as I thought looking back over what I have written , to me I am normal. I do know when you are in control you are making decisions for two or three depending on your home , but everything is on the Dominants shoulders.

I get pleasure from using what is mine , I get pleasure in using as I see fit to please me.

Vile

 

 

 

 

My Slave Arianna’s Blog

Posted in Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Protocols, BDSM Relationships, BDSM Slave training, BDSM Structure, Dominant, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, Master And Slave, Master and slave relationship, Slave, Submission, Submissive with tags , , , , on December 3, 2017 by thekinkyworldofvile

https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2017/12/02/journals/

 

Two different people meeting at a time of need. Both searching for something , she had a idea and I knew what I was looking for and refused to settle for less.

Her very first real Master turned out to be a total disaster , the not knowing can get you into a lot of trouble.

Her first Master was somewhat abusive , no real communication , when she visited weekly much of her time she was chained, which I see no real problem with. If times were different she would be chained most of the time but hey I gotta eat. No real formal training and a lot of blow jobs. He was much older than she was and his health was not the best. A chain smoker with a temper.

Announcing the breakup the dude lost it , the losing control , losing his slave and not knowing why.

Then Vile stepped in we were introduced and it was game over for the chain smoker. Okay I smoked as well but had a plan on stopping which I did with the help of my little E-cig. Arianna did not smoke so it was not fair to her. So three years ago I quit again with a little help but I quit after smoking 38 years. Hoora for me.

We are two different people Arianna is much smarter than I am she has a degree , while I have a degree in street smarts. She listen’s to mellow top 40 and I am more of a AC/DC guy. Arianna is quiet and reserved and I am loud and obnoxious. I embarrass her a lot, and the word fuck is my favorite word and I guess I use it at the wrong time and the wrong place , but I am working on it I promise.

Talking to a Dom a couple of years ago after a MAsT meeting while standing outside he called me the luckiest mother fucker on earth , he said it was like a miracle fell from the sky right into my arms. That statement rings true still today.

Reading Arianna’s journals gave me a greater knowledge of who she was and what made her think the way she does. I grew to know her feelings and emotions , as well as the true woman she was. Her journals were deep and at times I had to  re-read so I could gain a full understanding.

Her Journals gave me a different view on how I would approach her training. What works for one slave will not work for another, the same goes for rules but protocols are mostly the same. While personalities change my needs do not. In the beginning of training it was made clear what my needs were and what I expected out of the relationship and what I expected out of a slave. I also made it clear I would not bend or give in when it came to my needs being met.

Getting inside the head , I have mentioned this a lot in my past blogs. Having a full understanding of the slave. You have to truly know someone before you can begin training.  When I speak of limits for the most I am not speaking about pain but limits when it comes to a mental aspect. How much one can take or if I need to move at a slow pace. Remember you are changing ones thought process , you are changing habits , you are changing all habits.

Once I started training I did not inform Arianna it had began I just started and over time I could see the changes , the positive changes that was happening before my eyes. Just sitting back and watching someone who is willing to conform to someones needs it truly incredible.

One of my main requirements is for her to get a full 8 hours sleep. Sleep is very important and more so if you are taking any type of medications. Sleep is important to the mind and body. A well rested slave is a good slave , more so if the slave has a full time job.

Training you are taking away ones free will , the way one eats , sleeps , walks and talks, the way one sits. You are changing the way someone dresses , makeup and hair as I have done with Arianna.

Most want the submissive or slave to start writing a journal from the start of meeting each other. I do not believe this has as much impact as those who have been writing. What is being written is what the Dominant wants to hear again this is just my thinking.

A deep look in ones mind , reading the good , the bad and the ugly. Truly knowing someone , knowing what makes them happy or sad, likes and dislikes.

In our way of life , there is no greater bond known to any human. There are however exceptions to any rule. Looking back at my Aunt and uncle on my fathers side I saw true devotion , and the greatest love for family. A great man who would do anything to provide for his family.

Arguing with your Slave is the worst thing you could ever do as a Dominant. This gives the slave a different side to you and the more you argue the more respect is lost.  At different functions I have asked people why do people argue? What is worth arguing over?  What is so bad that would cause one or both of you to blow up? Why would you as a Dominant or Master argue with someone who submits to you? By doing so that puts you on a lower level , that takes the dominant out of the picture , you are no longer a dominant your a pissed off man or woman if a Domme .

The journal gives you a deeper look being able to understand someones limits as I stated above. If you break it you have to fix it. If you break it and you cannot fix it you have really fucked up.

Make it clear from the beginning on how you plan to use your property , and remember training someone does not mean ownership , you should not be that advanced in the relationship , training is just that training. Training someone you are seeing if not one but both are a fit. Just because your a Master does not mean the slave you are seeing is the slave for you and it goes the other way as well.

Make it clear on how you plan to use, make it clear what you expect when it comes to sex and be very clear. Talk about pain , talk about humiliation. I am not as into humiliation as I was at one time but I do believe it is needed from time to time. Talk about protocols , put on paper. By putting on paper as with rules it gives a clear picture. Rules are good but protocols are much more important , protocols provides structure , and discipline and what is expected..

Arianna’s Journal is a good read check it out.

Peace out

Vile

Evaluating A slave’s performance based on service

Posted in Arianna, bdsm, BDSM 24/7 Relationships, BDSM and Goals, BDSM Protocols, BDSM Relationships, Evaluating A slave’s performance, http://bestslavetraining.com/, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, Slave, Slave Contract, Submission, Submissive with tags , , , on November 27, 2017 by thekinkyworldofvile

This is something that pops up in my mind from time to time , I suppose its something like a evaluation report you would receive from your employer. This is something Ive never discussed with Arianna or Lynn as I really saw no need.

I have stated before if you are new to the lifestyle one of the best resources is http://bestslavetraining.com One of the first sites about the lifestyle and still going strong today. Also on fetlife Best Slave Training a very active group with good topics and discussions.

My evaluations are more mental and a way to see if I need to make any changes or maybe cover something in general conversation. Instead of just asking a point blank question , its usually whats on your mind? When asking a direct question such as , Whats wrong? When asking whats wrong it puts up a defensive wall many times causing someone to shut down. Then comes the guy who demands to know whats wrong when there is really nothing wrong and its world war 3.

I look at a couple of areas one is following my rules and the willingness to follow, two following protocols , three communicating , four making sure my needs are met in service and sexually.

Behavior public and private , I have set protocols for both and I expect them to be followed. Having rules that are written down makes a easy guide. Every night before bed Arianna reads her rule , that is the last thing she does before turning out her light.

The state of mind. The willingness to take on different task when asked without prior planning. The wanting to complete all task when assigned without question. Showing her loyalty to slavery both public and private.

The following is from.. http://bestslavetraining.com

Observable objective of slave training that can be evaluated – service:

The observable objective of slave training is proper service. A Master can only truly judge a slave by what his five senses reveal to him. Try as he may, he is unable to completely see into his slave’s mind and heart. This is one thing he must accept and be honest with him about. He can’t hear her thoughts or feel the emotions a slave feels. He can only observe her behavior and come to a conclusion about what he sees. Demonstrating proper behavior is the best way a slave shows her state of mind to her Master.

If you the Master feels you need to move in a different direction then having something on paper is the best way to go. We as humans are visual we take in the information we are looking at. Having something as a reference , something to look back on so the slave is able to take everything in. This also allows the slave to ask questions if there are any concerns or to just verify something.

The training of a slave is like reprogramming someones mind, for instance Arianna does not use the words I or Me, the words are replaced with your slave. When speaking with others she uses she or this slave. You train how you the Master expects the slave to act in public and private.

My evaluations have always been private to me and I have never sat either girl down and said hey here is your yearly eval.

I have rules in place for a reason as with protocols , this does not mean they are written in stone , I may see something needs to be adjusted but I will never change , I will never take a rule away unless I see it is no longer useful. I may add to a rule or stricter protocols but protocols are something I will never take away , add yes take away no.

My evaluation has been silent , and making adjustments when needed. It is not that there have been a lot of changes but change can be good. You may see you are getting into a routine and changes are needed to break up the everyday norm.

Part of my protocols are dress , how both girls are dressed when out. I myself dress nice, 99% of the time a nice button shirt and nice jeans, my shoes are off the chart. I hate to admit it but I have a shoe fetish. Both girls look like a million dollars when out. I take pride in my property. The slave is a direct reflection of their owner , this includes how one acts , speaks , walks , eats and dresses.

So my final grades I am going to keep to myself for now , not that there is anything that is bad or anything that needs improvement because right now life is Awesome.

You do not have to do everything I say , you do not have to believe in my tactics , or my training process , but I can tell you it works for me.

I am living the dream , a life with zero arguing , zero drama and zero problems. My house runs like a fine tuned machine. The girls do not argue either both communicate all the time.

Communication is very important. Dinner time no cell phones are allowed this is the time to talk. This is the time to speak about concerns this is the girls free time to speak.

This is a short blog more so than usual but I have been working on a new project. Hypnosis , I spoke about this a couple of years ago but now it is balls to the wall..

Vile

 

 

 

 

What Does She Get Out Of The Relationship

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM 24/7 Relationships, BDSM Protocols, BDSM Relationships, BDSM Rules, Building a BDSM Relationshp, commitment, communication, compatibility, CONSENSUAL NON-CONSENT, FaceBook Vile Woods, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, Master And Slave, Slave, Submissive, Training Arianna, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on October 19, 2016 by thekinkyworldofvile

This was a question posed to me last week while out . A friendly get together , One of my days I am able to get out and be me. Getting together with those who somewhat think as I do, a heavy sigh when I sit down and sip on my chocolate Latte , or is it mocha ? I know it is one Arianna always gets my drink. This week she was not with me , Arianna and out newest addition to our home were spending quality time together . Ariannas mother has been ill and had a heart procedure done on that Wednesday so rest was much needed as well.

I have been mentoring a new Dominant and at last it is someone who is truly interested in the D’s lifestyle, someone who has not only been listening but someone who is taking the proper steps in building a relationship.

There are several things that come into play when building a 24/7 D’s Or M’s relationship.

One being compatibility just because your a Dominant or submissive does not mean the one you met is right for you.  A lot comes into play , you may or may not want rules , your view on kink may be different, you may or may not like pain or humiliation , you may not want to give up total control. If the Dominant you have met has nothing in common with you then move on.

Being able to talk to each other not at each other, you can listen but not hear a fucking thing.

Knowing you have a open line of communication any time you have the need. Knowing you can share your feelings and not be afraid to. Knowing you can share your feelings and not worry about being yelled at.

Both having a goal in place , both having needs that have to be met.

When you first meet a new Dominant be it being introduced , maybe a dating site , maybe fetlife and you both hit it off you may want to see where things go.

One thing I try to explain to submissives or slaves he is not your Dominant he is a man and you are a woman. You have to set the lifestyle to the side and find out what you have in common. The Dominant has no control over you , nor can he make any demands.

On a normal vanilla date the man ask what kind of food do you like and the Dominant as if you take it up the ass? Do you swallow ? Do you get off on humiliation ? How do I know this ? I have been there I have done just that , I have played and I have used and when I grew tired I forgot your name.

Something I never gave much thought about was the impact I would have on someone by using them. I never thought about the emotional impact The impact if they were not stable in life , mentally. A few months or week can have a huge impact on someones life, and many times the submissive or slave will make several more mistakes before they find out they have been played. Then the one she connects , the one she begins a relationship with is handed the task of cleaning everything up, if it can be cleaned up.

What does she get out of the relationship ? I am older than she is I just cannot see what I have to offer, I do not see how I can benefit her.

Here is the tricky part , once you decide you want to take that step and try to begin a new relationship there are steps that should be taken. If at any time you the Dominant try to take any short cuts or look over something you will fail, you will crash and burn.

More so , both have to be honest with each other to a T, you cannot leave any skeletons in your closet. Things are easier to fix or deal with if all your cards are on the table. If you wait and something comes up and it proves to you be your fault or you lied , you are the only one to blame. If you cannot be honest and truthful you cannot be trusted, if you cannot be trusted you cannot build a relationship.

Codependency runs through out the lifestyle not all but the majority of those who are submissive are codependent. Being codependent is not a bad thing that is unless you happen to fall into the wrong hands. I read something not long ago where a submissive said she was feeling depressed and the reply from a Dom was , you just need a good fucking.

When I talk to a new Dominant who is about to enter a relationship , my first words are you’re whole life is about to change. You’re thought process is about to change, the way you acted , the way you speak , walk, act in public.

Then comes the dump truck , that will back up to you’re front door and start to dump. This is when you sit down looking at a puzzle in a million pieces and you have to put it all together. As you are putting together getting all the pieces to fit together you are looking and the puzzle is still growing.

I have yet to figure out why ? Most of the time a submissive will jump right out of the pan into the fire and just start spilling their guts and the Dom just sits there with a blank stare thinking what the fuck have I done.

It is like you have a hundred books in front of you all of them are open, here is the tricky part. Some are fiction but some are non-fiction and you have to be able to separate everything.

Once you have gathered all the facts and you have decided to move forward you can now put a training program in place. A training program that will be tailored to not only you the Dominant but to the slave or submissive. What worked training worked on one will not work on another. The same goes with rules.

As Dominants we have our standards when it comes to protocols public and private, we already have our structure in place and both will fall into part of the training.

I had mentioned codependency and the needy thing , while there are some who do not fall under either, I have found through out some 25 years most are indeed both.

In a perfect world and there is such a thing I know I am living it , in a perfect world there are many benefits a submissive or slave will experience.

What does she get out of the relationship , more so if the Dominant is older and in our lifestyle the age gap is pretty common.  An older Dominant for the most has settled down, the anger issues are out of the way, we have sewn our oats We are more settled and basically looking for the same thing a life long relationship.

Being in the right frame of mind , this is why we must communicate to make sure this is a need and not a want, making sure it is just not a fantasy or a sub frenzy. Communication I call just dating getting to know each other, finding what we have in common besides the lifestyle ….

The Submissive is seeking what most are seeking that is love and understanding, they are seeking acceptance. They are seeking guidance, and structure, and knowing someone wants to be with them because of who you are.

Being in the right frame of mind , truly understanding who you are and what your needs are. I would like to add LDR’s Long Distant Relationships seldom work unless there is an immediate plan for one or the other to make a move. If that is the case you should meet more than one. The submissive should be able to obtain references , check the local community. A good reason just recently a submissive move from Main sold everything she had moved in with a Daddy Dom and in thirty days time he set her out on the street with no place to go.

Training is for the good of the relationship I use to call training a form of Patty Hearst Syndrome, but as I grew older , now it is almost like rehabilitation a total mind reset, changing ones thought process.

You cannot begin training someone unless you truly know them, until you truly know the submissive inside out and it does not begin being physical.

The Submissive should have 24/7 access to her Dominant living together or even in a LDR this is most important if long distance it gives a sense of security.

If long distance know where your Dominant lives, know where he works , what he drives, after all he will want you to be transparent and he should as well.

Once you walk through the door and you drop your bag it is like you have stepped into another dimension, you will enter a whole new world. You the submissive has to be willing to adapt, you have to go in with a blank mind.

On the other side there is another Dominant and submissive, both who require no rules , no structure, no protocols and this is fine because if that works for you life is good.

When Arianna and I first met she was somewhat hesitant about entering a relationship with me because of the age difference. She had a bad experience with a Dominant who was much older than she was . He wanted the play and control but wanted none of the responsibility that came with the relationship. When Arianna first met him she was in a slave frenzy and trusted way to easy. After 6 months it came to a end but we had met just prior to the crash.

We talked or I let her talk because I needed to see where she was coming from and what her needs would be.

If you think about it a Submissive or Slave is looking for about the same thing someone in a vanilla relationship.

Trust , open  communication, honesty, , Loyalty , Someone who will not hurt them be it mentally , physically or verbally.  Knowing her limits will be respected. You can push someone over a cliff and the damage may not be repairable, or you could lose the trust you worked so hard to gain.

A good friend of mine a new Dominant asked the question what does she get out of it and she gets the above , but she gets so much more. Now she feels she has found home, she now feels she can be herself without being made fun of.

If you the Dominant leads with a fair but firm hand she will follow and follow with no questions.

Once rules are in place you cannot change to fit your needs, nor can you add more than one can take. Here are 50 rules and I want you to memorize them and be able to recite them back to me. This is unfair unless you the Dominant can do it. Very few rules are needed if you have protocols in place. Many have made fun of me when I speak about protocols but the fact is if you have in place and you are consistent you do not need that many rules.

If you the Dominant explain in detail who and what you are, then you have to maintain that status, so you need to be careful when you start explaining who and what you are about. If you tell someone what you need and expect you have to be able to explain what you have to offer and how you can benefit the relationship.

I explained the relationship is about me, when it comes to taking care of me, when it comes to sex everything, but I had to prove I would give back more than I would take and to this day I have proven that.

A true Dominant has gotten past the anger issues , a true Dominant is in full control , not only himself , but his surroundings , his home and his property. A true Dominant will drop what ever he is doing in a time of need. A true Dominant will listen with an open mind. A true Dominant will listen and care and find a solution when needed. A true Dominant will step up and take full responsibility. A true Dominant will put you first even when it comes to family and without question. A true Dominant who truly knows you , knows when something is wrong or about to be wrong, and will fix before things get out of hand.

I believe the Submissive should get way more out of the relationship than the Dominant does.

Arianna and I live a consensual non consent M’s relationship but and there is a but. This was all agreed on prior to entering the relationship . We entered the relationship as Master and Slave.

If you are both true to your word , if you are both honest and can communicate openly you will experience a relationship like you could never imagine..

Vile

 

 

New Dominant

Posted in @vile62 on Twitter, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Protocols, BDSM Relationships, Building a BDSM Relationshp, codependent, commitment, communication, compatibility, Dominant, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, Master And Slave, New Dominant, Slave, Structure, Submission, Submissive, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , on August 2, 2016 by thekinkyworldofvile

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/submissive

submissiveinclined or willing to submit to orders or wishes of others or showing such inclination; “submissive servants”; “a submissive reply”; “replacing troublemakers with more submissive people”

unassertiveinclined to timidity or lack of self-confidence; “a shy unassertive person”
obedientdutifully complying with the commands or instructions of those in authority; “an obedient soldier”; “obedient children”; “a little man obedient to his wife”; “the obedient colonies…are heavily taxed; the refractory remain unburdened”- Edmund Burke
humblemarked by meekness or modesty; not arrogant or prideful; “a humble apology”; “essentially humble…and self-effacing, he achieved the highest formal honors and distinctions”- B.K.Malinowski
subordinatesubject or submissive to authority or the control of another; “a subordinate kingdom”
submissiveabjectly submissive; characteristic of a slave or servant; “slavish devotion to her job ruled her life”; “a slavish yes-man to the party bosses”- S.H.Adams; “she has become submissive and subservient”
It took me some several years to get my feet firmly planted on the ground, it took me several years to figure out who I was and what I needed. It took me several years to figure out exactly what I needed in a partner a long-term partner.
One thing I never understood was the  word compatibility or how important that word would be in my search.
It took me a very long time to realize I had to be me and in order to be me I had to find someone who was okay with me being me, and I had to find someone who wanted to adapt to my ways.
I spent years trying to change people and forcing change never works in the long run , forcing change is only short time. Compatibility is the key word. Someone  who was willing to adapt to my way.
If you are new to the lifestyle , if you are a new Dominant take time find a mentor, a mentor who has life experience , experience in the lifestyle a Dominant who has built a successful D’s or M’s relationship.
If you are serious take a year out of your life and take the time to learn. Listen ,watch and learn.
Just because you meet a submissive it does not mean he or she is the right submissive for you… Compatibility is 90% the other 10% is finding that fit.
You’re  life is about to change , this is why I suggest a year. You are going to add more responsibility to your life , you are going to have to dedicate another 40 hours on top of your full-time job.
She is too emotional,  she is to codependent , she wants rules , she wants protocols , she wants to give up full control,she wants to be trained and you do not have a clue, why you ask? Because you did not take the proper steps. You did not want to invest enough time. You read a book and few post watched some porn and now you are a Self Ordained Bad ass Dominant who knows everything.  well , welcome to a whole new world.
This is where compatibility issues come into play, this is the time you discover if you fit or you just walk away.
There are d’s couples who have none of the above , there are those who have very few rules and protocols. The Dominant speaks the submissive listens. If this is you then find youre fit. Please do not drag someone through your mistakes and the lack of not caring.
She does not listen , she does not follow rules , she does not follow protocols. What have you done to control the above? What steps have you taken ? What have you done as far as Discipline ? If you are going to put a rule or protocol in place you have to enforce it , if you do not your words mean nothing and the submissive will lose respect for you.
As with any relationship we have to invest time , when it comes to a D’s or M’s you can double or even triple the time you will need to invest.
The more the submissive begins to trust the more they will want to give and in turn will come the added responsibility. The bad news is it is never ending,as with training, so be careful what you ask for…
To help you get a step in the door , find a mentor , find a Dominant support group . the chances are there is probably a group close to you even a Dominant to mentor you. Mentorship I would imagine would be at least a year, and i would think a year would be worth a life long relationship.
When I am approached about mentoring , I spend a little time seeing if the new dominant is really serious. The bad news is once i agree it usually only last a couple of weeks then the dominant knows everything and they no longer need my advice.
Remember I am living a successful M’s relationship
Again just because you find a submissive it does not mean she is the right submissive. It also does not mean you are the right dominant.
Vile

Implementing Rules

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, Arianna, BDSM 24/7 Relationships, BDSM Protocols, BDSM Relationships, Dominant and Submissive, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, Protocols, Slave, Submission, Submissive, sucking cock with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on July 3, 2016 by thekinkyworldofvile

Over the years I have talked to hundreds or slaves and those who are submissive, most of the conversation has been about rules , who when , what and where?

You meet a new Dominant and after the meeting you have a long list of rules you must learn and remember word for word, you must be able to repeat them when asked , but the fact is the Dominant cannot do that. Why ask someone to do something if you cannot do it?

Knowing someone for an hour , a week or even a month there is no way someone could possibly implement any type of rules.

You have a Dominant then you have a Master these are clearly two different type of people. In most cases the Master is in a TPE relationship , Total Power Exchange while a D’s relationship the submissive has say in what happens and can say NO fuck you I am not doing it. A TPE relationship runs much deeper but in many ways both have the same responsibility. We are to take care of ours and we ensure our partner is on the right path. We set goals , we have a plan for self-improvement so the rules we put in place should be for the good.

Dominants and Masters are in theory Therapist  without PHD’s  but the difference is we can come up with a plan, a plan to guide someone in the right direction. A Therapist spends about 15 minutes in a session and tries to make decisions based on the information giving. Based on the information giving is based on the prescription giving, and I know from experience more often the information that is giving is not 100% honest. Most do not feel comfortable opening up their life to a complete stranger more so if you’re in the lifestyle. If you do not share your lifestyle there is no way anyone can possibly make the right decision.

When asked by a doctor about our home life I explain we have a very structured home, we have communication, no drama but most of all no arguing. Most catch on  to our lifestyle without me having to go into great detail. I go on to explain I take care of everything , I handle all problems we may face and at times I handle problems Arianna knows nothing about.

A great deal of those who are slaves and submissive suffer from some type of depression , some are even bi-polar. I did not say all so please do not put words in my mouth.

Many take medications many take more than one, so we need to know what type of medication and why? What is your medication suppose to do and what happens if you do not take it?

we have to know all of the above before we can even think about giving out any type of rules.

We have to know what makes them tick, why do they think the way they do, but most important what are they thinking at any giving moment. I know several times a day I ask Arianna what is on her mind, what is she thinking? Many times if you ask what is wrong it throws up a defense a wall goes up and the fight begins, when in actuality there may have been nothing wrong. This is the base of most arguments , fights screaming at each other. we say things to hurt each other, we use words we would not normally use. It takes longer for words to heal than it does a black eye, words are never forgotten.

A few things we tell a potential partner when we first meet them is always be honest , meaning always tell me the truth. Be open , communicate and always be loyal. We also state we will be there no matter what and we have their back when no one else will.

If we expect the above then why would a Slave not expect the same in return? Why should we be held to different standards ?

Submission cannot be demanded, respect cannot be demanded, loyalty cannot be demanded. Everything we do as a Master or Dominant has to be earned.

You will call me Sir , you will call me Daddy, you will call me Master why ? This or those titles we so crave are earned, the same way we earn respect , the same way we earn trust.

Once you begin or agree to start a relationship then we can start to implement some rules, perhaps a daily bed time or a wake up time. If medication is being taking a good rule would be to let you know when and what.

Most Dominants who are new to the lifestyle often give rules out that are just sexually based. Like you must worship my cock  or suck whenever we are alone. You must wear short skirts with no panties. You will learn to take my pain, you get the idea nothing has to do with structure or improvement.

Just because we are Dominant does not mean the submissive next door  will fit our needs, it does not mean the slave we are talking to is our fit. This is where the getting to know each other comes in. Learning about each other, our likes and dislikes. We do not want to come off as trying to change someone, we want to let the slave know we want to improve.  Although changing someone can be done it does in tell a lot of work and should only be done if you plan on the relationship being long term.

There are two hard parts in finding the perfect partner and there is someone who is perfect. Finding the right partner, then finding the right partner who is willing to adapt to your ways, follow your rules, follow your structure and be willing to be trained and take it seriously. If you find the above then it is a need for the slave..

Have a plan put in place, knowing who you are and what type of Dominant you are will determine what plan you need. This goes for the same with the sub or slave.

If you’re a Daddy Dom why would you pursue a Submissive or even a Slave? If you’re a Baby Girl why would you pursue a Dominant or a master?

Rules and protocols run the same path both basically have the same outcome. However, both will help where help is needed.

The slave must be willing first off, rules , protocols, and training must be a need , if everything is just a fantasy it will be time wasted, if a need the possibility’s are unlimited .

The need to give up total control the,  need to give another total control, not a want but a true need.

If your rules are mostly about sucking cock, no panties in public , or anal training if you’re in a LTR , sending pics or videos , then maybe you should sit back and rethink your relationship.

You have to truly need it, you need to crave and with the right leader your relationship will truly rock.

Before moving into a relationship why would you not want someone who wants to be friends, someone who wants to get to know you as a person a friend , even a best friend before moving into the kink area. I would think you would want someone who has your best interest in mind and you can see the difference but you turn your head hoping everything will be okay , even if it is not you stick around in fear of being alone…

Living apart makes a D’s relationship rather hard for the Dominant to maintain control. I myself am hands on, I am visual. I like to stay in contact even through out the day, I like knowing where mine is and what she or they are doing. I require check-ins, I want to know how the day is going. These are forms of protocols  if you have enough protocols in place very few rules are actually needed..

Rules are meant to improve where improvement is needed…

Last you must have 24/7 access toyour  Dominant , you must be able to ask questions ands hare your concerns. You must be allowed to communicate.. A good Dominant will never raise his voice or shlow anger towards you

Vile