Archive for the BDSM Relationships Category

Submission Is A Mindset

Posted in @vile62 on Twitter, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Relationship Negotiations, BDSM Relationships, Bestslavetraining.com, cock sucking, communication, FaceBook Vile Woods, http://bestslavetraining.com/, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, Master And Slave, Slave, Submission, Submissive with tags , , , on September 15, 2017 by thekinkyworldofvile

Wow we just recovered from a category 3 Hurricane , what a mess. I slept through most of it , Arianna on the bed looking out of the window with a flash light, only waking me when we lost power so we could set everything up for our salt water aquarium. Lynn was away taking care of a dear friend. The good thing is we now have power back but I did miss a few days of work. Arianna had a rough couple of days a work helping to get everything back in working order, she sent me a screen shot of her health app and by days in had walked over 21.000 steps or roughly 7 miles. Our house has gas so we were able to cook and yes I had fucking coffee. As soon as the winds died down I busted out my grill.. Ahhhh my 1977 Grand Prix was locked away in the garage , but my insurance company had already contacted me before the storm, how fucking awesome is that?

Now to the story

 

There is no one definition when it comes to the word submission , or even a Slave. It does not matter who or what you are you will not find the same pair of shoes or the same size..

Every Dominant is different , every Master is different so there is no comparison, same thing with the shoes all are different and no two pair are the same.

Defining your Submission can only be done by you , you know who and what you are. Even if your exploring you still have a good idea.

Training most in the BDSM community do not take that word very seriously  it may come up but will quickly pass or something may start but then fad very fast, but you the submissive are caught up in the heat of the moment and probably will not even notice.

Mo

The same with a Dominant or a Master we know who we are , we are the one who defines who we are and what type of relationship we are looking for. I spent years looking for that perfect shoe size.

When my relationships did not work in the past I put the blame on the submissive. She was not really a submissive , she was fake , she was to dumb to follow direction. That was was so far from the truth , it was my fault , I was focused more on the sex side of things and the physical play and not the control.

Asking the right questions when meeting a new sub or slave, showing a true interest in what is said.  We hear but do we listen ? Do we process the information that is giving ? Are we taking mental notes ? If you are considering the submissive as a potential partner are you coming up with a game plan as words are spoken?

Getting in ones head , processing their thoughts , figuring out how and why the sub or Slave thinks the way they do. If you do not know someone you cannot train someone.

Ask yourself this question does your dominant know your favorite color? Does he know what type of music you like, movies, food , your birthday? Does he know your brothers name , your sisters or parents names?

The mindset , your mind not your heart needs to want to give up control. I am not speaking of all because there are actually very few in our lifestyle who want to live a D’s Or M’s lifestyle , most again is just kink related , dom and sub while in the bedroom. Once your mind is in place and you have connected with the right one your heart will follow allowing your submission to grow.

Been around for more than a decade one of the best sites for information to date is http://bestslavetraining.com . There are books , there are articles that are written but what you are looking for is a guide , a guide that will lead you in the right direction. Books are and can be good but you are reading what has worked for someone else. This would not be the case for you. What works for me will not work for you.. However you can take ideas and experiment and maybe implement some things..

Capture the mind , you can rule the world , her world , your world. Capture the mind you capture the whole state of her submission. Capture the mind , and you capture the body and mind. Capture the mind and you capture the respect. Capture the mind and she will follow as you lead.

Knowing your limits , knowing where you stand when it comes to play and your body. Negotiations are very important when entering a relationship. This is not something that should take place in one setting. Mean what you say and say what you mean and stick to it.

Saying the word NO for some is very hard but it is a must at times. Even when it comes to friends. Friends will reach out to someone who cannot say the word NO more so than others and many times you get nothing in return. If you do not agree with something then say NO. You do not submit until both have to to some kind of agreement.

Put your limits on the table including the ones your not sure of and the ones you are willing to explore. Be smart but most of all be safe , think smart and logical , keeping your head clear with make you able to make the right decisions.

Your submission is a mindset , your feelings , your needs , you as a whole a mindset.

You and only you know what your needs are , you and only you control your own destiny.

I want to thank each and everyone of you who stop by. If there is a topic you would like for me to touch on just let me know…

Much Love

Vile

Married And Interested In BDSM

Posted in bdsm, BDSM Relationships, Couples New To BDSM, Dominant and Submissive, http://bestslavetraining.com/, relationships, Slave, Submission, Submissive with tags , , , on August 21, 2017 by thekinkyworldofvile

Stepping into the lifestyle and being a vanilla couple can be challenging but it can be obtained. I am not speaking of the Dom/sub bedroom only I am speaking of making a huge step into a total different world. The longer you are married the more difficult it will prove to be. The main reason is you already know each other inside and out. You will both need to do hours , days and months of research. Try your best to keep from speaking to others until you both think you have found your place. If you start trying to listening to others it can become confusing because everybody is different , and what works for one couple will not work for another.

Who will take on the Dominant role? Who will take on the Submissive role? Either way both have to decide just how much control one wants to give up and the other how much control one wants to take on.  Are you both looking at Dominant /Submissive , Master and Slave , Daddy/Baby girl who fits where and why?

This is when the time comes to sit down and just start talking crazy, all of those kinky thoughts you have had but you’ve been afraid to say anything in fear of what your partners thoughts might be. The best way is to write everything down a list 1 to 10 starting with the ones you are most interested in. As you bring each subject up talk about it and why you like it or may like it. This is when your fantasy’s come out but you have always been afraid to bring those up.

In my years I have found men are the ones who are most resistant to any kinky ideas and most do not want added responsibility. This is due to the wife cooking , cleaning house , laundry , grocery shopping , paying all the bills , and if you have kids taking care of them.

Some years ago I would only see married women , and there was no sex involved at all. Ranging anywhere from early 30’s to mid 60’s. What took place was bondage , some lite spanking , a lot of humiliation , oh did I mention head , I got a lot of head but according to congress here in the US , oral sex is not sex. You did not think I would take time out of my day and get nothing out of it did you? The bottom line is each Submissive I met had a couple of things in common. One a lack of communication. Two they women were afraid of bringing the topic up. Three when their kink was talked about they were told they were sick get over it.

Discussing what direction you both want to go and again just how far. Our lifestyle is so diverse , there is no end and we are all different. What some may call a D’s relationship others may call it just kink , or while others may call it extreme.

Allow mistakes to happen because they will , you will probably spend hours and hours talking about the progression and the mistakes. There is no need to get discouraged , the important thing is to learn from your mistakes. Allow growth and explore and take notes and talk about things you do not like or your not will to do , put limits in place.

Get out in the community , go to local events there will be a lot you can learn especially when it comes to play , rope but most important impact play, safety is very important.

It is a long road but can be very exciting and the growing never ends… A lot of couples talk but do not talk openly , a lot are not able to share their feelings or thoughts in fear of the reaction they will get.

Why do people cheat ? They cheat because there is something they are missing, and it can be something as simple as communication , a lack of attention , maybe the sex needs to be worked on. Most see see sex as a one way street. With men however the cheating has to do with sex. The wife wont give head or is against anal sex , or maybe just kink. This is why communication is so important. Most people think its easier to just walk away instead of fixing something.. All you have to do is pack up and start all over and most of the time you leave with less than what you started with.

You both may seem lost at times , you may see yourself struggling , but if you both stay vigilant your world will rock.

A good source for information

bestslavetraining.com

Vile

 

Why Not Give Her A Chance

Posted in bdsm, BDSM Relationships, Building a BDSM Relationshp, commitment, communication, Dominant and Submissive, Slave, Submissive, Train your slave, training your slave with tags , , , , on August 12, 2017 by thekinkyworldofvile

I was going to blog about something else but as I started this topic came to mind. I have over 2000 post but I do not believe Ive touched on this subject or if I did I am sure this will cover different material.

I had a friend and the key word is had , Arianna and Lynn had met him before a couple of times but in the past two years he has dated some two hundred women and met them on different dating sites. Every women he has met has had something wrong ranging from ADHD , to Depression , Anxiety , and a couple of girls back Asperger’s Syndrome.

Some men or Doms enter a relationship looking for the bad , looking for something wrong. Maybe the way they dress , which you can change , hair which you can change , they way they eat , which you can change , the way they communicate which you can change, their thought process which you can change or if you find nothing wrong at all you make something up.

If you are A Dominant , Master or Owner you have the ability to change anything in your relationship , you can change any of the above , you can alter ones way of thinking , but and there is a but, it will take some time and work on the Doms side , it will mean time invested.

Now this does not mean to be the knight on the White Horse , this does not mean to rescue. This does not mean to have someone dump all their problems on your plate and say hey fix this. If you meet someone and there is a container full of problems and they truly want a relationship you as the Dominant can give direction on how to fix everything but you should not enter any type of relationship until said problems are fixed. If the Submissive truly wants a relationship he or she will take the proper steps to begin fixing things if they are not willing to put forth a effort then drop them and move on , because some broke dick will step in and rescue. If you rescue it will not work , once everything is fixed you are gone.

On a mental level there are just some areas you do not want to step into. This does not mean someone is broke , no one is broke it just means what ever the problem is , is more than you can handle. You also have to look at the medications someone is taking , for instance someone who is suffering from Schizophrenia , I would think it would not be fair to even attempt to bring he or she into the lifestyle. Someone suffering from depression this does not rule out but what medications are they taking and why? It takes time to get to know someone but in out way of life it moves at subsonic speed. Many times you find yourself as a submissive sucking cock on the first date , or being tied up and getting your ass beat or your brains fucked out of you. Yes the first date how in the fuck does this happen? Then within  a day even then after you were fucked you find a collar around your neck and the dude knows absolutely nothing about you but and there is a but that will probably be the last time you wear the collar or maybe just during play.

So instead of just looking for the bad , concentrate on the good , find the good qualities , but more important look at the possibility’s , look at the quality’s , look at the compatibility, but more important what is the potential, look at the potential and what you could see in the future.  Look at how sincere their submission is , listen to their words look at their eyes. What are their goals ? What are your goals? If you look at everything meaning the whole picture you the Dominant may want to invest some time.

Start off small a few rules , give correction if needed , but this in no way means beating someone. You can go much farther speaking with someone adult to adult explaining what was done wrong or why a rule was broken. Barking orders does not make you a Dominant. Someone with good communications skills , someone who can listen , someone who can  give direction when looking out for the relationship.

Seeing potential in someone is very hard if your just interested in getting the pussy. Once you have banged her everything else goes out the window you no longer care because you hunted , you found , and you conquered.

Some are just happy with the kink , some are happy with just having a weekend fuck buddy , but there are many looking for more. Im thinking just how much of your life do you as a male or female want to waste. We as humans are a commodity and as we grow older our value drops. Our value drops each day , each month and each year for those of you who continue to play games. There will come a time when you roll over in bed and find yourself alone.

Seeing potential in someone , willing to invest time in someone can be very rewarding. If you are a experienced Dominant or Master and you put together a good training program , the rewards are not limited. If both are serious and in the right frame of mind , the growing never ends.

I pride myself on my relationship maintaining a drama free home with no problems. Make no mistake managing two can be a task at times but for the most everything just falls into place. Working together as a team makes a huge difference , and communicating. Every night at dinner that is our talk time and no cell phones are allowed , this is when everyone can speak freely about what is on their mind.

Sometimes we fail to see what a submissive or slave has to offer , it goes way beyond the the kink or just having someone around to clean. If your looking for a maid then you should move in with your mother.

Some Dominants you meet are insecure , emotional , and controlling. Those who have temper problems , a Dom who has a temper is a total no , no. Becoming a Dominant is a long learning process and many relationships will fail until you have found yourself and you have found the one who fits you. My advice would be when meeting someone take your time get to know your potential partner. Get to know them as a person and best friend before taking that huge step. Our way of life is so much deeper than just having a BDSM relationship you have to have some type of vanilla in your life..

Depression can be handled , weight can be handled , someone who is insecure can be handled.  Someone who is not organized can be handled , Someone who is emotional can be handled. Most anything can be handled if you the Dominant wants to take on such responsibility’s. Its very important if you start something finish it. Before you start make sure its a task you want to take on. If something does not work right it is on you the Dominant your the one in control , your the one who is training , your the one who makes sure everything stays in order..

If you are in a long distance relationship most of the above does not apply, in order to be in full control you must be able to reach out and touch , if your doing it by phone , or cam your playing a game…

 

Fifty Shades Darker

Posted in abuse, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Relationships, Cheating Dominant, Christian Grey, commitment, communication, Dominant, Fifty Shades Darker, Fifty Shades Of Gray, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, Married Dominant, Master and slave relationship, Slave, Submission, Submissive, sucking cock, The Secretary, Uncategorized, viledesires62@aol.com with tags , , , on August 2, 2017 by thekinkyworldofvile

Most Doms or Masters have skills many skills , be it play , communication , staying consistent in training among other things but one very important skill is the skill to negotiate a relationship.

I was somewhat taken back by the first 50 shades so when 50 shades darker came out , I thought okay Mr Grey can redeem himself.. Well that did not happen , instead he lowered himself to almost animal waste.

I do give credit for the books and the movies though it brought millions into the lifestyle some serious and to some they found out it was just a fantasy.

It is not uncommon to renegotiate a contract be it written or verbal. We continue to grow on a daily basis and our needs change. A Dominant may see where some changes are needed and may just act or he may sit down and communicate his needs. The Submissive or Slaves needs may change and may want to sit down and request some changes. I myself do not make a decision right then I want to take some time to think about what was discussed.

To see Mr Grey kneel about beg was truly disappointing , although we as Masters should show the ability to be humble at times, what Mr Grey did was truly humiliating to see him beg. On his knees admitting he was not a Dominant but still wanting to renegotiate , renegotiate what?

Most women loved the sex scenes , some were pretty intense but to put those into our world of BDSM just gives a false look into the way we live.

Outside of the movie jumping into real life, suck my dick , you broke a rule you burnt my chicken now ive got to beat you , or you failed to send my pics while your at work. I want videos of you masturbating , I want your passwords , I want your banking info. This is no way the characteristics of a Dominant , this is pure ego , insecure , the need to abuse and think its alright because your in charge.

Our life is so deep very few understand even those like E.L. James who tried her best to let people take a peak into our life. If you do not live something you cannot write about it.  Our life has such a wide base many do not understand but are very intrigued. People trying to interpret our life would be like me trying to write a book on how a nuclear submarine , hows its built and keeps generating power.

I have changed over the years , I have been the abuser , I have been the user , I have made false promises , I have giving false hope. Many years I felt women were just a dumping station many had no faces. My only concern was how to use all three holes.

The art of manipulation and for some it never ends , its a game that is never won , because in the end you crawl into your bed alone. This goes for both male and female, one thing we all have to remember we are a commodity and the older we get the less our stock is worth. Manipulation is not hard but staying on that path with one does not last very long.

Any man can find someone to suck his cock , or take it up the ass but to be able to take control , and finding someone who will give up the amount of control you want is an art. It meaning days , weeks , months and in some cases years to find the one who fits your needs , Dominant or Submissive.  Hours of conversation , days, weeks , months getting to know each other.

The Dominant must be secure , the Dominant must know who and what he is, the Dominant must know how to be fair, true and loyal to his word. The Dominant must make it clear when it comes to his needs and wants.

When you meet a Dominant and you are explained his needs and wants , how he runs his house and what is expected , if you have any doubts or your not able to fulfill his needs then he is not the right Dominant for you. If he backs down on anything he has presented and gives in , there will come a time when the subject will come up at a later date. The same goes for the submissive if you lay out your needs and the Dominant disagrees then you need to move on. You may meet 25 , 30 , 40 or even 50 Dominants before you find the right fit. You know within the first couple of minutes if you are compatible and if your not why even continue?

More of the community today is about kink and only kink , but there are just as many submissives and slaves who are looking for so much more. Most who are submissive are looking for much more when it comes to a relationship , although kink will play a huge part there are many other factors. Many are looking for security , communication , wanting to turn over power to someone they can trust.  Guidance is huge , structure , and yes even discipline when a rule is broken, being held accountable , but many who claim to be a Dom , or Master turn their backs on the basic ideology of the lifestyle , trying to convince the submissive they know the way.

Making a movie that is realistic , instead of a kinky Billionaire begging some girl for pussy why not a average guy? If the dude had lived in a trailer and worked at McDonalds then he would of been a creep.

You know if you just want to fuck why not just ask instead of trying to run a game , if your married why not be upfront instead of hiding your marriage like some little bitch. Ive met married Doms who cheat and once they get home they turn into the bitch. If the dude cant run his own home , if the dude cant control his wife or his house , if the dudes wife wont submit , then how in the fuck can he truly control someone else? The dude is living a fantasy , the dude wants to find someone to do things his wife wont do. Dont get me wrong there are some who are ok with seeing a fake married Dom and if both are ok with the situation then do it, but if you are married and misleading someone your balls needs to be cut off because your a pussy.

I hoped before watching the first 50 shades that someone would step up and show a true side of the lifestyle but I learned in the first 30 minutes it had nothing to do with a real Dominant but a man with control issues who suffered from depression, a man who wanted to hurt someone just for the sake of hurting someone.  A quote, Why do you want to hurt me? For your pleasure , really? Yea he said that.

Many do not take into consideration of the damage you can do to someone male or female. Leading someone down a false path and once your caught they put the blame on them like its their fault.

Guys , Masters , Dominants if you are who you claim to be you can live the dream, if you walk the walk and talk the talk, hmmm I think that is right? Your life could grown into something you cant even imagine. There is so much more to the relationship , its not about just sucking cock , or fucking some chick up the ass, it take work but the end result would be incredible…

Vile

 

 

 

The Power Of Slave Training

Posted in 24/7, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM 24/7, BDSM Relationships, Dominant and Submissive, Face Fucking, fetlife, Master And Slave, molding your slave, owned property, sex slave, Slave, Submission, Submissive, Total Power Exchange, Total Submission, TPE, viledesires62@aol.com with tags , , , , , , , on June 26, 2017 by thekinkyworldofvile

Training has to be a need , not a want, if it is just a want it has no meaning. One day a week or so ago Arianna made the comment about the Topic Brainwashing , other topics have been Hypnosis. Both topics were really no surprise as she spends a good deal of time looking for other ways to offer her submission even more than she does now, she continues looking for ways to give up more control.

A TPE relationship or Total Power Exchange is not a easy task and even more so if it is a micromanaged but as time goes on it becomes less of a task and more of a way of life. Generally it takes both about 90 days to get their feet in the ground and well adjusted.

So lets set sex to the side for now and concentrate on the building of a lasting relationship. In the past sex was hard to put on the back burner. Putting sex on the back burner is very important and it is a need in order to build a successful D’s Or M’s relationship.

Training is a need and not a want , I mean the type of need that keeps you awake at night, the need to please someone , the need to give up control. If your needs are met then there are no wants..

Your body and mind belongs to someone else, you are told how to do your hair, the color, nails and how do dress. Sex will be new as well , your told how to suck dick , how to fuck, you become a toy.

Arianna and I spoke at our local munch this past week on the building a TPE , Total power exchange relationship. We love sharing our story on how we met , how we started and how we grew and today we continue to grow.

Sitting back and watching the transformation , the changes not so much at first but then you can see almost on a daily basis. The Slave however in most cases are not fully aware of any changes at all.

Starting out taking small privileges away , things that are cherished such as being able to sit on furniture, being able to sit at the dinner table and sitting on the floor next to you. Giving direct times to shower , using the bathroom asking permission to do anything. The forming of habits it very important , again being consistent on a daily basis , even hourly.

I prefer keeping my property nude while at home , no clothes unless I give the word. This bring on a more humble feeling , the feeling of being exposed. At times depending on the company who comes over determines if I allow clothes or not. Putting restrictions in place on when and where the Slave can sit and permission must be giving before any type of action.

Everything is earned nothing is giving , there are goals put in place and goals must be reached before moving on to the next level of training. Reaching goals there are small rewards, small privileges are giving. What ever is giving depends on your dynamic , your agreement in your relationship after all each is different.

If you the Dominant are going to put rules in place , protocols you have the responsibility to explain everything in full detail so the Slave understands what you are saying. The Slave should be able to ask for clarification if there are still unanswered questions.

Training a Slave or Submissive cannot begin until you know either inside out, you cannot impose any rules without fully knowing the needs.

The Slave is not your mother , the Slave is not your grandmother , if you want a mommy figure then move back home. I pickup behind myself , there are some days I cook and I will explain why.

We expect so much from our property , and you can get to a point to where there is a breaking point , so we as Dominants have to take up some of the load. Every Slave needs down time, a time to relax , clear their head. Get out for the day , see friends or family , go to a movie doing something giving the mind a chance to relax. This also allows down time for the Dominant, because not only do we work but we take care of the home as well. I myself need that time alone just as a Slave does, I need that time to clear my head.

Accountability is huge , there is a lot of meaning behind that word. The Slave has to know they are held accountable for their actions. The Slave has to know there are consequences. The Slave has to know the privileges giving can be taken away at any time. If you are going to punish then punish , you cant bark like a wolf and never attack. Say what you mean and do what you mean and if your going to punish explain in detail why and what punishment you are going to use. However you cannot sit around and watch hoping something is going to go wrong you are setting the Slave up for failure.

Rules are meant for improvement , rules are meant to be followed however I prefer protocols over rules. If enough realistic protocols are in place then very few rules are needed.

Using the Slave , and this has worked for me over the years but more so while in my relationship with Arianna. In the beginning stages of our relationship I made it clear sex was all about me. If she was allowed to cum it was earned and no I was not using Orgasm control, again its about me. The slave gives her self , and giving I mean fully.

You the Dominant when entering a relationship make your needs known upfront, lay everything out on the table, be clear and make sure the Slave understanding. If the Slave states one of your needs is off limits then sit down and talk. At this point you cannot be making any type of demands. If the two of you cannot come to an agreement then you move on. Just as the Slave is looking for the right owner , the Owner is looking for the right Slave.

Watching fifty shades of grey almost made me sick, although the movie is credited to bringing more men and women alive and opening their eyes , and I am sure it has helped some relationships in the bedroom.

The first movie while negotiating their contract Mr Grey gave in to almost all of his needs, the word is need. The second movie when begging for her to come back he got down on his knee almost begging. This showed how weak he was , I was really disappointed.

While the movie was based on being submissive during sex , there was absolutely nothing in the movie about a Dominant or Submissive on how they live on a daily bases, there was no structure , thus having no meaning. The Movie had nothing to do with Master and Slave. To some men the movie was a open door to abuse, some men think all women think that way and that is just not true.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2015/02/23/college-student-accused-of-rape-claims-he-was-reenacting-50-shades-of-grey/?utm_term=.93211a13bf53

It is really fucked up how some people think, its fucked up how those who call themselves Dominants and see submission as a form of weakness.

Back to using , once you have agreed to enter a relationship and the terms are made clear you are ready to begin. I find the words making love very hard to use, It is seldom I can even get off in that frame of mind. I have the mindset I am using my property , I am using my property for my pleasure, I am using my property so I can get off. At times I am extremely rough and at times not so much. I love getting my cock sucked , there is not a better feeling and while I try to be somewhat gentle yea it does not end up as such.  I use the term face fucking, I love that gagging feeling , feeling the muscles grabbing my cock. I love anal sex at times I use lube then there are times I go straight from the mouth to the ass or from the pussy to the as. I love ass to mouth, which makes me wonder if banks know what ATM really means. The word again is use , you use your property.

This is something I shared on Fetlife.

I am not into the pain , I am not into humiliation although at times I do believe it is necessary .
I am not into abuse of any kind , be it physical , mental , or verbal.

My slave and I just celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary and I cannot begin to explain how blessed I am .

On our wedding day we also had a collaring ceremony and to this day my slaves collar has never been off.

I am into a well structured home , I am into a drama free home, I am into a problem free home.

I run a very strict home , rules are followed , I have strict protocols in place both are followed without question.

I am into communication I set time aside on a daily basis.
There are no cell phones allowed during any meal public or private.

My slave comes first without question.

To this day we have yet to have a single argument, this is something I take pride in.

I just wanted to say thank you Arianna

I crave the control , I crave the structure , I crave the drama free life , I crave the problem free life, I am living the dream.

I dont want passwords  to accounts that is just fucking childish , if I cant trust you I dont need you. I am far from insecure, however I will take the phone or pad and go through when I feel like it. I think in 4.5 years ive going through Ariannas phone and pad maybe 5 times , Lynn now our third once.  There is a huge difference in being in control and being controlling.

Find your space , find your needs , and find someone who shares the same interest you have..

My Life ,My House

Posted in A Submissive's Home, anal sex, ass fucking, bdsm, BDSM 24/7 Relationships, BDSM Relationships, BDSM TPE Relationships, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, Master And Slave, Master and slave relationship, Slave, Submission, sucking cock with tags , , , , , on June 4, 2017 by thekinkyworldofvile

 

 

Even I up until about 2 months ago had a Mentor, someone I could turn to if I did not have an answer. Animel passed away and I had no clue until I received a call from someone I knew not a friend just a acquaintance. I had known Animel for some 20 plus years and although I did not agree with everything he shared he was a book of knowledge. So here lately Ive kinda been out of it and it seems the smallest things get on my nerves. I do not get angry but I suppose the word would be irritated.  The other night I reached out to someone else and I knew immediately it was a mistake and I cut it off before I even got started. I reached out to a Master R and was told basically to go fuck myself but no hard feelings I just really needed to vent , venting Ive been doing for a couples of weeks and most everyone that knows me has seen the difference , the other half just think its me being me.

Calling Animel , he would answer and I would hear my phone rang and I looked at it and the caller ID said Dick Head. Then what the fuck do you want I don’t have all day ? The thing is I could talk and I knew it would not go anyplace. Sometimes I took his advice and at times I took a little of his and added a little of mine.

I am not into having cookouts with the smiths , I guess mainly we have absolutely nothing in common. I am not into sports or talking about other people. I am pretty much a loner until I get around like minded people.

Most people who meet me their first opinion is I am self centered , obnoxious , loud and rude , none caring , non empathetic, man I could go on and on but I wont. Arianna and I have talked about this very subject and she calls it confidence.

I get attached to some for what ever reason , its not like a love thing but more of a inner spiritual  connection on my part. Then and only then are you a true friend someone I would bend over backwards to help. This has only happened three times in my 54 years.

However there is a exception but there always is a exception. I enjoy helping people but I only help those who are trying to help themselves. I ask for nothing but in the back of my mind I am thinking if down the road I should need help those would step up to the plate.

I have been there , I was listening to a speech the other day and it was stated your life is a frame of mind. You can take someone who has lost everything and with the right state of mind they would bounce back full steam ahead.  If you expect someone to just open the door and fix your fuck ups then it will never happen.

Our community is very small compared to the over all population but today it is a dog eat dog world. Depending on who your speaking with most of the time I feel like picking up the phone and calling CNN.

I am a man who will drop everything at the drop of a hat if someone needs help , but as I have aged , Ive learned to only help those who are willing to help themselves.

I am a Drama free man , and I will not allow anyone to bring any drama to my home or my girls , this includes family. There are times when you have to cut ties even when someone is very close to you. Drama is a sickness , drama is a cancer and there are those who not only want it to spread but it is a need to them in order to survive.

BDSM today is more about the kink side of things , men wanting pussy and most subs or slaves trying to find that security and structure. You can play the game but if you do not know the rules you cannot win. BDSM has always been about kink but some try to hide that fact , but there are others who want to take a different path , there are those who are sincere about their Dominance or their submission.

So I use the word Mastery , the Master , the Dominant being able to put a solid plan into action and following through with good intentions. Mastery being able to enter someones head , someones train of thought. Getting in someones head is the easy part staying there is a total different story.

Mastery having the ability to stay consistent on a daily basis , being able to communicate, being able to listen , being able to maintain your control and anger.

I am against Domestic violence of any kind be it physical , verbal , or mental. Domestic Violence does not always mean a male there are women who are just as abusive.

Our relationship is 100% consensual , our relationship was negotiated prior to entering a relationship. We entered the relationship as master and slave. That brings back that state of mind. You have to need you can want but the need has to be there.

I like structure , I thrive on structure , I thrive on having a plan. Arianna and Lynns plans are planned a month in advance. Both have calendars , and the first of each month both start adding dates to doctors appointments and free time as well. Before making any type of request both come to me and ask , this is to make sure I do not have plans. My calendar is in my head.

I work from home and for the job I do and money I make I am paid very well. Arianna and Lynn work outside of the home.

My morning starts roughly around 4.10 am Arianna walks into the room after the coffee is made and wakes me , sometimes its not so easy but I do get up and the three of us sit and have coffee. Arianna has to be at work by 5.45am. I walk Arianna out to the car and when I enter the bedroom a fresh glass of ice water is waiting on me and Lynn heads off back to bed. Shortly after Arianna calls and we talk while she is driving to work. This has been the same for 4.5 years now. At 6am I lay back down and sleep until about 8am and I wake this is my down time so to speak but I know my day is just beginning. I go to the office and log into work around 10.45am go through my emails and stats. 11am I being and I work until 10pm. The good thing is I only work Saturday through Tuesday. 10pm I log off , then I relax until about 12am then I crash.

By Wednesday I am a wired fool , I am strung out and ready to go. I am one who jokes a lot and many times when I say something they will look to Arianna for the truth, or while talking they are waiting for the punch line. I am a true conservative with just at ouch of Democrat . I am not politically correct , I speak my mind but many times I will not give any type of opinion because the topic is not worth even getting involved. If it is something I truly believe in then I will speak up. I am not going to get all political on you I am just sharing my state of mind.

In order to have a M’s home run like a fine tuned machine you have to be able to take a look into the slaves mind , you have to stay one step ahead of the thoughts and emotions, yea it sounds like a lot of work but the fact is it is really pretty easy if you are willing to donate the time needed. Another factor is you have to care , you must want to see growth, you must be supportive during not just the good but the bad.

There was a post on fetlife in a group and Arianna asked permission to post a comment, I said yes of course. As we know fetlife is full of drama and those who are new to the lifestyle cringe at the thought of asking a question because all of the others who know everything pounces on the question like Piranhas. Arianna stays away from such childish antics.

The question was

Opinion: A Slave’s Compass

From time to time I am somewhat shocked when I read a answer Arianna has posted in a conversation or even reading her blog just after a fresh post at times I really scratch my head.

Arianna’s answer

VilesArianna:

I love the analogy. In my life, I find that when the focus is on my Master, other things seem less important. There’s a freedom in prioritizing ones life in one direction. There’s always an answer. I wear an engraved bracelet that states, WWMD, ( what would Master do?). This reminds me that my actions both public and private reflect my submission. Another bracelet is engraved, VKA, Vile knows all. This isn’t because he’s egotistical but because in my submission there are no secrets. My likes, needs, wants and desires, even thoughts are to be known to my Master. I strive to be complete in my submission. My submission is no longer mine to give but once accepted it became a need. The need to continue my commitment to Him.

It was easy for me to walk down the path of slavery. My Master portrayed confidence, intrigue, intelligence, and insightful questions. He challenged me to look past my own definitions and become His definition. So, His needs became my wants. His wants became my desires. His desires became my goals. It was an AHA moment when I released my own vision of what slavehood should look like and adopted His. That was hard because I wanted to give more and more. I trust that although I need to anticipate His needs that He will not allow me to continue once His own definition of Mastery is completed. In other words, I had to let go of my ambitious ways that were intruding into His ideal vision and release my own desires and adopt His even if the picture was different.

The compass is a great picture of ones truth. The stronger the bond, the deeper the connection, and the freedom in adopting another’s life as their own is a wonderful achievement in my own journey. For us, it works and each day I can look forward to having a focus in the turbulent seas of life because I have found my compass.

Thank you
~arianna

 

I did reblog her post from last night and again after reading it left me scratching my head causing me to think even deeper.

https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/

It will act like the link is broken from my phone anyway but just click on the title and everything will work fine.

If you the Dominant take the lifestyle and your relationship serious the world is yours no questions asked. If you truly love someone why would you not provide the time needed?

Everything in our relationship is based on my decision , its not to say I never ask for advice because I do and many times I take the advice giving , but in the end I have the final say.

Again everything is on my terms even when it comes to sex it is about me and only me at that time. I find it hard to use the words making love its hard to focus when I have these thoughts because I know at times it is needed but I am about taking what is mine. Once I start I hit every hole and at times more than once and Ill fuck until I cant fuck anymore. I love anal sex to me that is the most submissive act a slave or submissive can offer her most private part.

A submissive or slave not only wants but has the need to please , this is something that comes natural we as Dominants just have to file off the rough edges.. You put the work in that is needed and the rewards are far greater than you can imagine. What you have is a relationship that is consensual instead of intimidation and fear.

A relationship based on fear or intimidation is a one sided relationship and will be short lived.

If anyone has questions feel free to ask  it can be personal or maybe just advice , I am currently trying to figure out how to do some audio files..

Much Love to everyone who has stopped by….. I truly appreciate everyone.

 

Vile

As A Slave Or Submissive

Posted in @vile62 on Twitter, Anger Issues, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Relationships, Bondage, communication, Dominant and Submissive, Domme, fuck hole, Giving Head, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, Humiliation, Low Self Esteem, Master And Slave, Master and slave relationship, Meeting a new Dominant, Slave, Submission, submissive, sucking cock with tags , , , on May 14, 2017 by thekinkyworldofvile

Where do you want to be ? What do you truly want ? How do you see yourself in a mirror? What are your goals ? What so you want to accomplish in life ? What are your dreams? Dreams are real , dreams are reachable , dreams can come true. How much work are you willing to put in to make those dreams come true. If you think about it nothing is free , if you sit and wait for something you fall out of the sky you will end up being alone.

Why do you not share the above with a potential Dominant or Master , maybe a Domme? Why would you put your life on hold for one man or woman ? A good Dominant will stand by you , a good Dominant will push you to accomplish everything on your list , he will push you and push you hard because he as well knows nothing is free. Those who keep you locked up away from family and friends is selfish. The Dominant who keeps you isolated lives in fear of you leaving , he does not trust , he does not want anyone else influencing you. He wants to be the word the only word you listen to. The Dominant has a low self esteem, and all of this equals abuse and nothing more. The abuse may not be physical , but it is mental and physiological. This does not include just the lifestyle this happens in a everyday vanilla relationship. Calling you names , screaming at you , spitting on you. You feel as if you can do nothing right and this is where he wants your mind to be.

The I can fix you Dominant , what he is saying is all of the above , because the truth of the matter is very few want to take on such a responsibility .

Sex is no longer fun because you are seen as a object you feel like a object and while your being fucked you just want it over so you can go shower and wash his stench away. You cook , you clean , you do laundry , you pick up behind him , in fact you do everything his mother did , with the exception of fucking.

You spend more time sucking cock than you ever have , your mouth is just another hole. He blows his load and gets up and leaves. You spend more time laying on your back taking what he gives and you get nothing out of it. You are punished for no reason , the rules change on a daily basis without notice. You take pain because you think your suppose to, as you lay in bed and glaze at the bruises , wondering how in the fuck did you get here?

A true statement there are many who continue to make the same mistakes expecting different results. There are those who are only interested in the bad boy look but you are treated the same way time after time, until it becomes the norm.

Older single Dominants tend to flow towards the young subs and slaves. This is purely fantasy and nothing more. What does a 50 year old Dom have in common with a 18 year old sub? He is more interested in getting his dick sucked and fucking than he is looking out for your future. Why is this you ask ? Well just read the above or maybe just maybe you already know its true because as I am typing this you are living this very life.

You think you are just a fuck toy , you believe you are meant to be used anyway he sees fit. You believe you have no rights when in fact as a submissive you have the right to say NO , but you live in fear , in fear of being alone , in fear of not being able to take responsibility of your own life, being able to live on your own. If you stay it will only take a few years to realize how many dreams have slipped though you hands and you believe everything is your fault because you are told this daily just how worthless you are.

Family and friends are a important part of your life these are people you have more than likely known your whole life but now you find yourself alone standing before one and one only.

Before meeting your new Dominant you have so much information to share but this is put on hold before even meeting. He is more interested in the shortest skirt you own, do you wear high heels, how often do you go without panties? You are told what to wear , you are told there will be no eye contact, you are told he will order for you, and for the encore you will suck his cock in the parking lot and you both leave. You spent maybe a hour and a half eating and listening you only got a few words in. You leave after taking a mouth load and he knows absolutely nothing about you with the exception you suck a good dick.

You have put your life on hold , you have put your education on hold your dreams on hold and if you think your going to end up with the little white house with a fence around it with a dog and kids you need to slap your face. You have put your whole life on hold because you were afraid to express your feelings , you were and are intimidated.

If you are active in the lifestyle you will notice there are way more single Doms than there are subs and slaves. These Doms have been single for a very long time and you ask why? Because they fall under the above they have watched 50 shades , read stories , watch porn , read stories and that is how they see the lifestyle.

At some point you have to be friends , at some point a little of that vanilla has to come out but maintaining the same level of respect. You have to be able to sit and talk , you have to be able to communicate.

The sex is fun , the bondage is fun , the spanking is fun , the slapping , being pissed on , humiliated all of this can be fun but in the end you have to be best friends. You have to be able to talk as adults , you have to be able to express your feelings , your thoughts and concerns.

I love dinner time , the three of us sitting on the back porch eating , no cell phones, this is our time to talk. Both ask permission to sit, both wait on me to take the first bite before they begin to eat. Then comes my question directed at Lynn. Is there anything on your mind that you would like to talk about? Those words open a very deep conversation between the three of us. This is the time to air everything , thoughts and concerns, we also talk about schedules and things the girls would like to do and on what days. Both have a calendar , everything is planned out a month in advance. Both sit down together filling it out , buying little stickies and stuff to decorate.

I am in full control of my home , I know every move each make , both have mileage note books everything is logged leaving and destination and at times ill ask one to bring it in and leave it for a day, and when I get time I will look through it. I allow no drama into the home, I handle problems before they become a problem.

There is one difference , I give each free time , time to wind down be with friends and family but they both understand what is giving is a privilege and it can be taken away at any time…  Everything is a privilege , everything is earned nothing and I mean absolutely  nothing is given.

I support both in anything they want to do, I listen , we talk and when we talk it is a open discussion, but I can only make a informed decision based on the information given to me.

You must always come first no matter what. Your dreams , your feelings , your thoughts , your life must always come first without question….

You can paint your own future.

Also visit

https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/