Archive for the BDSM Relationship Category

My Soul Searching

Posted in Adapt, anal sex, ass fucking, bdsm, BDSM 24/7 Relationships, BDSM Protocols, BDSM Relationship, BDSM Relationship Negotiations, BDSM Relationships, BDSM Rules, Behavior Modification, blow job, commitment, communication, compatibility, consequences, Consistency, Dominance, Dominant and Submissive, Dominants Protocol, feminism, fucking, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, masochist, Master And Slave, Master and slave relationship, molding your slave, Safe and Sane, Slave, Slave being used, Submission, Submissive, sucking cock, Total Submission with tags , , , , , on November 25, 2018 by thekinkyworldofvile

Before meeting Arianna I was single for a little over two years , my you it was by choice. I had spent that time in doing some deep soul searching and I needed to find out a few things about myself. One who was I , I mean really I needed to know who I was in terms of the lifestyle. I cant remember back far enough when I had what you would call vanilla friends and my circle of friends in the lifestyle well I could count on one hand. There are reasons I keep my circle so small , one being if my circle is small and I am in contact with someone on a regular basis and I know I can turn to them ,  then I can consider them to be a friend. Even social media like Facebook or Fetlife I am not a friend collector , after all what is the point of having 2000 friends if you are never in contact with them?  Two I needed to find out what my needs were , what type of relationship did I need to have to keep the fire inside going ? Three what type of woman did I need in my life , was it a submissive ? Was it a Slave ? Or the last thing that popped in my head was she to be property ? There are clear differences between the three and each Dom or Master or owner differs as well , after all we are all different.

Knowing those three things before you enter a relationship is very vital when it comes to having any type of successful relationship but more so when it comes to our lifestyle.

Now during the 2,5 years I was single I did date and the dating process was so I could eliminate what I was not looking for and again I wanted a better Idea as to what I truly needed out of a partner…

One date I remember submissive saying I do not swallow , now sex was really down at the bottom of my list but to tell me you are not going to do something is a strike , and another no anal for me I get nothing out of it. It was obvious we had different out looks when it came to a relationship because it was not about her it was about me. I do not like bondage it does nothing for me , another I do not like humiliation it takes me to a bad place , the list went on and on. So at the end of the dates I would pay for the dinner and explain we were way to far apart to be able to come to any type of an agreement when it comes to a relationship. You mean because I do not like anal you do not want a relationship ? You are 100% correct that would be a need for me and while anal is not at the top of my list I may at times go a month or so just ass fucking , but of course then I always want to finish in the mouth. ATM is my favorite word..

Being a Dominant just did not fit me , this is mainly because a submissive has the right to say no. Being a master there are still negotiations which meant something on my check list could be marked off , yes such as no anal , or no sex when I dont feel like it or I am to tired. Tired really ? All you have to do is lay on your back I bust a nut and get up and you can go back to being tired.  I am to tired what the fuck does that mean ?

I wanted the word NO wiped from ones vocabulary , I cant , I wont. I wanted and needed full control over someones life, I would be responsible for taking care of everything , I would meet ones needs but then I expected my needs and wants to be completed again after all it was about me.

First entering the lifestyle the first slave I met was a total Masochist and needed humiliation just to survive , now how awesome was that ? Well one would think they struck gold but in time I found the Humiliation to be difficult because each time I had to out do the last. The pain part I learned where I could hit and where I could no that my friends is very important because you can really fuck someone up and try explaining that to a Judge. Sherrie wanted a relationship but I did not and while we dated for almost seven years I never not one time fucked her , yea that is the truth. Now she did however suck a lot of dick and I mean a lot but I never fucked her. I did fist her pussy and ass she really got off on that. I would stop by her work and insert a coke can and come back several hours later so I could take it out.  Driving down Hwy 95 in Daytona one time we were pulled over , and I am thinking what the fuck. Sherrie was sitting in the passenger seat butt ass naked holding a huge ass dildo. So the cop walks up and looks in the car and I am thinking this is not going to be good. He simply asked if everything was ok and Sherrie said yes. She was giving a ticket because her tag had expired. The cop never said anything about her being naked , I am guessing the size of the dildo did shock him because it took two hands to hold it.

Years and years past since the late 80’s and while I thought all of my relationships were on spot they were not and each one failed because of me. They failed because I was not willing to commit the time needed and it was pretty much one sided , which now it is pretty much one sided but what makes it different now is I give back , on my terms..

Now you are thinking the kind of relationship you want is impossible. You would never find a slave who would just submit to your every need right ? The key word is patience , good things come to those who wait and most of the time just like my now relationship Arianna fell right into my lap out of the sky. Speaking to a Dom one night and him and I are pretty close with our thoughts when it comes to ownership , anyway we were talking after a MAsT meeting one night and he stated I was lucky and just like I thought he said it was like Arianna fell from the sky as a gift.

I have been very blessed over the past 6 years and knowing many more years to come is more of a blessing. I am also blessed to live with not one but two women Arianna my slave and Lynn our submissive. Arianna completed most of Lynns training taking a huge weight off of my shoulders. Our house runs smoothly and without a glitch , both girls get along with each other.  There is zero Drama and zero problems yea sometimes I cannot believe how smoothly things are going.

Negotiating our relationship was really pretty easy it was my way or no way. I was straight forward and to the point. The thing that blew my mind was Arianna said one word, Okay. That threw me off for a few minutes but I did not show it. Arianna then explained her needs , now in order for me to get what I want I knew I had to give back and her one and only request was to be micromanaged. This was a area I had zero experience in , even asking others in the lifestyle I was told it was way to much work let her go..

Remember the slave must adapt to your way of living , your life , your needs and your training.

Training is something I take very serious and I put a lot of thought into it. What worked for the last slave will not work with a new one. The rules are different , their personality is different , their mindset is different and of course needs. If all the needs are met there are no wants.

I asked the question several times are you sure ? Are you sure this is the path you want to take? Each time the answer was yes and so our journey began.

I am more of a Mental Owner , in order to control someone you need to be in their head , you need to know what makes them think the way they do , their habits , why they have those habits. You have to know their reasoning , now that part is deep. You have to know what makes them think the way they do. Once you are inside as confusing as it may be you are now in full control. The hard part is knowing what to do , when and why. If you fuck something up you gotta fix it so be careful.

What I do in a sense is strip one of ones dignity , I take everything away that was a need and turn them into privileges. I took all clothes away including when company came over , again depending who it was. I took all furniture away including being able to sit at the dinner table. I controlled shower time , bed time , food that was prepared. I controlled hair color , nail polish and I controlled what clothes would be worn outside when we did go out.  I controlled the way she sat , how she spoke and who she spoke to. I used her and used often. I used without a word , I used every hole , I let her know I was taking what was mine.  The slave is yours , your property , you own after all they gave you that right. Use and use how you want and when you want. While I am not a huge fan of Humiliation I do use some form during my training , again this is to reinforce our positions within the home.

Breaking a rule must be a serious offense , the slave forgot to text this is part of training. There is no reason to go off the handle. Training is about changing habits and depending on who you are working with you are looking at 90 days or more before most things catch on. We as owners must show patience.

Keeping that mindset , putting protocols in place and staying on top of the protocols , ownership is not a 9 to 5 job. As Dominants , Masters and Owners we must be available to our partners 24/7 no questions asked.

The one weakness that can kill a M’s relationship is when the Master feels guilty about punishing , or slips and does not stay on top of things , begins to let rules go without consequences. Once you change and your property has seen the difference it is impossible to turn back the pages.

The words I wish I was a better Dom or a better Master , I am sorry I am a failure. Think about those words yea pretty pathetic and your property may not say anything but the same thoughts are there. There are thoughts you keep to yourself , it is actions and words you share. The property looks up to us , not only for a relationship but guidance , direction and depends on us to keeps the rules we have put in placed enforced..

I had thought about Blogging about feminism but as stated above I will leave that as a thought..

Vile

Communication

Consensual Objectification

Posted in Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Relationship, Consensual Objectification, Dominant and Submissive, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, Humiliation, Sexual Objectification, Slave, Submission, Submissive, Uncategorized with tags , , , on October 30, 2017 by thekinkyworldofvile

A very touchy subject to most ok for some it can be good but very can relate but I shall explain where I am coming from and maybe you will agree or maybe you will not.

 

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Sexual objectification is the act of treating a person as a mere object of sexual desire. Objectification more broadly means treating a person as a commodity or an object without regard to their personality or dignity. Objectification is most commonly examined at the level of a society, but can also refer to the behavior of individuals.

The concept of sexual objectification and, in particular, the objectification of women, is an important idea in feminist theory and psychological theories derived from feminism. Many feminists regard sexual objectification as deplorable and as playing an important role in gender inequality. However, some social commentators argue that some modern women objectify themselves as an expression of their empowerment.

Here come the feminist , I can hear the roar , the abuse , the lack of caring , but yet will lack the knowledge of what I am about to talk about.

Consensual Sexual Objectification , just as entering a D’s or M’s relationship everything is negotiated and is done so both fully understanding what is and is not being consented to.

Being treated as a object , a toy , but with these thoughts comes cherished , valued , and needed. I will explain my thoughts.

In a M’s relationship love is needed , caring is needed , communication is needed , showing appreciation , showing you value the relationship. There is a but and a big but , in order to maintain a M’s relationship there has to be some sort of separation in the mind.

Master and Slave not boyfriend and girlfriend or husband and wife , you are Master and Slave. In our minds we use the term owner/property. I own but it is a consensual ownership. A ownership that has grown over the years.

Arianna and I entered our relationship as Master and Slave so there was no confusion on where we stood. As we grew and our minds expanded , Arianna’s thoughts  came to Owner/property.

My thoughts turned to sexual objectification , a body for my use. A body for my use as I wanted to , when I wanted and how I wanted. I no longer see a mouth a pussy or ass I see three holes for my use. Yea that does sound pretty bad , in fact many will see it as abuse.

So what is the definition of Master and Slave ? Does a Slave have rights or a voice ? Absolutely they do , they have the rights and a voice , the same rights and voice when the relationship was negotiated. Can the terms of the relationship be renegotiated ? Again absolutely  at the Masters discretion. I myself decide when the terms of our relationship can be renegotiated. There is a but and a big but. If there is good communication a good Master can see the needs of his slave. A good Master will make adjustments and many times without the Slaves knowledge and I have done in the past and recent without Arianna knowing.

Can Arianna sit down and say hey I am interested a D’s relationship or a Daddy Baby girl relationship , would I then make adjustments ? Absolutely not , we met I explained my needs and wants in great detail , I also stated I was not willing to change or renegotiate my terms.

The frame of mind when it comes to the Slave , the need to serve , not a want. The need to please the owner , not because one is being forced. One cannot demand submission , one cannot gain submission through fear , submission is earned and earned through respect. Respect is not giving , respect is earned as with trust.

I have learned in the past in a D’s or M’s relationship you can let your feeling get in the way. Maybe not wanting to enforce rules , or when a rule is broken , not wanting to punish. I have also learned physical punished is not always the best avenue to take.

My way of thinking there has to be a mental wall , a wall that separates your feelings in a relationship. There is a very loving and caring side but there is a side that can be a total Dick.

In modern times we all know you cannot own a slave. The way we live is a mindset , it has grown into a way of living. Kinda like changing your eating habits trying to live a healthier life. It is not something that happens over night , there are steps that are taking and before you can take any steps you have to have a plan of action  and you must follow each step in the order you meant them to be. Once all steps are in place you have to maintain that level of everything you have put into place.

The object or the objectification , looking at someone as object even while having sex. Although there are feelings , I have a wall that separates two things , one being love , and the other being somewhat cold looking at my partner as a Slave , maybe cold is the wrong word but there is a wall..

RAPE

Now before I continue I will talk about consent , non-consent. If you both agree to enter a relationship is rape possible ? Now in a D’s relationship is rape possible? What about a M’s relationship is rape possible ? Is it right to give consent to fuck then take the consent away? If being in a relationship and your looked at as being a object a consensual object is rape possible? Rape is probably the worst act of violence there is. A man forcing himself on a woman or man , or maybe a woman raping a man. No one who commits such a act should never see the light of day.

My point is how can one consent then at a later date take the consent away? I am speaking about any type of relationship. There is a but , there is always a but. If there is a case of abuse , physical , mental or verbal which can be mental as well. Then I believe consent can be taken away.

I get fixated on a word at times and the word I am fixated on is Objectification , I stumbled across a article and it made a lot of sense. I contacted the Author and asked for permission to use his material and was granted permission.

– Sir Vice
© Limits Unleashed 2017

http://www.limitsunleashed.com/sexual-objectification-pt1/

Introduction

In this post I will be sharing a preview of a workshop I’m giving to a few events on sexual objectification & training.  In this instance we are defining sexual objectification fairly literally, that being (a) the act of treating a person as an instrument of sexual pleasure; (b) broadly implies treating a person as a commodity or an object.

The caveat is that none of the above should occur without full and enthusiastic consent.  In other words we are paying careful and mindful attention to the fact that we are dismissing the third common definition – (c) often without regard to others personal dignity or emotional experiences.

As a result, sexual objectification play is much more suited as an activity within a defined scene than a part of a 24/7 lifestyle. This is due to the risk that a habit can develop where the Dominant forgets that the submissive must be a willing participant.

Clarification

Consensual sexual objectification is less concerned with the immediate feelings or experience for the sake of providing or achieving a sense of value through utility.  Participants in BDSM and the objectification kink cannot fully remove all elements of self-agency and responsibility without the risk of it turning into abusive and unhealthy behaviors.  As a result, even objectification still must be consensual activity, though it can be very blurry (i.e. edge-play and/or Total Power Exchange).

As a result, this type of activity requires invoking a certain suspension of disbelief in having this role insisted on or subjected upon the submissive or bottom even though they are a willing participant, has negotiated proper opportunities and boundaries, and can cease such activities with the appropriate safe word.

Looking Deeper

There are many types and variants on sexual objectification. Most often the focus is on the use or attributes which defines the object, versus the experience (since objects don’t have experiences).  Common types include:

  • Role: bimbo/himbo, personal slut, sex slave
  • Toys & Parts: fuck doll, live dildo, T&A, etc
  • Degradation: party favor, house slut, performer/entertainment

So what is the attraction?  First we must acknowledge that the benefits people receive in sexual objectification are quite subjective to those involved. That said, the most often expressed benefits include a clear sense of role & purpose (utilitarian); the feeling of being removed guilt or shame; and a lighter conscious knowing that matters of safety and care are left to the one in control.

Sexual objectification is often no different in other forms of objectification in that the submissive or bottom will often experience being “turned on by turning off” – shutting off the brain, silencing the chatter, and allowing themselves to go into a state of dissociation (sub-space) and just “enjoy the ride”.

Note how these benefits often are about subverting the sense of personal agency to the whim of another’s control as a means to fulfilling desires or fantasies.  As such, sexual objectification is a very focused practice in power exchange – the Owner of the object, and the owned as the object, which exists for the enjoyment and use of the Owner.

All Good in Theory

As with many elements of BDSM and fetish activities, much sounds like a good idea in theory. I have found this to be particularly true of sexual objectification.  Indeed, the reality of such play may be vastly different that of your imagination.  As a result, all parties involved need to be mindful that something can (and likely will) go awry in practice.

All those involved must be prepared to plan for setbacks and triggers, as such events are nearly inevitable, and adapt accordingly.  Change and re-evaluation is an eventuality, not a possibility. This is largely because of the potential emotional risks involved in any kind of edge play, especially ones that are deeply psychological.  Key risk factors and setbacks include significant disillusionment; the loss of confidence or security in the relationship; prior abuse & PTSD triggers; mismatched pace or desire of progression (rushing); or finding deep contradictions in core values & beliefs.

As such, it is extremely important to strike a balance between the rewards and risks.  All those involved must be adaptable and ready to recognize challenges and change to help address issues.  In some cases that means taking a step back, while in others it may be re-negotiation as new limits may be uncovered.  Only thoughtful communication and discussion will help you surmount these moments and potentially adjust to them.

Closing

Depending on how well this post is received I may continue with a “part 2” will be looking at a methodology which describes a framework for how to actually train someone in this role. If you want to see part 2 make sure you rate the post and like/share through social media so we know you want more.   😉

For now, I will leave you with the strong suggestion that many things seem like a good idea at the time, and are exciting to entertain within the mind or bedroom on occasion.  Taking it further, however, requires significantly more investment of time and attention to ensure everyone is on the same page.  This means careful consideration of needs, wants, and limits; constantly evaluating and communicating; and being very adaptable and forgiving when things go off the intended path.

That said, if you find enough common working ground, you can find deep satisfaction and excitement as you explore hidden needs and unlock them through sexual objectification.

Yes there is a part two , the information here is really informative. I ran across several articles but found Sir Vice to have very in depth information…

Sexual Objectification Part 2 Training.

Introduction

In my prior post on Sexual Objectification Pt.1 I provided a high level introduction to what it is, why people do it, and some things to think about in terms of starting your exploration.  In this Part 2 writing I’m going to dive more into the Training aspect.  How does one train a submissive (or prepare if you are a submissive) for sexual objectification play and conditioning.  The methodologies in the following are typically key elements in sexual objectification training, which in no way is standardized.  Everyone has their own way of doing things. The below is presented in order of what I have found useful, but is subject to interpretation and the fit and response of those involved.

Negotiation

Before you even start the training, you have to try to get a full appreciation of the page on which everyone rests.  If you haven’t read my post on Negotiation & Consent, I strongly advise you do so before proceeding.

 

To review, Negotiation requires active participation by all parties to constructively and collaboratively build a framework of success.  This means being able to openly discuss desires, needs, limits, and potential solutions.  Sexual objectification training should therefore begin with an assignment for all to outline a history of inspiration or desire for this activity – What influences brought you here to desire to explore this aspect of yourself?   Itemize the desires, fantasies, wants and needs in one list.  Similarly, you should also itemize potential triggers, traumas, restrictions, or limitations.  For both of these lists it’s important to then prioritize by “forced ranking” – meaning each category can only have one number one or top priority.  This helps to reduce conflict resolution between wants, needs, and limitations.

 

Only once this is accomplished can you hope to sit down to compare & contrast ones desires with the limits, both for yourself (no matter what side of the power dynamic you are on) as well as between those involved.  This is when you start to work to find solutions as a cooperative team with the goal of developing something that is mutually satisfying.

Planning

Once everyone has a common understanding and goal, it takes some planning to get there.  Achieving any goal or destination requires some degree of active planning, at least at a high level or outline format.  This is to help ensure progress is taken in measured steps, and that all involved are ready for the next step once signs are clear.  As in Negotiation, there needs to be ongoing discussion about readiness, comfort levels, and if the goals remain valid.  Remember that change is inevitable, especially as progress is made, and one has to adjust accordingly.

 

Execution and planning is largely up to Dominant/Owner in the relationship, having drafted at least a rough plan or road-map with Indicators that things are on the right track.  The submissive must provide feedback & input, so a calm “sit down” is required prepare the submissive mentally and help remind them this is something that they accepted and are actively responsible for choosing to support.

Intensity & Control

Once conditioned to respond, constant use becomes predictable. As such one needs to intensify use through building sexual tension, feelings of suspense, even lack of use.  One needs to disrupt the rhythm in order to add to the intensity.  There is no brightness without experiencing the shadow, so contrast is required to help highlight the response and value from use.  One can accomplish this with periods of abstinence, edging, ad hoc “quickies”, public sexual simulation (without release), and others.

 

This is a form of control via removing the submissive’s sense of personal agency and self-control. The more the submissive is likely to be used at any time, the more likely they become compliant and remain fully “on alert” and desirous. Of course, you cannot do this without slowly ramping up the level of control.  You can exhibit control through general appearance & dress, dictated use (when and where), forced orgasm, using some spontaneous variety and/or innovation, etc.   Essentially you want to get to a place that says the sexual object is to be used by any and all (negotiated) means, at any time or place.  Again, within the confines of the negotiated and consensual terms.

 

Note that the above introduces selective chaos by creating patterns and then disrupting them.  We break the pattern to add to the suspense, we add tension by adding measures of interruption or uneven rhythm.  The purpose is to stimulate desire while conditioning to be “always ready” since the when is never quite known.  While surprise can build anxiety, if carefully employed gradually over time, it can greatly enhance progress.

Assess & Revise as Needed

Pushing the envelope of progression too far & too fast will cause problems, setbacks, or relationship failures.  All involved need to keep communication channels open and have regular “touch base” conversations.  Avoid giving in to frenzy or over-ambitiousness and trying to speed things along, as this will often lead to a catastrophic failure.  Cautious pacing is needed, as well as the need to remain adaptable.  Sometimes a step back is required to evaluate where someone is emotionally, physically, or otherwise.  The more we respect the truth that everyone processes their inner world experiences differently and at different rates, the less firm out expectations are and the more flexible we can be to a given situation.  The benefit of being “soft” is that we can respond with grace under pressure and allow progress to resume, even if modified.  What is too resolute and hard in its ways will often break.

 

Bear in mind broken toys are no fun, and leaving wreckage is irresponsible at best.  If we can accept the reality as it happens, then we can manage the consequences more readily and appropriately.  Managing the consequences (versus the intent) means working collaboratively, being clear in communication, and honesty with yourself and with all others.  Other than just managing the situation, we have to show compassion – care for another’s wellbeing.  Keep in mind to prioritize safe & healthy practices which will not damage or harm yourself or others physically or emotionally.  Take care of yourselves, of one another, and remember this is only a Part of your life, not the whole of it.

Conclusion

Sexual objectification focuses on use & utility, and while very exciting a notion, it often can sounds better in theory than in practice.  Be very honest about wants, needs, limits & risks, and focus on collaborative negotiation constructively for everyone’s success.   Bear in mind this is a form of conditioning, so take your time, there’s no need to rush, and being able to move forward at all is better than having to abandon ship entirely.  Since sexual objectification training is like any edge-play, there are increased risks inherent – be adaptable, flexible, and able to change as needs arise.

– Sir Vice
© Limits Unleashed 2017

Any type of training takes time , the first initial maybe 90 days , then depending on your goal 8 to 12 months. There is a conditioning  a transformation the slave goes through and this is a slow process. The training never ends it is a daily activity , that comes with consistency.

Vile

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Slave

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, A Slave Is High Maintenance, Acceptance, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM 24/7 Relationships, BDSM Protocols, BDSM Relationship, BDSM Relationship Negotiations, BDSM Rules, Building a BDSM Relationshp, Collar, Collared Slave, commitment, communication, compatibility, Consensual, Consistency, consistent, Dominant, emotional, http://bestslavetraining.com/, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, Inservice Slave, Master And Slave, Master and slave relationship, Mental BDSM, Micromanagement, positive reinforcement, Private Protocol, Protocol public, Protocols, Punishment, Slave, Slave Owned Property, Submission, submissive, TPE, Training Arianna, Vile Woods on FaceBook, viledesires62@aol.com on February 22, 2016 by thekinkyworldofvile

I never pressured Arianna to call me Sir or Master , I waited because such an honor is clearly earned.

I loved the steps I took in building a relationship, I loved watching the relationship grow, but I also knew in order for it to be successful I had to be who and what I was.

I wanted Arianna to ask , and I waited for that question. Will you be my Master, I knew then I was on the right path.

Although we spoke of training and what our goals were , yes hers and mine , I did not go into any great detail and only answering questions when they were asked.

By earning ones respect you get so much more than trying to demand submission. You can demand submission but your not getting the whole picture nor are you entering a true relationship with any meaning.

A slave is not weak a slave is strong in mind body and soul, however a Slave does have different needs and goals, along with a different type of structure.

I had a strict 90 day plan in hand and I began training without a word. The one thing that made me stop and think was there was absolutely no resistance this was something I had never experienced. Today our relationship requires only daily maintenance , as with any other relationships just on a different level.

There are many definitions today when we try to define a D’s or M’s relationship we are all different and we have different needs.

Although Arianna may be my wife, best friend and partner she is property first, she wears a collar 24/7 that shows my ownership, I can proudly say it has been over 3 years she she has been collard and it has not been off one time. She wears her collar proudly and yes this includes work. Before entering a relationship that was a strict requirement of mine.

Many today do not take the collar serious , it is worn during play , when out to local functions, or when company comes over that is the only time it has any real meaning. If that is your lifestyle that is fine it fits you…

Although we train and we train to fit our needs  , we also have to take the slave into consideration. We need to set goals, we need to insure our property fully understands what is about to happen. We need to insure their needs are met on all levels, many would like to think it is a one way street but that is so far from the truth.

I myself take the collar very serious , it is a sign of ownership, it is a sign of devotion, it is a sign of submission, again do not take this wrong this is only my opinion.

Master/slave

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

 

In BDSM, Master/slave or M/s is a relationship in which one individual serves another in an authority-exchange structured relationship. Unlike Dominant/submissive structures found in BDSM in which love is often the core value, service and obedience are often the core values in Master/slave structures.[1] The participants may be of any gender or sexual orientation. The relationship uses the term “slave” because of the association of the term with ownership rights of a master to their slave’s body, as property or chattel. While male “masters” will usually be referred to as “Master,” whether or not female Masters are referred to as “Master” or “Mistress” may depend upon whether they identify as following the “Leather” or BDSM path.[1]:27-30

The Master/slave (or owner/property) relationship is entered into on a consensual basis, without the legal force of historical or modern non-consensual slavery, that is forbidden by the laws of most countries.

Respecting ones limits be it physically or mentally , knowing the limitations , knowing just how far you can go and still remain in control. Fixing problems before they become problems.

The feeling of security , the feeling of being wanted , the feeling of being needed, but most of all the feeling of being able to trust and respect.

In the beginning when the relationship is defined , what is expected , the rules and protocols, once everything is in place we as Masters cannot change things up a year later, many times going back on your word can be a deal breaker. There are times when something may need to be changed but I feel it needs to be explained in detail how it would benefit the home.

Training is changing the thought process , training is changing habit and replacing them. If you sit and think if done right you can create the perfect partner, that is the easy part , the hard part comes with maintaining it.

The training would include verbal , physical , mental, emotional , and at times rituals this is where structure comes into place. In my Master , slave or Owner , Property structure plays a huge part as with rituals , rituals become rules, protocols become rules.

Although I do feel punishment is needed that is not my main focus, I do not sit around and wait on Arianna to break a rule, she knows when she breaks a rule, which I can say has only happened once in 3.5 years. Positive reinforcement and communication plays a huge roll in any relationship.

Breaking someone to the point of feeling worthless , constant humiliation , abuse mental and physical , remember if you break it you have to fix it. I am more than sure the end result is not something you would want in a lifetime partner.

Training comes in a few different areas , be it service , sexual,  how to speak in public what to wear , how to talk , how to communicate with people or who not to communicate, who to hug or who you shake hands with ,how much do you want to control? We live a Owner Property relationship , a consensual relationship , consensual being the key word. Make no mistake I run and control everything in my home.

Just make sure who ever you are considering make sure they have your best interest in mind..

 

 

 

Training Is On Going

Posted in 24/7, abuse, Acceptance, Adapt, are you submissive, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Relationship, BDSM Relationship Negotiations, BDSM Relationships, BDSM Slave, BDSM Slave training, BDSM Structure, commitment, communication, compatibility, control, Dominants, Domme, FaceBook Vile Woods, Master And Slave, Rules, slave, Submission, submissive, Train your slave, Training Arianna on October 25, 2015 by thekinkyworldofvile

You read you hear the word Training on a regular basis. You hear how some have been trained , you hear about those who want to be trained and why they want to be trained.

I have found over the years even though I had a mentor , I had some training I had to go through , more of a self training , things I knew I had to make improvements and different areas ..

At one time I had a very bad temper , it took me years to get it under control, it took me years to learn how to channel anger into positive thoughts. This was a must after all if I could not control myself how was I going to control someone else?

The first thing a Dominant will tell you is he is in full control, then comes the screaming and yelling calling you a stupid bitch, or at times even getting physical.

At times I have to make changes to Arianna’s daily activities , maybe adjust a rule a protocol , I change something up. I may see an area that needs improvement. I make the change many times without even saying anything, or her even knowing, that is how well I know her.

Just as a submissive’s or Slaves training is ongoing our role as a Dominant or Master is ongoing as well. I know on a daily basis there is something I learn, I want to gain more knowledge be it about life in general or about the lifestyle.

There are three major downfalls when it comes to any relationship, the first being communicating, second Trust and third anger issues, and for anyone to Master all three is nearly impossible.

Past relationships can cause your current relationship to crash and burn, if you bring either of these three with you. Being able to freely communicate is so important, the Dominant must allow theirs to openly communicate about anything without fear of retribution, if you cannot then maybe you need to rethink your current relationship.

There are those who crash and burn their relationship on purpose, I have a friend who has told me several she will purposely sabotage the relationship, just because things are going to good… I suppose this stems from past relationships that included abuse.

If I cannot control myself , if I cannot control my emotions , if I cannot control my temper , then how can I control someone else ? If I cannot control my own life, if I cannot make the correct decisions , if I cannot show respect , if I cannot be truthful , if I cannot be honest ? Then how can I expect someone to submit to me ?

The tables turn when it comes to the submissive or slave, you have to be upfront, you have to be able to communicate, you have to be honest , truthful, but most of all you have to want.

I would imagine or I know being Dominant or Submissive without knowing what or who we are can be pretty confusing. I knew early on I was different but until my early 20’s I never gave it much thought. I assumed every woman wanted to be tied up, spanked and fucked in all holes without asking. I saw women as an object to be used just for pleasure, and in some cases even a hobby.

Once you start being able to figure everything out most things begin to fall into place, then meeting people with the same interest. That was the time and point I started to grow , slowly putting the pieces of the puzzle together..

What makes the lifestyle so awesome is we find our own place in life we need to be, it allows us to be who and what we are. It allows us to open up , communicate and share with others. I know for the longest I felt pretty lost not really having anyone to talk to, or sharing my thoughts with anyone.

Even dating It was hard to express my feelings and emotions when I did not even know what was going on inside my head, and there were not many woman who understood me.

What I have learned over the years is to try and understand others, while I may not agree we should take the time to learn when it comes to different kinks and fetishes. Today it seems we are to quick to judge others instead of trying to understand.

It was not until my early 40’s it hit me when thinking how training really hit someone , you actually change someones way of thinking, you change the way one acts, talks, walks and the way one dresses. You take things away and give as you see fit. We guide , we train , we give rules , we give the promise of being there , we communicate and yes at times we punish. This is a lot of responsibility , this is a huge task , and at times staying on task can become a task.

Over the years I made mistakes, I made a lot of mistakes and I made some over and over.  Something I never did though was blame someone else, I knew when things went south it was my fault, but by the time you catch the mistake it is to late to take control again, mainly because the sub as seen that side of you.

You can only train someone if they want , need and are serious, if the sub is just going through the steps you are wasting your time and neither of you are able to reach your goals. I always started out with small task to see what the frame of mind was. I was and did not intend to go through the motions just to get my kicks, my time was way to valuable..

What type of Dominant are you looking for, maybe a Daddy , a Top a Dominant a Master all of these are things you need to consider. If your a Baby Girl why would you enter a relationship with a Master ? If your a Bottom why would you enter a relationship with a Dominant ?

What makes you a Baby girl ? What makes you a submissive or a slave ? What makes you just a Kinkster ? The Dominant or Domme should ask the same questions , what role does one want to fall into, where is the best fit, how much responsibility or control do you want..

What do you want out of being trained ? What are your goals ? What are your needs ? Has the training process been explained to you ? What does the Dominant want out of your training ?

The question is , What Do You Want To Do With Your One And Only Life ?

viledesires62@aol.com

focused

Vile

 

 

I am working on several post and a new interview is coming

Posted in @vile62 on Twitter, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Relationship, BDSM Relationships, BDSM TPE Relationships, Master And Slave, Master and slave relationship, slave, submissive, training your slave on June 12, 2015 by thekinkyworldofvile

I have been super busy with work , my hours have changed at work , which really sucks canal water but all is good.

Our second wedding anniversary is coming up here in a couple of days.

I have a new interview I will be doing here pretty soon…

I actually have about 15 drafts waiting to be finished….

I am also going to talk more about Arianna and I still thinking about forming an awesome Triad..

I am also going to cover more about Arianna’s Training

Much love

Vile

Fetlife = Drama

Posted in 24/7, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Protocols, BDSM Relationship, BDSM Relationships, BDSM Structure, communication, Dominant, Dominants Protocol, fetlife, Fetlife Groups, fucking and sucking, kinkster, Master And Slave, sex, slave, Submission, submissive, sucking cock on May 1, 2015 by thekinkyworldofvile

Everybody is wrong , but at the same time everybody is right, everyone has the answer, everyone knows what is best for you or how fucked up you are and you need to just call it quits and stay home and be a hermit.

The only people who know your wrong are those telling you how stupid you are, they all have to be right , right ? Or maybe just maybe they are the ones who are fucked up and your the smart one for asking questions ?

One question was and believe me no question is stupid but one question. How do you maintain your Head space between being a submissive and living in the Vanilla world.
What the fuck these people just started Bashing this girl to no end , Arianna pointed it out to me and I could not believe the remarks I was reading. It is no wonder not only people but those who are new to the lifestyle are scared to even ask what fucking time it is..

Why do some like to swallow ? why do some loving sucking cock? while there are those who refuse. Why do some love anal sex and can cum while being fucked in the ass while there are those who refuse to give up the ass ?
Why do some get off on pain while there are others who want no part of it? Why are some just into kink but not the lifestyle ? Why are some Baby Girls who want Daddy Doms , while others are submissive but only in the bedroom ? Why do some want to be 24/7 while others just want a fuck buddy ? Why do some want to live as a slave and give up total control ?

The list goes on and on and on and on , it is never ending and it will continue to grow. You know I do not understand why someone would want to be a pony but I think it is cool as fuck.

The thing is no one is wrong , you cant do that ? Well who in the fuck are you to tell me what I can and cannot do ? Which bill are you paying this month.
The funny thing is these loud mouth no it all’s are the ones who are single.

What I do not understand I try and learn , instead of putting people down I try to understand which is not always easy. One thing no one can change is we are all different , we all come from different walks of life and we all have different needs.
Sometimes it take some a little time to find their fit , where they belong.

I myself cannot believe the amount of disrespect a lot of subs and slaves show on Fetlife , it makes me wonder if their Dominant , Daddy or Master knows the things that are being said.
The Baby Girl , the Submissive , the Slave is a direct reflection of your owner. The way you act in public , in a chat room , or on a post reflects directly on your owner. It is also a direct reflection of your training if any training at all.

Most of the Doms or Masters who tell others they are wrong or they do not know what they are doing are in fact single. The Internet Kings trying to tell others how someone should be living.

We will never understand everyone , we will never understand others kinks and non kinks , but we can all try to understand and maybe learn from others.
I do try and keep an open mind , I enjoy reading how others live and what they have to share.

Social groups would be much more enjoyable and a lot less drama if people would jut try to understand.

gene

vile

Master And Slave Behavior modification

Posted in 24/7, Adapt, adapting, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Protocols, BDSM Relationship, BDSM Relationship Negotiations, BDSM Relationships, BDSM Rules, BDSM Slave training, BDSM Structure, BDSM TPE Relationships, Behavior Modification, cock sucking, commitment, communication, Consensual, consequences, Consistency, consistent, control, Dominants Protocol, FaceBook Vile Woods, Giving Head, Gorean Portocol, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, Manipulation, Master And Slave, Master and slave relationship, owning a slave, provocative, Rules, Self-Discipline, slave, Structure, Submission, submissive, sucking cock, Total Power Exchange, Total Submission, Train your slave, Training Arianna, training your slave, Training your submissive on April 25, 2015 by thekinkyworldofvile

I have covered this before , but I would like to go into a little more detail. I am not by any means an expert , nor do I have a PHD. What I do have though is almost 25 years experience in the BDSM lifestyle. I have played many different roles , the only thing I have not done and never will is be in the submissive role.
Some will argue you have to be submissive before you can be a Dominant and I find that statement to be complete hog wash. I have filled the Sadist role, I have been a Daddy Dom , A Dominant and a Master , owner of Property. Each role is very different , each role needs different care , but what they all have in common is they all require communication and honesty.

I have done years and years of research, met thousands of people in the lifestyle some good and some bad , some real and some fake. The one thing that is for sure you have to take your relationship serious. You have to know without a doubt what type of relationship you need , not want.

Behavior modification
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
For the journal, see Behavior Modification (journal).

Behavior modification is the traditional term for the use of empirically demonstrated behavior change techniques to increase or decrease the frequency of behaviors, such as altering an individual’s behaviors and reactions to stimuli through positive and negative reinforcement of adaptive behavior and/or the reduction of behavior through its extinction, punishment and/or satiation. It is similar to operant conditioning but with the absence of the antecedent. Behavior modification is now known as Applied behavior analysis (ABA) which is more analytical than it used to be..

http://www.livestrong.com/article/234171-examples-of-behavior-modification-plans/

Basics

Behavior modifications plans will vary depending on the individual and the behavior or behaviors that need to be changed. Behavior modification plans will include reinforcers, which are consequences that increase the behavior, and/or punishments, which are consequences that reduce the behavior.

Here comes a word I bring up in just about every post, can you spot it ?

Consistency

When developing any type of behavior modification plan, it is important to keep in mind the ease of use. For behavior modification plans to be effective, they must be followed with consistency . Therefore, if the plan is hard to use, the likelihood that it will be effective will decrease because there will be inconsistent follow through. Okay maybe you missed it ? consistently , Consistence.

During any training the key is consistency if you the Dom or Master are not consistent you will fail and it will be your fault.

No matter your degree of submission you are going to go through some type of behavior modification.

Okay so BDSM is not medical and we certainly not shrinks by any means , but we are not only Dominants Masters or Daddy Doms , we are giving the responsibility and have agreed to take care of someone.

Now you the Dominant if you have any plans at all , in introducing any type of Behavior modification during your training this is something you should cover during your negotiations.

Adaption is a form of Behavior Modification , submission is a form , or just in general your employer.

When you speak in terms of BDSM your life takes a 100 degree turn, the way you talk, act , walk , speak, dress and in most cases even your hair color. Speaking of sex you will go through a few changes , now the sex is on your owners terms, the way you fuck , the way you suck cock, the way you lay , and at times when your allowed to cum.
Sex is on my terms , many men think with their dick and some would crawl naked through broken glass if they thought they were going to get a blow job, that is a true sign of being weak , and weak minded.

We train to fit our needs and wants , we train to fit your needs. Training can only be successful through positive reinforcement. Positive reinforcement is a reward , you have done well, you are doing good thank you for all of your effort, you will make me a good slave. I really appreciate the effort you have been putting into our relationship.

I have covered in great detail about Arianna’s training and today it is on going. It is funny when I first met Arianna I asked her, how do you see your self as a salve? Her reply was she did not know. I asked her if she had any ideas about what she wanted out of training and her answer was no.
I then explained as we grew together and we learned each other she would have questions and things she would want to try and today that statement proved me right. Arianna is always trying to come up with ways to deepen her submission. The truth is she would rather be chained 24/7 and just used for pleasure and service.

Recently ahh about 3 months ago I required Arianna to speak in thirds , Speaking in thirds is mainly a Gorean protocol , while I am not Gorean I do use many of the lifestyles protocols. Speaking in thirds is a reminder of not only who Arianna is but what her position is in out relationship. Now she never uses the words I or me, it has been replaced with she or your slave. While she had second thoughts about being able to master such a task , Arianna has perfected it.
Did it happen in a week ? Of course not , did it happen in a month ? Again no it did not , did it happen in two months ? Again it did not , did I punish her when she messed up or forgot ? The answer is no I did not punish her. You have to remember I changed her whole thought process as far as speaking and thinking before she speaks. The harder=est part was being able to change her speaking process when around family and friends, I can assure you that is or was not an easy task. Everything is done through Positive Reinforcement

Rules that are attainable not out of reach , unrealistic will break a relationship. To many rules can cause a over load and cause a mental crash. The Dom spends more time waiting on a rule to be broken then training.
Rules are a type of Behavioral modification , your taking bad habits and replacing with good habits and again the is done through positive reinforcement , security , structure, communication , and rules.

You have to determine how far and deep you want to go with your submission. You have to determine how much control you want to hand over , you want to make sure your needs are met because if they are you will have no wants.

One last thing i want to add is , if you do not live together the above is nearly impossible to achieve. The Dominant really has no control over you and you will grow tired of trying to please someone who is not there.

train

Vile