Archive for the Bondage Category

What Runs Through My Mind

Posted in ass play, ass to mouth, bdsm, Bondage, Finger Fucking, sadist, sexual sadist, Slave, Submission, Submissive, Throat Fucking with tags , , , , , on July 2, 2017 by thekinkyworldofvile

Here is a good question I was giving ….

 

mmm Sir … what a question. Keeping the words “no prescription” in mind and knowing each is an individual … but also keeping in mind human nature …
May i ask a question … when a Master, Sir, Daddy … play with their treasures … when they have pushed us so very hard … knowing we will do anything ours Lords desire …
HOW does that feel … for it cannot be “a free for all ” set of emotions.
What drives you to push us …
when you touch our skin and feel the results of our torments (that we so do enjoy and some that we do not enjoy at all) … what goes through your minds. Bearing in mind … each is unique … but keeping in mind base human nature …
Sir … may i ask this question ..
Sex is about me and only me this was made clear from the start. I told Arianna she would be for my use and my use only. Although there are those few exceptions when I decide to just play with her. I love fingering her ass , one maybe two or even three fingers once her ass loosens up. Having her lay on her stomach and reaching my arm around her waist so I can reach her clit while fingering her with my other hand.. I guess you can call me a romantic..
I do have a sadistic sexual side , I have changed over the years at one time it was all about pain sluts. Inflicting pain was my game , I loved the look in a slaves eyes when pushing her over the limit.
As I grew older I wanted to be in more control , there are very few sadist who are Doms or even Masters although there are a few but very few.
I grew to crave the control and making sure my needs were met. There is nothing that is giving everything is earned. I also have the right to take back anything that is giving and Arinanna knows this.
Knowing that I can do what ever I want when I want without question is a fucking rush. Walking up while Arianna is watching Tv and just shoving my cock in her mouth , the thought is a feeling like no other.
The power of in my mind that I own someone , knowing I can do what ever I want is a sense of power.
So many people when entering a relationship settle for less than what their needs require. Most settle for that moment and time only later to find out the relationship was a mistake. Instead of saying hey its not working we need to split this is when the cheating comes in..
Having your property tied spread eagle on the bed, blindfolded and gagged just standing back and looking and thinking man she is fair game. I can take any hole I want without question. That is the ultimate rush , I get chill bumps all over just thinking I own someone who has no desires but to please…
Vile

My Cocoon And Fucking

Posted in Arianna, ass fucking, ass to mouth, bdsm, Bondage, Dominant and Submissive, Humiliation, Rough Sex, Slave, Submission, Submissive, Throat Fucking with tags , , , , on June 28, 2017 by thekinkyworldofvile

Some days I sit back and think about how it all started , how over the years I went through this crazy transformation, how I was different and did not really fit in.

I grew up with a very dysfunctional family , always fighting , I mean fighting throwing punches not me but my parents , real hand to hand combat. Addiction to pain pills and binge drinking and yet I still for the most managed to stay mostly unnoticed.

I had no idea where I was going or how I would turn out but I knew what I did not want to be and that was like my parents.

The age of I am thinking 13 we moved to a little hick town one of our many moves and I remember my first day of school the 6th grade. Meeting the principle and him walking me to my first period class. As the door opened to the classroom , my first thoughts were holy fucking shit ,what the fuck have my parents done now ? Crew cuts , cowboy boot , army style hair cuts and overhauls.

My hair was almost to my waist and I was thinking this would never work , now I fit in less. I was right for about the first 6 months , the guys mostly ignored me but the girls for the most was pretty friendly. Sitting in class who ever sat behind me would braid my hair.

I remember one of the guys making fun of me because I had been wearing the same pair of jeans to school for 6 months , again my parents were pretty much useless but at 13 I had to do something about it.

Right across the street from us was a restaurant called the Skyline Cafe a little mom and pop place that was always busy. I walked over one day and asked the owner if there was anything I could do to make a little money. The next day I was washing dishes after school making 2.01 an hour. I started at 2.30pm and worked until 10.30 and still getting up for school. At the age of 13 I was making like 90 bucks a week so it was time to make some changes.

Family Discount , they were good for selling clothes that were seconds , meaning when finished something did not pass inspection. In about 3 weeks I had a closet full of clothes.

At the age of 15 I went to work at a cotton mill , and I was trained to work on a thread machine, now I was making 4.91 an hour and soon 6 dollars an hour making more than either one of my parents. I was working second shift and still going to school and at home I pretty much stayed to myself , locked in my room with my Tv and Boom box.

One day this was a few years back I got nosy and while my parent were gone I went into their bedroom and started going through their stuff not really looking for anything. Then I found this box under the bed full of paperback books. I sit down and started reading and I was thinking holy fuck what the fuck? Books like the daughter next door , the Babysitter, but they all had one thing in common. They are all about nasty degrading fucking. Rough humiliating sex , face fucking , stretching the ass with massive cocks, pulling hair and yes bondage. I fucking struck gold , I took two of the books and off to my room I went. Jumping in bed pulling my pants off and just started reading and jacking off. I now have learned about the birds and the bees. I knew what sex was and , and how a girl wanted to be treated.

Over a short period of time when I first started working one thing I noticed that was different was my confidence it was off the chain. I had changed , I was more out going, more out spoken and could walk up to a girl and strike up a conversation.

My biggest thing was what was called leisure suits with bell bottoms. I had a different color suit for every day of the week , and silk shirts but lets not forget the platform shoes. I felt like a rock star and the feeling was good instead of walking there was somewhat of a strut.

Riding the bus home one day I found myself sitting next to a girl named Beverly , she was not that pretty but had a fucking body that would derail a train. Talking and she invited me over to her house one Saturday. When she answered the door my jaw dropped she was wearing this short tee shirt and nothing under although I did not notice until in her bedroom and she sat one the bed. Here was my chance to put everything I had learned to work after all from reading I knew everything about sex.

Spread your legs so I can see your cunt bitch, the look in her eyes was a true Kodak moment but she did, grabbing her hair and shoving two fingers in her going as deep as I could I started pounding her. Standing up I dropped my pants grabbed her by her and to her knees shoving my cock in her mouth I began fucking her. What a fucking feeling , what a fucking rush. It was like two minutes and I blew my load. Once I let go Beverly sat back and just said holy fuck. I pulled my pants back up and said I gotta go and I just walked out. That was the beginning of my travels , that was the change, that is what got me to where I am today.

The next time I saw Beverly we went into the woods but I had something different in mind , this times I had rope with me and I was looking for the perfect spot , the perfect trees. Ahh there we go I placed her between two trees and told her to get naked. Without any hesitation in a matter of seconds she was butt ass naked. Grabbing one wrist I tied it with rope and attached it to a tree, then the other wrist. Sitting back I got this kinda evil feeling running through me and I walked behind her and took my belt off, remember the books , I knew what she wanted. I stood back and grabbed my belt the buckle in one hand and smack right across her ass then again and again until her ass was blood red and she did not say a word. I walked up behind her puling her ass towards me just bent over a little dropping my pants and I shoved my cock in her pussy yea the first time. Fucking seemed like forever , I guess because my mind was racing, I pulled out and found her ass and right in I went, then it was only seconds I blew my load. As I was fucking her ass I reached up and grabbed her throat and squeezed tight that is when I blew. Stepping back and looking I was thinking what power , I just took what I wanted.

Walking in class I would walk up to her and tell her to meet me behind the gym at lunch. On your knees, I would fuck her mouth cum and tell her to go eat. She always did what I told her and without question.

The bad thing is girls talk so reaching high school I did not date very much. There were a few but those were short lived. One or two outings and I was just ignored until I met Shannon , Shannon was a small little chunky blonde who had a ass sent straight from heaven and there was one thing I knew I had to have it. She had very pale skin and deep blue eyes , very soft spoken , quiet . She like me was a loner we stayed to ourselves , so we kinda hit it off. She to was much like Beverly , but Shannon was different her and I actually talked , played games together you know fun stuff but the sex was fucking incredible I could do pretty much anything I wanted to. Our relationship lasted about a year, there was no bondage just straight out fucking. The mouth , pussy and ass , she really hated being fucked in the ass but she took it. I knew she did not like being fucked in the ass but it was not about her it was about me , so once again I was dumped but it did not matter because Beverly was my go to girl. It felt incredible because I had this sense of power over her. I could treat her like shit and she would come at the snap of a finger. Beverly was my first ass to mouth. Fucking her ass pulling out shoving my cock in her mouth and back in her ass.

As I said my parents were drunks , both took turns going in and out of rehab , both had been hospitalized for drug over dose multiple times.

I was getting ready to turn 17 and a Army recruiter came to our high school , while listening to the spill I had one thing in mind and that was get the fuck out. One friday the recruiter stopped by and picked me up and I went down to take a test , the next week at high school I was told I passed. So I left with a huge file getting home I waited till dinner once finished I started talking about going to camp. I had to talk early because one or both would soon be passed out. Summer camp is where I wanted to go so I put the papers on the table everything marked in yellow , yea just sign here and here and here.

That night I went to a phone booth and made the call telling him my parents had signed everything. October 14th the age of 17 the car pulled up in front of out apartment and off to Atlanta I went. Then a snag , I was like 4 pounds under weight what the fuck ? So I was put up in a hotel room across the street from the famous Fox Theater. 3 days I was fed peanut butter and banana sandwiches. On the 18th I was put on a train headed to Ft Dix New Jersey. I was in for a rude awakening , it was the first time in my life I had truly been scared.

One thing I had learned by then , life was based on two things. That would be choices and consequences.

A whole new life had opened up , once I finished Basic training I was off to Aberdeen Proving grounds. This is where I took a turn for the worse, smoking pot , taking pills and my first experience with Acid. Going to Titty bars at 17 being able to drink , I thought I was all grown up but it would take me several years to regain control.

Two tours in Korea this was my first experience with the world of BDSM I have posted a story about that. Then from Korea I was off to Germany where I met Gretchen , Gretchen was a beverly but only hotter. She had this goth nasty look. visiting a bar that looked like a cave, a singer named Nina was playing that night. Standing at the bar I turned and looked and I thought holy sweet jesus there is a god.  I walked up to her and she just looked at me and for the first time in my life I was speechless. I turned and walked away had a few more beers and walked back over and I just said you are fucking hot here’s a beer and she took it.

Gretchen was only 4’10 and weighed about 85 pounds , and always dressed goth, knee high platform boots with ripped stockings and gloves with no fingers. Jet black hair , and wore dark makeup.

Her and I would go over to a friend of mines place we would all be drinking , Gretchen laying across my lap and I would be fingering her ass , or have her suck my cock while we played cards. Going out when needing a taxi she would call at a phone booth and while waiting she would drop to her knees and blow me, she would even blow me sometimes in the taxi or at a bar.

Jumping ahead a few years I left the Army after serving 8 years. This is when I got slapped in the face. Still drinking , smoking pot and popping pills. Losing my first three jobs. Sitting down one night I thought to myself this is the same road my parents had taking.  So I fixed it I went cold turkey , took a month off to gather my thoughts.

Here I am today life is good and Ive calmed down quite a bit. Ive learned to control my anger. I now think logical , deep and hard before making huge decisions. Ive learned to love and not lust , although the lust does come out in thoughts.

I am now Married to my wife and slave Arianna , and our sister L life could not be any better. Last year my health started catching up to me and I had to make some drastic changes but there has been a huge improvement and it gets better every day.

Just a little more about me , much love to everyone who comes by and more so to those who comment. It may take a few days but I will reply.

 

 

As A Slave Or Submissive

Posted in @vile62 on Twitter, Anger Issues, Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Relationships, Bondage, communication, Dominant and Submissive, Domme, fuck hole, Giving Head, https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/, Humiliation, Low Self Esteem, Master And Slave, Master and slave relationship, Meeting a new Dominant, Slave, Submission, submissive, sucking cock with tags , , , on May 14, 2017 by thekinkyworldofvile

Where do you want to be ? What do you truly want ? How do you see yourself in a mirror? What are your goals ? What so you want to accomplish in life ? What are your dreams? Dreams are real , dreams are reachable , dreams can come true. How much work are you willing to put in to make those dreams come true. If you think about it nothing is free , if you sit and wait for something you fall out of the sky you will end up being alone.

Why do you not share the above with a potential Dominant or Master , maybe a Domme? Why would you put your life on hold for one man or woman ? A good Dominant will stand by you , a good Dominant will push you to accomplish everything on your list , he will push you and push you hard because he as well knows nothing is free. Those who keep you locked up away from family and friends is selfish. The Dominant who keeps you isolated lives in fear of you leaving , he does not trust , he does not want anyone else influencing you. He wants to be the word the only word you listen to. The Dominant has a low self esteem, and all of this equals abuse and nothing more. The abuse may not be physical , but it is mental and physiological. This does not include just the lifestyle this happens in a everyday vanilla relationship. Calling you names , screaming at you , spitting on you. You feel as if you can do nothing right and this is where he wants your mind to be.

The I can fix you Dominant , what he is saying is all of the above , because the truth of the matter is very few want to take on such a responsibility .

Sex is no longer fun because you are seen as a object you feel like a object and while your being fucked you just want it over so you can go shower and wash his stench away. You cook , you clean , you do laundry , you pick up behind him , in fact you do everything his mother did , with the exception of fucking.

You spend more time sucking cock than you ever have , your mouth is just another hole. He blows his load and gets up and leaves. You spend more time laying on your back taking what he gives and you get nothing out of it. You are punished for no reason , the rules change on a daily basis without notice. You take pain because you think your suppose to, as you lay in bed and glaze at the bruises , wondering how in the fuck did you get here?

A true statement there are many who continue to make the same mistakes expecting different results. There are those who are only interested in the bad boy look but you are treated the same way time after time, until it becomes the norm.

Older single Dominants tend to flow towards the young subs and slaves. This is purely fantasy and nothing more. What does a 50 year old Dom have in common with a 18 year old sub? He is more interested in getting his dick sucked and fucking than he is looking out for your future. Why is this you ask ? Well just read the above or maybe just maybe you already know its true because as I am typing this you are living this very life.

You think you are just a fuck toy , you believe you are meant to be used anyway he sees fit. You believe you have no rights when in fact as a submissive you have the right to say NO , but you live in fear , in fear of being alone , in fear of not being able to take responsibility of your own life, being able to live on your own. If you stay it will only take a few years to realize how many dreams have slipped though you hands and you believe everything is your fault because you are told this daily just how worthless you are.

Family and friends are a important part of your life these are people you have more than likely known your whole life but now you find yourself alone standing before one and one only.

Before meeting your new Dominant you have so much information to share but this is put on hold before even meeting. He is more interested in the shortest skirt you own, do you wear high heels, how often do you go without panties? You are told what to wear , you are told there will be no eye contact, you are told he will order for you, and for the encore you will suck his cock in the parking lot and you both leave. You spent maybe a hour and a half eating and listening you only got a few words in. You leave after taking a mouth load and he knows absolutely nothing about you with the exception you suck a good dick.

You have put your life on hold , you have put your education on hold your dreams on hold and if you think your going to end up with the little white house with a fence around it with a dog and kids you need to slap your face. You have put your whole life on hold because you were afraid to express your feelings , you were and are intimidated.

If you are active in the lifestyle you will notice there are way more single Doms than there are subs and slaves. These Doms have been single for a very long time and you ask why? Because they fall under the above they have watched 50 shades , read stories , watch porn , read stories and that is how they see the lifestyle.

At some point you have to be friends , at some point a little of that vanilla has to come out but maintaining the same level of respect. You have to be able to sit and talk , you have to be able to communicate.

The sex is fun , the bondage is fun , the spanking is fun , the slapping , being pissed on , humiliated all of this can be fun but in the end you have to be best friends. You have to be able to talk as adults , you have to be able to express your feelings , your thoughts and concerns.

I love dinner time , the three of us sitting on the back porch eating , no cell phones, this is our time to talk. Both ask permission to sit, both wait on me to take the first bite before they begin to eat. Then comes my question directed at Lynn. Is there anything on your mind that you would like to talk about? Those words open a very deep conversation between the three of us. This is the time to air everything , thoughts and concerns, we also talk about schedules and things the girls would like to do and on what days. Both have a calendar , everything is planned out a month in advance. Both sit down together filling it out , buying little stickies and stuff to decorate.

I am in full control of my home , I know every move each make , both have mileage note books everything is logged leaving and destination and at times ill ask one to bring it in and leave it for a day, and when I get time I will look through it. I allow no drama into the home, I handle problems before they become a problem.

There is one difference , I give each free time , time to wind down be with friends and family but they both understand what is giving is a privilege and it can be taken away at any time…  Everything is a privilege , everything is earned nothing and I mean absolutely  nothing is given.

I support both in anything they want to do, I listen , we talk and when we talk it is a open discussion, but I can only make a informed decision based on the information given to me.

You must always come first no matter what. Your dreams , your feelings , your thoughts , your life must always come first without question….

You can paint your own future.

Also visit

https://vilesarianna.wordpress.com/2015/02/10/life/

 

I Love Bondage

Posted in bdsm, Bondage, Slave with tags , on December 14, 2016 by thekinkyworldofvile

Arianna waiting for me to finish dinner.

Playing And Sub-Drop

Posted in Arianna, bdsm, BDSM Relationships, Bondage, slave, Sub-Drop, submissive with tags , , , , , , , , , , on July 25, 2015 by thekinkyworldofvile

Playing and all the kink is the part of our lifestyle everyone looks forward to. The kink is an added bonus for us, the fetishes , the spankings, the bondage , the list just goes on and on.

I am a firm believer what we call Sub-Drop can be prevented with the right care. However just as sub-space , and Sub-drop both effect people differently. The effect of each can be good or bad.
With the proper care and communication sub-drop can be prevented. This is true if you are living together as a D’s or M’s couple.
However if you do not live together that is a whole different ballgame because without being around someone and the Sub-drop kicks in there is really no one to turn to.

I am not going to make this a long drawn out post like I usually do but I am going to share what I believe to be very important. What I am going to share may not be the standards of every Dominant or Master but they are my standards.

When you do not live together having that open line of communication is really hard, even more so if your someone who just likes to play be it in a private setting or public such as a local dungeon. So being in the right head space is not only a need but a must.

I have really gone through some changes here in the past 10 years or so, or maybe my morals or maybe I actually grew a conscious , but in order for me to play with someone I have to have a close connection.

If I did play with someone such as having a session I would be obligated to be there for the submissive for sometime if sub-drop was to hit. I feel I would have an obligation to be there and help if help was needed , and that is not a responsibility I would not want from someone I did not own..

If you meet someone and you play , your play scene gets deep and you find yourself floating away into sub-space, life is good, you have reached the level of submission you came for. Then as fast as it started it comes to an end, and you go home alone. Then Bam Sub-Drop hits you , your head is just fucked up , you have a feeling  of being lost , depression kicks in, you feel lost and confused.

While the play may have been good , it may have been fun, sub-space was incredible, the Dominant was awesome and he knew what he was doing, you clicked , but in the end you both left and went home.

He the Dominant owes you nothing, you met you played you both went on about your Business , he owes you nothing..

The submissive who spoke with us about going into sub-Drop and the Top she was playing with , again the key word TOP, a   TOP is Dominant while playing , after the play  he is himself , the Dominant role is over once he walks out of the room, he owes nothing.

I was really taken back and I was trying to understand the reasoning as to why the submissive was mad because the top was not there during the sub-Drop, it was not his responsibility.

There are those who can play ,there are those who can session   and go home and everything is fine , everything is good. There are those who play without being in a relationship who play and never have any problems.

I believe and this is just me , Sub-Drop can be prevented , if there is on going communication before, during and  after a session.

Sub-Drop effects people different , some want to be held , some want to  talk, some want a hot bath some, w ant to eat , and there are some who want to be left alone.

Sub-Drop your mind is trying to process everything that just happened, your mind is trying to process why you would let someone inflict so much pain on you.

in some cases during play and you think you have reached that point of sub-space , it is actually fear your brain is working over time, your thinking pleasure but your brain is far from pleasure….

I am not speaking of every submissive or slave. The way we process thoughts or feelings is different between each of us. Our thought process is different. The way we process pain be it physical or mental is different.

The bottom line is if your playing and you both go your separate ways and there was no agreement , which If I was just playing that is all it would be, I owe nothing and nothing should be expected.

subspace

Vile

Anal Sex And Bondage

Posted in anal sex, Arianna, ass fucking, bdsm, BDSM Relationships, Bondage, communication, fucking, fucking and sucking, Master And Slave, Master and slave relationship, slave, Submission, submissive, sucking cock, Total Power Exchange, TPE, viledesires62@aol.com on June 27, 2015 by thekinkyworldofvile

Arianna and I just recently had Physicals done and we both got the green light with the exception of my sugar being low so we have changed up my diet a little. It is really cool we see the same Doctor and at the same time in the same room together. The only thing I found somewhat disturbing was getting a prostrate check by a 70 year old female doctor in front of Arianna and getting hard while being checked.
January 1st 2014 was my last real cigarette , and although I am still on the ecig I am feeling 300% better and Ive noticed a difference in how food taste. Then comes the slight weight gain of about 15 lbs, but that is out weighed by the money I am saving. Before I was spending about 350 to 400 a month and as I look back man what a waist of money. Today I am at about 65 dollars a month. When I first started my Nicotine level in the ecig juice I was using was 36 milligrams when kept me on my toes meaning a huge buzzed feeling. Today I am down to 6 milligrams . This was a huge step since I had been smoking for 38 years. Still every now and then I get a craving but is passes really quick.
It does not bother me to be around others who smoke unless they are smoking a cheap generic then I kinda gag , not the gagging like Arianna does sometimes but a sicking gag.

Slave had stumbled across some of my postings via Fetlife and she thought it could of been her Master. It was not long until her and Arianna became friends. We had dinner Thursday night and it was truly amazing being able to communicate with someone who thought along the same lines as I do , well for the most anyway.
We are all different but the main thing we had in common was , one we both live a 24/7 M’s two we take the lifestyle very serious. I am not saying others do not, but not many share the same point of views I do.

I seldom blog about our sex life or out sessions , but the other day while we were playing , I noticed the more I did the more aroused I became. I love bondage , I love rope but my favorite is the moving plastic wrap.
I love using leather cuffs locked of course , but my favorite is the hood.Even with the hood I use the plastic wrap to go around the eyes even though the hood has a mask , because I want to block out all light. Cuff on her hand placed in front , then I wrap her up right below her breast several times tight enough she cannot move.
The plastic wrap is awesome because if you do like a mummy who ever is wrapped up is not getting lose. It is funny mainly because the more control I have the harder I get, at this point I could of hung a wet towel and let it dry.

The only place the mask has an opening because I left it open was the mouth, and we all know what that is for. I placed her on the floor in the sitting position, and walked over picked up her vibrator and handed it to her and I said Cum. I tilted her head just a little bit and said open wide.
You can actually feel the throat muscles when someone is gagging, one of the best feelings in the world. I am going to say this went on well not long maybe 15 minutes or so, then I pulled out picked her up and placed her on the bed spread her legs and I just started pounding her, to the point of being out of breath. So I pulled out and I just stood back looking at my property, then I saw it that bottom hole, grrr.
So I decided to be nice this time and I am looking around the room ahhh there it is the lube. After lubing myself up I walked right up and slowly slid my cock in her ass , just holding it yea the muscles gripping feels almost as good as the mouth.
Once I thought she had adjusted I began pumping , wrapping my arms around her thighs , I was trying to make her throat swell, well that is how deep I wanted to go,and again maybe 10 minutes or so I pull out because now I want the pussy again.
I pull out and just walk away I jump in the shower wash off. Once done I dried partly off walked up and slid my cock back in her pussy , and yes still just as wet and I finished until I dumped my load.

There is just something about anal sex that drives me up the wall , but along with anal sex , the more control I have and the more helpless Arianna is the more turned on I get.

The control thing has been there well ever since I can remember , not only when it came to sex or bondage, I am speaking in general. Even when out with friends I would control the conversation most of the time if I was interested in what I was hearing.

In my teens I had a pretty bad temper , but I can say during my time in school from elementary through high school I was only in one fight, and I believe that was the seventh grade, and after that no one messed with me. Even if confronted I managed to talk my way out and turn things around pretty fast.

I was 18 when I was introduced to Buddhism , it was then I learned to channel my anger into good thoughts. It was then I came to realize the things that happened while at home was not my fault and my family was just dysfunctional and I was the normal one.

Last here is a new Toy that was giving to me by a friend and it will get plenty of use..

vileschair

Vile

viledesires62@aol.com

What Fifty Shades Doesn’t Tell You

Posted in 24/7, abuse, Acceptance, bdsm, BDSM Communitys, Bdsm events, BDSM Safety, Bondage, slave, Submission, submissive with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on December 15, 2014 by thekinkyworldofvile

I am going to share this article I ran across in my readers section here on wordpress. This is really like an all in one post and it covers many different areas.

Here you will find a lot of good information…..

The blog is ….

https://jolynnraymond.com/2014/12/fifty-shades-doesnt-tell-beyond50/

#Beyond50 (2)

What Fifty Shades Doesn’t Tell You

The Local Dungeon – If there is a local dungeon where you live, don’t expect to be invited there until people get to know you at a munch or class. For many of us our kink life is a huge secret, one that would cause havoc in our lives if exposed. Some places have a more public play space where you have to sign up to be a member, or an event where you just have to buy a ticket and register, but these aren’t an everyday thing nor are they located for the most part in smaller cities. If you want in to the private parties, go to munches and make friends so people grow to trust you. No one sets foot in my house until I feel they are safe.

The D/s Factor – When you venture into the kink community whether it’s to a safe and laid back munch or to the local dungeon. The people there will not all be domly doms and obvious submissives. If you are of the D variety, no one there is your submissive. I don’t care if they identify as the lowest of slaves, they are not YOUR slave, and they are not there to serve you. Same for the dominants at a gathering. I am mistress to my kink family. I am not going to be your fantasy domme, I am not going to drop everything and order you about, and I am not going to appreciate being called mistress by you if I am not your mistress. It’s annoying.

Subspace Danger – Everyone writes about that lovely floaty fabulous feeling that is subspace. You are sent there by a talented Dom or Mistress through a deeply subservient mindset brought about by the release of endorphins while playing. Subspace is a very vulnerable place. You are basically high. You must have a good long while to come down from subspace before you drive, make important decisions, agree to play with someone else and negotiate anything more than was originally agreed on. There are unethical dominants or tops who will take advantage of your floaty ‘this is a wonderful state of mind’ so choose your partner wisely. Always remember, driving while in subspace is akin to driving drunk. Seriously, it is. My wife hit a bus after playing with her previous dominant who shooed her out the door after they played. Negotiate your aftercare needs to include care required during your return to ‘normal’.

Corset Issues – We’ve all seen them, the lovely corseted ladies with the plumped up breasts and the tiny waists. I love corsets; they do things for my body that shapewear cannot, but corsets come with their own issues. Beauty is not free people. Things you should know about wearing a corset include the following:

  1. Put your shoes on before you don your corset. You won’t be able to bend properly afterward.
  2. Going to the bathroom while wearing a corset is tricky. Take a friend if you can to get everything back in place, and other garments tucked in.
  3. Put your corset on last. It is a real bitch to try and put on your skirt, leggings, pants or whatever once you are laced in.
  4. If you eat a big dinner, you are going to get gas. You may get gas anyway because your stomach and intestines are squished.
  5. Your can crack a rib by pulling a high quality steel boned corset too tight.
  6. Driving is hard in a corset.
  7. Trying to get it back on after you play isn’t worth the trouble. Take a sexy robe, more comfortable clothes, or even a Snuggie with you down to the dungeon. Seriously, you may be all floaty in subspace, and you don’t want to wreck that feeling by trying to get your corset back on.
  8. If you are the top in a play scene and are wearing a corset you will have trouble bending to unpack your bag, you will get overheated more easily, and your ability to move about will be somewhat restricted.

Don’t get me wrong, I love wearing corsets, but they come with unique problems.

Gas – If you are going to play it’s best to skip foods that give you gas. I don’t care if you are on top or the bottom. Your body goes through a lot of different things during play on both sides. Gas happens, and corsets add to the problem. Also, basic hygiene is really something you need to practice. Onion breath as I whisper sweet sinister words in your ear is not a great mix. Body odor is a no no too. I know, people think well of course it is, but think about the fact that you will probably sweat if you are topping, and that someone is going to be touching, caressing, beating, and kissing you if you’re bottoming. A gassy stinky partner with bad breath really spoils the mood.

Playing in Heels – We’ve all seen them. Those incredibly sexy spiked heels that look fabulous with that new leather outfit or PVC dress. They make your legs look great, and are stereotypical Domme wear. I call them ‘come fuck me shoes’ or sit down shoes, and you may be able to walk around in them for a little while, but they suck during play. They mess up my balance; they make my feet hurt, and they make my back hurt. If you are going to wear spiked heels, you should bring a pair of slippers in your bag. Those little slip on ones will have your feet doing the jig of joy, and anyone who has been around will know exactly why you have changed. Put these up there with a corset for after play pains in the ass. When you’re feeling all yummy, a Snuggie and slippers will make you feel much better than trying to put your sexy outfit back on.

Topping is Hard Work – Being the dominant or top is hard work. Yes, the bottom goes through a lot. Possibly a great deal of pain, but they aren’t the only ones affected by the scene. You see those people doing Florentine with the floggers? They worked hard to learn how to do that, and flogging, paddling, caning or any other type of play a top engages in is a real workout. I expend a huge amount of energy when I play. This is both physical and personal energy. When I am doing a canning or electrical play session, my personal energy is transferred to my play partner. I am not just hitting or zapping them, I am choreographing a scene, controlling the flow, using all my muscles to spank, flog, whip, cane, zap, paddle the person on the receiving end. It is more than just beating someone. It is a transference of my aura and part of my soul.

That sounds weird, but I am having a hard time explaining what two people experience and exchange in a well played scene. Remember, you are 100% responsible for the person on the receiving end. Stick to the negotiated plan. Never push past a limit you have not been given permission to pass. When playing, you get a rush from the power exchange and the ‘dance’ of your creation. It is a heady experience, but you must never lose sight of taking care of your bottom. Check in often. How is their circulation? Are their hands cold and possibly numb? Do they need water? Are they coherent? They are your responsibility during the scene, and needed while aftercare is taking place.

  1. Know your implement. Do you really know how to use a flogger? There are areas of the body to avoid for safety.
  2. Keep a small first aid kit in your bag.
  3. Make sure you have water on hand for during the scene.
  4. Carry chocolates or candies for afterwards. Blood sugar can drop during play.
  5. Always check in. If a partner is new to me, I will say “Color” every 5 – 10 minutes. It’s an easy check in to make sure you are reading their body language right. Green= great. Yellow = I’m reaching my limit. Red = Stop. Stop right now. Stop the scene and tend to your partner. Triggers can be tripped (I have an article on triggers in the archives); dizziness can occur due to changes in the body from endorphins, adrenaline, or as said, blood sugar.
  6. When you take your person down from the cross or bench, what then? I always have a blanket for Beauty to lay on if we are at an event. The first time we played I took her down from the cross, and she started to crawl on the yucky hotel ballroom carpet. I had things set to wrap her up and cuddle with her against the wall behind us, but she was out of it, and she’s a crawler. Now I know. At home, I make a nest on the floor with cushions and heated blankets. In public, it’s a smaller nest for us and right there.
  7. You have to do a lot and be in charge of many things when you are on the top end of play. It gives me a rush but is physically and emotionally exhausting. I give of my whole self. Topping is hard work.

Dungeon Etiquette:

  1. Some dungeons have rule about nudity and penetration. All dungeons have other kinds of rules. Know them before you enter. You may have to sign something. Read it. That paper will tell you things like no cell phones. In many dungeons, they will take your cell phone if it is out. Our privacy is too important.
  2. Spectators are responsible for their own safety. If you want to watch me play, that is fine, but I am not interested in your safety. See that dragon tail, flogger, cord for the wand, or cane I am using. Stay out of the way. My focus is my play partner. You are not part of my world.
  3. Shut up! Do not screw with our headspace. Keep a respectful distance and speak quietly.
  4. Do you have a question or concern? Wait until we are done or go talk to a dungeon monitor. Do not interrupt our scene. You have no idea what has been negotiated.
  5. If my scene bothers you, leave. I have seen things that are not in my general comfort zone. I usually watch and learn, at least for a bit, but then I move on if what is going on bothers me. If you are watching and my scene freaks you out, leave. Do not comment. My scene is not about you. Yes, you may question me later, but do it politely.
  6. Tell the dungeon monitor ahead of time if your scene is going to be heavy or appear to be over the edge. They are the ONLY people who may stop a scene.
  7. If you want to play with someone or experience something, ask. This goes for both sides of the scene. If I am at a big event, it is best to ask early, even as early as before the event. My dance card fills up, and even at home during our play parties I don’t want to fill every minute with play, but you should ask. I might say no. The no may be for that night, or it may be a no, I don’t wish to play with you, but you won’t know until you ask.

What you shouldn’t do is:

  1. Beg, badger, or try to get me to change my mind. That is annoying. No means no. You have no idea if I am saving my physical and mental energy or if I have already expended it.
  2. Expect me to play with you without knowing you or having time for negotiation.
  3. Expect me to play with you if we are alone. I only do that with my wife and my play partner Jud.
  4. Pout or act like a child if you are told no.

Two more things:

  1. Don’t touch without asking. That goes for toys and people. You may hug my wife if she is okay with it, but if your hands wander, you will have them smacked. Remember that some of the people in a public dungeon belong to or are considered owned by a dominant. They are not yours to touch.
  2. Don’t disrespect someone else’s kink. Just because you would never dress up like Cruella Deville and have your partner dress like a Dalmatian doesn’t give you the right to criticize. Yes, Beauty and I giggle when we get back to our room or are alone, but never, ever put down someone for their kink.

It’s Not All Erotic – Not everything is erotic, and not all play is sexual. It depends on who I am playing with. Jud and I are completely non sexual. My wife and I always end our scene with orgasms. Play with Beauty gets me wet and sexually excited, but the rush I get from the energy exchange of others I play with is completely different. And the whole “He had me so wet just from his dominant demeanor, or wished to possess me that I came the second he touched me”. Really? No. Beauty gets primed up as I ready the scene, putting on her cuffs and play collar and such, but even when we were having sex like rabid bunnies it took the foreplay of kinky play before she reached her climax. That really is what our play is, foreplay.

Scenes Go Bad – Sooner or later a scene you are orchestrating will go wrong. Not everything flows a scripted. Sometimes this can be hysterical, and it’s okay to laugh. BDSM doesn’t have to be all serious, but scenes can go bad in a dangerous way as well. Be prepared. Have that first aid kit, piece of candy, blanket, safety scissors with the dayglow handle. Things happen.

It Isn’t Living to Please 24/7: – Yes, Beauty sees to my needs. She does as asked, follows the rules, does her chores. That does not mean she waits for my slightest command with her every breath. 24/7 includes real life things, and that submissive you think you want isn’t going to want to be naked and at your feel around the clock. Beauty has a strong desire to serve me, she also gets sick, has mood swings and PMS, has to deal with life’s emotional ups and downs, and sometimes doesn’t want to have to get the laundry, cook dinner, or whatever. She does do it, but she isn’t grateful and overjoyed to serve me every second of the day.

It’s not fun to make all the decisions all of the time. – Sometimes having to make all the decisions sucks. Really it does. Sometimes I just want to scream “Make a fucking choice or decision.” Yes I love to be in charge and yes, my little world get off kilter if things aren’t done to my specifications, but being in command, making every decision, never having peace from everyone looking to you for the answer can be daunting. I’ve said this before, being a dominant doesn’t mean get me a beer and give me a blowjob. That can be a side perk, but with dominance comes responsibility, ALL THE TIME.

Glamourous – The world of BDSM isn’t all glamourous. Dominants are people; that sexy Pro Domme is a person, that sexy attentive submissive is a person. I play in my jammies sometimes. We have our ups and downs. Sometimes I don’t feel kinky at all. Sometimes Beauty and I are just your basic married couple. We watch TV, spend the day being slugs in our pajamas, be anything but the stereotypical BDSM dominant or submissive. I’m not always up to cracking that whip or swinging that paddle, and Beauty doesn’t always want to play. It’s okay, and I don’t make her, just because I feel like it and I can.

Not all of us are damaged, but predators are very real. – Our kink community population most likely has the same ratio of people who had terrible childhoods, were victims of abuse, have depression or other mental illness as any other slice of society. We are not broken people seeking therapy through the giving or receiving of pain. That said, we also have predators among us like any other slice of society. It is very easy to take advantage of a new submissive. Once you hook them and they launch into sub frenzy you can have them eating out of your hand, and in your twisted version of a D/s relationship before they come up for air. Be careful people. There are great big old lines that aren’t fine in the least between a healthy D/s relationship, and an abusive relationship be it kinky or vanilla.

That’s about it. Some of this stuff no one tells you about when you are new. People make mistakes, people cross boundaries they don’t know exist, scenes go bad which can be funny or very bad, kinky people are just people, but we do have rules and expectations for conduct, and we tend to be pickier about manners and protocol. Come on in, the water is fine, but even though there is a lifeguard at some pools, it’s best to learn how to swim, and to stay in the shallow areas before you try out life at the deep end.

cuffed

Vile