Archive for the BDSM Relationships Category

Defining Your Submission

Posted in 24/7, bdsm, BDSM Relationships, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, masochist, Slave, Submission, sucking cock on February 13, 2017 by thekinkyworldofvile

I did a blog a couple of years ago on the Seven Most Common Types of Submissive’s Each has their own inner feelings about who and what they are. When you break down you’re personality you then have to find a Dominant with the same interest. Just because a Dominant is a Dominant it does not mean he is the Dominant for you.  Then you move into some different areas are you just a submissive in the bedroom ? Are you a submissive when the Dom is ready to play ? Are you a submissive just at home ?

A huge mistake that is made often is when you first meet a Dominant , you are talking you tell him you are one thing , but he states something different. You are not a baby girl you are a slave. Now why does he say this ? He is looking for a slave and not a baby girl. So he will try and twist you’re thoughts and he has a come back every time you state you’re case. After sometime you will agree and give in.

You have spent much time defining who and what you are and this guy has known you for a few hours.

When searching I had a plan , I knew exactly what I was looking for, I knew the personality I was looking for. I was single for about two years and I had dated several but after the first date I would just say hey this is not going to work. You cannot force someone to change and you cannot change someone who has different needs.

You have kept you’re feeling from your friends and family this is something you have thought about for a long time, you did research , you did research on you’re personality, because you wanted to fit in. To find the right fit is to be free, free to be who and what you are not to let someone change you. If you need to be changed by someone then the Dominant is really looking for something else. If you change to please someone you will never be happy.

Breaking down the Dominants , there are less Dominant personality’s than submissive or slave personality’s

The Sadist , there are very few sadist who are actually Dominant , sadist gets off on inflicting pain. Once he has finished a scene he is pretty much done so do not expect any type of aftercare.

The daddy Dominant looking for his little girl , Daddy Doms are more laid back, not really into a lot of rules or structure and more Dominant in the bedroom. This is not true to all daddy Doms I have met a few who are very strict. Daddy Doms proved more of a safe zone feeling usually more affectionate .

The bedroom Dominant is someone who is only Dominant while in play this also goes along side of the Top. Once he walks outside of the bedroom he is done so if you expect any type of aftercare then you should speak up before play…

Then the get it done Dominant , no rules , no structure just get it done. This seems to fit many types of those who are submissive or Dominant. Here is something I need you to do just get it done. I know a couple who are local who fit this description and it has worked for 8 years.

The over controlling Dominant , this is the little insecure guy. He has to know where you are at all times . He wants to know why it took you 23 minutes to get home from work instead of 20 minutes and he will ream you’re ass over 3 minutes . He wants all of you’re passwords and in most cases if you are dumb enough he will take you’re banking information.

The Master and there are many other types of Dominants but you can google that . There are a few different types of Masters the main one is the title Master, he believes this is a entitlement for what ever reason he has earned this status. The title master demands respect , he demands you call him master not sir but master, remember this is an entitlement. His logic of thinking is to take and take and give nothing in return , giving you rules that are not checked and making changes to those rules when he finds it necessary. The entitlement master continues looking for ways to punish you mainly he gets off on abuse but to him it is legal abuse.

Looking at profiles on Fetlife and I see Master ,daddy , Dominant , I am asking myself how in the fuck does that even work ?   I am Master , Daddy , Dominant and owner of Baby Girl so and so.

I am not about titles I am however about respect but respect I have earned. If you demand respect it is not true respect it is fake and nothing more. You cannot demand submission but you can gain submission through intimidation again this is fake because submission is out of fear and nothing more.

To earned submission or respect you have to earn trust , trust is a very hard word because it is the easiest to lose , yup one slip up and the relationship has crashed. This is the point of no return and the Dominant goes into the begging part , stating he can fix it he will never do it again. The problem is the submissive has already seen that side , those thoughts are implanted deep with her mind.

Maintaining trust maintaining you’re word , staying true to you’re word, staying honest that is huge.

It is an honor for the submissive or slave to let those words pass from her mouth. Yes Master, how may I help you Master?

We as Masters have a huge daily task keeping everything in check , setting time aside to talk , just talk or talk about concerns. Communication is more than 95% of any relationship being able to speak freely. If the submissive or slave really trust you they will come to you about anything knowing you are there to listen and help.

Although we are in charge, although we make all of the decisions there is a fine line we as Masters have to walk. I know and you should as well what it would take for the kingdom to come crumbling down. This is why I preach being consistent  on a daily basis is so important. You cannot be a Dominant 9 to 5 you’re submissive has the right to have access 24/7 remember you signed up for that.

Never let anyone define who and what you are , never let anyone try to change you. If the Dominant tries to change you then you are not the right one for him.

You the submissive it is up to you to define who you are and what you’re needs are to a new Dominant. You do not have to use the word Sir until he as earned the respect you need to have earned. Never take demands from a new Dominant if you have not agreed to enter a relationship.

You spend maybe 25 minutes talking and he blurts out I believe you are a slave and not a Baby Girl , or a Brat what ever. You say hey wait a fucking minute you don’t even know me , how would you know.

Only in the lifestyle does the conversation start out , do you swallow ? Do you like anal sex? Are you Bi? The biggest are you into humiliation ? That question is a true sign of abuse.

Ive been in the lifestyle for 25 years , okay great can I talk to some of you’re friends ? Can I speak with some of the groups you belong to ? This is not only important it is you’re right.

Once you define who and what you are stick with it , let yourself evolve over the years..

When you meet a new Dominant keep you’re mouth closed and legs closed for 30 days.

Also check out my slaves Blog …..

https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/

Vile

Pussy To Man is Like The Apple To Adam

Posted in abuse, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Relationships, Cheating Dominant, Dominance Through Intimidation, fucking, Giving Head, Manipulation, Slave, Submission, Submissive being used, sucking cock, Uncategorized on February 6, 2017 by thekinkyworldofvile

Most men will crawl naked through broken glass if they think they are going to get laid.

To some pussy is an addiction, an uncontrollable addiction, and at times it interferes with their daily life.

This is where the games come into play. Telling you what you want to hear just to get you on you’re back.

Now your feelings do not come into play nor do you’re emotions.

There is however an easier way but it does take a little work.

To get into ones mind is an incredible feat. To figure out how someone thinks is an incredible feat. Once in the mind you own it. There are no limits to the growth, there are no limits at all.

A submissive or slave are only looking for a few things in life.

Security , Trust, knowing they are cared for , someone to take responsibility for their actions.

Most men are the worst communicators in the world , I suppose some are scared , but my guess is many just do not care.

If it turns out a man is Dominant but his wife is not submissive he then feels bad about approaching her with the idea of D’s or bringing up the kink. He may feel like it is abuse. The problem is by not communicating he then turns to cheating , finding someone he has no emotional feelings for, someone he can use and go home with no connection. This is his way of justifying his actions. Once he is caught he will turn the tables around and make it her fault for not fulfilling his needs.

I have a friend well not really a friend we talk from time to time, but he spends all of his spare time on Match and Plenty of fish. He spends hours hunting and once someone bites he insist they come to his place. Once he has the pussy he is done, he then finds a reason why he should not enter a relationship with them. They lie , they are needy , they cant be with him 24/7 but he does not want them to move in.  It is never his fault , by placing the blame it makes him feel better.  Use and out the door , no feelings or emotions…

Some 10 years ago I use to drive a cab part time , believe it or not those dudes make a decent living. I picked up a family of 4 husband and wife , 2 kids and she was smoking hot, I mean blood rushed down to my dick so fast I got dizzy  she was that hot.

Once we reached the Hilton the guy handed me a hundred on a 35,00 dollar fair. He tapped me on the shoulder and asked me to wait for him while he took everything to his room. Once back down he entered the front seat and wanted to know where the hookers were?

Okay there are some respectable workers today who work and make a lot of money , a lot of money , but what he was looking for was a 20.00 dollar hooker a crack head. I reached in my pocket and handed him 65.00 dollars and told him I had a call .

This guy was willing to put his wife and family in jeopardy , he was willing to take the risk of catching something and passing it to his wife, is this true love ?

When dating someone new this is the time to be honest , by the second or third date both should begin to open up. If you the man likes getting your cock sucked and the new girl friend does not like sucking cock guess what ? It is not going to work. She may like anal sex but you the male thinks its disgusting for what ever reason , guess what ? It is not going to work. If you like bondage and spanking but she does not guess what ? It is not going to work.

Honesty is everything , being truthful about you’re needs, if down the road the kink side comes up sit you’re partner down and talk , talk a lot about the feelings you are having , why the feelings came up. There is a great chance he or she may come around , if not guess what ? You gotta suck it up because you knew before you entered the relationship , and if it comes up later and you talk and the answer if no you should suck it up if you really love and respect.

The lifestyle relationships be it a D’s or M’s or what ever category you put yourself in. Being new is a mother fucker because you are going to be used and dumped a half dozen times before you get it right. Men who do not take the lifestyle serious and are out just for the pussy and nothing more. He sees submission as a weakness , he knows he can use you and use you for a long time , leading you down a road of broken promises and promising things will get better.

The breakup you think it is your fault and of course he will put the blame on you, this will make him feel better, while you sit and feel sorry for yourself. The problem is you knew all along something was wrong.

It took me years to realize it was harder playing the game that it was to be truthful . I stepped over so many hurdles just to get a little head or some pussy by the time it was over I felt like I had wasted so much time and got nothing. It also took me years to realize the damage I had done to others , emotionally , mentally and physically. The truth is I did not care I was getting my nut.

If you want the pussy be up front you might be surprised how many are looking for a no strings relationship , eat date and fuck then you go home. That would make things simple.

You the male Dominant can have anything you want , sure it takes work , sure it takes devotion , sure it takes caring , sure it takes being honest , but the rewards out weigh the bad if you are looking for bad. We can all find something bad if that is what you are looking for. I myself concentrate on the good, and if you continue to look for good there will be no bad.

I made it a point once I figured out who and what I was, what I needed and wanted out of a relationship. I was determined to find the right one, the one who could fulfill my needs and wants, but in return I had to give. In return I had to give back more than I was taking.

A man never wants something until you tell him he cannot have it. It may not of been important at the time but now that he cannot have it , it now becomes a need.

You the female yes you , if in a committed relationship should do what ever you can to make you’re man happy within reason of course. You should care enough about his needs.Okay so you don’t like anal sex , you are talking 5 minutes of your life. You don’t like sucking cock or swallowing again 5 minutes. You keep your man happy he will not stray, but and yes but you do have those idiots.

I will never cheat again please just one more chance I am begging. Yea you can believe this just like I am so sorry I will never hit you again. Once a cheater always a cheater, the same with being Hit out of anger he will hit you again and again.

Pussy To Man is Like The Apple To Adam

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Fall Of The Married Dominant

Posted in @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, Baby Girl, Bad Dominant, bdsm, BDSM 24/7 Relationships, BDSM Relationships, Consensual, Daddy Dom, Dominant and Submissive, Giving Head, http://bestslavetraining.com/, infidelity, Married Dominant, NCSF, submisive, Submission, sucking cock with tags , , , , , , , on January 22, 2017 by thekinkyworldofvile

I am going to start off by saying I am really pissed off. This past year has really been fucked up , not with my life but our election process , protestors , crying when losing , but that is not what I want to cover right now but it falls into the same category.

Fetlife is an awesome social Site for like minded people. Fetlife has thousands of groups and forums to allow those with little to know experience to learn and meet others if you so wish….. Every kink you could ever think of some you know then others are like what the fuck.

Unfortunately there are stupid people in the world , there are those who do not give a fuck, and there are those who simply do not care. As with any site you have to be careful fuck even eharmony has had bad things happen , Christian Mingle , you know shit happens.

What I mean by shit happens there have been several rapes , probably more because over half go unreported.

As with any website when you take money you have to go through a Merchant to handle you’re credit cards. It turns out the Merchant thought Fetlife was a liability when some of the fetish’s that were listed, and many have been removed , as with some profiles and some even had to change the screen name.

 

I cannot express the caution that needs to be taking when meeting a New Dominant. You the Slave , you the Submissive , you the Baby Girl what ever you fall under you have to be careful.

There is a Vetting process you should put the Dominant through , it is you’re right to know the guy inside and out. You have the right to ask questions , email or text others he knows in the community. Lets face it anyone could say they are a Dominant , a Master, or a Daddy Dom. Most will tell you they have been in the lifestyle for 10 , 15 , and 20 years. Most will tell you they are very experienced , when in fact they do not have a clue and this is where you can get hurt. Once you are tied up spread open wide you are fair game and you cannot do anything about it until its over. Think about that really hard , I mean really think.

99% of Dominants are active in the community , roughly 75% want to make a difference in the community , they want to help. Those who tell you they are not you need to find out why? Some will say it is because of work they cannot be seen , but the truth is even like Munchs there are no signs up that say hey this is where are the Dominants and Slaves are meeting. I know Teachers , Lawyers , Doctors who are all lifestyle friendly.

You also have to find out if the Dominant will support you if you want to be active in the community that is what a Dom is suppose to do..

Then we have the Almighty Married Dom , the Married Dom who goes behind his wife and cheats. These are not Dominants these are dudes looking for kink. These are guys who want to find someone who will do things his wife will not.

You are there for one purpose and one purpose only and that is to be used , and you are used on his terms when he able to sneak out of the house. If you think about it if he was a Dom he would be running his own home and would not be looking for a submissive right ?

Having a Married Dominant is a lonely life , when you email or text most of the time it is a week or longer before you even get a response. The reason is I am to busy , work is really crazy , I just didn’t have time. Think about those reasons for a minute, really he has no time to text or email really ? It takes roughly 30 seconds to send a text and about a minute to send an email.

You’re training will consist of sucking cock , and laying on you’re back , getting you’re ass beat for no reason and you take what is giving because you feel you have something to prove.

Training is really an in depth process , it is a process that does not take a week , two weeks , three weeks I am talking months. Training is a hands on process, training is a eye to eye process. You cannot do it texting , you cannot do it face timing , or sending videos , naked pictures or doing anal training alone while he jacks off over the phone.

There are actually two more side to this story though and both are Okay if you are happy with seeing a Married Dom and getting banged once a month, yea the no strings attached thing and that is okay, it does not make you into something bad everyone has needs.

Then there is the Single Submissive who knows the game , she knows about the married Dom , she knows what he is up to , she knows he is sneaking behind his wife’s back and she knows he is scum , pretty much worthless.

I have blogged about Married men before , as a matter of fact several times and not one time has a married dude ever come forward and try to explain his actions.

So I recently received a comment from a single submissive who knows the game , but the trick is , while the Dominant is playing the game she is one step ahead. In fact she is playing the game , and she is running the show. She plays until she gets tired of him then drops him like a bad cold.

I love it because in the end , his ego goes from a 10 to about a 2.5. I cannot even imagine how someone would feel on that end of the stick.

When I responded I was ecstatic , in total awe , I had to re-read it a dozen times…

So here is it..

I’m a female sub. I love married men because I know where it begins and ends. Pants off, pants on, and back out the door to his miserable wife. I get off, he gets off, and we get on with our lives. I keep my feelings in check which is easy because the foundation of our arrangement is built on 1)lies (bc he’s a cheater) and 2)fantasy. I’m usually the one that has to remind these married slobs the shine will rub off, this is not everyday life. Unless you are already married and in a DS relationship. After 1 month I’m the one who usually gets bored like you said, married men get caught up and the attention is not there. I’m fairly new to this lifestyle. I’m also a medical professional and I’m a mother. I don’t need love from a married man! All I want in life is good sex with someone who understands my submissive side, to be the best mother I can be, and to further my career.

Bam how fucking awesome it that, like a Black widow use and then go in for the kill..

Remember you got to be safe , you have to think with a clear head, you have to ask questions and yes even ask for proof. If you meet up with someone and you have not told anyone if something happens then it is all on you…..

Make that safe call, take a pic of his tag , find out where he works , where he lives, where he hangs out. This is you’re right…

bestslavetraining.com is an awesome source for information…. Check it out

NCSF Has a ton of legal information when it comes to the lifestyle check it out.

https://www.ncsfreedom.org/

Vile

Rules And Training

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Relationships, BDSM Structure, BDSM TPE Relationships, cock sucking, codependent, Collar, communication, compatibility, Dominant, Dominant and Submissive, http://bestslavetraining.com/, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, MAST, Master And Slave, Master and slave relationship, Protocols, Slave, Submission, Submissive, Submissive being used, training your slave on January 17, 2017 by thekinkyworldofvile

I get emails from Submissive’s and Slaves asking me questions about training and rules. Meeting Doms for the first time.

You meet on a dating site you send messages back and forth and the Dom hounds you for your phone number until you give in.

The first questions are how long have you been in the lifestyle, you state you are new to the lifestyle but you want to learn. BOOM first mistake you are hooked. You start texting back and forth hes not really asking questions about you he is more interested in what you’re limits are , are you bi sexual ? Do you swallow ? Do you do anal ? What is the shortest skirt you own ? Do you ever go without panties ? How often do you masturbate ?

So after being hounded you agree to meet because you are tired of the pressure. The place is classy probably a Denny’s in the corner . He has instructed you to wear a short skirt with no panties. You have second thoughts but agree after all you want to make a good impression. You are instructed certain time to text because the Dom is busy with work and works really crazy hours and when you do text most of the time it takes several hours to get a response or even a day or so.

When you meet the Dom still knows very little about you or you’re family and friends , what you enjoy doing in you’re spare time, music or food , just the kink side of things.

You are instructed not to make eye contact and you are told to address him as Sir. He does most of the talking mainly because you are afraid to ask any questions even though some of it does not sound right.

He spends a great deal of time just talking about himself , and bragging about everything he has done and ask very few questions about you.

Most likely hew ill pull out a collar he bought at Walmart or petco and throws it at you and you are now owned..

Now you’re training starts you walk out and get his car he unzips his pants and you are instructed to suck his cock. Keep in mind you have no clue who this dude really is, you have no clue where he lives because you do not have his address, you don’t even know where he works, and you are about to suck his dick.

You know in you’re mind this cannot possibly be right because you are seeking more but you will blow him just to please. These are guys who do not have a clue nor do they care about you or the out come.

The most difficult about training is being able to sit down and out a plan together. What worked with the last relationship will not work on the next. Every Slave or Submissive has a different personality , they have different needs and the out come of the training will be different.

You’re questions , why do you want to train me ? What is the end goal you have in mind ? What am I going to get out of you’re training ? What are you going to get out of training me ? Now this next question will stump a Dom who has no clue. What are you’re protocols public and private ? What type of structure will you provide? Do you have any Ex issues ? That is a huge biggie many Ex’s still have a hold on his belt. Am I going to come first ? Will I have 24/7 access to you ?

A few of the first questions a Dom will ask before even knowing you’re favorite color is are you Bi ? Are you poly ? Do you mind if I see other women ? What are you’re limits ? That is usually the first or second question believe it or not. Do you swallow ? Yes a lot of women do not. Do you like Anal sex? Everything is about sex and nothing about you.

To train you is to know you , You say you are a Slave but maybe you are not sure so there are questions that has to be asked and you have to be completely honest.

To train you is to know you , how you think , what makes you think the way you do, you’re habits , the likes , the dislikes what areas if any need improvement.

This should be you’re train of thought , although I have needs not wants but needs , my main purpose is to serve and please. The train of thought should be if my Dom is happy I am happy. Second you have to be sure you are getting the whole package.

There was a conversation about training but you enter the relationship and nothing changes. The only thing that has changed is he is barking out orders and he likes to beat you.  This is where communication comes in you should and have the right to ask questions, you have the right to get answers. If you ask a question and you get yelled and it happens on a regular basis then maybe you need to rethink you’re situation. Never I mean never let feelings get in the way of happiness that will fuck you up every time.

You have to be truthful from the start , if you tell the Dom you love being fucked up the ass and when it comes time and you freak out it will not be good. Honest you have to be honest and not honest just to please.

The Dominant has to be honest , once rules are giving out they are set in stone. Down the road a Dom may revisit the rules and maybe there is one he feels you  do not need any longer. Once rules are in place a Dominant will not change just because he wants to punish you. The truth is a Submissive or Slave will strive to be the best they can be. Mistakes do happen I know this and so do other Dominants.  If a Dominant has enough protocols in place very few rules are needed if any. Protocols are the driving force of structure.

When you first meet a Dominant you meet on you’re terms and you’re terms only , you can even go as far as picking the place somewhere on public. You pick what you are going to wear and how you will address him. Many will demand that you call them Sir. That right is earned after you have full respect for them and not until. Submission is earned not giving. Most Doms who have no clue will try to give you a collar. This shows the fuck is a total idiot and nothing more. The collar is picked up from a pet store or walmart and is just tossed across the table and you are told to put it on, you are now owned lets start you’re training.

I have had failed relationships some I did not care about others I lost sight of direction, or I was stumped and had no idea which way to go. I knew what I wanted and needed but had no idea how to get there. I could picture the type of relationship I wanted but was stuck in first gear. Most relationships at that time were just a matter of convenience. I had pussy on a daily basis and someone to suck my cock. I knew going in it would not last and would only be around until I got bored or she got to clingy.

A dominant is not born over night , it is not something you just wake up one morning and say hey I want a submissive. There is growth , the wisdom, learning to control the anger , and finding ways to divert the anger to funnel it out of your system. Learning words are far worse than being physical. Bruises go away words do not, not that I condone being physical no man should ever hit a woman out of anger.

Observation , asking questions , thousands of questions , Observing , learning , communication , learning how the submissive thinks learning what they think the way they do. Learning their habits , their needs, their wants. Tv , music, hobbies, reading the submissive like a book. Once you have that down you can begin their training. Training that will be effective , training that will benefit both.

You Guys , you Dominants , Masters you can have anything you want , you can have anything you need, you can have anything you have ever dreamed of, it just takes a little effort on your behalf. You have to be willing to put as much time into building the relationship as you want out of it. One thing you cannot take more than you give, if you do it will never work..

Good Info. http://bestslavetraining.com/

 

 

A Married Dominant Will Destroy You

Posted in 24/7, Acceptance, BBW, BDSM 24/7 Relationships, BDSM Relationships, communication, Dominant and Submissive, Master and slave relationship, Slave, Submission, Submissive, sucking cock with tags , , , , , on November 21, 2016 by thekinkyworldofvile

The married Dom who lives two separate lives , one with his wife who thinks everything is just fine, watching the kids play games or attending school functions , then there is the other side.

His wife is not really into kinky sex, his wife does not suck cock , his wife does not do anal. His wife would think he was sick if he was to bring up the dark side he was thinking about.

The married Dominant is most likely addicted to porn and finds it really hard to have sex with his wife now. Porn is an outlet for him. Now do not get me wrong I do indulge from time to time if something comes to mind, but in my years for what ever reason I have stopped watching so much.

More than often the Married Dominant who cheats brings it on himself , the lack of communication , caring , giving up afraid to express his feeling , or feeling neglected . There is one thing for sure no matter how bad he thinks he has it , there is no way he will leave the security and safety net his wife has built. There is no way he will give up everything more so if children are involved. He will not leave his wife.

The married Dominant is insecure he has a low self esteem. Think about it if he cannot run his own house how can he control someone else.

With the above brings you nothing but drama , his insecurity’s will be passed onto you. He will not trust you, he is cheating and he will think the same of you. The Dominant will demand passwords to all of your accounts and at times you’re banking information.

Sex is more about abuse and at times can be very Violent. The only time you ever go out is the first meeting and you sit there listening to unrealistic demands adding stress to you. While talking you notice how he keeps watching his watch or phone.

The meeting ends either going to a motel or you sucking his cock in the parking lot, yea part of you’re training.

The training starts with you sending pics and short videos , self anal training , and a daily journal which he will never read.

You are just entering the lifestyle and you have this thing called Sub Frenzy , the mind races a hundred miles an hour, you cannot think straight and you are believing everything you are being told by one man.

The first words he speaks is always be honest and truthful never lie , but the truth is the relationship has already started out in a lie on his end at least.

There will come a time when you will find out the Dom you look up to is married. Then he sits you down and almost cries giving you a sob story about how big of a bitch his wife is. She does not understand him, the sex is no good or the most famous line is his wife knows and does not care.

At first everything is going smooth he will make you feel like a princess until he gets comfortable and thinks you are hooked.

The attitude changes pretty fast he will become short tempered with you, he will call you names and tell you how worthless you are, how you are nothing with out him. The truth is you only spend a couple of hours a month with your new Dominant and those times are spent on you’re knees or on your back.

You will sit on the couch all balled up holding you’re cell phone waiting on a text an email or maybe even a call. You text you email but you dare not call , and only when you get to see him in person he explains work has been busy and he did not have time to text you or call.

You can forget Birthdays , Thanksgiving , Christmas you will either be with family or friends if allowed , while he is at home with the wife and kids cooking out with the smiths next door. He will never take you out in public in fear of being seen.

You’re friends are cut off , he does not want you speaking with other Dominants or submissive’s . You will find yourself alone sitting and waiting.

You as a submissive has rights but you do not know this, you are afraid to ask questions, in fear of losing the relationship you think you have.

You will give all of your passwords to someone you hardly know, in the back of you’re mind you know something is not right but you do it in fear of losing the relationship you think you have.

Being a Dominant brings on a great deal of responsibility , being a Dominant means you are available 24/7 no questions asked. That is what you deserve and that is what you should demand.

Remember a part time Dominant does not deserve full time submission , the relationship is not a one way street. Before entering a relationship both of you need to sit down and make sure you are both on the same page, you both have the same needs and kinks. Just because he is a Dominant does not mean he is the right Dominant for you.

If the married Dominant cannot run or rule his own home, how can he fulfill the needs you have , how can he possibly control you?

You are a piece of ass and nothing more, there are no feelings , there is no love and no caring you are a piece of ass and nothing more. I promise you the first time you need him and you call or text he will not be there.

When all is said and done you have lost most if not all of the friends you once had, you can kiss you’re self esteem good by and maybe you’re bank account because he had all of you’re passwords.

You ask for advice but you do not listen because of the sub rush going on even when you are told the situation is fucked up you still do not listen until it is to late.

The above may not bother you , you may be okay with the arrangement and if that works for you then so be it but for the majority it does not..

What do you want out of life or a relationship ? How many months or years will you continue to make the same mistakes ?

If you feel something is not right or you see the warning signs and you do nothing then it is all on you, you have no room to go crying to others and expect someone to feel sorry for you.

Be smart take time , entering a D’s or M’s relationship is a long interview asking questions and listening and making sure the answers you are getting are clear. Making sure you know where you stand and what to expect. Making sure you have 24/7 access.

A dominant cannot just meet you and want to give you rules. A Dominant cannot say lets start training, without even knowing you. Training in the lifestyle is tailored towards an individual every submissive is different there for training will be different.

You want to find out if the Dom is really interested in you ? Stay off you’re knees and keep you’re legs closed, see how long he will hang around..

Vile

 

 

 

There Is No Failure

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, bdsm, BDSM Relationships, communication, Dominance Through Intimidation, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, Humiliation, Slave, Submission, Submissive, Submissive being used, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on October 31, 2016 by thekinkyworldofvile

I hate the word failure , I hate it even more when someone who’s the word failure, it has no meaning. When someone uses the word Failure it means they are looking for pity, empathy , reassurance, thinking maybe just maybe I can pull them from the depths  of the living hell , when they are the ones who dug the hole. A screw up on your end does not make it an emergency on my end.

I have a problem with empathy , mainly because most problems are self inflicting. You act before thinking , or you act knowing the outcome but you’re willing to take that chance.

So what if the first relationship fails , so what if the second or the third fails and the odds are if your new in the lifestyle you will take those steps.

The new submissive or slave goes through what is called a Freenzy a New Dominant will experience the same thing. The mind is racing a hundred miles an hour and you will listen to know one. The new Dominant wants a mentor and that usually last about two weeks.

The key word is not communication , I talk to people everyday I do not like. The key word is compatibility. If you are not compatible , no amount of communication will help either of you.

There always has to be someone to blame. She was a bitch , he was a dick. She was not submissive, he was not Dominant.

Just because the relationship does not work does not mean you or anyone is a failure. The wrong person at the wrong time.

There are two words I use on a regular basis. Love and Appreciate each time I look into Arianna’s eyes and say I love you or I appreciate you and everything you do.

If I take I give back , that is something many forget in a relationship we tend to take things for granted , we forget how we got where we are.

It is the Submissive or Slave who makes a great Dominant or Master. Those words are hard to swallow for some. It is the Submissive or Slave who builds the home, who sets the pace. It is Arianna I am grateful for.

Being a new Dominant you are ready to jump in head first, you are the kind , you want to rule you’re  world, You are Tarzan beating your chest. You grab the first Submissive that comes along, you start barking orders, and in a short time your Submissive has somehow become your mother. The Submissive now starts to question you, the Submissive now becomes needy, the Submissive now becomes emotional , the Submissive now wants to communicate.

What ? I did not sign up for this shit, I just wanted some ass , a little head , someone to clean and cook. Just as the Submissive did not do enough research neither did the new Dominant. The relationship fails. It does not make anyone a failure.

Many times when a relationship in our lifestyle fails the blame goes to the submissive, we as humans hate to take the blame or responsibility when something does not go right.

Last month a Dominant whom I had broken ties with contacted me out of the blue , I sat there for some time just thinking about if I should contact him or not. I did and the first words out of his mouth was someone told me I have a bad name in the community. I was like get the fuck out really?  The truth be known he does, he is known to be very abusive, mentally , verbal and at times physical. I have never witnessed the physical but I have the other.

I distance myself from people like this and I do it for a reason. It is not that I care because I do not. My circle is small and I surround myself with those who are positive. Those who are negative will only pull you down into their living hell. Those who are negative will bring drama at your doorstep and expect you to help clean it up , or possibly want you to take care of everything…

That old saying , making the same mistake expecting different results , that is not a mistake that is being stupid.

Being naive is a serious problem for those who are new to the lifestyle. You meet a Dominant , you get the frenzy like he is a god and you believe everything he says and you fall for the bullshit.

Someone contacted me and even commented she is going to meet her new Dominant and he wants to begin the physical training, what ? I am going to assume that she thinks this is okay and will go along with it, the word Naive comes into play when she asked for advice I emailed her and no reply which I am good with. It could also be this is the type of relationship she is looking for.

I take training very serious, training is different for each slave or submissive. Each has a different way of thinking, different habits , different needs.

You cannot just meet someone and start laying out rules and begin training because you know absolutely nothing about the submissive. A Dominant who would even suggest such a plan is just a fucking dumb ass.

You are not broken , you are not a failure , so you are a little needy , so you may be a little codependent, so what if you need direction, communication, rules and structure , this does not make you a failure.

Many can spot these signs and at times use it against the submissive. You are a failure , you are worthless, you are nothing without me, you are a stupid bitch, sound familiar ? This is when you open the door and run as far as you can, you never allow someone to bring you down.

Dominants who do not have any experience or are ego driven use such tactics , name calling , isolation , passwords to all of your accounts.

You are going to make mistakes , you are going to make several mistakes , but the mistakes you make does not make you a failure. The key is to learn from your mistakes and make the proper adjustments .

You are no ones submissive until you agree to enter a relationship, you have the right to say no until you agree to enter a relationship. You do not have to call anyone Sir until you feel the Dominant has earned your respect.  You are in control 100% until you agree to enter a relationship.

If you are in a LDR relationship training does not work , it will not work it is virtually impossible. Most LDR training consist of sending nude pics, phone sex so the Dom can beat off. The Dominant has no true control if you do not live together or in the same city.

Training is a hands on project.

If you’re training consist of you laying on your back or on your knees sucking cock then you need to step back and ask questions.

Learn from your mistakes.

 

 

 

 

 

What Does She Get Out Of The Relationship

Posted in 24/7, @vile62 on Twitter, abuse, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM 24/7 Relationships, BDSM Protocols, BDSM Relationships, BDSM Rules, Building a BDSM Relationshp, commitment, communication, compatibility, CONSENSUAL NON-CONSENT, FaceBook Vile Woods, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, Master And Slave, Slave, Submissive, Training Arianna, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , on October 19, 2016 by thekinkyworldofvile

This was a question posed to me last week while out . A friendly get together , One of my days I am able to get out and be me. Getting together with those who somewhat think as I do, a heavy sigh when I sit down and sip on my chocolate Latte , or is it mocha ? I know it is one Arianna always gets my drink. This week she was not with me , Arianna and out newest addition to our home were spending quality time together . Ariannas mother has been ill and had a heart procedure done on that Wednesday so rest was much needed as well.

I have been mentoring a new Dominant and at last it is someone who is truly interested in the D’s lifestyle, someone who has not only been listening but someone who is taking the proper steps in building a relationship.

There are several things that come into play when building a 24/7 D’s Or M’s relationship.

One being compatibility just because your a Dominant or submissive does not mean the one you met is right for you.  A lot comes into play , you may or may not want rules , your view on kink may be different, you may or may not like pain or humiliation , you may not want to give up total control. If the Dominant you have met has nothing in common with you then move on.

Being able to talk to each other not at each other, you can listen but not hear a fucking thing.

Knowing you have a open line of communication any time you have the need. Knowing you can share your feelings and not be afraid to. Knowing you can share your feelings and not worry about being yelled at.

Both having a goal in place , both having needs that have to be met.

When you first meet a new Dominant be it being introduced , maybe a dating site , maybe fetlife and you both hit it off you may want to see where things go.

One thing I try to explain to submissives or slaves he is not your Dominant he is a man and you are a woman. You have to set the lifestyle to the side and find out what you have in common. The Dominant has no control over you , nor can he make any demands.

On a normal vanilla date the man ask what kind of food do you like and the Dominant as if you take it up the ass? Do you swallow ? Do you get off on humiliation ? How do I know this ? I have been there I have done just that , I have played and I have used and when I grew tired I forgot your name.

Something I never gave much thought about was the impact I would have on someone by using them. I never thought about the emotional impact The impact if they were not stable in life , mentally. A few months or week can have a huge impact on someones life, and many times the submissive or slave will make several more mistakes before they find out they have been played. Then the one she connects , the one she begins a relationship with is handed the task of cleaning everything up, if it can be cleaned up.

What does she get out of the relationship ? I am older than she is I just cannot see what I have to offer, I do not see how I can benefit her.

Here is the tricky part , once you decide you want to take that step and try to begin a new relationship there are steps that should be taken. If at any time you the Dominant try to take any short cuts or look over something you will fail, you will crash and burn.

More so , both have to be honest with each other to a T, you cannot leave any skeletons in your closet. Things are easier to fix or deal with if all your cards are on the table. If you wait and something comes up and it proves to you be your fault or you lied , you are the only one to blame. If you cannot be honest and truthful you cannot be trusted, if you cannot be trusted you cannot build a relationship.

Codependency runs through out the lifestyle not all but the majority of those who are submissive are codependent. Being codependent is not a bad thing that is unless you happen to fall into the wrong hands. I read something not long ago where a submissive said she was feeling depressed and the reply from a Dom was , you just need a good fucking.

When I talk to a new Dominant who is about to enter a relationship , my first words are you’re whole life is about to change. You’re thought process is about to change, the way you acted , the way you speak , walk, act in public.

Then comes the dump truck , that will back up to you’re front door and start to dump. This is when you sit down looking at a puzzle in a million pieces and you have to put it all together. As you are putting together getting all the pieces to fit together you are looking and the puzzle is still growing.

I have yet to figure out why ? Most of the time a submissive will jump right out of the pan into the fire and just start spilling their guts and the Dom just sits there with a blank stare thinking what the fuck have I done.

It is like you have a hundred books in front of you all of them are open, here is the tricky part. Some are fiction but some are non-fiction and you have to be able to separate everything.

Once you have gathered all the facts and you have decided to move forward you can now put a training program in place. A training program that will be tailored to not only you the Dominant but to the slave or submissive. What worked training worked on one will not work on another. The same goes with rules.

As Dominants we have our standards when it comes to protocols public and private, we already have our structure in place and both will fall into part of the training.

I had mentioned codependency and the needy thing , while there are some who do not fall under either, I have found through out some 25 years most are indeed both.

In a perfect world and there is such a thing I know I am living it , in a perfect world there are many benefits a submissive or slave will experience.

What does she get out of the relationship , more so if the Dominant is older and in our lifestyle the age gap is pretty common.  An older Dominant for the most has settled down, the anger issues are out of the way, we have sewn our oats We are more settled and basically looking for the same thing a life long relationship.

Being in the right frame of mind , this is why we must communicate to make sure this is a need and not a want, making sure it is just not a fantasy or a sub frenzy. Communication I call just dating getting to know each other, finding what we have in common besides the lifestyle ….

The Submissive is seeking what most are seeking that is love and understanding, they are seeking acceptance. They are seeking guidance, and structure, and knowing someone wants to be with them because of who you are.

Being in the right frame of mind , truly understanding who you are and what your needs are. I would like to add LDR’s Long Distant Relationships seldom work unless there is an immediate plan for one or the other to make a move. If that is the case you should meet more than one. The submissive should be able to obtain references , check the local community. A good reason just recently a submissive move from Main sold everything she had moved in with a Daddy Dom and in thirty days time he set her out on the street with no place to go.

Training is for the good of the relationship I use to call training a form of Patty Hearst Syndrome, but as I grew older , now it is almost like rehabilitation a total mind reset, changing ones thought process.

You cannot begin training someone unless you truly know them, until you truly know the submissive inside out and it does not begin being physical.

The Submissive should have 24/7 access to her Dominant living together or even in a LDR this is most important if long distance it gives a sense of security.

If long distance know where your Dominant lives, know where he works , what he drives, after all he will want you to be transparent and he should as well.

Once you walk through the door and you drop your bag it is like you have stepped into another dimension, you will enter a whole new world. You the submissive has to be willing to adapt, you have to go in with a blank mind.

On the other side there is another Dominant and submissive, both who require no rules , no structure, no protocols and this is fine because if that works for you life is good.

When Arianna and I first met she was somewhat hesitant about entering a relationship with me because of the age difference. She had a bad experience with a Dominant who was much older than she was . He wanted the play and control but wanted none of the responsibility that came with the relationship. When Arianna first met him she was in a slave frenzy and trusted way to easy. After 6 months it came to a end but we had met just prior to the crash.

We talked or I let her talk because I needed to see where she was coming from and what her needs would be.

If you think about it a Submissive or Slave is looking for about the same thing someone in a vanilla relationship.

Trust , open  communication, honesty, , Loyalty , Someone who will not hurt them be it mentally , physically or verbally.  Knowing her limits will be respected. You can push someone over a cliff and the damage may not be repairable, or you could lose the trust you worked so hard to gain.

A good friend of mine a new Dominant asked the question what does she get out of it and she gets the above , but she gets so much more. Now she feels she has found home, she now feels she can be herself without being made fun of.

If you the Dominant leads with a fair but firm hand she will follow and follow with no questions.

Once rules are in place you cannot change to fit your needs, nor can you add more than one can take. Here are 50 rules and I want you to memorize them and be able to recite them back to me. This is unfair unless you the Dominant can do it. Very few rules are needed if you have protocols in place. Many have made fun of me when I speak about protocols but the fact is if you have in place and you are consistent you do not need that many rules.

If you the Dominant explain in detail who and what you are, then you have to maintain that status, so you need to be careful when you start explaining who and what you are about. If you tell someone what you need and expect you have to be able to explain what you have to offer and how you can benefit the relationship.

I explained the relationship is about me, when it comes to taking care of me, when it comes to sex everything, but I had to prove I would give back more than I would take and to this day I have proven that.

A true Dominant has gotten past the anger issues , a true Dominant is in full control , not only himself , but his surroundings , his home and his property. A true Dominant will drop what ever he is doing in a time of need. A true Dominant will listen with an open mind. A true Dominant will listen and care and find a solution when needed. A true Dominant will step up and take full responsibility. A true Dominant will put you first even when it comes to family and without question. A true Dominant who truly knows you , knows when something is wrong or about to be wrong, and will fix before things get out of hand.

I believe the Submissive should get way more out of the relationship than the Dominant does.

Arianna and I live a consensual non consent M’s relationship but and there is a but. This was all agreed on prior to entering the relationship . We entered the relationship as Master and Slave.

If you are both true to your word , if you are both honest and can communicate openly you will experience a relationship like you could never imagine..

Vile